Impressions:This story in microfiction had a good opening and moved along rapidly.
Suggestions:I saw no errors in grammar, spelling or pucntuation. It fell well within the word count for microfiction.
Summary:I liked the plot for this story. I also liked that we had a strong main character who takes charge of her situation.
Closing: I think that you made good use of the form of microfiction. The story kept my attention throughout. Keep writing. Good luck in the contest. Lin
Impressions:This was a good read that developes lots of tension and then turns you in another direction.
Suggestions:I saw no errors of grammar, punctuation or spelling. Teh story line is good.
Summary:I enjoyed this. I could feel the beast breathing down my back. The author keeps the tension growing and the story never lags. It flows well and mvoes rigth along. The setting was easy to imagine.
Closing:Good writing. Good use of microfiction. Hope all goes well in the contest. Lin
Impressions:This excellant example of microfiction opens strong and keeps on that way to the end.
Suggestions:I saw no errors of spelling, grammar or punctuation.
Summary:I liked the plot of this story and the twist at the end. The use of the spider in the garden was excellant. The story flows well and moves right along.
Closing:I throughly enjoyed reading this story. Tension developes nicely throughout. Good luck with the contest. Keep writing. Lin
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Hi Incurable Romantic:
Impressions:Another good chapter in the story of the author's life before and after the death of his wife.
Suggestions:None. Everything was fine.
Summary:I could totally relate to what happened in this chapter. It is so good to read it and see that it was expereinced by someone else. It is difficult to share these things with people who have never experienced them, but you do a fine job of conveying exactly what happens.
Closing:I was again happy to see that this no longer happens to the author. This is probably due to having resolved so many things. Thanks again for sharing and I look forward to reading more. I am starting to feel that I know you both. Lin
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Hi Incurable Romantic:
Impressions:This was a beautiful sotry about the memories that are brought about by simple things, such as a snowfall.
Suggestions:I would not change anything about the way this is written.
Summary:Anyone who has ever experienced the kind of loss the author has, will have memories triggered by simple everyday things. The key is to turn that memory into something positive as the author has. Through him we have come to know about a lovely woman. So she lives for us all. The story flowed well and moved aong nicely. The author has managed to compress the memories in such a way that we lose nothing of how special they are or the woman who made them. The dialogue is good.
Closing:Well done, Jim. I look forward to learning more about Linda. Thanks for a good read and sharing her with us.
Impressions:Thsi was a good short story about hard lessons learned about love and loss.
Favorites:
In another sense of the word, that was my second chance. Her letting go was possibly the best thing that could ever have happened to me. How often this happens and to view it in a positive light is good.
Suggestions:The author has been making modifications. I saw no errors.
Summary:This story flowed well and moved along nicely. I found it believable as I did the actions of the character. There were good visuals created by the author's words. There was a good summary and a lesson learned.
Impressions:This was very well done. Having experienced some very painful loses myself, I have to say that you have really hit on some extremely important issues.
Favorites:
5. They may want more predictability in their life for a while. Let them have that predictability. Suggestions: When I lost my first husband I was living 7 hours drive away from my family. They wanted me to uproot and come back right then. I just could not. I needed time and they gave that space after I explained why. Then I was able to make a very clear choice about where I wanted to be. In the meantime, I needed my job and what was familiar.
Summary:I wish I had had this to read at the time I most needed this kind of reinforcement. This advice would benefit grief all grief counselors. Well done and thanks. There were no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation either. Lin
Impressions:Thsi was a sad story but well written.
Favorites:
She led the way to her office and beckoned them in. Inside the room, Thanuja saw a thin, dark, feeble looking woman sitting nervously on the edge of her chair. Her face was worn and her eyes seemed tired. But, they were the same eyes, Amal’s eyes. The woman gazed at Amal. Here we are left in no doubt that the story is going to turn
Suggestions:The story was perfectly correct in grammar, spelling and punctuation. It flowed well and mvoed right along. The dialogue was believable and helped to push the story forward. The characters are easy to believe. The emotion runs true. With all these it felt unfinished. I would suggest that you carry the story just abit further, We are left with a cliff hanger. Although we know that Thanjua cares deeply, we need to know how things turned out for them all.
