First, I like your story for the message you’re trying to impart. Having had 6 kids and them giving me 17 grand kids I do understand. Mostly things worked out, but one 18 year old still thinks an attack is the best defense. It is in an impersonal war where you never face the enemy close, but not in family or close social matters.
In the first paragraph you switch time frames from present to past then back to present. This is very confusing to readers. You also switch between third and first person and back which adds another layer of confusion.
You do that through your story switching from your brother being an annoying child (I had 2 of them) to having a Water Polo scholarship and back. The story does not have to be told in linear fashion, but you need to make it very clear when its current time or backstory.
Having been through all the teens I have there are NO words that offend me so your use of “s***” and “f***” here is no bother and I would encourage you to retain them, but there are more skillful ways to use them. Build your case more slowly using your words to evoke the emotion you want then hit them with a stand alone sentence like, “You need to stop that s***!” It has much more impact when its unexpected.
You’ll find that’s true for life, not just writing about it, but living it. Listening to some butt wipe politician or religious leader tell me how I should live my life, then saying, “I decide how I live my life, not you.” Then simply turning and walking away is more effective than simply yelling “f*** off!” at them. Been there.
I’ll stop and give you a chance to think about it. I wish all the good fortune you can get with the problem you’re outlining. I’ve suffered several similar problems in my 76 years.
Oh, I like cats and echidnas too. My yellow eyed black died several years ago, but I still have a beautiful, 14 year old Siamese. When she dies I’m to old to have another. I don’t want to leave a close pet when I die. No, I’m not dying any faster than normal.
Keep writing and take as many classes as you can. Just do not stop.
Thank you for sharing your words with us and I hope to read more.