*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/knight_scribe
Review Requests: ON
36 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I focus on plot and characters. Stories I really get into I break down looking at grammar and spelling. I am honest to the core of my reviews and I like to extend as much grace as I can to new writers (cause we've all been there). As far as star ratings go:*Five stars means I think you can publish it.*Four and a half stars means I think just a few changes need to be made (mostly spelling and grammar).*Four stars mean there is something either in the plot, or characters, that aren't working.*Three and a half stars means it's above average for a WDC item, which means revise it once and then call me.*Three stars mean it's an average WDC item, which means revise it once, or twice, and then call me.*Two and a half stars means it's below average for a WDC item, which means something major to the story isn't working.*Two stars means most everything has gone wrong.*One and a half stars means that the only redeeming factor is the premise.*One star means WTF!
I'm good at...
plots I think are my best point of review because I believe that, out of all the elements that exist in a story, the plot is the part of the story hardest to change so it is important to have one that is solid in its position as it will make or brake a story a lot easier than the setting or the characters. Also, because I cannot reduce the amount lower than the minimum here anyone that wants to pay me for a review will get half of there gift points back.
Favorite Genres
fantasy, sci-fi, action/adventure
Least Favorite Genres
horror
Favorite Item Types
books, short stories, chapters, but I'll still review any item
I will not review...
Fan-fiction, because it is the worst thing ever 99% of the time. If you think yours is the 1% submit it with a note detailing why. Erotic, because apparently, only accepting a max rating of 13+ doesn't prevent that from ending up in my requests.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Myles,

I like what I've read so far but I think chapter one should cover more of the evening. I'm just starting to get into the characters and then it ends. It would also help establish the setting more completely. If there was more to read I think I would keep reading.

I really like how you've used the prologue. These days people seem to have them while missing the point of having a prologue.

Until next time,
KS
2
2
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jon,

I wasn't sure if I would get to this story, but I made the time and I got to it. And I'm glad I did.

It's an excellent look at the near future. With a plan to save civilisation that I am a fan of. Seriously, if I was supposed to come up with a plan to save humanity, this would be how I would do it.

Nathan is quite believable and a good anchor to reality since the other character that features prominently, Albert, is just not believable. He is the stereotypical version of "The Man" that I just don't find appealing.

The part I love the most about this story is that it has the two elements I want to see in sci-fi stories: good science and the hope that comes with the future.

I should briefly mention here that I was concerned that it would get too preachy about social and political issues and at times it seemed a little thick. But just because I disagree with some of the more political parts does not make this any less good in my mind.

Till next time,
KS
3
3
Review of The Light  
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Blake,

         Well, by all objective standards I have this should be a five star, but I simply can't bring myself to do that. I haven't found any spelling, or grammar, errors (take that with a grain of salt). The nondescript character works very well at drawing out an emotional connection that I don't often get from more described, named characters. The story is compelling and broad, yet very personal and easy to relate to. It is very open to individual interpretation with: the main character being easy to replace with the reader's self, and the light able to stand in for anything and everything.

         But, in my opinion, the vague, general nature of this as a whole works against it. It's not memorable. Because the character is just a place holder for the reader to insert themselves into, nothing truly sticks once the story is over. The light is only effective for those introspective enough to have already realize this, and those who are not are going to project whatever they think is wrong with someone else into the position of the light. Failing to truly stick with the reader after the story is over.

         I hope I have made some sense in explaining my position. It is definitely a good read, but lacks that something to impact the reader after it's over.

Sincerely,          
KnightScribe
4
4
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is one of those less-than-a-hundred-word contests isn't it. Well, I'll bite.

I think what is most interesting about this are the implications behind what is actually presented, and I think that is what really sells me on this piece. For something this short I think that the implications really help make this standout from other flash fictions that I've read in the past; most flash fiction I've read is very straight forward (what you read is what you get), but this feels like there are layers to this story with the implications of murder, kidnapping, a possibly obsessive relationship with the possibility for abuse, and a likely horrific ending for one of the newly weds with a slight chance at a bitter-sweet resolution. But I could also be reading more between the lines than anything else.

Till we meet again,
KnightScribe
P.S.
These things are almost always too short for me.
5
5
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Covenant,

So, this will be my third time writing this review. (First time I scraped it, second time my browser crashed. Third time's the charm, right?) Things have been busy, which is why I just couldn't get to this done when requested. Enough excuses on with the review.

First thing on the hit list is that, at the time of writing this, chapters 11, 12, and 13 are missing. They are "under construction and are not relevant to the plot at this point." However, having read the story I was straight up confused about what was happening after that skip. It would have been better to have left them in than to have closed them off.

Another thing that confused me was what I started with in this story. Since this is the second book in a series, I can safely say at this point that this isn't going to be a story that holds up to well on its own. I went through eight chapters before I gave up and bought the first book on kindle. (I wrote a review for that; link at the bottom of this review.) Once, I had read the first story things made a lot more sense in this story, but I had already determined that this simply wasn't a story for me.

A lot of problems that I have with the first book are the same problems I have with this draft:

Most of the scenes are not connected very well. There are breaks that happen often and frequently, and a lot of these breaks could simply be replaced with a paragraph, or two, to better tie things together. Instead, I was constantly trying to get my bearings on where the scene was taking place. Instead of flowing with the story, I felt like it was tripping me along the way. Words repeat repeat even though they don't have to, and some words are were different words should be.

The main characters are not particularly likeable, and every character that has more attention put on them by the story becomes more unlikeable. Characters for the most part are either static, or regressing from the way you find them. With the exception of Thad. But he's a side character and most side characters tend to also come off better than the main characters.

The antagonistic characters are all stereotypical with no personality given to them to make them actually feel important to the story. They come off more as straw-men for the main characters to metaphorically set on fire.

The setting feels neglected, making it hard to sometimes figure out what the scene is suppose to look like, or even where we are.

The Plot is an interesting concept, but it is very much a character driven story. And it suffers for it because the main characters simply are not appealing. There's also no sense of resolution at the end. I'm not saying that the plot needed to end, but what I am saying is that there are no subplots that were resolved. It feels hollow finishing this draft. Even the first book ended in a way that felt like something had been resolved.

I could go on, but it would be mostly just breaking down ever single part of the story. And no one has time for that.

Review of the First Book of the Series:
https://knightscribe.online/review-of-a-good-boy-b...

Till we meet again,
KnightScribe
P.S.
My rating system is different for already published books. If I was to translate it into my WDC rating system, it would be three stars.
6
6
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Cast2wind,

I really like this. There's something so simple about how it's written I'm not sure what type of poetry it is, but it feels raw which I think works very well for the topic.

I'm going to be honest I clicked on this for simple reason that from the plug page it looks like you don't know how to advertise your stuff. Let's start with the item type: You put the item type as "Review" when this isn't a review; it's poetry. The "Review" category of items is for reviewing things like books, movies, stores, theme parks, restaurants, etc. Poetry has much more to do with the rhythm of the lines as they are read with the different types of poetry being defined by additional rules like rhymes and number of syllables. Then we come genre. With the massive list to chose from, I find it hard to think that you couldn't find one to match your poem. Picking a genre, or three, for your item makes it more likely to be found, and gives potential readers a broad idea of what to expect. For example: I would use the genres Emotional, Military, and War to target those people most like like to read something with the title "A Soldiers Letters" (Side note: It should be "A Soldier's Letters"). Finally, we come to the description. Think of what would grab your attention in a short sentence about your item. And saying you wrote it in a British accent only grabbed my attention because of how little (and by that I mean nothing) it told me about the item.

Till we cross pens again,
KnightScribe
7
7
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello michaelk2,

I'll go one step beyond voting and give you a brief break down of how I rate the movies.
Episode 2: It is the worst because it didn't learn from the mistakes of The Phantom Menace (say for less Jar Jar), and had far worse mistakes that it added to as well.
Episode 1: While certainly boring for long stretches of time, and with more Jar Jar than needed, it has a more entertaining lightsaber fight, better space combat, more engaging blaster shootouts, just better action overall.
Episode 3: It is the best out of the prequels, but it still falls into a lot of the same traps as the first two.
Episode 7: It is a great blend of practical and CG, with great action and emotion throughout, but it simply doesn't pause to let characters, or the audience, process what has happen and what was said. And it relies too heavily on what worked in past movies that it at times doesn't feel like its own movie.
Episode 4: Everything positive I wrote about The Force Awakens can be applied here, though admittedly some of the effects are dated. The biggest difference is that it has those breathing moments, and it blew up planets and Death Stars first.
Episode 6: It's A New Hope done better. Better effects, more intense action, more emotion, and still making it its own.
Episode 5: Here you know the bad guys mean business, and you understand the plight of our heroes. The Force takes up new meaning, and the best lightsaber fight in the whole franchise is put on display. The emotion of the characters and scenes are at their peek in terms of how we feel about them. And unlike Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens, The Empire Strikes Back does it without blowing up a planet or giant space station.

