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474 Public Reviews Given
2,621 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review of Speak Up Child  
Review by Puditat
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Normally I like a bit of structure to a poem but the style in which you have done this really does work, given the subject. I can hear you speaking the words in a self-speak monologue. Quite effective.

Just a few small comments:

"lets be honest" - let's

"just gives you the excuse you" - I think this line should begin with 'it' otherwise there is no association with teh previous line.

"won't say a word" - add 'I' at the beginning of this line to form a complete statement.

"going to leave you" - start this line with 'I'm'

Well done and write on!
177
177
Review of My Morning Battle  
Review by Puditat
Rated: E | (4.5)
LOL - for anyone who has ever had a weight issue, this is just a delight. Great laughs. Thanks Harry. *Laugh*

I particularly like this line - "I scowl, now get rid of the towel, yet still I howl." the internal rhyme is neat; and the visual picture *Wink* just does wonders for my laughmeter today. *Smile*
178
178
Review of Waiting for Dad  
Review by Puditat
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very much a reality and unfortunately too common an occurrence.

"The tears fall down like rain" The 'down' is not needed, (where else are they going to go *Smile*) and oit flows better without it.

This poem has a stirring effect on the heartstrings. Poetry is largely about conveying emotion so on this ground you have done very well. *Heart*
179
179
Review by Puditat
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Beautiful, touching story. It's quite a challenge to write a story with such a message in such a way that speaks to the heart and creates sympathy for, or even empathy with, the cause. Good job. It certainly deserved that pretty pink ribbon.

"And for a while I though that" - thought
"Most people are fine, but everyone so often someone" this is a little muddled, I think it just needs to lose the 'one' off of "everyone"
180
180
Review of Anna  
Review by Puditat
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Sad and sweet. This could almost find a home in your folder of 'darker' pieces. This story builds very nicely.

"Maybe the path was slippier than usual" - slippier? Maybe rewording would get around the difficulty of this word. Something like, 'Maybe the path was unusually slippery that day'

"By the time we managed to radio the main land and get a helicopter to take her to hospital, the fever had settled in and although she hung tenaciously to life within a week my Anna, my love was dead." - I believe this sentence is too long and needs some commas in the last section to make it flow smoother. I would try breaking it after 'settled in'; start the next sentence at 'although' and then add some commas where appropriate.

"ageing man all on his own on an island" this wording could be simplified a little e.g. aging man alone on an island

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