| ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.
Alright, I'm giving your third chapter a shot here. I'm writing as I read so try and make sense of what I write; it's gonna sound a bit like a fragmented train of thought.
Remember to edit your story, at least read it from beginning to end or have someone else do it for you. And also don't be afraid of deleting whole sections if they don't sound right. That way you can get rid of several redundancies which you would say when speaking out loud but read badly in print. So, for example, 'wing flapping sounds' gets cut down to simply 'flapping of wings'. In itself, it's a sound, so you don't need to say it.
'Aroma' of burnt diesel. I don't know, but aroma has too nice a connotation to be used to characterize the smell of diesel. Also, use more imagery. It'd be better if you said something like 'The acrid smell of burnt diesel permeated the windy cabin'. Show don't tell.
Be consistent with capitalization. If it's Sir, it should be Sir throughout. 'Deap'--should be 'deep'. 'Pipe's' should be 'pipes'. Personally I'd rather if you eliminated that sentence completely. It sounds superfluous. Commas--be careful where you put the commas. 'but I did, sort of have my way' should have no comma there. 'cool-dudes' without the dash. '4 by 4'. Usually, numbers less than ten are written in letters except in some specific cases.
Run-on sentences/comma splices--'Within several minutes the truck started to shake, he down shifted ...' You can use a semicolon or a period there, or connect the two clauses with 'and'. Well, unless you're going for a Kafkaesque kind of style. 'tires chirped'--I'm not sure 'chirped' is the correct word here. Screeched, perhaps?
Be careful of repetition; the repeated mentioning of burnt fuel aroma, for example. I repeat the need for good imagery. 'Their bird droppings landed like B-52 blanket bombing'--well, that sounds comical, but I hardly think that is your intention there. Be careful of moments like these--you'll spot them immediately after a reread.
Usage of inverted commas. I noticed sections that needed work with respect to this. "Oh good heavens it's you, he tucked in his shirt ..." I think you forgot a pair of quotation marks there. The rest of the paragraph also needs quotation marks, especially at the end.
I haven't read it throughout; maybe I'll try doing so later. I'll repeat this because it is probably the most helpful advice that I can give: read it again. Read it once, marking sections/words that need rewriting as you go along. Then start over and rewrite the marked bits. Then reread it again and repeat the whole process until you've got something you're more or less happy about. Don't be too happy. When you upload it people will spot new mistakes and you're gonna have to repeat the whole thing over again. It's just something you have to grow accustomed to.
Anyway, happy writing and keep at it!
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .