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I try my best to read everything on Writing.com with great care. My reviews always include a first impression, my feelings about theme and structure and where appropriate, some thoughts about possible revisions.*Mugr*
I'm good at...
I give my best reviews on stories, poems and articles that hold my interest and stir up my emotions.~~ *Smile*
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Religious/Spiritual,Romance, Historical, Mystery, Fantasy and Sci-Fi.~~ *Cool*
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Erotica and Vampire/Werewolf/Zombie.
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Short Stories, Poems, Articles and Essays. ~~
Least Favorite Item Types
lessons and puzzles. ^^*Mugr*
I will not review...
Will not review anything with a rating over 18; no horror or erotica.^^*Mugr*
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of No one's There  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear Em<3 – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "No one's There"  and I am glad to offer a few of the thoughts I had while reading your poem.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
‘Nam 1968, a few days after thanksgiving. Heat on the Ben Hoa airstrip sitting at a thousand degrees, bolts of lightning hitting so much stuff on the ground, my 707 “Freedom Bird” won’t land to take me home. One girl friend out of three is left after 18 months at war and she is holding a two hundred dollar check for me in San Francisco; unfortunately she’s only that check to me now as she’s found girls to be a better love. And sadly as I press my head between my knees suddenly more afraid of nature than any other enemy, I don’t blame her… Just a dozen such memories that sprung up as I read your tribute to extreme hopelessness.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
In the lonely times of life it is grounding to think about someone who will take us out of our most desperately hopeless state. Millions of communications a day convince us that there is someone out there - a hero, heroine, savior, a love that will complete us, make us whole and free from the dark thoughts of enduring life without someone to adore, hold and cherish.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written in free form with a variety of tones and rhythms. The images are based on a narrative form that clearly focus on what the author is feeling and experiencing both externally and internally. The effect works to make me feel the haunting ache that comes from my loneliest, most desperately solitary times.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
While hoping for hope the words dig into my soul to find reflection and my favorite moment was:

But, it would be nice if someone noticed.
If they saw that I was hurting and they tried to stop it.
Then (I) my only comfort wouldn't be my own words.
Feeling at home in someone's warm embrace would be the greatest thing to ever occur./c}

Would it be okay to say this happened for me. After some tragic attempts. It turned out okay. And this central vision of your poem is the truth. When experienced in the fullness of what you describe everything else pales in comparison.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
I experienced a lot of cathartic release from reading your words. The tone and reflective power in what you have created is great and I am not sure of a way to improve on it. Well done.

 
*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"No one's There"  opens up a moment in time for me, a moment that unfortunately was repeated many many times until,.. well that is another story for another time. Be well, be safe! Thank you for sharing your gift. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 
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52
52
Review of Winter  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear R.King – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "Winter"  and thought I would give your poem a bit of a review.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
The wonder of winter takes a vivid imagination to comparatively appreciate. Or is it we appreciate the winter ironically. No. We appreciate the winter, and as it settles in we indeed have the vision to find joy in the longest darkest season of the year.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
On a winters day, flushed with the chill and the wind, we find a new kind of reverence for the frosty season. Being in the chill is to experience new life as the most popular seasons of the year look on from a very safe distance.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written in free verse and mixed rhythms. The tone and pace is light and each image is based in the author’s actual experience.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
I could feel the chill with each line and this was one of my favorite moments:
The green of the grasses glistening
The sun bouncing off each blade sending light to all corners
They look different somehow
 
There is distinct movement. Somehow the sun is magic making each blade of grass more distinct. There is a time element in this scene that isn’t spelled out, but is there none-the-less. Only in a moment when time is irrelevant can one take a precious heart beat to stop and examine the beauty of a winter’s magic moment 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
There are some strong hints in the images of the poem of why you suddenly find joy in the winter, but I’m not sure you made it all the way to the fullest impact you could have enjoyed. I think it would help to put the last line after the fourth to the last line. My eyes watering …around my neck. And instead of using the pronoun “you,” keep the poem in the first person, “me”. We can still experience your revelations through you and relate to what you are saying. Then you are different, and now you know it is not as bad. It makes your words maintain their lyrical quality and avoids an editorial conclusion that might close off your reader’s imagination. Just a thought.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Winter"  opens the possibility of reviewing ones preconceived notion of winter. Is it the cold, dark harbinger of death that one might imagine looking at the stark, barren landscape or are there signs of life that make me wonder - what is my winter anyway? Nicely done. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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53
53
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear amlan – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "THE EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME."  and thought I would give your story a bit of a review.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Woah! This is some powerful writing about an intense subject. Not only is the sky not falling, it is not tearing apart an aircraft, but both seem to be happening at the same time. The core writing for a more in depth article on some of the challenges of air travel, captures one of the more intense moments that can happen in the sky.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
While the title ushers us into a trip to Singapore in a most nonchalant way, the title might better be, “Singapore Flight 93 Terror.” (I just made the number up, I don’t know anything about flight numbers from Australia to Singapore.) Maybe the flight should have been grounded considering the weather, but the audacity of man to defy natural elements is showcased beautifully in this piece.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
This non-fiction article is written in the first person narrative in a casual style. The narrative shows the intensity of the flight through the eyes of a number of characters which keeps the monologue moving along in a very suspenseful manner. Well done.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The whole narrative rolls along with a suspenseful air and this was one of my favorite moments:

From my studies of the aircraft designs and 747 endurance reports, I knew that the aircraft cannot be brought down by weather. It is also said that an aircraft is more vulnerable on the ground than in air, but then the weather is nature and no technology or design can survive nature's wrath. I was scared.
 
No matter what people say about flying, I am convinced the only thing that keeps an airplane from slamming to the ground is the hand of God holding it up. Science, schmience, it’s the breath of God and people’s prayers that keep the big birds flying…. I don’t do much flying. I do a lot of praying.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
There are a few minor grammatical edits that should be made on a re-write. If you’ve not put the piece through a word processor grammatical check, you might want to do that just to improve some of the syntax.

Also, in your re-write you may want to put some line spacing between the paragraphs just to give some of your more mature readers an easier read. A lot more white space will help when people are reading online. Other than that, this was a thrilling ride. Nice.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"THE EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME."  is an account of one person’s endurance flying down a pot-hole-lined highway in the sky. While there is no indication that the passengers actually kissed the ground when they landed in Singapore, I am fairly sure that I would have. Great account of a truly harrowing experience. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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54
54
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear Travis Harms – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "Like a catchy song"  and thought I would give your poem a bit of a review.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Some images are so linked to the passions we once had for another that they will remain forever. The sight of a shared moment or even a fragrance from someone near triggers the thoughts that can’t help but dance through the mind with no restraint, no boundaries. Like a tune that won’t exit gracefully, but hangs on…we easily entertain the memory and sometimes even choose to luxuriate in it.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
There was a woman. So feminine that she outranks all others in the mind of a poet. There is a struggle. And like one’s favorite song, the memories of her, a love, a mirage, an obsession, still haunts the male mind.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem tells a story in nine lines of free verse. The flow and tone of the words are in accord with the subject matter of the piece.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was one of my favorite moments:
Reigns over my heart
Jumped inside my head
 
Man is able to deal with physical assault sometimes much better than what happens to the heart. There are many today who have enslaved themselves to an image on a screen or a magazine, who have never even had a real relationship that gives back some of the emotions spent. But there are those bonds that happen with a man and an exquisite woman and the choice is simple. When the memory of her returns, as it often will, don’t resist, let her have access to everything the mind can conceive of. Never again free.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I enjoyed the words and images you have used to convey the theme of your poem. I would only suggest expanding it a bit more with a few tangible images. In particular I think some description of exactly what ultra-feminine looks like for the protagonist. Was she real? Imagined? Soft? Yielding? Temptress or playful? I think just a bit more texture, color, taste, smell and sound would help increase the appeal of the piece. Just a thought.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Like a catchy song"  speaks of a past encounter with a beautiful woman who has now taken over every part of the poet’s imagination. And after the struggle to put her away somewhere in the past, how could he ever let her go? Nicely done. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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55
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear simi – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "Truly, My First Love!"  and thought I would give your story a bit of a review.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
What a diary! The memories from the entries spring to life in this charming narrative about a young girl’s crush on a “great looking guy with the dimples.” She being from an orthodox family and shy could only crush on guys from a long way away, but this guy was different. Six months later the crush is still going on…joy of joys! What O diary did the poor girl do to get through the agony of unrequited love? O but it is a fit-filled tale of emotion and anxiety, with just a few close encounters. The author asks, what should she have done? The story is a glimpse into a culture where certain morality barriers exist and parents still hold sway over their children. So, the question is one of cultural distinction really. Is the daughter bound to the direction of her father when it comes to beginning a pre-marital relationship? If so, should the girl consider the wants and desires of her father? That’s beyond the American concepts altogether, but not unheard of in the many nations that are now emigrating to America.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A girl, a young woman really, enjoys the anxiety and pains of a crush that will not go away after two years. A diary reminds her of the many challenges she has had to endure during this crush. And at the same time gives a very detailed psychological profile of one who lives at a distance from any serious prospect of a marital relationship, and the fear that keeps one in one’s head instead of acting on the feelings that are experienced. This is not everybody’s kind of narrative. But I enjoyed it a lot.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is told in narrative from the first person perspective. It tells in great detail what is happening in the young woman’s mind as she can’t seem to get on the other side of a desperate crush.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Your story is filled with many delightful moments and this was one of my favorites:

After I realized I needed to look at my neighbors once in a while not only my system else I would miss the pleasant smiles like every morning sunshine, I started glancing at his desk every morning on my way to my desk but he used to be soo much into his system but I was still happy for I could see my sunshine whenever I want.

 
Does the universe ever give us a clue as to who we should be in relationship with? This is the paragraph that says “Yes! Yes the universe does give us a clue! Wake Up!” The man obviously is the woman’s sun. No way can she ignore his presence now, because he is so near. What are the odds that one who we are so attracted too would be parked just a few feet away and for six months we get to enjoy that closeness? But at the same time, we are human, and there are internal barriers that just keep us watching from afar. I had a few of those myself. Painful. On the other hand I had a few I acted on and they were twenty times more painful. Life, right?
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
There are quite a few grammatical corrections that need to be made. But on the other hand I found the English grammar struggles charming and it seemed to give the piece an extra depth of meaning and passion somehow. Because the story is told in the first person the narrative style works, but even so some additional interest in the story could be gained by “showing” more of the story – in the third paragraph for instance, you could show your readers a direct engagement with one of your new co-workers. We could see their smiling face as they met you or the lilt in their happy voice as they greeted you. Just a thought.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Truly, My First Love!"  is the recollection of the main character's first love. What it felt like and the journey that she was on to grow closer to the boy, but from a great distance, shielding her heart from a possible love relationship and the disappointment of her parents. In the story, the author reveals the deep emotional trials she experienced in not giving herself over to the leading of her heart. She asks – “what should I have done…?” The answer is easy for me, because I grew up in North America in the 1960’s when a girl did not ever make the first move. Well…except for sometimes. But my love waited for me to ask her out. She did not initiate our first chat. I did. So I would say, given your orthodox upbringing, you did the right thing. Mind you, a thousand feminists from that same era in America, standing right behind me now, would scream: “Nooooo!” I enjoyed your story very much and I wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing your gift. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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56
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear Blackheart – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "Premonition of death"  and thought I would give your article a bit of a review.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
What does one do with what seems to be a severe premonition? Especially when it is about the ones we care about no matter how much time has passed? Maybe there are more questions than revelations in this piece, but at the same time the facts in the experience make the need to ask the questions all the more compelling.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A love of a long time passed is the focus of the author’s premonitions. The premonitions are compelling enough the author is determined to find out what is going on in the life of an ex-girlfriend who he has not seen in 30 years.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The article is written in the first person narrative. The facts of the premonition are inter mixed with the author’s emotional responses to feelings of love an concern for an old flame and the actions taken to make sure she is okay.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
How compelling is the draw to go back and meet up once more with a woman who has now obviously closed the door to any more contact. And yet…? This was my favorite moment:

“I tried to dismiss the feelings I was experiencing and just forget about it but a month later I was struck with intense thoughts about her that left me overwhelmed with anxiety. I went for a walk to burn off the stress. “

Whatever has caused the distance between the two lovers, the connection is strong enough to cross all time barriers with a message from another dimension. Many written works, fiction and non-fiction deal with the admonitions from another realm. I have had these same experiences, but not nearly as intense. The only record I know of what you have experienced is in the Bible. Without going too deep into my spiritual beliefs I would just suggest a reading of the Book of Daniel might serve you well. He was a prophet whose dreams gave him messages from another dimension for his day and time, and yet they often disturbed him to the point of sickness. Most Biblical scholars agree that all of Daniel’s dreams have come to pass.

