|Hi 💎GeminiGem💎 ,
This a Games of Thrones review for your story. I am hereby going to discuss my honest opinion with you. You may feel to disregard it, if any.
It instantly hooked me into the story.
The plot was not at all well-executed. It did not have a beginning, a middle and an end. In order to write fiction proper characterization is need with the protagonist, antagonist and the side-line characters, a conflict and a resolution at the end. None was found here.
The story moved a bit too abruptly without making any effect on me The pace of short stories should be medium, neither too fast nor too slow. The story should capture the readers' attention throughout and he characters should be chosen in such a manner that the readers can empathize with themselves very well. The story should also leave the reader with an emotion even after finishing it. These are the principles for creating a good story.
You forgot to put the ellipses mark after 'in her chair'.
MY PERSONAL OPINION
Overall,a nice need. With a little more polish and editing you can bring it in good shape.
Hope you find my review useful. Write on!