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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kim26280
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12 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of ഞാൻ  
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't know what is says but the script is soo beautiful *InLove* Is it Tamil?
-God bless *InLove2*
2
2
Review of Legacy  
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: E | (4.0)
A really good short poem *BigSmile*
I'm impressed by the use of form in the poetry (I've always wanted to write a poetry form).
I recommend taking out "in the park," (line 4) and "asking of the sky" (line 5), as it seemed out of place from the theme.
3
3
Review of God Pty Ltd  
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: E | (5.0)
I rate it 5 stars because the writing is very good; the sentences are clean, your message is clear yet with depth without being flowery. Whether I like the message is a different matter...all I know is you're in pain, you're confused...I hope you find relief *Cry*
4
4
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
It's not terrible. It's just the first draft *Laugh* Just practice and read (a lot) and you'll get there.
5
5
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
For something so quickly, it was done really well. The scene is good, the characters are realistically accurate for such a short time span, and it delivered the reader the curiosity of the narrator.
Although I give it a 4/5 because some of the wording could be fixed for the wording to run more smoothly. Nothing specifically, just small tidbits a quick read-through can't fix. There are some words and tone cues I don't understand though, but this is more out of personal taste, as I think the words you use such as "Argh!... Bloody Bugger...", etc. helped the story.
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Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: E | (2.5)
Good premise, but I think you should add some more detail to it. It's very rushed. The writing style you used reminds me a lot of the writing used in classic fairy tales; a simple moral with simple characters, but stories we still read today.
I like the imagery you placed; for example; in "he was dragged and thrown" and "he began trembling as sweat ran down his body." Some of the wording is off in "form form" (although I assume that's a typo), "the dreaded thing got him", "his hot-headed head"("head" is repetition so you could replace it with "his hot head"), and "rich brat breded."
Keep working on it though!*BigSmile* Writing does not come easy to anyone *Cry*. Practice writing, and read a whole bunch, and soon your writing will get better *ThumbsUpL*
Thank you for letting me review, here is a strawberry donut *Donut*
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Review of Comet  
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: E | (5.0)
The Orchestral Suite "The Planets" by Gustav Holst sounds like your inspiration for this beautifully written piece. *Violin* *Piano* *Planet*
8
8
Review of Silent Wisdom  
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Really good! I aim to be a writer like you *BigSmile*
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9
Review of Proof  
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: E | (3.0)
Is this part of a novel? Is this a chapter or a page? If its a chapter you need some more detail...
Cohesive dialogue. Genre is realistic fiction, tone is funny. The character (John) is the beginnings of a math genius *BigSmile*
#God_Bless*Heart*
10
10
Review of Minor Lie  
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nice rhyme scheme *Delight*
Good word choice; in the 1st line of your 5th stanza instead of "apparent is the drag of each day," you can try apparent as a noun, apparentness-"apparentness drags each day". In the 3rd line of your 3rd stanza, you don't need "just". The following ling; "Jane lives today but often mopes", try "but Jan today mopes." On the first line of stanza 4, try adding an exclamation mark or put all caps on boo, especially with the "-begins the heart begins quick" because it seems to fall short with what you want to convey. Last of all, on the last line of 5th stanza "take care to comprehend the traps" I don't think "comprehend" is the right word. Use words like "watch" or "eye".
Remember: these are suggestions *BigSmile* you can take it or leave it *Wink*
11
11
Review of Just a Walk  
Review by SoyUnaPapa
Rated: E | (5.0)
The character is so unique! Some novels and short stories I've read have the same cookie cutter or bland protagonists and its nice to see something like this *BigSmile*
I'm not an expert in grammar so in that aspect I don't know...I use Grammarly *Ha*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kim26280