 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
What you have written about has a tremendous appeal for readers across all generations. It is not fantasy. It is your own experience. My only suggestion would be to expand your experience into a full-fledged article by seeking out ways to explain how these premonitions awakened something in your soul. I have read about so many of these kinds of experiences, but yours is so unique in the intensity of detail and the emotions it stirred up in you. Your writing is stellar and I think expanding the narrative would make it a very marketable piece.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Premonition of death"  draws us into a tale that touches on the outskirts of the super natural, as though foretold events that have the potential to come to pass could be the stimulus for a man to seek out an old love. The beauty in the story is that every fact comes from one who has experienced the touch from another realm. Write on!*Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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57
Review of The Snowy  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Star* *Books1* *Blueberries* SPR Raiding Contest Entries *Blueberries* *Books1* *Star*




Dear ⭐️Jellyfish⭐️ – as part of the April Power Reviewers Raid I enjoyed reading your poem "The Snowy"  and it is my pleasure to offer up a few of the thoughts I had along the way.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Who would build up a case against the wondrous natural phenome snow? Is snow really the enemy? Frothy with a cool charm, snow can invade my world anytime, but then I have a highly insulated home, wood heat, and deep stocks of the stuff that makes life comfortable and light even in the darkest hour…and too I get paid to be here so what if snow breezes upside the driveways and walkways and coats the barren trees. O Sparkle my fluffy, chilly,…but wait, this is not about my experience! Snow has rightfully built up legions of detractors, and to have an ode to its mean side is certainly a right it has earned.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Snow is welcomed in the high mountains as a source of water during the run offs of spring, or for the ski lodges and resorts ready for money loaded patrons, but for the lands that rarely see snow, it can be war of astonishing proportions. I recall a fellow case worker, during a particularly nasty snow event in Seattle who daringly took his four by four up “Goat Hill” only to have it lose its grip near the top of the street and slide back into the intersection below T-Boning a beautiful Jaguar on James Street. Snow can be the enemy of the worst kind. It hits. It melts. It is gone. All that is left is the war stories.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written in an open free verse style. The images are vibrant and memorable and the tone and rhythm of the piece are light and pleasant.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The poem has many wonderful images and this was one of my favorites:

Little armies they formed,
Dressed in sparkling white.
Waging war
Against train tracks and
Paving slabs
All through town..
 
These are beautiful words. I am engaged with awe, seeing the attacking elements of the snow army, dazzling in their method of invading an unsuspecting metropolis. They overtake the defenses and yet have such a cool wonder about them that even though they are the enemy, they are to be admired and applauded for the thoroughness of their assault.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I enjoyed with great pleasure meditating on the images you have created. I was obviously taken away to many of my own engagements with snow. While I claim comfort during the new onslaughts, really I’m just one of its defeated foes that surrenders to a good book at the first sign of the first frosty flake. Thank you for sharing your imaginative views of our enemy. I can think of no way to improve on what you created. Well done!

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"The Snowy"  lyrically reminds us to watch diligently for the moment our snowy white nemesis may launch a new attack on our peaceful villages and towns. While we do think "miracle," I do know too of the evil intents of snow, and so enjoyed this wonderful poem filled with the images that contradict my pact of peace with my tricky white friend. Thanks for opening up my remembrances! Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 

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58
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* *Books1* *Blueberries* SPR Raiding Contest Entries *Blueberries* *Books1* *Star*




Dear LegendaryMask❤️ – as part of the April Power Reviewers Raid I enjoyed reading your story "Sandy the California Snowman"  and it is my pleasure to offer up a few of the thoughts I had along the way.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
A delightful story written for pre-teen children, “Sandy” has many fun and somewhat bizarro elements. The story bounces along like it may be about a day in the life of a media personality and her reliable camera man who encounter children with the wisdom, manners and preciousness of another age, another time.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The fantasy theme of this story centers around the “Frosty the Snowman” myth,( a favorite Golden Book of mine growing up) and the children who have overlain their desires for a snow man of their own to a scorching hot beach in California. Sand may be their only construction material, but they are determined to build a snowman. After all, it is winter.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is told from the third person perspective of the main character Jackie Chow. The tone remains upbeat and light throughout the story, matching well the Channel 23 News Producer Nick Slater’s desire to give his most hungry news reporter something fluffy to work on, winter on a California beach. (Ahhh Newport - how I miss thee!)

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
So many great moments in this story and this was my favorite:

As Jackie was nudged back to life by Jeff, she sprang into action. She had dropped her mic while staring at Sandy in disbelief. She swept it up as she ran over to him. Standing in front of him, still stunned by his being alive. Looking down at her from his 6'4" frame and said with a smile on his face, "Hello, Ms. Jackie. How are you today?"

The sand based snowman of course knows Ms. Jackie’s name. The same magic in the Frosty story is unleashed here on the beach, but this time the 6 o’clock news is going to have the full exclusive story for all to enjoy!
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Your story was a fun read, my only suggestion would be to tighten up the ending. After Sandy is washed away, I am sorry and yet hopeful because like in the Frosty story, he promises to return one day. I would have Jackie, take back stage to the whole thing and instead of her giving the report, have her just film Joey picking up the hat and saying his line as the closing of the story. Just a thought.


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Sandy the California Snowman"  invites the childlike imagination in all of its readers to come and join in the making of a snowman. The wonder is that no elements of nature or humanity can stop the imagination from taking whatever journey it wants. And wasn’t it a fun and joyous way to live? I’ll be a child forever! Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 

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59
Review of Menagerie of Life  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Dear jdennis – as part of the April Power Reviewers Raid I enjoyed reading your story "Menagerie of Life"  and it is my pleasure to offer up a few of the thoughts I had along the way.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
A tale of the huckster supreme, this story centers on “The Man” who gets his comeuppance and then falls to the lowest place on earth. But could it be the long and winding path to redemption? How long it can take pride to be crushed out of a man. How binding the curse of pride and poverty, addiction and degradation can be. Everything in this tale of the once fabled “Kid Genius” of the Golden trophies rings true to life and I will never pass a homeless encampment again without wondering who among the vagrant menagerie actually had a power office and a life of high level productivity.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The downward spiral into oblivion that begins in the haughty heart, the life filled with pride and self-importance is as sure a reality as the sun rising. It is a principle that makes no distinction between class, culture, wealth or poverty. Everyone is tested on this principle, and only those with the strongest moral character can manage to navigate away from scaring crashes, and yes even from total destruction.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is told from the first person perspective, relying primarily on single person narrative. The dialogue between the protagonist and the jeweler adds some drama and action to the piece.


 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The story is pretty grim, and flows as one may expect, towards darkness and despair, but it is extremely well written and I did have a favorite moment:

Only seconds past, but as it happens in the movies, I held that image for what seemed an eternity. I must have imagined a dozen scenarios, and all ended the same way. The owner was going to die. He had already lost enough blood that the color in his face drained into a plaster-white apparition of the cheerful greeting that came my way as I stepped through his door. I tried but failed to pull my foot from that last step. Then I covered my eyes with the palms of my hands.
 
