\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/koolbrzz67
Review Requests: ON
35 Public Reviews Given
35 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of Van Gogh's Shoes  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Bravo! My favorite passage: This muted tone throne I own
A tapestry of pain brutal be sewn
2
2
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I must say that your word wizardry is quite refreshing!

One suggestion:

a soul that grieves(to grieve?),
For a love that fate could not retrieve.
3
3
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Girls do tend to notice the small stuff.

Write On!
The girl in the back.
A few nits:


She has nothing special, she’s aan average person . That girl is never late, but she never arrives early.
She’s good in some subject I think although she never shows any arrogance about it.


Every time I see her, I just said hi and I walk away. We have nothing to saytothe each other anyway.
In class, she’s always sitting in the back with her best friend, what’s her name again?


She havehas simple brown hair, every time the sun shines through, her color turn like gold. It’s pretty but not extraordinary.

When reading your work out loud, it's easier to find the optimal flow.

*Smile*
4
4
Review of the perfect me  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sometimes I write down words that rhyme. Even just syllables.
Take the word be

Be,Free,See,Three,Me,Tree,Thee,Spree,FleeGee,He,Bounty,Lovey,Dicey,Pricey,Nicely
the perfect me
Syllables can be stretched and emphasized—bent to your will.

Keep writing!

5
5
Review of the best topping  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
As a chef, I agree that hands down, cheese is the one topping where you can never go wrong.

No nits here. Great job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
6
6
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
What would we do without true friends and family?

Some nits:


I lost someone very dear to me three years ago.[space]It took me alonga long time to get back to my old self after losing my boyfriend of fifteen years.[space]I dealt with it in my own way .[spaceThen i started to go to counseling to help me deal with my grief.[space]With the help of family and friends i came through it just fine and now i am back to my old self again.

Avoid too many ands. A sentence is a complete thought. Use a period in instead.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of Global Warming  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I tend to agree, but warming and cooling eras come and go. It's cyclical. Millions of years ago, there was so much CO2, everything was bigger. At least the plants and animals were.

Renewables come with their own unintended consequences. HUGE tracts of land, and how to properly dispose of their toxic components like lithium and cadmium.

Yes, they are great alternatives, and we're getting there, but we're not ready. Yet. Nor is the American electric grid.

China and India are not even close to doing their share. As usual, it's us carrying the load. Biden is not helping. Has he ever?

The Earth has been through ice ages, tectonic shifts and changing sea levels from the beginning.

The biggest danger is ourselves. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
8
8
Review of Escape Route  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Funny, ironic story. Poor guy. Well, lesson learned.

Nits

Chevy Corrola Corolla

shot outta outta' here.

gonna gonna'

Whenever you use a contraction, it's proper to denote it with a (') at the end of the word.

Sometimes, like when using the word til, it comes before the word, 'til, as in until.

And beware of excessive or unneeded commas. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
9
9
Review of five years later  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

 Welcome to my review!


  I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

(Poor spelling is one thing, bad/confusing grammar is worse.)

What I liked/Favorite passage: Our faces were soo close to each other's I could feel his breath on my skin.

Spelling/Grammar: 

Summary: 




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
10
10
Review of The music dream  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Feb 22, 2023

 Welcome to my review!


  I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

(Poor spelling is one thing, bad/confusing grammar is worse.)

What I liked/Favorite passage: Maybe I was hasty,” Dad said. “Why don’t you tell me more about your dreams.”

Spelling/Grammar: It's so nice to see one who knows no compromise on grammatical prowess or spelling perfection. BRAVO!

Summary: It's almost a sin that I haven't skimmed through your portfolio yet. I will.

This one's not too short: "ApologyOpen in new Window.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
11
11
Review of Change  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

Feb 22, 2023

 Welcome to my review!


  I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

What I liked/Favorite passage: I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece but it's this place, I don't feel at peace.

Spelling/Grammar: Your spelling is impeccable, just a couple nits on grammar. You don't care, do you?
You say that you're there, but you really aren't[period]
I try to tell you about my life, how it's busy falling apart.
You change the subject back to you, telling me all about what you're going through.
It's like i[capital I]'m just there, someone you can always run to.{/color}

Summary: Good job. Just try to avoid run-on sentences and alwayscapitalize a stand alone letter I.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
12
12
Review of Carved in Stone  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

 My review!


A
Feb 22, 2023

 My review!


  I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

What I liked/Favorite passage: 

Spelling/Grammar: 

Summary: 

  I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

What I liked/Favorite passage: 

Feb 22, 2023

 My review!


  I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

What I liked/Favorite passage: This is a well told tale with a sobering ending. Or was it?
"I ran forward to grab some of the treasure, but my hand grasped nothing but thin air."

Spelling/Grammar: One nit: discovered artefact, (artifact)

Summary:Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of Spilled Milk  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)


Feb 22, 2023

 My review!


  I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

What I liked/Favorite passage: 
Feb 22, 2023

 My review!


  I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

What I liked/Favorite passage: She handed him a cup of milky green liquid. "Drink," she commanded. He did, then vomited on the floor.