Till we cross pens again,
KnightScribe
P.S.
Since I being forced to give a rating with this review, I will give it three stars since it is an average poll.
8
8
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello L.U,
Since you can't think of a better title for this here's my suggestion: "Just Live."

I'm only going to be dealing with your last paragraph since you do spend an awfully long time rambling and the whole point of the item is summed up in it. "So stop searching for an answer." Why? It's human nature to search for answers, that's a big part of why we are where we are. We only ever stop searching when we have an answer, and the meaning of life is the ultimate question because there's no way to test for the right answer. "Stop searching for a mission." Again, why? Having a sense of mission is what provides the drive of a lot of accomplishments. A lot of the time one can complete one mission and get another one. Writing a book can be someone's mission, and after completing it they may very well look for another mission in life whether it is a mission they feel is divinely inspired, or not. "Do whatever you feel like." You do know that people want to search for an answer and mission, right? Previously you've been tell people to stop and now you're saying do whatever, which includes searching for these things. I mean, just because we're searching for missions and an answer, that doesn't mean we aren't enjoying life.

Till we cross pens again,
KnightScribe
9
9
Review of I Was Falling  
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Nicole,
This is really well written. I love the message at the end. I found very little wrong with anything in the story. I did think that Death's design was a bit unoriginal (probably too slendermanish for my taste), but it doesn't really affect the story at all.
When Death speaks for the first time he calls the main character "newbie" this is really pointless (since most people are newbies to dying) and kind of silly cause a few paragraphs down he just finds out that humans call being dead dead (Death is clearly not in a position to be using modern lingo).
Till we cross pens again,
KnightScribe
10
10
Review of Jayded: Chapter1  
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Slicy and people of WDC,
This chapter starts the story off really well. And, while it is relatively short in comparison to other chapters I've read, it does what a first chapter is meant to do; make you want to read more. Giving you bits of incite into the main character, Jayde, and hinting at something underneath her tough exterior.
This is rather refreshing to read; action, mystery, and it's all executed reasonably well. The dialogue was easy to follow, and the descriptions were well placed (both of which are greatly desired by the majority of writers I've read).
I can't say to much about the plot at this point since their is only a slight hint as to what it might be, but there is enough to here to keep reading.
Till we cross pens again,
KnightScribe
11
11
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello Harry Lyons, and those that read public reviews,
The grace of a new writer is with today Harry Lyons. Otherwise, I would have mutilated this with no regard for that three and a half star rating you've got.
The idea of the story is good. The problem is, however, the execution of this idea. This has so much exposition that it is clear that this story has M.E.L.E. (Middle-Earth Lore Envy). Half of the story ignores the main character except for a few little mentions here and there. Half the story is setting up back-story to the back-story of the actual story that starts when your half way through. Give me some dialogue, maybe even character development.
And then there's the bait and switch of villains. For most of the first third of the story it's setting up this mutual called the Piraclops. (And just to go off on a tangent: why are they called that? They are Cyclopes giant one-eyed monsters! Just because they're pirates does not make them a new a thing.) These Piraclops are set up as a destructive force and then they are cast aside so that the villain can be a mining dragon. With the Piraclops as the mutual enemy there could have been a good story about overcoming past rivalries to better society, but instead we got the story we got that is an enjoyable cliche at best.
All that said it is Lyons first story and, with that consideration made, I surprisingly didn't regret the time that I put into reading and re-reading and re-re-reading this story for this review. (I had to read it that many times so that I could figure out what all the exposition was for.)
Till we cross pens again,
KnightScribe
12
12
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: E | (1.5)
Hello Brigitte and readers,
Why should I care? That's the question I ask at the beginning of every story, and I expect it to be answered before I'm done reading. Currently, I still don't know the answer in regards to this story. It's kind of disappointing seeing the high rating. It seems like a world-ending event is coming and our main characters need to prevent it. Brigitte, when nothing interesting is happening the characters need to be able to interesting. Right now, all you've done is make me hate the bully, Anita, for no other reason than I already get infuriated with bullying.
Damenco is in a large part of this and... he is boring! With him it's like reading about someone in a dead-end job who hates every moment of it. He get's himself drunk thus impairing whatever mystic job he's been given, which seems very important since he won't leave it. Brigette, this guy has no redeeming quality to him, and giving him magic powers and a dragon does not change this. There needs to be something that makes me want him to succeed at whatever task he's been giving.