I have had that moment of revelation. And it is ultimately unavoidable and I believe every person is given that moment on earth. To pull the trigger. To lash out in anger. And then it is over. The protagonist takes the only step he can if he is to find redemption. I am overjoyed that he saves the jeweler’s life. They are both transformed in that moment.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
My only suggestion would be to add a bit more “showing” to your piece. Maybe show the protagonist engaged at a party acquiring the cocaine that begins his downfall. Show him engaged in an ad campaign that does succeed, where he is being the ultimate jerk, maybe dressing down his minions for not making the victory cleaner or bigger. Just a thought. But great writing.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Menagerie of Life"  takes a look into the citizens of the camps of homeless and picks up the story of one who fell into a life of addiction, falling into the bottomless chasm of the "cast off" and often ignored of American society. It is a bitter-sweet journey with a man who knows all the reasons why he has fallen from favor with the contended and blessed of this world. A myriad of dark decisions brings him to the end of himself, one decision to do “right” turns it all around. Thanks for sharing your gift. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 

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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Dear flyfishercacher – as part of the April Power Reviewers Raid I enjoyed reading your story "Treasure in the Closet"  and it is my pleasure to offer up a few of the thoughts I had along the way.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
What a wonderful, nostalgic tale of discovery and growing up. Perhaps the things we leave cluttered are a past we don’t want to let go of. And maybe some of that clutter is a treasure, but only in the way that it is a clue as to where we will go in the future.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A young may has graduated high school and is now moving out to a new home at the college of his choice. In the process of packing up to go, there are quite a few things that will need to be disposed of. New life it seems only comes as we let go of the past. It is easy to say. But the stories we have to tell about that process touch on the emotion and the power of what makes some humans caring and others… well not so much.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is told in the third person from the view point of Andrew. There is a good blend of narrative, scene setting, plot development and dialogue. It is easy to get to know Andrew and his brothers Josh and Ben.


 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The story is a wonderful tale of discovery and transition. My favorite moment was:

The celebrity posters and signs reflecting my political outrage and world view came down yesterday, leaving white squares and pinholes to mark their departure. Funny how they had gone from profound to childish so quickly. Their years of service as banners of the rebellion were rewarded with repose in the trash can..
 
This paragraph sets up the expectation that this story is more than one about cleaning out stuff and moving on. What Andrew is experiencing now is a nod to all of us who have had to decide what to keep and what to throw away. Andrew’s maturity in handling this process shows that he is reflective of just how much he has grown in the last few years. His revelations are the treasure, as we who have been stripped of stuff without reflection can attest too. Nicely done.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Your story was a fun read, and except for one or two minor grammatical edits, I like the story just the way you have written it. It is so reflective of the American experience that I feel nostalgically in the mood for some Ovaltine.


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Treasure in the Closet"  is the quintessential American tale of moving on to what fortune may lie ahead. But if we are moving on my friend, most everything is being left behind. And if we choose wisely, we may find peace, contentment and joy on the journey and that, with a warm cup of Ovaltine is an amazing treasure. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 

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Review of madness over Luna  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear mike – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "madness over Luna"  and I am glad to offer a few of the thoughts I had while reading your story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
A well written story filled with the kind of humor that not only entertains but gives insight into the paradoxes awaiting the generations to come. That is if they allow some of these comedians into space. Looking into the far far far distant future, there apparently will still be the rude, ruthless, fat and imbecilic. While there is no rest, peace and care-free vacations for outer space minded mankind, perhaps the braindead American Television sit-com industry will have some fresh material.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A gentleman of immense patience and brilliant observation powers takes an intergalactic flight to a very remote vacation spot. Along the way he is party to a hijacking that is half space terror at its worst and an experiment in the maddening world of social interaction with lunatics.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is comedic satire at its finest told from the first person perspective of the main character. The voice and tone of the piece is sardonic on every turn giving space for some great characterization and editorial appeal for sanity.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
So many great moments in this story and this was my favorite:

“'I say, old thing.' Boris turned round. 'Look, this is all frightfully boring,' continued the passenger, gesturing with his hands. 'Now if we all headed for Yurigrad like good chaps, I'm sure your people will understand that this little rumpus of yours was nothing more than a simple case of too much moon.' “

Too much moon! Hilarious. The scene is placed in the perfect spot in your story. Your writing has kept readers fairly close to the edge of their imaginary seats with some very odd interactions, reminiscence, editorial narrative and well- conceived sign posts that this journey is out of this world, when all of a sudden a stereotypical Brit from the last century puts the hostages in seeming peril with a bit of narcissistic interference. Great comedic timing!
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
There are a few minor grammatical things to fix, which I am sure will be easy to manage if you decide to do a rewrite of this piece. Other than that I think your balance between narration, dialogue, scene setting and moving the plot along are very well balanced. I’m not sure the story has universal appeal, but for us that enjoy a good satire and a bit of outlandish sci-fi, it was an extremely fun read!


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"madness over Luna"  looks into the future of vacationing in space with a view that challenges the notion that mankind will advance with the advancement of technology. Environments, conveyances and national borders and politics may change, but mankind will still be mankind, and if moon sickness doesn’t take you to the edge of madness, maybe jaunting along with your fellow vacationers might! Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear DoctorCorey – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "A Darkling Sky-Prologue"  and I am glad to offer a few of my thoughts while reading your story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Complex and oddly stirring the scene is nearly incomprehensible. Oddly, I am okay with that. I don’t read science fiction stories and so I have no bias as to what is normal. So I am okay. This does not feel normal to be reading terminology I have no understanding of, but not normal is okay. I settle back and take in a scene that is beyond my comprehension and I’m okay. Like reading “Clock Work Orange” for the first time, or a prologue from a Clive Cussler novel. I’m settling in. It’s all a story. I’m okay.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A new watchman has taken his post on the edge of what might be called the space frontier. The watch is mental however. Well- schooled perceptions of what life forms are experiencing in some of the vessels and substations is critical to keep life safe from entering a killing void. The tension centers around the abilities of a Prosciptor to perform his duties flawlessly.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story uses a lavish amount of descriptors and incomprehensible terminology to set the stage for what we must experience in this frightful tale. The writing is clear and is well focused on setting the scene for protagonist Velligis’ first watch. The story is told from his perspective in the third person and is superb blend of narrative and inner dialogue. And rather than reach for a dictionary I believe the author’s grasp of everything in this story and go where ever this tale must lead me.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was my favorite moment:

“He would never admit it but fingers of cold black fear made him wonder if he would fail. Could he handle this? Once he touched the monitor, there was no going back. His hands hesitated over the control spheres.“

While the environment the author has created is nearly incomprehensible, this moment is absolutely spot on and applies to everything from facing one’s driving test, to speaking in front of an audience of 100 people for the first time. The difference is that what the protagonist faces is a void so huge that getting “it” wrong isn’t just about death, but eternal madness.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
There were a couple of spots that needed some editing:

These thought flashed quickly through Velligis;

The word “thought” just needs to be changed to ”thoughts.”

