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143 Public Reviews Given
148 Total Reviews Given
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Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I like it! It's got this ... E. A. Poe gothic feel along with a little (or arguably not so little) bit of comicality thrown in. The final line is revealing. I hope that's not your real bride! Haha! Liked the overall form and rhythm--not too much to point at.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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2
Review of Final moments  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

This might deserve a 4 or more for its imagery, but I found myself being drawn to the uneven meter; I think that might need to be looked at--though the first four stanzas had good rhythm. For example "Occupy the box" sounds too short--it kind of jars with the rest. I also noticed that the rhyming scheme is not consistent throughout. Aside from the technical issues I think it's a thought provoking poem.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
3
3
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I like it. I'm not usually that much of a fan of free verse. I believe it's very difficult to come up with something great when there are next to no limitations on what you can produce, and some people use it as an excuse to write just about anything under the guide of art--but this was good. Well done.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Graham  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I like it. The only reason I gave it a 3.5 and not 4 or 4.5 is that there are quite a few errors and one big ambiguity in one of the sentences: "The words of a child looking like old men sinking..."--at first I thought you were referring to the boy; only when I reached the end did I realize you were talking about the words. I suggest putting a comma after "child" or rewriting it. Other errors, like "mothers"--"mother's", capitalization, etc. need to be fixed, since this is quite a short piece and they stand out.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
5
5
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Lovely take on Cinderella. Generally good rhymes and decent rhythm, as well as a great fairytale feel to it. The only gripe I have is that the rhymes didn't always fit perfectly, and the rhythm was also very choppy, especially towards the end. I guess a folk story/poem like that needs to be told with a singsong voice and a good rhythm would therefore help very much.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of True Nature  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I like this. I saw a couple of reviews of this piece before I read it--they seem to think that it was a poem, even though you explicitly classified it as a monologue. Anyway, I like the message, even though it's too short to say I was amazed. It's very true, but I think an even more pertinent truth is that we try to be better than our contemporaries.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of "Prologue"  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (2.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I don't want this to sound too harsh; we're all learning here after all. First thing that went through my mind was: is this philosophical argument, creative fiction, or a bit of both? By the end I was convinced that it was the last option. There's nothing wrong with that, but it felt a bit ambiguous at first. Since I love philosophy, I'm going to pass a few remarks on the ideas besides the writing. I'm guessing you were speaking of creation and the metaphysics of being; if so, it's very difficult to speak of a "pre-space" and a "pre-time" without shooting yourself with contradictions. As an example, you write "It was not a hasty decision on Its part..." If time does not exist and there's simply this notion of a Higher Being (like Parmenides' One) in sole existence, there is no notion of a hasty or slow decision. That would imply the existence of time. Anyway, I won't go into more philosophy since it's beyond this review. As far as the writing goes, there are many many comma splices. Please avoid them, because they make the piece almost undecipherable, especially towards the end. Some wording is also ambiguous. I think a rewrite is in order here. I'd love to read more about your theory; if you put up any more articles, please point me towards them.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Strength Within  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (2.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Unfortunately, as I read this, I found myself being drawn to the technical side, especially the rhyme, rather than the message. I'm sorry if you went through that sort of emotional trouble, but for a poem to be really inspirational I think it needs to be concise and forceful. In my opinion this poem was not like that. The rhyme is also very ambiguous; sometimes it rhymes, other times it doesn't. I would stick to one form.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Homeless  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (2.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I'm not sure whether to look at this as prose or a catharsis of feeling. Of course, you are not homeless since you have the means to write, so I'll assume this is more of a metaphor. The metaphor is good as far as the feelings of depression and "lack of a home" for your heart are concerned. The writing of this piece, however, is a bit strange and there are a few technical issues as well. Why the use of the mnemonic? (I don't know whether it's called by any other name) I can't imagine why you need to have each paragraph starting with a letter from the word homeless. It seems to me more of a learning/remembering tool. The thing that bothered me most with the writing is the frequency of fragmented sentences. And that comes from a guy who just loves fragmented sentences. Sometimes I think you need to go back on what you've written and tone back on such overuse. A few other problems: "its'" rather than "its", "have no voice" instead of "having no voice", "ok" (I would use another word entirely), "lonely" instead of "loneliness".

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
10
10
Review of Through the Storm  
Review by Kris D'Amato
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

As far as the tale goes, that was quite imaginative in terms of overall feel and use of imagery. What's up with the format though? My major issue with the writing is the repeated comma splices--were they somehow intended? I don't feel they worked, at least with me, and they're everywhere. I also noticed "that, he" twice. The comma is extra. There might have been some typos, though one that I remember is "an red rusty ..."

Take care,

Kris

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
11
11
Review of Decaying Beauty  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I like it--the second stanza sounds to me a little forced, and I was going to give it a 3.5 on account of that, but the rest is very good. I like the imagery and the form is interesting as well. That second stanza somehow seems to lack some of the flow in the rest of the poem. Good use of vocabulary--I had to look up legerdemain. Lovely word.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
12
12
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Alright, I think that was an interesting interview with some nice insight into this Anthony's character. The gist of it is good; I'd like to point out some problems. The first that really got to me was the clause "who he lost 14 years ago to cancer". That clause is actually referring to the car, not the wife. If you want it to refer to the wife you have to remove the comma and reword it as necessary. I also found a few places where punctuation and/or sentence structure was a bit lacking. An example is this: "passers-by, commented on his position, such a long distance from the others". The first comma is extra, and I would also reword the last part. "And as I'd noticed when I'd arrived. He wasn't." The thought is split into two phrases which make no sense separately. The period is not needed there. Be careful when writing dialogue; "I'm a non-conformist" needs a comma after the 't'. This problem appears in the rest of the text as well. Finally, I think that when the dialogue is edited square brackets are used--confirm this, I'm not totally sure--so that it's "[her death]" and not "(her death)".