And if Seth is suppose to be such an cliche villain just name him Evil. What's his angle? What does he want? What's his motive? Why should I care if he wins, or not? With villains the motive needs to be know clear for them to be clearly evil. When the motive is not clear instantly the villain needs to become more evil as the motive becomes more clear. Right now it's like I'm getting hit by a two-by-four of how evil Seth is.
Tierra, I'm assuming, is the main centrally focus of the story. Why should I care about her? Because she's different? Brigette, being bullied does not equal investment in the character. You could have put any girl, or boy, in that same situation and it would not have changed my response to this conflict. If the first two, or three, chapters were about Tierra (starting with her normal day, going to game where she fell, and then bring us into this situation) there would be time to get interested in the character, get to know her, and Care about her.
KS
13
13
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: ASR | (1.0)
Hello 2014, readers, and anujmathur,
First, before I tear this to pieces, I would just like to say I sorry to have to start your year off like this, but, if its any consolation, it really did start like a good work in progress. That said let's look at what you did right and then lose our minds as we look at the other three-fourths of this unnatural disaster.
The story starts and we meet our main character, Vikram. He's a writer with a couple odd ideas, but will address those in a minute. He decides to apply for a job to get into the head of a chef for inspiration for his main character. As the description on the story suggests something more exciting than that is going to happen so I'm expecting a writer-gets-taken-on-an-adventure story. As this is chapter one I'm not expecting the full thing right now, but I'm expecting a something that will get me wanting the next chapter. What did I get? The most boring, worst written, choppiest story I've ever had the misfortune of reading.
I love stories where a writer gets pushed, pulled, or unwittingly get involved in a story. This story has that potential at the start, but it is completely misused.
The problems are there from the start and they are painfully obvious. Vikram thinks a story can make him billions (I'm not going to list everything wrong with that), instead of going for the job in the kitchen he whats to hire a chef instead, and he faints really for no reason. The restaurant that he gets to work for has no customers, an insane chef, and a manager with no staff (I'm really trying not to list everything wrong with that alone). Just when you think this can't get worse it does.
An alien shows up and does nothing, but this alien does make Jar-jar Binks a much more enjoyable, and believable, character. I going to spend a little time on this thing just to help justify my statement. First off I have no problem with the odd colour scheme, or shape, that the author is going with. One big problem I have is the fact that the main character thinks the alien could pass for a human. Because lots of humans have just one eye, are pink and yellow spotted, and float in the air. The alien also speaks every language on earth because his native language has 1,528,328 letters...letters, and the alien then says and I quote, "...I'm sure a few hundred thousand must have been added since I've lost contact." Last time I said that I was talking about a video on youtube. Oh and get this the alien is also suffering from short turn memory lose... while still knowing every language on the planet that he learned after he learned the thing that he has now forgotten.
And then there's a time machine... it's just there... doesn't do anything... just makes the chef look dumb... and make the alien that much more unbelievable. The worse part about the time machine is that it was going to be used to further the story in a cool way, but no, the author thought that it would be better to have awkward dialogue to further ruin the story. The terrible part about that is that it was suppose to be fun, the category that this item is listed under is comedy.
And that is my review of The Writer Muse.
KnightScribe
14
14
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello EV,
I just really have one thing to say about this; Oh my gosh, this the best thing I've read on WDC in a month. I don't say this lightly either. The level of detail was striking. I felt like I was right there at the scene to the point my mouth opened and I almost called for help. Well Done! It is deserving the full five stars plus five more. Honestly, I think this is ready for publishing. And when it is published let me know. (I would love a signed copy, please.) If there is anything wrong with this, I am not capable of finding it. And I read it three times again just to make sure. This is just so good...great...no, wait it is perfect! I could easily go on like this for another thousand characters, but unfortunately my time is need elsewhere today so I'm going to have read the other chapters later.
God Bless,
KnightScribe
15
15
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hey Amber,
This is interesting I can defiantly see this turning into an interesting read, but as it stands right now it feels like you're starting a chapter, or two, ahead of yourself. I had to read this three times to piece things together and the characters seem to be in motion without any feature that makes me care for them. That's really all I have on the matter.
God Bless,
James
16
16
Review by KnightScribe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Prier,
This is an interesting little item you have here. You do a good job bringing me into this experiance along with you. It's funny, but this piece just kindles a memory inside of me that I havn't thought of in a long time.
God Bless,
James
P.S.
Normally I don't read items like this due to people over doing it with detail. So thank you for keeping it short and beautiful.
16 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/knight_scribe