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My Comments:
This is a nice poem dedicated to your grandmother. Wish I could feel the same way about my grandparents.
Favorite Part:
I love the second stanza, it flows the best and has the greatest meaning.
My Suggestions:
The last line in your piece seemed quite windy. My suggestion is to cut the line in half, to create two lines instead of one. You might also consider adding punctuation.
Overall Impression:
This is a nice poem that I loved reading.
This is a script/play that I would love to see. You have written this well. It is always hard for the author to write a good script while sticking to the plot, continuing the story quickly, and not dangling at the same part for hours. These seem to come naturally to you.
I didn't notice any errors, or anything else that should be pointed out.
Overall Impression
This is a good book and I think I'll be sticking around to read the rest. Plot:
Nice plot I'm hoping to see this one go far. Characters:
Your characters are surprisingly strong. Keep at it. Setting:
It could use a little bit more imagery. However, I think it would be fine just the way it is. Spelling/Grammar:
I noticed a few errors in your work. So, you might want to go over it again just to make sure that you get them all.
This was awesome to read, a bit sad, but awesome. Wouldn't it be wondeful if this really happened. It only sounds right... If us humans go to heaven, where do the animals go? Over the Rainbow Bridge. I like that. You have a talent for writing. Don't stop!
This is pretty good, and it has an excellent plot! Write on! Going through this though, I found many errors.
Fourth Paragraph: After placing both their orders, he turned to her again, without missing a beat, asked: "What do you think people at work will think if they found out that we've been hanging out after work hours?" --------- I believe that instead of a colon there should be a comma after "asked". I noticed that you made this mistake a few more times throught the piece.
You might want to go over this piece again, just to be sure that you've got all of the errors fixed. Your characters are strong in just the few words that you used and I am impressed. WRITE ON!
As with the last one the flow is a bit choppy in some places. I believe that the punctuation helped in this one, so it's not as bad as the last one. Not that your last one was bad!
I really enjoyed this one, because I believe that many people can relate to this poem. Work and family can be emotionally draining and hard to deal with. You captured these aspects excellently. Write On!
This is a nice poem that I enjoyed reading. You are a good author! First of all I want to say, Welcome to Writing.com (or WDC as we call it)! It is excellent to have you here as a new author!
Back to your work. I noticed that the flow was a bit choppy in some places, making it hard to read and a bit windy as well. You might add punctuation or more words to fix this.
Overall, this is a good poem that I believe could be better with a little work! Write on!
This is a really nice prayer that I think I can find myself using in the future. I really enjoyed reading this, and I'm sure that everyone else who passes by this item will enjoy reading this too. Maybe it will even bring a little joy into their hearts!
I was amazed when I read this, it is really good! Nice plot! I can't wait to see where the story is going. I'll be sticking around to read some more! Your characters are strong and there is nothing that I would change. It seems as though you know where you are going with this story and you have given it a lot of thought! Write on!
I love this, it is beautiful. The words are so wonderful, full of rhythem, and not so commonly used that this almost seems as though it is a poem. The words are so beautiful and inspiring. I really enjoyed the last paragraph the best. "I wondered a bit to peer through my chamber window where I saw the hound's horrid paws have trampled amongst my flowers." Marvelous!
Yes, I am back to review again! Just couldn't stay away from your fine work! I really enjoyed reading this short story. It reminds us to keep on trying and to not quit! I've always loved items with the moral that you shouldn't give up. I was surprised to see that there were no errors. Usually, even in the best, there are errors, however, in this item there was none! BRAVO!
I enjoyed reading this, it gave me a little bit of Africa and the people who live there. This poem is very meaningful, telling those "new generations" to laugh instead of cry when people die. I love this poem and I'm sure that many others will too. Write on!
I love the way this poem is centered in the middle of the page with an obvious rhyme scheme. It's beautiful, anyone can see this even before they read this. I believe I have become a fan of your work.
All of this can be inspired by looking at the refelction. Marvelous! Nice flow and excellent choice of words!
This is sad, but at least it ends good! You are a really good writer as I have said before. There is nothing to pick at in your writing. Everything is casual to read, none of the sentences are too windy and the words are precisely chosen. I really can't fnd much wrong with your work. It's well edited, and well written!
This is beautiful, I really enjoyed reading this poem. I has a great rhythm and it flows smoothly. You are a great poet and I can't wait to read some more of your work! I saw no errors and there is nothing that I would change. I love the imagery that you used here. It allows the reader to see exactly what this poem means!
