Kathleen, those are some wonderful hints about moving. I have used rental trucks and movers, but I have never hired someone to pack for me. My sister's company used to pay for packers every time that they promoted and moved her and her family. I was always envious. My ex never helped pack any of the rooms we shared and he always waited until moving day to pack up his office, the garage, basement, his dresser and closet, etc. Drove me bananas.
You organized this well and grammar and punctuation are fine.
What a wonderful story. Makes me want to live in a world where we all have huge oak trees like that one to wish upon and spouses with which to walk. It does make me curious, though, about how that worked. Guess I'm going to have to look at one of the oak trees nearby.
Everyone should be seemingly foolhardy when it comes to the rest of the world. They are not walking in our shoes!
I was always one who took the words of people quite seriously. If they decided that I could not possibly succeed at something, I had to prove them wrong. 99% of the time, I did. The other 1%, I valiantly tried.
We likely don't share the same box category, but it appears that we have both been bold. Good for you. Only you can define you.
I get wanting to put your thoughts down so that they are not lost. I get wanting to write. I once wrote, "Why write? Why breathe?" I've been writing since I was a kid sitting in my backyard cherry tree. Today, I'm almost 72.
You say that you don't care if you are good at writing, just that you record your thoughts. That's fine, but iui f you want to leave your thoughts behind, you must want people to read them. And not following basic rules could turn the very people who you want to share your thoughts with away.
So let's take a look:
There's no point in not giving the world my strange perspective while I can.
I would probably simplify that: I must share my strange perspective while I can.
When I write I notice that there exists no writer I've read whose work reads similarly to mine, who structures their writing the same way that I do; I am slightly self-conscious of this fact, as I fear that I do not measure up to said writers, but sometimes, like right now, I ask myself a question whose answer I know very well: would I rather be distinctive and odd, or be a run-of-the-mill writer whose work prospective publishers roll their eyes at before throwing into the trash and moving on to the next nondescript item?
WHAT?!?!?
I would definitely separate that into multiple sentences. Try to read it aloud and ponder how and when you should breathe.
In my early days here at Writing.com, I would have eagerly made suggestions about how to perfect your poem. Today, I do things differently. I do think that it needs to a bit of tweaking, but that is your job. Reading your poem will reveals a bit of awkwardness. Perhaps as you do so, you will see what I mean. Focus on the length of the lines, the number of syllables.
Your spelling and grammar are perfect. Your piece was written in 2020 and updated in 2022. I wonder what your feelings are now about the world around us.
Will there ever be a time without war? Or will it always be topsy turvy?
Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I already knew from your introduction that everything was going to work out. Still...it was a bit frightening to read. I have had a few of those incidents myself. (I think that I wrote about one here. Miracles Do Happen)
As always, you completed your task and followed the prompt well. And you shared one of your faith stories. Thanks for that.
As I read your poem aloud, the flow and rhyming were good. The message was one that we have all at least thought, if not expressed. Why are some taken from us in the midst of their prime?
My Grandma had some thoughts about that. She would say that God needed another tenor or alto or whatever for the Heavenly choir. Or God needed another violinist for His orchestra. We'll never know until we get to Heaven ourselves, but will we care then?
Hi, John. Welcome to Writing.com. I first read your article, then I read your bio. It made sense that you could present common sense or wisdom in so few words, and do it well. Being a marketing person and a writer is a good combination.
I loved how you showed us the number of minutes, hours, even seconds that every individual has to make a difference each and every day.
Personal responsibility is important, isn't it? As is giving credit to the One.
I love hitting the read and review button. I never know where it will lead, but I'm thrilled when it leads to one of your poems. As always, I appreciate that you explain what format you used.
I do have one question. Are you in the sky yourself? The line that reads, "As I gaze in the sky" makes it sound like you are. I would have said, "As I gaze at the sky."
You definitely followed the prompt. Your poem does convey being far away and uncertainty.
As I read it aloud, it flowed well.
With the reference to your country, I had to look at your portfolio to confirm what I concluded. Yep. It says that you are from Australia. Of course now I'm wondering if you are a fan of The Block.
How wonderful that you found an avenue for recording poetry readings. Long ago, I connected with a poet from Australia who supported his family by writing, publishing and doing poetry readings. I had been writing poetry myself since I was a child, sitting in our backyard cherry tree. This poet was the first who told me that all poetry should be read aloud to better know what tweaks might be necessary.
I truly enjoyed reading this. I have been here over 22 years and have developed friendships and discovered wonderful writers. It's always nice to hear what others think about the experience.
As I read your poem aloud, there were a few lines that I might tweak a bit to make it flow just a tad better. In my early years here, as I was working as an editor for a newspaper and being paid for content on 4 other sites, I probably would have given you specific ideas for those tweaks. Today, I just suggest that writers read their own writings aloud. If they don't stumble like I did, then the problem is probably mine and not the writer's.
Thanks for sharing this, Tori. Your word choices definitely describe a weeping willow. They are fascinating trees. Ones, I think that are ignored too much.
I honestly had no idea that Monet had a series of paintings with this fascinating tree. Thanks for the education.
Love the title. And live that you decided to write a poem using words beginning with P and Q. It was fun to read, and I have to admit that you sent me to the dictionary for one word. Way to go! Grandma always said that we should strive to learn something new every day.
You wrote a good poem. Call me old, but I still go by the writing and grammar standards that I learned in school and that I practiced as a newspaper editor. In other words, a person cannot be a they. Person is singular. They is plural.
The one place that this should be true is on a writer's site.
Your poem is an excellent reminder that what we do and say affects others. It's heartbreaking when someone's loved one dies and the last thing that their family member said was unkind.
Wow. What a way to leave everyone hanging. Well done. It allows the reader to ponder what might have happened.
I would change thos rather long sentence:
It first happened in high school when he would walk outside his Berkeley home in the middle of the night not knowing where he was going, he would walk for miles before returning home exhausted by his nighttime rambles.
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