Closing:This is a good story and you did a wonderful job of telling it. We care about these people in a very short time. We also come face-to-face with a problem too often ignored. What happens to children when there world is torn apart. I really needed to know what happended in the end. So although you did everything correct in this story telling, I still think that there needs to be resolution. Keep writing because I think that you have a real knack for it. Lin
Impressions:This was an very interesting view of the Grim Reaoer. You never think of him as actually having a life.
Favorites:
When I was six, I attended EVIL School, my brother's name sake. I learned proverbs like “finders keepers, losers weepers” and “if at first you don’t succeed, you’ll never try again.” I even learned what evil stands for: Every Villain Induces Lack: unfortunately, I never learned what it meant. that brought a smile to my face.
Suggestions:I saw no errors of grammar, punctuation or spelling. The author has doen soem previous editing. That is good to see.
Summary:The story flowed well and moved right along. The diaglogue was believeable and helped to move this story forward. The setting were easy to imagine as were most of the characters. I liked the story concept and felt there was any underlying humor as well.
Closing:Creative and interesting. Good writing. Lin
Impressions:I enjoyed this story about chance encounters and some withccraft.
Favorites:
And, last but not least, I did not turn you into a frog.
{c:it was good carrying that through. I laughed.
Suggestions:
1.But as it turned out one bus ran twenty minutes late so the result I was sitting on an ice cold bus bench for thirty-five minutes result was
2. I was speaking without thinking because of hearing the bus was broke down that would put me back downtown way late to catch my other bus home. I was speaking without thinking. Hearing that the bus had broken down, would put me back downtown way too late to catch my other bus hom. Made two sentences here. Changed some language.
3.way to generous offer.” way too
4.Great’ I thought ‘If we get much snow the buses probably won’t run.. ‘ use italics for the thoughts to help them stand out as thoughts.{/i}
5.She then returned to the kitchen and returned once Combined with the previous sentence, you have used the word "returned" three times. How about: She went back to the kitchen and reentered...
6.Of you’re my libido was not affected not sure what you meant to say in the first part here - of course my libido?
7., which now that I was up close I noticed that the I suggest starting a new sentence here. Drop the word "which" and begin with "now".
8.Then we eased You do not need to keep using the word "Then"
9.bosses as it is only one boss I think es is wrong here.
10.I took a break, smoked a cigarette and called a friend who I knew was working a security post and got off at midnight and asked if he would give me a ride home. commas needed
11. Will ever know small w.
12.Work small w
13.You can’t buy this special mix in a store
so from time to time you’ll get a new supply in the mail spacing needs to be corrected. You have extra spaces. Summary:I liked this story. It was inventive, flowed well and moved right along. The dialogue was believable. The twist at the end was good. I had not trouble imaging the characters.
Closing:there are a few things to correct but overall I thougth that this was a very good story. Please do some editing when you get the time and help the story shine the way it deserves to. Keep writing. Keep creating! Lin
Favorites:The fact that we do not know that Sabdra is suspect until much later int eh story.
Suggestions:
1.apartment above her’s and had passed away the night prior to the men’s pursuit... ,and who had passed away...added comma and the word "who".
2.As she came to her senses and peered through the bars, her gaze fell
upon a uniformed man standing thirty yards away, talking to a man of similar dress. Recognizing
the first man at once as one of her attackers, Sandra let out you have alot of extra spacing to delete probably from transfering from word to the body of the static item.
3.“She looked so peaceful, I wanted to capture the moment,” Sandra explained to the investigators
when they inquired about the photographs they had encountered, as truthfully as she believed it to be I think you could rearrange this sentence for better flow. ...Sandra explained to the investigators as truthfully as she believed it to be, when they inquired about the photographs they had encountered. Maybe change the word encoutered to "found" and change as she believed to to be to: as her memory would allow.