The sentence:

As long as nothing changed, Velligis could there; his mind absorbing everything,
should read:

As long as nothing changed, Velligis could be there; his mind absorbing everything…


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"A Darkling Sky-Prologue" is a chilling story of a peculiar type of watchman that is necessary many centuries from now to guard space dwellers from going into a death void or worse. Great Sci-Fi. Thanks for sharing your gift. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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Review of Embrace the Storm  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Dear Baloney Bill I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading "Embrace the Storm"  and I am glad to offer a few thoughts I had while reading your story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
In the midst of even the greatest of loves and the most heroic of relationships darkness and gloom can overshadow everything. There is power in Catherine’s questions about the treatment she has been receiving from Patrick. Every question is relatable to me, from the first crush I had on sweet Betty Jones in eighth grade to the despairing moments I had with my childless wife 100 years ago, what is wrong with us? The stormy setting is perfect for Catherine’s quest to seek the answers.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A childless couple is tied and bound more closely together than ever, even though it may appear that they are on the verge of splitting up their marriage forever. The bond is the intense grief one feels for not having a child after three years of trying and the other feels for the treatment received as a result of no conception. Unfortunately the bond now feels more like death than life.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is written in what I consider to be perfect short story form. The paragraphs seem to take their time in forming but are filled with descriptive images that relay action as well as intense thought. There are long meandering sentences but they are interspersed with short questioning ones.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The scenes are vividly created and the inner workings of Catherine ring true. My favorite moment was:

She used to be the center of his world, and not so long ago. Her happiness was his main concern. She was certain and had absolutely no doubt they would be happy together forever. He did everything he could to please her then and sought her advice and approval in all things. “

When we wonder why men and women are ever able to enter into a holy union, this scene certainly captures the essence of why; so wonder no more. It is almost like a divine set up. We love and love madly and then suddenly… How many relationships have I crushed over the decades because expectations have not been met? Catherine’s question here is so sorrowful I am not able to get past some of my own regrets. And then it is about Catherine. How is she going to get her feelings reconciled?
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Your story is powerful and easy to read and relate to. One suggestion I might make, just to keep a tight hold on the story’s perspective through Catherine’s experience, the paragraph about what the villagers think about Patrick may need just a sentence that shows Patrick had the discussion with Catherine about what the villagers were teasing him about. It is easy to assume, but a clarifying sentence would leave no doubt that that is how she knew what the villagers were saying.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Embrace the Storm"  is a passionate prose piece that explores the reality of the human dilemma within the loneliness and despair that unmet expectations can cause. Add in the expectations of the outside world and suddenly there is a storm so deadly that only God can be our closest friend. Write on! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Dear willow I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading "The railroad Tunnel"  and I am glad to offer my review of you poem.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
A beautifully constructed path of images that lead me into another world, mystical in every way. What an easy stroll into the past, with sounds, smells, and intense feelings, your words and pictures have created for your reader. I adore what you have placed along my path to explore and experience.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
For me the theme of the poem was visiting a place where the tastes, touch, smell, sights and sounds are just as perfect now as they were when first experienced in our youth. Perhaps the visit is even improved with the ages now slipped away, because with age comes deeper knowledge in the soul of how to savor the amazing wonders we experience.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written in free form. The varying line lengths give an open feel to the prose and focus entirely on the images that evoke sensory reaction to what we are witnessing at the “tunnel”.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Your poem evokes many emotions for me and my favorite moment was:

Inside in the darkness

the drip of time

trickles down in the

cinders by the sides

of old metal spikes.. “

There are dozens of places out of my past that provoke clarity of thought. Sometimes it is this soft moment where a drip represents all that has gone before me, and leaves my cheeks damp with tears. The contrast is that spent fuel has left behind dusty residue beside the very pins, worn and rusted, that hold the whole infrastructure of my life together. What a beautifully provocative moment in your prose.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I like the poem just as you have written it and I don’t know of a way to improve what you have created. It will stay with me a long time.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"The railroad Tunnel"  invites readers to share a monumental moment where the past was so vivid and impacting that the overlay of a revisit to the place where it all was first realized, is now gripping the soul with something mystical and eternal. Beautifully done. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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Review of This Dream  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Dear YoAn I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading "This Dream"  and I am glad to offer a few thoughts I had while reading your poem.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
There is an intense pressure created by the contrasting notions of what is and what could be in this poem. It seems the writing is not done to celebrate the hopes of tomorrow, but rather is a missive that hopes against hope that the ills of this present age may be thwarted by the power of a dream.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The theme of the poem centers on what might have been in this world if the darkness created by racism, oppression, and discrimination would not have ever had been given a place.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The four stanzas of the poem each have four lines with rhyming pairs. The meter of the poem is mixed with lines of 6, 7, 8 or even 9 beats. The rhythm and rhyme of the piece with such a mixture does keep the reading interest high with variations of time, tone and pace to keep the senses engaged with some rather complex images.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Your poem has a wonderful, natural flow and my favorite moment was:

The people were filled with love.
Everyone had symbols of dove.
No racism or gender inequality,
'Twas a world of fun and frivolity. “

The images in these lines express the hope of the next world to come, except perhaps of the fun and frivolity. A new world order, by its very power and authority, I would image would have to overthrow the present one of darkness and despair. While I can dream of it, I’m not certain it can happen without displacing a lot of the things that are fun and frivolous. But then perhaps love will prevail. The lion will lie with the lamb.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
The poem has a wonderful glow about it because it is in the dream world. It does not have to have the usual words that provoke the immediate senses, as it is asking for mankind to come and reason, have faith and believe that the dream can be a reality. On the other hand, some sensory images could perhaps make your poem more appealing to an audience that prefers a bit more emotion. Just a thought.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"This Dream"  is a dream written in four/ four time with a beautiful theme and lyrical rhymes. Mankind had such pleasure at one time, back in the Garden, as we like to say, but maybe there is a way back – and that is to go forward living the dream. Nicely done. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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Review of That friend  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear Rose – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "That friend "  and I am glad to offer my review of your prose piece.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
In what seems to be a prologue or epilogue for a larger work, the life of one who sees themselves as an accessory in the lives of others is explored with a great deal of emotion and a peaceful loving spirit.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The theme of your piece for me was the ache that occurs in a heart that cares deeply for the people around them, but receives so very little in return. I have been that friend myself sometimes and sadly, while still caring about being with the people I love, I now spend a lot more time with just my one very special friend.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The structure is poetical without the typical forms used for lyrical writing. The paragraphs are made up of short 2 or 3 sentences and are tied together with the phrase “I was the friend.” Through the phrasing and structure the paradox of the piece leaps off the page. Though I am concerned about how I am perceived and treated by my friends, the essay in prose is not about them…it’s all about me!

