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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lchichra
Review Requests: OFF
847 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I usually love reviewing. I will try to be honest about any plothole or the language issues I find.
I'm good at...
Poetry and all kind of fiction.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Emotional.
Least Favorite Genres
Nil
Favorite Item Types
Poems, Short Stories and Novels.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-fiction.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of Sacrifices  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, 🌓 HuntersMoon . A Whitewalker to review you from "Game of Thrones. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

Is it how the people see themselves? I have always wondered how I would see myself after some years, but I am left without answers. I cringe at my younger self and I still wonder about my older self. Your poem captures the nostalgia beautifully. It showcases the bygone days and current days too, and I believe to show so much in such few lines is an art in itself.

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Language, grammar and form

The poem is very well-written and the rhymes are spot on like always. I just have a small issue with the word "that" in the sentence the soldier that he sees. I believe whom will be a better word there. Give it a thought! This word distracted me while reading and hence I am pointing it out.



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Punctuation

No issues noted down.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the first stanza where the present starts looking in the past. It is vivid and creates a clear picture in mind. I actually enjoyed vividness in the whole poem.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

Like always, this is one of the good poems of yours. I don't know many people in any kind of army, but reading this made me wonder about the guilt a person might carry. I know it is not in the poem, but it is just how my mind jumped to the thought. I guess it came from the sentence of freinds being in flanders.


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2
2
Review of Love Is  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Naveed . Here from "Game of Thrones to review you. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

I should tag Schnujo here too, but I have no idea how. I once complained to Schnujo that some her poems don't read like poems. This one is romance which is not your forte so I must say that I am impressed. This indeed sounds like a love poem--almost a love poem, but not a mushy one yet. So you both are out of your comfort zone here. *Rolling*

The poem is nicely done. I enjoyed reading the meaning of the love in your lines. I won't say it is a masterpiece, but it is a good attempt.


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Language, grammar and form

The poem is done with a structure and rhyme. The only time you broke the structure was when you used Like a full moon making angels swoon. Rest the structure is followed throughout the poem. I felt some of the rhymes were forced like a bee to its queen and a shine to its sheen (Sounds like Schnujo's words though). Otherwise all was well. Also the last line sounds a bit off to me. I think you meant to use the word within instead of with.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

Last stanza especially the cloves and doves thing was my favorite in the poem.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

Keep writing and be on WDC for some more time, and we will make a romantic poet out of you. And then you can write like Sahir Ludhianvi-- the poems of the broken heart. *BigSmile*

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3
3
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey, Naveed . From the house of "Game of Thrones for your review. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

The religion is such a dangerous thing. You question, you're mobbed. You sin and then you are rewarded and so on. I liked the satire representation of your story. In fact it felt so much to the point that I sometimes think that it is no wonder people shun religion. Religion have become toy in the hands of so many people. I liked the way you built up the poem.

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Language, grammar and form

I found all perfect except for the use of "gendered fair" which was somehow confusing for me. That reference was something which I did not clearly understand. Maybe there is something which is missed in the communication, or maybe it is the line itself. Just take a look at it once.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I liked most the beginning where you showed the sinner. I found that since it was written from the sinner's point of view, it felt more strong to me-- the message more easily conveyed.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

Sometimes I wonder why our frequency matches so much, but I am glad it does. I am happy to know you, and I do hope all of our views will some day be able to mellow down the religious fanatics of the world.

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4
4
Review of The Odds of Irony  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there. I am here from "Game of Thrones's White Walker's halls to review you. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Initial Impressions
I chuckled, and I'm also wondering what are the odds. But having been in a similar situation, I do believe that such thing is possible. It must be possible with more common names all around. I enjoyed the story and the way your Rob felt so puffed up about his beauty. I did wonder if you were going to develop some romance between the two characters, but it is not really essential.

Suggestions
I did not notice any kind of grammatical mistakes in the story.

What I loved
I don't know how you did it because there are not too many words in the story, but despite this the story you weaved sounded more probably and more scenic. I could see the whole scene despite the lack of details about the settings and other stuff. I do believe that this is an art in itself, and I commend you for that.

Parting Thoughts
I wonder if you expanded this or was it merely an exercise of flash fiction. It has the potential to be more, should you choose it to be. You can take it anywhere.

Thanks a lot for giving me my chuckle of the day.

If you liked the review, please drop by "Game of Thrones with some cheers for whitewalkers.

** Image ID #2087205 Unavailable **



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5
5
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, NeuroDivergent Writer ~ Brian . I am here from the halls of "Game of Thrones to review you. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

I liked this poem of yours which talk about your mom and dad, their love for family, and their respect for their own role's and each other as well. It is written beautifully and the way you weave the words actually gets the readers.

