|It sounds like you’ve got a really interesting world here. I’m a fan of Dragons and Spirit World kinds of things so this is my jam.
I’m coming into this chapter without having read your previous chapters so there may be some things I’m missing – please take that into account.
I like how Tyollis is always scratching or rubbing his chin – it seems like a bit of a he isn’t fully cognizant he has, something that real people do. It adds an authenticity to him. I also like the way he’s constantly aware of the body language of the people around him. It seems very “warrior” like for him to be accessing situations and people based on their posture and facial expressions rather than just what’s been said to him.
Things I noticed you may want to revisit:
Beginning: “breezy” and “wind blowing” are pretty different so you might want to say “The air was warmer than previous months, though still cold” without adding the “breezy” part.
This may be something I don’t understand – but I thought you might have meant: “Tyollis turned away from the head of the force”.
“Does anybody have an idea on how it spread, or where it came from?” – someone has suggested it was the deer so you might want to say “any other ideas” since he’s been given one already.
Consider “I ask you let us leave so we can get to Veresses.” Or “I ask you let us leave for Veresses.” (Right now it sounds like the man is telling Tyollis to go to Veresses – to me.)
Couple of things to look at here: “He looked over the marks and lines and notes jotted down in thin blocky lettering, finding their rode. His eyes glanced to the legend, and caught the measurements. One inch=fifty miles.” You’ve got this fantasy, horse riding feel going on so you can probably make “rode” work though it seems odd. Also, this feels like a time in which the maps wouldn’t have been that accurate.
“something fumbled into his pocket” – Consider “someone fumbled in his pocket” or “something tumbled from his pocket”.
I thought a wraith was a spirit creature so you may want to do a little explaining of what it’s capable of and what kind of tracks it would leave. If you’ve addressed this in an earlier chapter, don’t worry about adding it here.
I see really great bones here – cool world, hints of creepy problems with spirits and wraiths, and Dragons (who doesn’t love dragons??). What I do recommend is giving us a little more of Tyollis – as in, what does he fear here? What does he really want and why? We see a little bit of what he mistakenly believes about Branston, but give us a little more of his misbeliefs if you can. What does he think about the possibility that the spirits are planning something? Is he skeptical? Does he think its superstitious nonsense? Maybe these things are clear in other chapters, but I think the more you’re able to bring out exactly what all these things mean to Tyollis at each turn, the better your whole book/story will be overall. Plot is great, but ground us in the story a little more – make these things really, really matter to Tyollis.