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was my favorite moment:

“I was the friend who had to sit there and watch as everything crumbled around me.
I was the friend who still loved them. “

I don’t know if it is how we mature in our culture or the haphazard way we are trained as we grow from child to young adult, but it seems no one is prepared for the hardships of this life. Even those who seem to have it together are actually crumbling inside. We have good times and bad. Good years and better years and sometimes whole decades seem to be dark and depressing. If we are blessed, we have someone to love, even when they have no clue of what is coming apart inside of us.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
My one suggestion would be to bring a bit more poetical form to your piece and only for the sake of making your prose easier to read. Your images are compelling, because they tell the story exactly as it needs to be told. By taking a form that allows for some of those images to be highlighted, there would be more power in your prose.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"That friend "  is a poetic essay on what is experienced by the friend on the fringe. We are pleasant enough to have around and amusing to chat with, but as our circle expands we are the ones easily ignored for the “more charming,” “more witty” of the group. What can one do but continue to love our friends unconditionally. Thank you for sharing your gift. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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03/24/2020
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Review of Invisibility  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear Penelope – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I was compelled by your clear writing style to read "Invisibility"  and I am glad to offer my review of your essay.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
My first hope is to answer one of your questions…yes, people will read your work. Especially in this community of writers, many of whom are going through the challenges you are experiencing. They will with sincere love attempt to relate to what you are communicating. Not all, but most of your readers will be empathetic, especially with the words, images, thoughts and hopes that you have obviously written autobiographically. What you have been suffering is common to all of us who write and while the pain is often unbearable, you have commonality with a huge number of very talented people here on WDC.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The theme of your essay is about being on the edge of life where pain , sorrow, loss and fear grip the human soul. Can one find enough hope and care in one’s community to help one past the inner struggles that can hold one back from the human engagement we need to strive in life? One's hope is that one can indeed have hope.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
Your essay flows in a way that helps both the reader and writer develop a closer relationship. Everything about the structure allows for your writing to be transparent and compelling.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Your essay is a revelation of the deepest feelings that one may have to endure as they suffer loss. Through it all one of the highlights for me in reading your piece was:

“With no one around , scenes flash thru my mind like images from old movie clips. Though each one stabs through my soul I have almost become dependent on them. Probably similar to an addict, who knows the drugs will kill them but needs to go through the ritual for its all that is left. “

While every word and image is about the sorrows, hurts and pains of life internalized, your writing demonstrates a strong desire to get at what may be at the root of your despair and bring it out into the light. The questions of course are going to come up for your reader as well as they begin to internalize the same struggles. While we, your readers, may not be the same issues that weigh in your life, our PTSD’s and regrets, losses and sorrows are just as real to our souls. The reality of a life lived to its full is always the possibility of untold calamity and loss that debilitates the one who is left behind to live on.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
You have formed the first draft of a powerful essay. With a few minor edits, if your writing trends towards wanting to help others through what you have had to endure, this would be an excellent article to help others. My thought is that you may not be ready to take on the work of polishing your piece at this time, but I would be glad to help with that if you wish to do more with your essay.

All writers are in the same conflict you find yourself in. I have been blessed to write through a lot of my depression, regrets, emotional and mental health problems. I have seen my relationships healed and a reasonable amount of joy with the full knowledge that all I enjoy right now may be gone tomorrow. But there is no question…I must write to keep that balance…to keep my feet walking out the front door into an uncertain world every day.

The one suggestion I have then is – write more. Keep writing. Keep putting your writing out there on this site. It can be very healing. And if someone is jerky to you here…and sometimes it does happen, know that there are many caring people in this community for writers who will support you and your work always.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Invisibility"  is an essay that seeks to explore the full depths of how one may overcome the emotional and physical hurts one may endure because of the loss of loved ones and friendships. In the writing of the piece I can sense that some answers to how to “go on” and “endure” life’s toughest challenges have been uncovered. Thank you for sharing your gift. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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03/18/2020
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68
68
Review of Lucky Bunny  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "Lucky Bunny "  and I am glad to offer my review of your story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Introducing Lydia, the reader is given the perfect snapshot to understand the whimsical world of this precocious little girl. The action is great as we are introduced to a contest that will put to test our heroine’s life values.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The theme for your story for me was the human frailty that challenges every child’s moral compass, from the simplest choices of what to keep and what to throw away to the more difficult understanding of what is stealing.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
Your story is written from the third person through the perspective of the main character Lydia. The structure works extremely well and the reader is continually shown the action. The balance between narrative, scene setting and action is extremely well done. The descriptions are compelling and fresh.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The images, scenes and actions are wonderful and my favorite moment was:

“Suddenly, her eyes lit up as a brilliant idea took root in her mind. She carefully set her bunny back in its spot and opened her bedroom door. Her jade eyes darted up and down the narrow hall, insuring no one was around. Quick as a blink, she made her way two doors down and lightly tapped the door. She smiled when no one answered. “

The description of Lydia in this paragraph still moves the story forward, but I am given to know even more about her delightful humanness. Her world’s reality becomes more my reality.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Everything about your story is wonderful. I love the detail you use in each scene and the tone and energy makes your story a delight to read. I was not aware of any edits or corrections that needed to be made and loved the story just the way you have written it.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Lucky Bunny "  is a fun look at a little girl’s challenge with making the right choices in life. Her deviation from the right path could have calamity written all over it, but seriously, is life really like that? Write On!*Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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03/18/2020
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69
69
Review of Untitled Book  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear SailorMoon303 – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "Untitled Book"  and I am glad to offer my review of your first story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
The reader is drawn into the mad drama of a world reshaped by the effects of a deadly virus. As the protagonist begins to explore the borders of what has happened to her immediate world, she discovers that the world beyond her immediate sphere has been depopulated, vacated and left to rot. There are moments when the revelations are so detailed that I shiver with each knew discovery.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
It is the end of the world! Well almost. J is apparently the last survivor of an “outbreak” that not only has taken lives, but has also sequestered the dead into oblivion. The theme seems to me that should one person survive a great deportation from life of others, how will they cope in the “new world”.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
Your story is written in the present tense and that works well as we, your readers get to discover right along with the protagonist, the weird world that has suddenly taken shape from a holocaust. It is a spooky ride to say the least. There is a high level of description, which is great for the reader as we begin to get to a place of high-alert with the main character of the story.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The images, scenes and actions are wonderful and my favorite moment was:

“I've always had the absolute best intuition. Not to be confused with the constant need to be right either. It's more like I've gotten myself into some situations knowing someone else was wrong when my intuition was right. Not me. I'm rarely right nor do I try to be. Just makes my world a whole lot easier. “

This bit of self-insight given to us at the beginning of J’s journey is colossal. It is a thought I have never had about my own intuitions, but is so absolutely spot on I had to laugh out loud!
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Everything about your story is powerful. I love the detail you use in each scene and the tone and energy add to the mounting dread that must accompany the immediate revelations.