Summary:While I enjoyed the story line, I found the extra spacing distracting. I think that you have done a good job with setting and basic description. Most of the necessary changes are due to minor errors. The story flowed pretty well and the plot was good. The tension could have been punched up some.
Closing:I think that this is a good story right now that would improve with some editing. It deserves a chance to shine, so I hope tht you will do the editing. Keep writing, Lin
Impressions:This poem had me laughing. I can so relate. I hate going under the bed and I am a full grown adult.
Favorites:
As long as the blankets
hide my legs,
I'll be safe...
until tomorrow night. Amen!
Suggestions:None. I saw no errors of grammar, spelling or punctuation.
Summary:I throughly enjoyed poem. You evoked good images with some well chosen words. I love your sense of humor. the poem flowed well and moved along nicely. It was easy to settle into the rhythm. Good writing. Keep creating. Lin
Impressions:First of all, I found this in the newbie newsletter, so welcome to Writing.com. This was an interesting article on your perception of reviewing.
Favorites:
Another helpful tool is to develop a template for you to use when reviewing a piece. Incorporate WritingML which will give your review a more professional appearance as well as making it easier to read. Here is a short example. Excellant suggestion.
Suggestions:My main suggestion would have been for this to be longer with more examples of how you review and why. As you stated that you had little room and were hoping to start a newletter expanding on this topic, I understand why it is short.
Summary:Thanks for sharing your views on reviewing. It was good to suggest that people play from their strengths and to develope a template. This also helps you develope style. I generally tell someone up front when I am not an expert in a specific area, and let them know what I do feel qualified to comment on. This helps me be honest and not to try bluffing. Reviewing also helps you grow as a writer. Another big plus to mention.
Impressions:This is a very funny story about buying a home. Not jsut any home, but a handy-dandy fixer-upper. I laughed all the way through it having experienced this nightmare once or twice myself.
Favorites:It is very difficult to pick a favorite as there are so many one liners in here. An evening spent in the author's company would be pure entertainment. ie:
I still have not figured out how a ceiling can get that dirty. The only thing that makes sense is that the house was up side down in Noah’s flood.
This was February in Colorado. The ground was frozen to within three feet of Hell. Ouch!
Suggestions:
1.We had cleaned and fixed and painted and fixed and added on and fixed and repaired and replaced until it was almost up to “just needs some TLC”. we need some commas here. This is a very long sentence and should be broken up. comma after all the words fixed, and one after replaced. I would change the quotes for italics.
2. Double space between all paragraphs. This helps the reader as scrolling to read and can drive your eyes crazy. It is also more professional.
3.If you have noticed, I think that I would change this to; "You may have noticed..."
4. A handyman’s special is a house that will take six months and nine thousand dollars to become a fixer-upper. To make the words stand out I think I would put them in italics; handyman's special, fixer-upper. I would carry this through with all the terms. This is a comedy piece and it will help to puch it up.
5.Things you can not see easily, like the drain line that spews things that are not talked about in mixed company or the furnace that wants to become a nuclear melt down, comma after company
6.cute little cottage” “Wonderful neighborhood”— italics
7. After four months and every home for sale in a fifty-mile radius After four months and viewing every home for sale in... I added viewing
8.but in line with it for the entire length. but down it for the entire length.
9.up side one word I believe
10.Soon some of the walls soon,
11.Flushing the toilet required lifting the tank lid twice, I think that I would use a semi-colon after twice.
Summary:I throughly enjoyed reading this story. The author has a very droll sense of humor that is something I appreciate. I think that with some editing, this story will shine. I urge the author to spend the time making the corrections as this story deserves to shine.
Closing:Thanks for bringing this story to my attention. Please let me know if I can be of any further help. If you make the corrections, I will be happy to have another look. Lin
Impressions:I foudn this a timely reminder about copyrights. I know I would be really upset if something I had written was being passed arund the internet with no credit to the author.