*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

Language wise the poem is done well. I struggled to understand the meaning of the following sentence:
in a two-bed fixer upper with his arms
to greet her.


I think there is something you want to say here about his waiting for her, but somehow the line is not clear to me. It can be my knowledge of slang as well because I am an ESL speaker and hence I am not well-versed with many slangs.

Also, the ending in the switch of the role felt a bit vague to me.

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Punctuation

Perfect as far as I can see except in the sentence I indicated above.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I liked the emotion you conveyed in the poem, but at the same time, I disliked the ending which felt unfathomable to me. Maybe I didn't get it right.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

You're a good poet. Your words have power. I hope you will not mind if I understood something wrong and treat this as my subjective opinion.

Thanks for sharing this!

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6
6
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey, Prosperous Snow Moving Forward . I'm here from the halls of "Game of Thrones to review you. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

Such a poignant story with the point of view of penny! I enjoyed that you did not deviate from the POV of the penny and let her see the world from its eyes. It would have been such a shortcut to explain things, but you stuck to the POV and that's the best part of the story for me. Your story touched me, especially towards the end because I was never able to guess their relationship. I did wonder about the year, but I was not able to make the guess.

*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

Few of the observation on the grammar are as follows:

1) slacks packet: The right word here is pocket.
2) that he has thought about everyday: The word "her" is missing here.
3) through the veil he's regretted : There should be a comma after the word veil.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

AS I said, I loved the POV of the story the most as explained above.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

I think that you should polish this story a bit and maybe add a few more descriptions. That will make the story more powerful, although it is done pretty well now.

Thanks for sharing this.


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7
7
Review of River the Rock  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey Than Pence . Here from halls of "Game of Thrones to review you.
Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

The story is indeed interesting. The question that your protagonists ask himself was the question I was asking myself too. Whether it was the stone or his mind. The plot progresses nicely, although it felt a bit rushed towards the end.

*Person* Character *Person*

The character of the stone and Trevor is shone well..in fact the voice of the stone amd Trevor felt quite similar deepening the doubt of what is truth.


*City* Setting *City*

Modern world

*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

Very nicely done. I was with the characters in the whole story.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*


Perfect. I did not see any error in the story which is a feat in itself. Fabulous.

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I loved the story after they entered the new building. Everything was rightly done in the story in those scenes. However I felt the beginning and ending were a bit rushed, especially the ending. I wanted more time to savor that ending.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*



I wonder if you ever thought about expanding the story further. I know the chapter has ended but the question of why can still be explored further. I will be interested in reading such story.

But this is good stuff too. Thanks for sharing it.
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8
8
Review of The Stain  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey, Zwordling . I am here from "Game of Thrones halls to review you. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

Wow. That's the impression that I have after reading the story. As a reader in the story, you never lost me in the story. I was with the protagonist every step of the way. I was confused as she was wondering what was happening. I had always wondered what weird tales look like, and I guess I got a good answer. Your description and story was nicely done.


*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form


There were two errors that I observed which are highlighted below:


What have to done to me,” : This is a typo as this shoulbe you done to me.
Revenge, justice, retribution, on all those who: The comma after retribution is not needed. Infact this sentence can do better with an and after justice. Right now your comma is separating the subject and the verb.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the beginning when you explained the confusion that she felt.


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Other thoughts and suggestions


I am awed how you managed to finish the story I just 999 words. That's the economy of the words right there. The story speaks of the hotels without being horror in itself. The only thing I believe it could have been better in would be ending, but then it will take more words. Otherwise it is a nice story.


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9
9
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there. I found your item while looking for action adventure piece to review. This sounded like a perfect adventure for a whitewalkers from "Game of Thrones
These are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Initial Impression

This retelling of the escapades of your son was quite interesting. Since you started off with the warning, I guessed what was coming, but your dry sense of humor and self-determination in the story made me want to read it further. The anecdote kept me interested till the end.

Language,Grammar


I found the story very well-written and very well-written. There is one teeny tiny observation. You have used the word "coward" which is not the right usage of the word in the context. You might want to re-read and recheck that sentenCe. A find function should bring that forward. Also, you have used two semi-colons in the piece which are not right as per the English rules I follow. You might want to crosscheck that as well. Otherwise it is a good story.



Other suggestion
I have never thought of making a rocket or bomb myself. They are anyway available in my country and I am too scared of them. I wonder has your son read this essay? And how old is he now?

My favorite part of the piece wad the beginning where you gave beautiful introduction and expressed your regret .


