I just knew this was going to be good when I say the eyes staring at me from the icon. Well done. The story nevers bogs down but pushes along at a rapid rate. The charecters are well drawn and easy to imagine. I found all the death bed snarling easy to believe and I loved the twists in the story. An excellant read! Lin
I liked this poem. It flows well and moves right along. It doesn't falter at all. I loved the way this poem sounded when read out loud. My favorite stanza was the first one but they are all good. I agree that we tend to hide behind masks. Thanks for a good read. Lin
This was a good poem. Although it was short, it flows well and asks some good questions. I liked the rhythm and it gave me a good mental picture. I especially loved "Shadows dance with daggers, pointed at my chest." I loved the way it sounded when I said it out loud. Well done! Lin
Well done article that taught me to have a new look at something I did not understand. The author presents her facts in a clear and easily understood manner. I would urge others to read it so they can clear up and misconceptions. I have to say I agree with the author that this is defintely better than the Western male running around fathering children he can not or will not support. Certainly the dilema fo having a child when ones spouse is unable to conceive is solved in a logical, fair manner. Thansk for an interesting read and giving me something to think about. Lin
This was a well presented, well thougt out discussion of a highly debated subject. I have to admit tht I agree with a lot of the sentiments expressed even though I spent six and a half years working for Family planning. The irony there is that we also had an infertility program to help women unable to conceive. I urge people to read this. If for no other reason than that it is a good piece of writing. Lin
Please tell me that the Whine and Cheese company is not out of business! My heart is weeping copious amounts and the much is all over my floor! This is a wonderful read. I laughed out loud all the way through. You open with a bang and the hits just keep on coming! One of my favorites is #37. So true. Well done. Thanks for a good laugh! Lin
This was a good story. I could easily imagine the charecters because you used not only the 3 bears but Mickey and Minnie. It was a quick story to read that most kids should enjoy reading. You are doing a good job with your writing and I hope to see you write many more. Lin
This is a good story. It moved along swiftly and flowed evenly throughout. It was easy to understand the author's reactions. I think the only think I would like to have known a bit more about was her daughter. The grandchildern do make us feel immortal. Lin
I thought this was good. It was not what I was expecting when I clicked on the title. It flows nicely and I had no touble evoking the images in my brain. I think that the frist stanza was my favorite but I liked the image of "pictures cut up into speckles of confetti". Keep writing! Lin
I thought this was good. It flowed well and presented a good mental image. You painted with your words and I saw what was happening. The image of stone tumbling, dancing and melting in the joyus flood was excellant. The power of water in a new light. Good writing. Lin
That was a good account of what happens when we are called on in school. I could easily relate and relive that moment in time. There are some grammer corrections that would help make this piece shine. You do have a good sense of humor and it comes through. "break my cool" - you missed the first quote mark.
"I hold back another blemish in my voice", I hold back another crack..." I don't think blemish fits well here.
I loved you thinking up your obituary but you need more of a lead-in to it. Maybe, "Here lies Rachel..."
I think the word "dieing" is "dying".
Overall this is a very funny piece. Keep writing. Lin
This was really good. I loved the pace and the rhythm of this poem. It reminded me of "The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere". What a great way to renew our knowledge of US history and I agree that it was a harbinger of things to come. You have taken history and given it an excitement that should delight everyone. Lin
This was a beautiful poem that captured love in simple but wonderful words. The piece flowed well and it moved along nicely. The emotions moved like a river current, I felt swept along. I really enjoyed this piece, there was a real intimacy shared witht he reader. Well doen! Lin
That brought back of few fond memories. In fact I think some of those things still happen. This flowed smoothly and moved along with no hitches. I love the alternate career choices you have put in at the end of the stanzas. The ending was just right. Well doen! Lin
This was the start of what could be a really good longer story. I was cuaght up in the piece from the beginning and it flowed well and moved along swiftly. I would like to have known why the girl died. What happened in the attic that kept her there? Do you have any plans to expand this story? Lin
I like the way you wrote this, including real quotes with imagined thoughts. I also like the way you broke the quotes out. The thing about the Salem Witchcraft tales is that the transcend time and could be any person, anywhere, at any time, and that is a very sad commentary on how much civilization has delayed it's advancement. I could easily have continued reading this had you chosen to make it longer. There were a few grammer errors with flipping aorund of tenses but overall this was an interesting read. Lin
It was very easy to imagine the girl sitting in amoungst the flowers, bathed in sunshine and marveling at her rainbow. The description is very good and you do get a feeling of well-being from the setting. I think that this could be a much bigger story about the girl and why she would rather be where she is but the piece does stand as it is. Well doen. Lin
I read these first just as you had written them and then I went back and added "in bed" to all of them and your friend is 100% correct. I found great joy from reading your cookies, especially when I added "in bed". I now know that the wisdom to all great writing is "in bed". This was a good piece that gave me quite a laugh. Congrats on taken the idea and running with it. Lin
Par for the course, I think. This is so true. Even as I sit here typing this there are two containers next to me full of pens. Should I need to use one, you can be sure that my favorite pen will be missing and the substitute will have no ink! This is the curse of all writing instruments. lol! Lin
I hope to see this folder continue to grow. What you have written is a pleasure to read. It shows respect and very well thoughtout observations. I was very pleased that I looked at this folder and thank you for giving me some enjoyable moments. I really do think that you should continue to deposit more of your thoughts into this folder. Lin
Well writtten and well thought out theory on the difference between men and women and women and flowers. I felt like this was almost and ode to women. The piece moves fluidly and swiftly to it's conclusion. I felt a smirk on my face as it started but then a real sense of "not a bad theory" at it's conclusion. Well done! Lin
This was interesting and flowed pretty well. I love the idea of exploring what makes evil - evil. You lost the thread of the mother though. She just dropped off, so while we know that she is jealous you don't really say why that affected Bersilla. Also, how did the kings death affect the realtionship between Bersilla and her mother. I love the name Bersilla. There are some grammer errors which I am afraid I floated over because I was interested in the actual theory of what makes Bersilla evil. Was the father's name supposed to be Clifford? Read this over carefully and put it through spell check and it will help tighten the piece up. Cudos's for you for coming up with the idea! Lin
This was a great read. The poem flowed smoothly and answered the question of what love really is. It was hard to pick out a favorite stanza because they all worked so great togeather but I think the 6th stanza was my favorite. Really well doen. thanks for a beautiful poem. Lin
This poem had a very light-hearted feel to it as I read. It flowed pretty well and moved along quickly. I liked the feel of the whole poem and think it would actually make a good lyric. It does need some puncuation. I really like the Line "listen to the birds, when they sing, waving to lovers, with each wing." Lin
I thought this was a great story. It moved along swiftly and the charecters were fleshed out. While the topic was sad, the ending was hopeful. I have no real suggestions for imporving this piece. It was a good read and I will be checking the authors port for more stories. Lin
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