My one suggestion would be to check your story “ratings.” I think some of the language used would definitely put your story rating to at least and “ASR”. The intro rating is okay.

As you get familiar with the quirkiness of the B-Item format, you’ll want to put some “hard carriage returns” between your paragraph breaks. When reading on WDC the white space can literally disappear. Changing fonts and size and adding more white space by line breaks between the paragraphs will help your older online reading audience a lot.


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Untitled Book"  takes the reader personally into a world where people have seemingly disappeared. What the protagonist discovers is that there has to be more to the story, but hey – let’s eat steak first! I love it!!*Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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03/22/2020
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70
70
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Dear elyse03 – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "the world is scary"  and thought I would give your poem a bit of a review.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
A few lines of prose sum up the plight of humanity in this moment of fear with a hint that this is not just a wrinkle in time. There are scary things around always. If I think of my own little community on the backside of nowhere I may miss the greater anxiety suffering humanity endures. Your poetic words and your prose of encouragement to sum up what you have said, remind us that we live in a world constantly at war.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The theme of your poem for me was that whatever emotion may be experienced by one, because we are born human we have the same battles that are often lost to fear and worry and so deep emotions keep us engaged if we will be in tune to what is happening around us.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
Your free verse with a series of comments tying together your thoughts is free from most imagery that would compel one to engage with your words, but the complexity of thought is still on target for what humanity experiences, so I am able to relate. “Battle” and “War” do indeed call up images of carnage and destruction and starving refugee children so I know that whatever has inspired your words is in response to something horrific and deadly.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Your poem closes with a hope filled verse summed up in these words:

“time after time

love will win the war “

 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I like the sounds, rhythm and pace of your poem. The theme is familiar enough to keep your reader nodding in agreement. My only suggestion would be to integrate into your piece images that “show” the reader what “phobia”, “more news”, and “feelings” might look like. For instance my sister eats dinner, brushes her teeth and brushes her grand-daughter's hair while watching CNN. She falls asleep to CNN and wakes up to CNN. She has never missed a single crisis in twelve years.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"the world is scary"  is a poem that comes with an epilogue that pronounces the sage advice most critical to this “wrinkle in time”. It is my prayer that everyone is engaged in winning their war in the manner you prescribe whatever life challenge they are facing.*Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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03/18/2020
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
71
71
Review of The Badge  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Hi  Victoria , 
 
I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month.
I enjoyed reading your story  "The Badge"   and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Confession time. Your story actually brought out a sappy emotional side of my nature as I read about the friends Madeline and Elizabeth in their walk of faith to a deeper relationship. That it all takes place in the mystical world (to me only the father of a girl) of girl scouts, was a delight for me. It lent a bit of insight in to one of the quintessential American institutions. Great work with the scene setting and characterization. A most enjoyable journey.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The theme for me in your story is that the bonds of friendship overcome the great challenges of life. Yeah the Beattles may break up and even the Everly Brothers had their falling out and what ever happened to Simon and Garfunkle anyway? But true friendships outlast and push beyond seeming overwhelming obstacles. Having an understanding mom helps a lot too.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The structure of your story is perfect for the young reader. Its mix of narrative and dialogue and action is blended perfectly.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
I like Madeline a lot. She reminds me of many of the girls I grew up with. Always alive with the hope of the next challenge and yet willing to talk through all the emotions that come with life. This moment was a delight to read:

The room was quiet except for the ticking of the clock that hung on the wall.

Madeline broke the silence of the room.

"I’m glad you’re here early. Can we talk?"

The moody brooding over, Madeline knows her mother’s advice is a true word to restore a friendship. At this point in the story, she is beyond caring about the badge and the risks of restoring relationship, she just knows that it is the only way forward. We are truly blessed by the Madelines of the world who know the value of unity and put everything on the line to keep it.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Everything about your story carries solid impact, clarity, emotion and rings true. My only suggestion would to be to use the word bombard once. And the place I would eliminate it is in the “Elizabeth questions Madeline” scene.

Finally, at the end of the day, Elizabeth cornered her at their lockers.

“What’s wrong?” she demanded. “Why aren’t you talking to me? What are you so mad about?” Her questions bombarded Madeline.”

I believe the questions stand strong on their own. The questions themselves are a barrage of Elizabeth’s frustration with her friend. I truly think the phrase – “Her questions bombarded Madeline” is not necessary for the reader and does not add to the emotion of the moment.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"The Badge"  is a dramatic story about how the true bonds of friendship can never be broken if there is faith, love, trust and a willingness to submit oneself for the sake of another’s benefit. When the relationship is built mutually on this principle there is an unbroken unity of love and acceptance that is truly beautiful. Thank you for sharing this precious story. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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03/18/2020
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
72
72
Review of The Pull  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Hi  IE , 
 
I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month.
I enjoyed reading your poem  "The Pull"   and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Beginning with a question. Does it always begin with a question? And those who search for their eternal love, is their quest marked by questions? Eternal questions. Until at last there is the one. The special friend. The eternal friend. How all the vast quantities of future future and future past are revealed to discover the joys, sorrows, griefs, elations of loving another. All of these wonderful discoveries are opened in a notion here and a notion there in your wonderful poem.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The theme of this poem for me was discovering the life partner whose friendship is unveiled in time and in the moment of discovery where the two become one because there is an eternal intersection. Two parallel ways of living life suddenly become one way, but it is not forged out of construction materials but out of a revelation of who I am for another who lets me see past their own mask.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The open stance of your poem works for me. I like that the longer phrases lead out and close the stanza’s two and four while there is a simpler one or two words in stanzas 1 and 3. It feels energetic read it out loud and the energy left behind is satisfying in every way.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The questions are profoundly brought to the forefront of this piece and then the path is question:

“Strewn with Possibilities
Lit with Harmony
Is your way mine? “

My last true love was revealed in this path you describe. After many “loves” I didn’t know what to expect and because there was a history of “possibilities” in former relationships, coming into this last one, I knew, sadly, happily, the possibilities that indeed were “strewn” about, not litter exactly, but not the rose petal path to wedded bliss either. I smile remembering the moment I knew this love would be forever.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
This actually is one of my favorite poems. It speaks to me on so many levels. I wouldn’t change a word.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"The Pull"  Is a page out of my life. The questions, the seeming answers, all a mystery until the light of her smile on a frosty morning as we have our first cup of coffee with cinnamon toast reminds us that the years lived in harmony have made us one forever. Thank you for sharing your gift.*Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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03/18/2020
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
73
73
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Hi  Sharon , 
 
I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month.
I was pleasantly tickled while reading your story  "You Did What on My Bike?"   and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Stories about a favorite character in the family are such a delight to read. It appears easy to construct such a story, but putting together an interesting pattern of interaction with just a minor plot is truly masterful writing. It is a style of writing you do so well, and this story about Johnny is exemplary.