Take care,

Kris

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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13
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I like it. My major complaint is the color--why? Does it signify envy? My other complaint is that the first four lines don't seem to add much to the poem. If you eliminate them and perhaps remove the "Even" from the resulting first line the result would be much more coherent and effective. Take care!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Love  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (2.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Usually I like short, succinct poems, but unfortunately I found that this one made too much use of old cliches like "I can't stop thinking about you" to strike me emotionally as it should have. You have a minor spelling mistake - "freind". I would also drop the rhyme; I don't feel it adds much in this case.

Just my opinion--take care!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I like the loving tribute to your good sons. It's something that I don't come across so very often, to be quite honest (usually it's the other way round). As far as the poem goes, it does sound a bit simplistic, which may not necessarily be a bad thing, mind you. But there's also an issue with the rhythm, which I think may be a bit lacking. On the other hand, good job on the rhyme.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of I Miss Buttons  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Overall, I quite liked it. I especially think that with a reread and a rewrite this would make good reading for a child. The issue is important and children do think of these questions. It is written in a light, simple style that is appropriate for the subject matter. There were, however, a few errors that I noticed here and there. I'm sure a rewrite would fix those.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Disease Spreads.  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: ASR | (3.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Well done as far as the implied imagery goes. There is an interesting take on disease in your poem which bears a very evil yet personal feel. What I disliked was the choice of words. Like I said the implied imagery is good, but the words hardly sound poetic most times. It is almost written like prose. There were also a few errors that I spotted: a missed comma in the last line of the first stanza, "convert" instead of "covert", an extra comma in the first line of the fourth stanza as well as the fifth of the same stanza, "your" which should be "you're".

Hope that helps somewhat.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Today  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Hmmm... I tend to like it overall. There are some good words and some great thoughts here. I find the rhythm a bit choppy personally, and the rhyme is erratic at several points. That is my major issue with this, since it hurts the flow and the enjoyment of the poem.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
19
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Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: ASR | (2.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Well, I honestly kept expecting a moral or a reason behind all the nonsense. Or perhaps an extremely funny twist. Not that I don't like absurd prose--I love it, but this seemed to be very random. Unfortunately, I also failed to find it comical. But that may be just me. Don't worry too much, I know it was random.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (2.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I'm not sure I understand this bit of prose very well. I understand the issue is being burdened, which is an interesting topic for dark prose like this. Incidentally, I thought it was a poem at first, given its structure. Anyway, what I found most confusing was the shifting person. Is it "me" or "him"? E.g. "forsaken the soul" seems to refer to a third person; at least that is what I'm led to believe. I'm also unsure what "placement" means in the third line. I think that "bearing" and "the" need to exchange places in the fifth line, but I'm not by any means certain what you intended to mean there, so I could be wrong.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: ASR | (2.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Unfortunately I think this was written a bit hastily. First of all, I usually associate the idiom "walking on eggshells" with being very careful around someone else--lest you should offend them or harm them. Besides the instances of errors in the text ("one" instead of "on", "eye" instead of "I", "phycology" instead of "psychology", etc.) I noticed redundancy, e.g. "I didn't give a second thought to paying attention to the light" as well as in other places.

Please rewrite it; it could make an interesting short.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Thump Thump Beep  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Uhh... I hate to give this a 2.5! I liked it, to be sure. But it would make way more sense if you didn't call it poetry. It's actually a great hook for a short short story, being very dramatic and in-your-face. But it does lack the structure, flow, and imagery of poetry. Anyway, I can still give you a well done of sorts.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of help  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (2.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

I loved the first three lines, except for the word "scattering" which should really be "scattered" there--even though the rhythm would be completely different then. The flow was, up to that point, very good. And the writing emotional and affecting. From then onwards it goes flat. The last two lines more than the rest. Besides that there are several mistakes: "disapeared", several instances of "i", and "dispare".

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
24
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Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Okay, so. First of all, unless the three colors are going to be central to your story, or perhaps a metaphor for something important, I wouldn't write anything like that in a prologue. Now, 'The color of my hands' seems off to me. Are your hands red? Unless they're bloody they won't be red. They apparently are, but you've already mentioned blood in the first line, so it won't do. Eliminate the first line to have a better flow. Also, 'newness'? Freshness is already very similar to that concept, so it's extra as well. That is all for the better, since your last group has only 5 color lines whereas the others have 6. Replace 'black' with 'blackness' in the line before last. You also forgot an 'I': 'as long as I lived'. 'Non-aging'? Try 'eternally youthful' or something more evocative.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
25
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Review of January Hush  
Review by Kris D'Amato
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Rated: E | (2.5)
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This is my opinion--that of a single man in a world of about seven billion. So do take it cum grano salis. Having said that, I try to be objective as much as possible by reading this as a first reader would, so rest assured I'll give you an unbiased opinion.

Well well, that was very short! I can imagine writing it in a basement while the snow is falling. Perhaps with a candle by the side :) Anyway, as far as the poem goes, I don't really feel it all that much. What are the ceramic angels? Rhythm and flow: well, so and so. Somehow it feels half-baked. Maybe you can rewrite it?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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