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126
126
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for entering my 500-Word Flash Fiction Contest (2-21-09 thru 2-28-09)!

I've reviewed your piece entitled:

THE ODDITY IN THE STREET


And wish to give you my humble opinions, comments and interpretation in order to help, strengthen and encourage you.

*Bullet*Point of View (Who is the story teller?):

This story is told by its main character, an old lady, whose name is not revealed.


*Bullet*Time and Place:

Apparently the story is told in the present, and it is daytime.


*Bullet*Situation or Circumstance:

The old lady follows a daily routine. On one particular day, her routine changes in the most unusual way; and as a result, she lives on to tell us many more stories. =)


*Bullet*General Plot (chain of events):

The story contained a well-organized and focused chain of events, not at all confusing to the reader.


*Bullet*Exposition (background information):

We're really not given any background information except for the fact that this story is about an old lady out for a routine walk.


*Bullet*Protagonist (main character):

The main character is the old lady, of course; however, the duck runs a close second.


*Bullet*Other Important Characters:

...the duck, of course, as he saves the life of this old lady in a most unusual way.


*Bullet*Incentive Moment:

When the duck takes off in flight...


*Bullet*Conflicts:

- The lady seems to be trying to help a duck who refuses to be helped and actually seems to turn on her.

- When she tries to describe what happened, the duck has left the scene, is no where to be found. I had to wonder if the duck wasn't an angel in disguise.


*Bullet*Complications:

- The change in her daily routine;
- her dealings with the duck and
- then trying to explain what happened.


*Bullet*Title (appropriate/inappropriate):

I liked it. The title captured my attention and peaked my interest.


*Bullet*Resolution:

I really liked the way this ended with a twist --- not shocking but clever --- as the old lady tries to tell a young man (asking about her well-being) what just happened. She tells him about the duck, and he says, "What duck?"


*Bullet*Theme (controlling idea or central insight... the purpose of the story):

A peculiar duck saves the life of an old lady in spite of herself.


*Bullet*Areas to be reviewed for improvement:

In the first paragraph you say "mid stride". I feel it should more correctly read "mid-stride".

In the next sentence you use the word "middle", which is too similar to "mid-stride". A synonym of the word "middle" may have been a better choice---especially due to the close proximity of the words.

Then in your fourth paragraph you've used the contraction "it's" which is only correctly used when it is a contraction for "it is," and not to show possession. (...a common mistake --- often made without a second thought.)


*Bullet*My favorite part:

The duck stood in silence. It cocked it’s head to the side and bobbed it once or twice. Without another gesture, it took off in flight.


If anything I've said is not helpful to you, please think it over. Disregard it, if necessary, because you are the author and these are merely my personal thoughts/comments.

If you have any questions; or if you feel I've missed some aspect of your writing, let me know.

Signature created by our dear talented friend, Kelly1202 -- Thank you, Dr. J
127
127
Review of June's Here  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hello there! I'm a fellow member of writing.com and have reviewed and rated your piece entitled:

JUNE'S HERE


*Bullet*My overall thoughts:

Since this was written apparently for an 100-word contest, it's quite short --- just a snipet into your life. Bravo for giving us great insight with so few words.


*Bullet*Most liked -- and why:

"...a grown woman is crouched under grandma's dining room table singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”

What a wonderful scene you've created both visually and audibly. I'm delighted to hear sweet June singing this pleasing song most of us learned in elementary or nursery school.


*Bullet*Least liked -- and why:

"Who knows?" It didn't really help me gracefully slide into the meat of your writing here.


*Bullet*Grammar/Spelling (suggestions):

All good, as far as I can see...


*Bullet*Mere suggestions for improvement:

Work on your beginning a little more so as to whisk the reader into your writing.


*Bullet*Why/how this piece did (or did not) impact me:

I loved the simplicity of this piece and the joy June seems to bring to an otherwise routine holiday dinner.


*Bullet*Final thoughts:

Please remember, you are the author here and my comments are merely my own. Whether or not you agree or disagree matters fractionally to me in comparison to my hope that I have encouraged and provoked you to even better writing. It has been my pleasure to read, rate and review your writing. Write on!

As you continue participating in this small, growing community of aspiring writers, may your success continue to climb! My hope is to see more of your work as your journey progresses!


Signature created by our dear talented friend, Kelly1202
Thank you, Dr. J
128
128
Review of Title Forgotten  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


Hello there! I have reviewed and rated your piece entitled:

TITLE FORGOTTEN


*Bullet*My overall thoughts:

This piece was mysterious, thoroughly intriguing.


*Bullet*Most liked -- and why:

I found the letter to Mr. Raz at the end exceptionally appropriate.


*Bullet*Least liked -- and why:

I found nothing I didn't like about this piece. Its point of view was focused, consistent.


*Bullet*Grammar/Spelling (suggestions):

No errors/suggestions found.