What begins as a story about Bob’s bike, takes your reader into a delightful meeting place to enjoy the company of Cathy, Bob and brother Johnny.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Your theme I believe is about what it means to have grace and compassion for those in our family whose life vision is somewhat skewed by circumstances and world view even when it may cost us personally to stay in relationship with them. Everyone knows about that challenge and unfortunately many families do not learn to negotiate living with such souls as Johnny.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
Your writing is easy going with strong images and fine detail into what makes the characters in your story special. The pace moves from a moderate tempo to give the reader detail about the characters to a more leisurely tempo as the characters engage with one another. Your narrative about what makes Johnny special is engaging and charming.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
I liked how you describe Johnny’s talent as a painter and his relationship with the “wealthy.”

“Johnny is a gifted painter and works on multi-million dollar homes painting intricate handrails and ornate cornices. He does all that with a bad back. He may have to take many breaks when he works, but he’s there bright and early and does a fantastic job. People just love him and respect his good work ethic. In fact, he was adopted (not legally) by a wealthy elderly couple whose children had basically abandoned them. Johnny does everything for them and they love him. That’s just Johnny."

Without knowing much more about Johnny I can identify many in my life who are just like him. Talented, selfless and highly skilled, they are easy to be friends with, though it may be that one may face losing a favorite trinket or two.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Your story is delightful and complete in every way. I did not notice any areas that required editing or corrections. My only suggestion would be to try writing the story from a different perspective. If we were introduced more deeply into Johnny’s life we might be able to see his interactions with the elderly people he works for, how his casual attitude about his family’s things effect his friendships with his adoptive “parents.” This view point and method of unfolding the story might widen its appeal to many different audiences.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"You Did What on My Bike?"  really is an extremely engaging story. The characters are a delight and the humorous ending is particularly enjoyable. Thank you for sharing your gift. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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74
74
Review of Carolina's Curls  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Hi  maggie , 
 
I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month.
I enjoyed reading your inspiring story  "Carolina's Curls"   and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Carolina, the main character of your story is marvelous. My guess would be that she is 9 or 10, possibly 11, when she chooses to meet her world’s challenges with fearless imaginative abandon. I embrace Carolina as a hope for all children who live in the more harsh realities of this life. She is strong, resilient and defiant. From the first sentence I was compelled to know Carolina as friend and mentor for life.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Overcoming. The obstacles of life can be devastating . The stories of those who succumb to the pressures and trials of this life can be heartbreaking. But the stories of those who overcome the challenges of this life are of great value and worth because they showcase the human determination that is in all people to overcome every hurt, pain, sorrow and disease, to find a way to thrive in the life they have been given. Carolina is an overcomer and I immediately love her for it.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The structure of your story is perfect for the young reader. The sentences are short and the paragraphs generally contain no more than one sentence. The lengths of sentences, while short, are constantly varied, giving a youthful eye plenty of “white space” to focus on a single word or thought.

Your consistent use of this structure shows a professional level of understanding of how best to communicate successfully with a young reader.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Carolina’s story was a joy to read and my favorite moment was when Miss Dunphy takes action to validate her student’s valiant step to overcome the effects of cancer:

“TO THE ART ROOM!” Yelled Miss Dunphy, “We will ALL wear fine hats today. “

It was so wonderful that she said “We will ALL wear,…” instead of “We will ALL make”. It still gives me chills that Carolina’s teacher saw all the way down the path to a special place of giving Carolina honor for her creative choice to overcome the effects of cancer. Each hat worn in the parade that afternoon helped to celebrate Carolina's choice to be an "over-comer." O that all of our educators could have this opportunity daily with their children no matter what the challenges might be.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Every word of your story is vibrant and spot on to keep the attention of your young readers. The only place where a bit more specificity might be warranted was in the types and colors of gems Carolina chose for her hat. The actual colors, shapes, sizes and detail of the gems might define for the reader just a bit more of Carolina’s character, strength and imagination.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Carolina's Curls"  Is an extremely inspirational story that not only captures the courage of a young cancer survivor, but shows what imagination can accomplish, and how everyone can support those who are bravely enduring some of life’s harshest challenges. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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75
75
Review of Charlie Wade  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Hi  a Sunflower in Texas , 
 
I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month.
I enjoyed reading your wonderful story  "Charlie Wade"   and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Having had a similar set up by my parents I was immediately hooked by your opening sentence. I can relate. I appreciate how you set the mood and tone in the first paragraph and even though I had a similar experience, yours is unique in that all is rosy at the beginning with all the benefits going your way. Isn’t that just the most exquisite set up ever?
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The theme of your story is a strong and relatable one. We are often obliged to take the well-meant direction and counsel of others. As you point out so well, it most certainly occurs with the parent-child relationship. It is a course that should benefit both people. But can the relationship actually be strengthened by such obligations?
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
I like the structure of your story. The first two paragraphs are enticing. Who is the one who you are set up with? How is your mother’s interference in your life going to work out?

The third paragraph is almost editorial, not quite answering my inquiries, but setting me up for a great reveal of who the “man” is that your mom almost surely needs for you to be in relationship with.

Your last paragraph, that could be the launching place for a much larger story, explains perfectly the value of Charlie and why he is, to all appearances at this point in your story, the perfect man to be center of your life. But is he really?
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The whole story was a joy to read and my favorite moment was from the perspective of how Charlie benefited your mom:

“She found great comfort in in knowing she could call Charlie, and whatever it was would be fixed, and she would be happy. “
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
There were three places I noticed where your piece needs a bit of minor help. *Smile*

In the second sentence the words Our are repeated and in the phrase …saved me from my own consequences you may mean a different word than consequences to more accurately say what your mother saved you from. Consequences, I believe, generally occur after we’re not saved from taking an unwise action.

In the second sentence of the third paragraph I believe the phrase: ...little shop the called “Mr. Wade Repairs” should probably read:
…little shop he called “Mr. Wade Repairs.”

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
Your story is a wonderfully compelling tale that completely held my interest and took me to a place of wanting to read more. I really believe Charlie could be one of those unforgettable characters we all want to read about and dream we could write about. I hope you find a way to carry on with what you have begun in your story. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ *MugR*
 


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