Favorites:
She said, "Let the artist try to find me, then let him try to sue." They really were not concerned at all that each time they forwarded something they received attributed to "anonymous" they were stealing someone’s writing or graphics. How sad. How true. It is sad and an attitude that definitely prevails in the internet age. I take my graphics only form places wehre they are free and even then I send an email to the author of the site saying what I have done and what it is for. I invite them to contact me. I find it interesting that I have never received a response back from any of them. Now, since the graphics were free, and I am not using them for commercial purposes, I take the silence to mean that what I have done is fine. I still feel the need to say thanks for the use, though. Suggestions:
I saw no errors, so I have no suggestions other than to say, read this, to others. I think it is important to remember.
Impressions:I enjoyed this lyric and I think it would make a good song. It is hard when you have no music.
Favorites:
I thought that the words all flowed well.
I've found a little niche
Filled to the brim with clichés
I’ve made a home in it
And I got a few new songs to play
And I’m feeling a little empty
And a little bit relieved
but I guess I should be happy
You know I’m fancy free.
I also like the refrain.
Suggestions:None. I found no grammar or spelling problems. I don't know enoguh about music to comment on anything else.
Closing:There is alot of emotion in this lyric. I felt it showed strength and some vulnerability, as well as a surety that the singer will go on.
Impressions:I enjoyed reading this. I prefer to read stories that have a good bit of dialogue. You were able to tell quite alot by using strictly dialogue here.
Favorites:I loved this line; “Don’t look at me that way, Adam. Adam, NO! Not in front of my house. Sit back down. Get back on your side of the car.” I could just see what was happening in my mind and it made me laugh.
Suggestions:I do not really have many suggestions except that you need to go back and look at spacing. There is one part where you have to delete some extra spaces. Also, I would suggest some dialogue giving us an idea of physical attributes of the characters.
Summary:This was good dialogue that I had no trouble believing. The author has managed to tell us an entire short story with just well chosen dialogue.
Closing:Very well written. Good example to follow. Keep creating! Lin
And the saga continues. This flowed pretty well and moved along nicely. We have been given a good bit more information about the nature of the charecters. There is more tension as we know have another twist, regarding Clara. A few more suggestions:
He had to tell Regina but he knew she would disapprove.
I think that this is an important sentence. I would suggest making it into two sentences. "He had to tell Regina. He knew she would disapprove." Sometimes a shorter sentence helps with tension and impact.
She tried to leave him just as many times as she had cried when he was gone.
Consider changing.ie: For every time she had tried to leave him in the past, there was a matching time when she cried because she had loved and missed him when he was away.
Every road had to have its end hers ended there.
Consider making this into two sentences, or use a comma btween end and hers.
There where no spelling errors. There are places where you need commas. These are just suggestions. Onward, Lin
Back again Abominae: This is another good addition to the story. The chapter flowed pretty well. The switches from Deacon to Regina were pretty smooth.
The charecters thoughts were believable, but I think that they need to be more fleshed out.
Some things you should consider changing: He barely slept that night
He had barely slept last night.
He sat up and rubbed his.
Is the word eyes missing here?
She sipped a cup of coffee, trying to guess where her husband went even though he left before dawn.
Maybe change the word "even" here to "when".
...Clara out of her for good.
her should be here.
Clara wouldn’t be able to survive in a world in the care of a mother with nothing.
Awkward sentence. Maybe- How would she keep Clara alive if they went out into the world with nothing.
What wrong?
What "went" wrong?
The ‘truth’ was built on the greed that Herald had for power or maybe he was making money someway.
You might use italics for truth.
Deacon gave up his friends and family for nothing but a dream. A far shot that he wasn’t sure that he could kill himself over believing.
From "A far shot...I felt this didn't make sense. Consider changing the structure or wording of this sentence.
