I so admire people like yourself who can tell a complete story in so few words. That has never been my strength, thus my admiration for people who can achieve it.
In 300 words, you told the story perfectly with the twist at the end. Well done.
What a lovely story. It's interesting that many people actually did have to change what they had been doing for Christmas because of covid. It's even more interesting that many have continued their new traditions.
I did wonder about this sentence:
"This was a six hour drive through Georgia to Jacksonville to Florida."
Isn't Jacksonville in Florida? Perhaps you meant: This was a six hour drive through Georgia to Jacksonville, Florida.
You wrote about how some people handle death quite well.
My hubby and I met here on WDC, and have now been married 19 years, but he still mourns his first wife. He's been writing a book about their relationship since she died in 1980. I doubt that he will ever finish it or have it published. It's his way of coping. And, no, I'm not jealous or hurt. He and I have a great relationship too.
I love this! Sometimes it's just fun to write something cutesy or silly or fun. I love the word rememories. As I looked it up, it appears that Toni Morrison used it one way, but others have used it in various ways, including being like a "thought haunting". Such a cool word.
Like that reviewer, the title intrigued me. My hubby and I met right here on WDC, so I understand distance romance. When we first met, I was in TX and he was in OH.
You told the story well. The poem flows well and the rhymes make sense.
I did wonder about the part of your title in parentheses. Lost love?
You have explained yourself well. I have personally never understood most sports fans, but especially baseball.
Oh, I lived in Pittsburgh, and I did get excited when every one of our sports teams did a great job and we were termed the City of Champions. That was fun. But I never attended a baseball game.
I also lived in FL, so as a family we did go to exhibition games when the teams were there for spring training. My son and husband loved watching the games. I loved the sense of community amongst the regulars in the stands.
I used to be like that about racing cars. That was my sport.
Anyway, I did enjoy reading about why you are a baseball fan. I wouldn't change a thing.
Such excellent advice written in poetic form with specific direction for a contest. Impressive.
As I read your poem aloud, I absolutely loved how it flowed effortlessly. Again, impressive.
It also appears that you followed the prompts. Well done.
If only everyone would read multiple stories and poem about how to be happier, and if only some of them would sink in. It saddens me to see so many people walking around with scowls on their faces and being so obviously unhappy. That is not what our Creator intended.
That had to be difficult to write. Nay I offer these suggestions:
1. Always read your writings aloud, but especially poetry. Doing so will let you find the places that you need to tweak, either because the length if lines hasn't worked or a word or 2 needs chabged.
2. Never force a rhyme. It's much better to use a soft rhyme than to use a perfect rhyme that doesn't work well.
Interesting read. You explained your own part in getting ready, as well as those in charge of the safety of the voyage. My only disappointment was that there didn't seem to be enough explanation about what the world looks like from a flying balloon. I remember when I first rode in a helicopter, I wanted everyone to see and feel what I did through my words.
Your poem tells us that life is a gift, and it is. I appreciate being reminded of that.
As someone who began writing poetry at age 8 (and who is now almost 72!), and as someone who studied poetry in high school and college, I have always had the most trouble critiquing free verse. It's a work of heart that reminds me of abstract art.
In this case, reading it aloud often does not help as it does with poetry with a specific number of lines and a specific rhyming pattern.
With free verse, all I can say is that I enjoyed it.
Thanks for what your flimsy poem. It appears that you did just what you were supposed to do, per the prompt.
Perhaps I have shared with you when I read one of your other works of heart about the gentleman who I met online years ago. He actually supported his family by writing poetry, publishing it and selling his poetry books, and by doing poetry readings. He believed that every poem should be read aloud.
As I read your poem aloud, the verse about the cane and porch were more awkward than the first verse. You have the right amount of syllables, but something made me stumble. I wish that I could be more specific. Perhaps if you read it aloud you will discover what I experienced.
Your poem is spot on. Harboring hate affects everything that we do and say. Or think.
"like slowly pulling jagged thorns
from soft flesh"
Ouch. Yes!
I was so blessed to have a mother and grandmother who encouraged me/us to always be proud of those around us who have had accomplishments. We were taught to celebrate the successes of others. And we were taught to never be envious. After all, the Ten Commandments tell us that we are not supposed to covet our neighbor's stuff.
That's an excellent idea. Frankly, I think that everyone who pushes socialism should be required to live it for at least a year, preferably more. As you pointed out, that is especially true of rich and famous celebrities. Most of them want that for us, but not for themselves.
I've heard a few of those non-apology apologies or insincere apologies in my lifetime. Some people become experts at giving them, to the point where it makes you wonder if they even know that's what they are doing.
I can imagine rich and famous people paying someone to create such nonsense.
Writing should never take a back seat when someone wants to write. It's something that you need to make time for if you want to be a writer. Remember, every skill takes practice.
I would only suggest that you divide this into more paragraphs.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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