Her face went white.

“You have Swine Blisters in your brain.”

Spelling/Grammar No literary miscues here. Great job!

Summary:Something tells me Oan was going regardless.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
14
14
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

2
Feb 22, 2023

 My review!


  I look for stories that get me mad, turn me sad, glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

{What I liked/Favorite passage:
"now get back to eating, we have a photo shoot tomorrow and I can't have my piggy looking starved."
Spelling/Grammar:
Your spelling acumen passes muster. It's your seeming refusal to punctuate where needed. An example:it was a bright and sunny day for our pink haired protagonist[,](period) the sun was shining, Akumu was in Betty's hair relaxing, and Betty was in need of something to do[,](period) slowly she walked over to a pink and purple bakery with a piece of paper plastered on the window reading "taste tester wanted!" and subtext saying "volunteers optional"


Summary:
I suggest reading what you've written aloud. Good luck!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
15
15
Review of Betty's sleepover  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
2
Feb 22, 2023

 My review!


         I look for stories that get me mad, turn me sad, glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?

{What I liked/Favorite passage:"It's one of mom's most unhealthy snacks, last time Asriel ate it, it took him a year to work down to a movable weight," Frisk anxiously said.

Spelling/Grammar:Though your spelling is excellent, I find your grammar needs work. Too many run-on sentences using commas where a period should be. Example:[Betty was walking with Frisk(,) standing behind him as they walked to his place, Betty was

Summary:Unfortunately, this cute story is riddled with easily amended miscues. Otherwise, nice job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
16
16
Review of My Grandparents  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

 Welcome to my review!


         I look for stories that make me either mad, sad, glad, enlightened,
informed or intrigued. Who doesn't love a good page-turner


What I liked/Favorite passage:
"Gone were the voices that told stories at night before a campfire instead of sitting glued to a television. Gone were the aged hands that would draw me onto their laps."
Love the stories filled with memories of old.


Spelling/Grammar:
I'm a bit but nit-picky when it comes to proper grammar and correct spelling, but now I know better. BRAVO!


Summary:
FLAWLESS!





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
17
17
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

 Welcome to my review!

 If you can make me either mad, sad, glad, enlightened or informed, then you've done your job as a writer. Just try not to confuse me with incorrect spelling, poor grammar or run-on sentences. (If you've written an amazing story with compelling, life-like characters, it's worth the time of a meticulous final edit. *Smile*

What I liked/Favorite passage:"Let us begin.” Fluorine said, as she looked everywhere, yet nowhere. Her boundless features were both visible and invisible, if such a form were possible."

Spelling/Grammar:fortunately, this piece didn't use any Olympic level words or black belt grammar. Excellent!

Summary:The last scene seemed a bit anti-climactic.

I guess it's mutually assured total annihilation.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
18
18
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Feedback that matters.

"TOMORROW'S NEWSOpen in new Window.



19
19
Review of The Abuser  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Welcome to my review!

If you can make me either mad, sad, glad, enlightened or informed, then you've done your job as a writer. Just don't confuse the reader, (me,) with incorrect spelling or poor grammar.

What I liked/Favorite passage:
'
Until you were like the remnants of an oil spill
Poisoning the life beneath
Until everything is dead'

Spelling/Grammar:
Bravo! Nicely done!


Summary:
You certainly hit all the emotions, making me think.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
20
20
Review of Ella's Story  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Button*What I liked/Favorite passage: Ella sits there wanting nothing more but to be completely invisible.
She thinks back to that day frequently. She was only seventeen then but nothing had really improved. She was still nobody’s friend.

*Button*Spelling/Grammar: Separate paragraphs of dialogue.

My only other nit is, (girls, Katie[,] in the hall.

*Button*Summary:A charming story that reminds us that we're never all alone.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
21
21
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
What I liked/Favorite passage:i
no longer live with my parents, there is no punishment for my lack of rest.
Spelling/Grammar: it(')s scared

Summary: Teen angst?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
22
22
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

The steadily progressing sequence of aligning events reveal the ideal setting for an introduction that draws the reader in. Kudos!

Given there wasn't a lot of in-depth, complex dialogue, acing the easy spelling and grammar like this should be expected.

You've already hinted a bit about where this story is headed, but it could use a clever hook, perhaps a foil or an unexpected tragedy.

WRITE ON!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
23
23
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
A well told tale with an even better message. One might say it's ultimately one of faith, the bliss of ignorance and heeding sage advice.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
24
24
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
My favorite passage: We, on earth, in our state of vulnerability, shocked to our core from numerous natural disasters coming one right after another, were about to be shocked once again."

So true. To us,the sun is the birth of everything.

I love seeing such acumen in spelling and grammar!







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
25
25
Review of Feelings  Open in new Window.
Review by Pensive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

Sounds like someone likes to dwell in the realm of all things possible.

My favorite passage:

"It is not who you arrive with, that matters. But who takes you home.”

No critical nits here.

28 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/koolbrzz67