These are all just suggestions. I hope they are helpful. On to another chapter. Lin
Hi Abominae: Back yet again. I think you will be tired of me soon. I enjoyed the next additon to Inner Circle. The story is progressing nicely. Charecters are believable, as is dialogue. Sometimes I think it sounds abit too proper, but then I remember that the leader of a place such as Inner Circle probably would work at sounding proper. You have added more tension with the concern over Clara and the physical abuse of Regina.
I saw no spelling errors. I did think that one thing read abit akward. He saw a woman and whom he assumed her daughter coming toward him from the opposite way. I think a "was" would help after "her."
Hi Abominae: I'm back again. I enjoyed thee first chapter of your story The Inner Circle. So far, the charecters are interesting. I am sure that we will gather more essentail information about them in the next few chapters. The settings were fairly easy to imagine. The story flowed well and moved right along. The dialogue seemed fine and believable.
One of my favroite lines:
Deacon awoke out of his stupor two hours later and it was still dark. On the bright side, he was no longer drunk and that was the longest sleep he’d had in a week. I like the light thread of humor.
The opening paragraph defintely captures reader's attention. The rest of the paragraphs support the promise of the first.
I did not notice any speling or grammar errors. I look forward to reading more. Keep creating. Lin
I throughly enjoyed reading this. The author has done a very credible job of adding on to the Billy Joel song, "We Didn't Start the Fire." The entire time I was reading this, I could hear the music, but I also had a little film running through my head of the listed events. I am even found myself thinking Oh, I forgot about that!{/}
The additional lyric flowed well and moved along nicely. I had no trouble settling into the rhythm. I think that you listed many of the most important moments between "89" and "03".
One of my favorite lines:
Oprah, Y2K, King Hussein, acid rain
Shuttle spacecraft blows again
Are we going where we've been?
I saw no spelling errors and punctuation seemed fine. Well done. Keep creating! Lin
I loved this idea. It was great fun to go down the lists and pick out authors you are familiar with. The page is certainly colorful and laid out nicely. The addition at the end of how to say "hello" in different languages was a really nice touch. You left off "g'day" though. Well done. This is definitely going into my favorites. Lin
First of all Marion, welcome to Writing.com. I hope that you learn to love this site and grow in your ability to write.
I am not expert in poetry but I really enjoyed reading this poem. I loved the theme of the poem. We all go through these emotions and you have done a very good job of putting your thoughts into words. The poem flowed well and moved along nicely. It is a lovely, heartfelt poem.
My favorite lines: I want to make my own choices and do my own thing
But I know I don’t have the experience that brings wisdom
That I make the wrong decisions sometimes
That my parents are trying to protect me, not thwart me.
So please help me to accept that I’m not done growing
And help me to accept authority
My only suggestion: You are not consistent in your use of puncuation. I know that is the author's choice, but I think you either need to use it, or not use it. For the flow of this poem, I think it is better to use it.
Keep creating. I hope to see more such writing in your port. Well done. Lin
Back again abominae: I liked this sotry. It flowed really well and moved right along. You settings were easy to picture as were the charecters. The dialogue was believable and witty and helped to push the story forward. I really liked the relationship between Vincel and Jath. Due to the descriptions in the beginning of vampires and werewolves, even someone not familiar with legend could understand the charecters. The action was good and easy to follow.
There were a few small errors.
To make reading easier, please double space between paragraphs.
I saw two word errors as I was reading, but now I can't find them, so maybe it was just my eyes.
My favorite line:"You know you have to say it, Jath." Jath laughed heartily.
"Come on in, Vincel, make yourself at home, don't forget to wipe your feet." Vincel stepped inside the werewolf's house and removed his cloak and sword.
Gives you a whole new view of vampires and werewolves!
This felt like it should be turned into something bigger to me. I hope that that is what the author plans. Keep creating! Lin
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LARRT'S REVIEW PUMPKIN PORTING 
Keep writing. Keep creating! Lin
I am not expert in poetry but I really enjoyed reading this poem. I loved the theme of the poem. We all go through these emotions and you have done a very good job of putting your thoughts into words. The poem flowed well and moved along nicely. It is a lovely, heartfelt poem.