*Bullet*Mere suggestions for improvement:

None. You've followed through quite thoroughly in perception and style. My interest was peaked from beginning to end.


*Bullet*Why/how this piece did (or did not) impact me:

I found this rather dark -- an enlightening entrance into a disturbed mind. Left hanging with my own interpretation, I found contentment/closure through your ending.


*Bullet*Final thoughts:

Please remember, you are the author here and my comments are merely my own. Whether or not you agree or disagree matters fractionally to me in comparison to my hope that I have encouraged and provoked you to even better writing. It has been my pleasure to read, rate and review your writing. Write on!

As you continue participating in this small, growing community of aspiring writers, may your success continue to climb! My hope is to see more of your work as your journey progresses!


Signature created by our dear talented friend, Kelly1202
Thank you, Dr. J
129
129
Review of Bits of Irony  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello there, Gabriella! I have reviewed and rated your piece entitled:

Bits of Irony: Combining Prose & Poetry


*Bullet*My overall thoughts:

I found the descriptive use of words here both lively and captivating. I thoroughly enjoyed the reading of each uniquely written vignette.


*Bullet*Most liked -- and why:

I most liked FOOD WAS AN AFTERTHOUGHT. I was a hidden guest at this very entertaining and unusual gathering of talent and personality.


*Bullet*Least liked -- and why:

Though I found each piece beautifully written, A WOMAN'S SHOULDERS was my least favorite... only because I had to re-read it a few times to make sure I understood it fully, and then I wasn't totally convinced my comprehension was correct.


*Bullet*Grammar/Spelling (suggestions):

Perfect.


*Bullet*Favorite lines -- and why:

Four hours, twelve faces, and martinis five times their number; untold laughter, tears, an Olympic version of musical chairs, and not one sign of lunch, I slipped away just in time for dinner.


*Bullet*Least favorite lines -- and why:

I really cannot pinpoint a "least favorite line." As you see, I've given you a five-star rating. Each stroke of the pen was full and alive.


*Bullet*Mere suggestions for improvement:

Unravel the mystery of A WOMAN'S SHOULDERS just a wee bit more for your reader.


*Bullet*Why/how this piece did (or did not) impact me:

I was delighted to read each vignette and found your writing playfully entertaining.


*Bullet*Final thoughts:

Please remember, you are the author here and my comments are merely my own. Whether or not you agree or disagree matters fractionally to me in comparison to my hope that I have encouraged and provoked you to even better writing. It has been my pleasure to read, rate and review your writing. Write on!

As you continue participating in this small, growing community of aspiring writers, may your success continue to climb! My hope is to see more of your work as your journey progresses!


Signature created by our dear talented friend, Kelly1202
Thank you, Dr. J
130
130
Review of Burning  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I found this a compelling historical account of the "dark ages," when the "wicked," without love, mercy or grace actually committed atrocities under the guise of "Christianity" --- not unlike the "holy wars" of today where crimes are still committed in the name of God or Allah by those who don't even know Him.

I found your writing captivating -- you held my attention throughout with unique phrasing, imagery and use of "not so common" words.

--------------------------

You may wish to double-check the color of the eyes----from "emerald green" to "blue eyes staring"... I'm thinking this is the same guilt-ridden person whose eyes must remain "emerald green."

Then "Bethany," sister of the "burning one" has the "blue eyes."

131
131
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have to agree with whoever gave you that 5-star rating. This is a beautiful piece of prose --- full of imagery, wonder and mystic --- yet natural and free-flowing from an inspired heart. I'm glad you are writing again. "Writing" too is a healing force. As I read your "thoughts on music," I sense a release as well as a song reverberating through the graceful rhythm of thoughtful words.
132
132
Review of Dead Curse  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great beginning. I love how you start in the middle of things. It peaks our interest right from the get-go.

In the sixth paragraph down, you've gotten your words a little crisscrossed:

         We thought some he had come across some highwayman.

Then here, I personally believe you can leave the parenthetical expression "as the saying goes," out. It's unnecessary, in my opinion:

         "May the gods preserve your life tonight, as the saying goes. I'll bar the door behind you," he said, walking them out. He closed and locked the large double door. They heard him slide a bar in place behind it.

You captivated me from the beginning with DEAD CURSE... It was so compelling, I couldn't seem to read it quick enough. I love the use of your imagination intermingled with truth. I would consider this "fantasy/adventure." Your word use created good imagery. (I was there.) Great work! I enjoyed reading this. Thank you!

I am giving this a 5-star rating, despite the items I mentioned above. I found your writing truly magnificent here. Again, thank you! Happy New Year!

133
133
Review of Still  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found STILL thoughtful, lovely and touching. Your rhyming is beautifully done --- with absolutely no detraction from the meaning and content of this very focused, inspired, inspirational poem. I very much appreciated the calm, silent reverence of your title and the poetry found within. Thank you. (I'll add this to my list of favorites!)

You may wish to consider becoming part of
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#598624 by Not Available.
and sharing this poem there.

