Your poem is an excellent reminder that what we do and say affects others. It's heartbreaking when someone's loved one dies and the last thing that their family member said was unkind.
Wow. What a way to leave everyone hanging. Well done. It allows the reader to ponder what might have happened.
I would change thos rather long sentence:
It first happened in high school when he would walk outside his Berkeley home in the middle of the night not knowing where he was going, he would walk for miles before returning home exhausted by his nighttime rambles.
I loved your title. Titles are some of my favorite things. In fact, I have dozens of them just waiting for me to tell the complete story. (I've told my son that I will bequeath them to him should I pass on before writing poetry or stories to go with my titles. He loves titles as much as I do.)
Knowing that I would be reading about the sky thrilled me. My favorite sky is the sunrise. Sunsets are second. Your words capture what we see very well.
This is beautiful, Tim. As I read it, I got goosebumps. You've reminded us about how we are supposed to behave but often don't. Imagine our world if we all WERE generous and only spoke kind words. And isn't our duty to not only posit but to share...as you have done?
Your opinions have been expressed well. I would tend to disagree with some of them.
First, as a baby boomer myself, I have never met another from our generation who doesn't keep up with the news. Most conservatives I know listen, watch and read from multiple sources - from MSM, talk radio, various newspapers, and from foreign sources, especially in the UK and Canada.
When I was hired to work at a newspaper in TX, it was specifically because I was a 40 something conservative and everyone else in the news room was a liberal 20 something. They had the strangest ideas about life.
While at the paper, I learned many things. #1 newspapers do not write negative stories about advertisers. Period. #2 Front page news is not necessarily the most important news. In fact, it usually isn't. Front page news is selected because they have the best photos for them and because the editor owes a reporter a front page story. I was flabbergasted by that information. And when I spoke to some local TV people, they told me that their stories were selected in a similar fashion. Amazing.
#3 The internet is not as useful as it once was for disseminating news. For example, during the George W Bush years, one could search the internet using the phrases "the Bush tax relief only helps the rich", "the Bush tax relief helps everyone" and "the Bush tax relief helped only the poor". And there would have been articles about every one of those topics/opinions, allowing one to read and draw your own conclusions. Today, the only articles that would show would be pages upon pages of the same words being shared by multiple sources telling you that only the rich benefitted. If there were other articles, you would have to scroll through pages and pages before even one differing opinion would surface.
My absolute favorite part of being the only conservative in a news room full of young liberals who hadn't been out of school very long was watching them gradually learn that their professors were not always right about the world.
My other favorite thing was that I got to edit letters to the editor and guest columns, especially the ones written by pastors, business owners, and the few conservative teachers in our districts. Their voices deserved to be heard.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
PS I really miss the national news people from the 60s and early 70s. We never knew what their political or social beliefs were. Today, it is quite obvious.
I love coming across someone who ponders, someone whose mind wanders hither and yon, much like when one traverses the internet, and wonders, "how in the world did I get here?"
Thanks for sharing your pondering. Should I be confused or enlightened?
Thanks for sharing about this wonderful women. Hers is a piece of history that every child should read, no matter their color.
It always saddens me when Black History Month comes along, and everyone revisits the same people over and over again. Of course they are important, but so are the thousands upon thousands of others.
Even without going into every detail, you explained very well what someone with undiagnosed autism might have experienced. It's sad that one would have to turn to drinking for comfort that wasn't available otherwise. I know someone dear to me that had similar problems. When help was nearly available for him at 17, it was snatched away. They wanted him to wait without a friend or relative beside him in a room of 25 other potential patients with a myriad of problems, symptoms and diagnoses. Can you imagine how frightening even the thought of that was?
Is there ever a way to explain the last moments? You did it well in poetic form.
Words like yours are probably why so many of us believe in life ever after. Abandment? Forever?
That seems horrible. Living in Heaven sounds so much better.
Wonderful poem. I remember the moment when I first realized how much love Jesus had to have for us to die in such an excruciating way. Only the love of a parent can come close, and even then not very close.
I found this because another person reviewed it publically. As I read it aloud (I read all poems aloud to see how they flow and how the word choices and rhymes work), it fairly bounced.
Like the other reviewer, I am glad that your poem promises that even through sorrow, you will keep going.
Thanks for sharing. I thought about my own dad as I read this. He's been gone now since 2005.
I love this,Prosperous Snow celebrating . I think that my favorite line is: I exhale
verses of gratitude and thanksgiving... it reminds me of a seminar that I attended decades ago where the leader suggested that we all learn to do "breath prayers" as we go about our daily lives.
You followed the prompts and provided an excellent story. My son, who was in a coma, would tell you that the story is believable. His was a medically induced coma and although it only lasted 4 days, he lived a long time in his mind - marrying one of the nurses, living with one of the janitors. Obviously, he was aware of them even in a coma.
I won't say that I enjoyed your story because who can enjoy the trauma of others, even if it's fictional? But, as I said, you told the story well and with fewer words than I probably could have. My reviews often show that I am verbose.
You followed the prompt, and wrote quite an amusing poem. It flows well and the rhymes make sense. I truly enjoyed reading this aloud - something that I always do because it gives one a better idea about the flow.
And here is your poem, so wonderfully
and honestly made as well.
I have to admit that poetry is the one thing that I have trouble reviewing. I've been writing poetry myself since I was a mere child, about 63 years, in fact. And my favorite class as a senior in high school many long years ago was a poetry class that I took on addition to the required English class. Throughout the years, I've also had friendships with people who earned their living creating poetry and/or lyrics. But this form of creative works 9f heart are, for me, the most difficult to review.
That being said, I loved your poem. It reminded me of so many people. People who stood tall and endured.
I enjoyed reading your poem. It reminded me of some epic poems that my mother read to me as a child. As often is the case with poetic works of heart, the only advice that I can offer is to always read your own poetry aloud. That allows us to see (or rather hear) for ourselves if anything needs tweaking.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
P.S. As a senior citizen, I can understand how playing an instrument can cause one to be able to temporarily dance like a youth again.
You hit the many reasons why cell phone users are irritating and intrusive. As for people saying, "I love you. Bye", I'm not sure that alone makes cell phones valuable. Frankly, the words tumble out making them seem meaningless. Besides, before cell phones, we spent more time with family, face to face, where our actions showed how much we cared.
Anyway...
If this were my work of heart, I would probably read it aloud. Doing so would probably show that there are a few too lengthy sentences. And I would put some space between paragraphs to make it easier to read.
Other than that, I have no suggestions.
Thanks for sharing and welcome to Writing.com.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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My reviews often show that I am verbose.