This is beautiful, I love how you managed to put all of these words and phrases together perfectly. You must have been really inspired to write this! It is wonderful. I really enjoyed reading it. It gives off the air of something to beautiful and so full of bliss, while keeping it realistic. It's wonderful! Keep up the excellent writing!
Wow, this short story has some meaning to it! I acutally found it quite surprising! The characters could use some work though. The way you decribe the characters is a little bit to obvious. You could make it more casual... I mean like: the dark and now seemingly evil eyes duplicated the ones standing across from them. (sucks and totally not your style of writing, but you get the point.)
The reporter talking on the TV uses some ameture words that no news reporter would use. A Scary Case? You might want to replace some of these words with some more professional. It makes it less believeable. With such a realistic plot, it is hard, but you must make sure that a lot of the stuff in it is realitic too.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this very much. You are a good writer I can see this already. Don't be discouraged!
Beautiful, you sure do have a knack for this kind of poetry! This poem brings to light the reality of being an acress (or actor). If this were any other kind of poem I would have said that it needs to show the good about it too. But, since this is an Acrostic, I can't complain. You did startlingly (is that actually a word?) well with this. I don't think that I could have done as good as you!
Clever! Very clever! This was funny, I enjoyed reading this! To use other WDC members in something that you write brings us to (seemingly) enjoy it even more. It would also generate more publicity for these authors, because what you have written makes the reader want to know more about these people. So, where will they go? Directly to their port! Especially with all of the pretty colors!
This poem I find true! Short and sweet the way I like 'em! It just seems like no matter what you do you can't keep the resolution, and it is funner and easier to keep with a group!
I enjoyed reading this poem, because it tells everyone that we ALL don't keep many of our resoloutions! For instance... I was supposed to cut back on those spicy natchos... Well...
I found nothing wrong with this, it is one of my favorite poems that I have read here on WDC. It has so much meaning while keeping a good flow! Keep it up!
This is really good, I loved reading it! The meaning is so wonderful: When your father said that "you will always be rich", he meant that you will always be rich... not phiscally... but mentally.
I spotted no errors in this. It was completely PERFECT! Intresting to read, and good to know!
I think that this is one of your best works! Keep writing!
I noticed that someone gave you three stars for this previously. I don't see why, this was excellent! I really enjoyed reading this, it is one of those things that actually kept my attention, which, for me, is hard to come by! I really enjoyed the way that this ended. It leaves the reader with a sense of sadness, but also a sense of this being over, so they arn't left wondering what happened.
I noticed that you used A.J MANY times throught this and it really got annoying. You might want to change some of those to he. It is not always necessary to use only the name when there are two characters of the same gender in the room. When it is obvious that it is one character that the author is talking about, you should use he (or she).
In some places where the paragraph breaks is incorrect. So, you'll want to go back through your work and make sure that you fix them.
All in all, this was an excellent read, and with some work, it could be Perfect! Remember PERFECT and EXCELLENT are two completely different things. Although together... they are MARVELOUS!
Hello DocP,
I really enjoyed reading this, for the message relayed is an excellent one. It encourages those worshipers of God that He loves them no matter what they are, or what they do. This is an excellent message as there are so many who arn't quite sure if they still have the friendship of Him.
I ran across a few errors while reading, hence, why I didn't give you 5 stars. You might go over this again to double check the errors and change a few things around. I noticed that there were many ... and many quotations. Are all of these necessary? Perhaps you could change some of them. It almost seems as though there is too much punctuation, making it a little bit hard to read.
Keep at it. You are a writer with an obvious talent! I would enjoy watching it flourish to greater heights!
This is a pretty good poem, very emotional. I love the metaphors that you used, and also the way that you described everything. The words you chose to write with were perfect to fit the job! However, the flow was a bit choppy in some places, and you might be able to fix this. It's not to bad, mostly in the last stanza. It's just enough to cause the reader to stumble a little bit though. So, you might consider fixing it. I did love reading this poem!
This was a very well thought out poem that I throughly enjoyed. You are an excellent poet.... and I really enjoy reading your work! This poem... about a poem... is very clever as most of your work is! It takes a great mind to think up all of these awesome ideas and a skilled individual to actually create them!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
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Going through this though, I found many errors. 