134
134
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)
Garth---I believe you meant to say "The WOLVES are at my door," up top, in your title. However, it seems "wolves" and "woes" could be a "good" mistake or even a "purposeful" mistake ---- therefore, not a mistake at all ---- since "wolves" and "woes" are synonymous here.

Your title intrigued me to look further, to actually read and review what you've written. I was caught off guard by the differing titles, which actually caused me to probe deeper.

I found your writing clear and concise. I could easily relate to what you've written; therefore, your poem is meaningful not only to you, but to me (your reader).

You may wish to consider submitting this to:
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#598590 by Not Available.
135
135
Review of The Tail  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (4.5)
Love your imaginative humor -- great timing, with just the right dose of rhythm and rhyme.

I enjoyed looking at your creative images. Your port is entertaining with enough mystery to intrigue the minds of your readers -- gently coaxing us through each item.

Take care and good luck in the "author of the month" contest.
136
136
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Truly lovely and heartfelt. (I only wish I could hear the audio.) I found your writing focused with a comfortable rhythm and rhyme pattern throughout. No stumbling here. Nice work.

I'm glad you're enjoying your retirement while using your creative talents with liveliness and passion.
137
137
Review of 'It'  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Sue---I enjoyed this mysterious piece. It has a light "lyrical" quality in spite of its "dark" nature. The rhythm and rhyme pulls in your reader like a dance... I found your writing thoughtful, carefully crafted with each word appropriate in its place.
138
138
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed your amusing lyrics here. I hope you fared well in the contest. Thank you for making me smile. =)
139
139
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice. I enjoyed the puns and the fun in this serious piece. (However, I wondered if you meant "allies" rather than "alleys" in the third line of the first stanza. Also, "catseyes" s/b "cats eyes.") Overall, I found the piece remarkably fun, yet at the same time truthful and direct --- adding contrast, making it more interesting... almost like a riddle.

Thank you.
140
140
Review of Rain on  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed the continuity of rhythm, rhyme, and focus throughout this piece of writing.

I found this an honest piece to which I could easily relate. Your words are easy to embrace --- familiar as the falling rain.

Good work!
141
141
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done! You've explained it so well... No need for speculation; your audience relates.

I enjoyed the play of your rhythm and rhyme on this serious subject. You capture our attention... with pleasure, we're spellbound to the end. Your writing is focused and makes sense.

------------------------------

In the sixth stanza, third line "struned" s/b strewn.
142
142
Review of World Aborted  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found WORLD ABORTED compelling as well as unique. I was gently pulled through your writing, yet impacted to the core.

The imagery is appropriate, invigorating, stunning and thought-provoking.
143
143
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)
Spoken from the heart of a great teacher!

You've shared tremendous insight, and your motivation shines brilliantly as the sun on a crystal clear day.

Thank you for the encouragement!
144
144
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing your favorite books and their authors. I've never thought to write this sort of information down, but our likes and dislikes help others know us better and stir interest in another perspective.

Take care, and have a wonderful Sunday!
145
145
Review of MY HATS  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found your autobiography of life pursuits in "My Hats" unique and intriguing. In this life, you've enjoyed learning as well as diversity.

I would also be interested in the hardships and/or road blocks encountered and overcome along the way.

Thank you for contributing to this writing community!!
146
146
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found "The Back Row Conspiracy" both cute and fun, with a delightful dose of rhythm and rhyme that carries through from beginning to end.

Your choice of descriptive words brought me into the moment where I sensed the humor and felt its impact.

Good job!
147
147
Review of Silence  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautifully written. Relative. Your intention/purpose was quite clear throughout. Your descriptive use/choice of words opened my eyes and awakened my senses.

148
148
Review of Long in the Tooth  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I like it -- the meter of your rhythm and rhyme, as well as the fact that you're actually bringing a message with this piece with a hearty sense of humor in the last line.
149
149
Review of Safe  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (5.0)
My personal thoughts and opinions:

Wow!!! You captivate us with your opening and then keep us on the edge of our seats throughout this short piece of flash fiction.

         First -- we're relieved its a dream.

         Second -- we're alarmed when he awakens to find his son is outside, alone.

         Third -- we celebrate a moment with father and son.

         Fourth -- we see and acknowledge how dreams are sometimes forewarnings to which we must take heed.

Great work.

A generous give from Garden Girl and created by Shi...
150
150
Review of You and I  
Review by Maria Mize
Rated: E | (4.5)
Missy---I reviewed your poem, YOU AND I.

You've conveyed the pain of an unrequited, unreciprocated love quite well. You relate to your audience. (We've all been there.) You speak the truth matter-of-factly without asking us to feel sorry for you. Nicely done.

In the third stanza I found a tense conflict, you may wish to correct---it should more properly be:

"I ASK if we can talk, you never have the time."

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A generous give from Garden Girl and created by Shi...
I'm honored to have been selected as Meg's Pick of the Week!
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