Thanms for sharing this piece. Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*


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10
10
Review of The Beast  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey there. I am a Whitewalker reviewing you on behalf of "Game of Thrones. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Initial Impression

Loved it. That's all I can say in short. I mean I can write about how you kept me captivated till the end. I guessed some parts of the story as I read it, but overall you packed quite a punch in such few words. I enjoyed the way you showed the whole scene. I loved that the creature decided to forgive the hunter in the end. And I loved that John made the right decision. It was really a sweet story.

Language,Grammar

The story is very well-written. I just found a tiny error where in you have a comma extra in sentence I am, Kerr. The comma confused me for a moment as I could not really get what it meant, but then further reading clarified it well enough. Maybe it is an intentional thing, but in any case, you might want to give it a second look.



Other suggestion
I have not read many of your pieces, but I have seen the contest that you host and have always wondered about the kind of stories you write. This story just fit the bill for me. My favorite was the end when Kerr invited him to lay besides him and the cub joined him in the sleep. It was a poignant moment and the way you described it made it more poignant and interesting.

Thanks a lot for giving me this interesting story of the day.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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11
11
Review of Small Fry  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey, Maci . I am coming from Whitewalker's camp of "Game of Thrones to read and feed on some adventures story, and I found yours in my hunt.These are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

First Impressions

I loved the story-- I loved the message it conveyed and the idea that being different is also being unique. I found the tone of the story to be fun and interesting.
But that does not mean that the story is without shortcomings. Because the story needs a lot of work, but if I am being honest, I feel that this story is a gem which you need to polish. I see that it was written yesterday only and thus probably is unpolished. Next section will explain what I mean.


Language,Grammar


1) First thing that you need to do is to divide this story into paragraphs. It will read much, much better that way, and readers will be able to read it better.

2) Secondly, put the genre children instead of others as this is indeed a children's stories.

3) You need to go through the story once again and proofread it. There are a lot of mistakes in the story especially with regards to the comma. I have given a few examples below, but you might want to recheck the whole piece. In case you need further help, let me know.
Examples

One day while he trying to sleep he heard : You can add a comma here to make it better.


She was afraid to go anywhere for fear that her baby would find her way back to her there.: the sentence does not make sense right now, and you might want to recheck it.

if the baby firefly ha returned: The right word here is has.


Parting Thoughts
My favorite line in the story was : In fact, his little butt was the talk of the town.. I actually smiled in the office while reading it. The story has a lot of potential. You just need to work on editing it.

Thanks a lot for sharing this.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*



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12
12
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey there. I am here from the house of whitewalkers of "Game of Thrones to review your piece.
These are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Initial Impressions

I was intrigued by what Boo antique the story was going to cover especially because you indicated boo is a puppy. I don't have a pet, but I have seen enough pet stories to guess that they are full time job. Keeping a pet sounds more like baby raising, and your story captured the incident nicely. I loved reading that you were so bothered about the whole loss of bread tie, although I have no idea what that is. But I did wonder why did you not check the kennel first. I also enjoyed the description of the dog's home.

Language,Grammar


I did not see any grammatical error. Thw piece is indeed very well edited. In fact I found it well balanced in terms of showing and telling of the story.



Other suggestion
I don't have any suggestions as such but i do believe that the piece can benefit from a few more antiques of the puppy. You indicated that it has been 10 years, and there is no mention of other such incidence. But you know the hint of the continued habit, if it was there, can add to the overall anecdote well. I am curious to know was you always on your toes because of this habit of your dog or was it once in a while thing

Thanks for sharing this piece of your Pet's life with us.
Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*


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13
13
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey BScholl .I found this item while looking for the mystery genre to review for "Game of Thrones. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

First of all, let me start the review by telling you that I loved the story. You have marked it as an emotional read, and I was indeed emotional while reading it. The mystery of the ending boggles my mind still. How did the diary thing worked was my biggest question that was in my mind after I finished the story. I wished you had answered it, but this open ending left so much of interpreting thoughts in my mind, I think I like this story this way. The plot you have used flow wonderfully.
*Person* Character *Person*

The character of Ms. Patty is shows through the different retellings, and I think James’s story clearly shows her emotions. The characters felt well-rounded for the story.
*City* Setting *City*

The setting is in some kind of home, but it is on this earth. It sounds like modern world with garage sales.
*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

Perfectly balanced description. I enjoyed the way you explained each scene and really showed it to the readers.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

The story was very well written. I just have a few nitpicks which are indicated in the dropnote below:
Detailed Edit Points
*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I loved the whole story.
*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

As I end my review, I would like to commend you on a job done well. I am also wondering if there is a sequel to this short story. That will be my next stop in your port, if it is there.

Thanks a lot for this amazing read. Keep writing. *Thumbsup*

** Image ID #2087205 Unavailable **






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14
14
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Jay O'Toole . I am here to review your item on behalf of I Write group.Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

The poem captures the pain of loss quite well. I could feel the mother had enjoyed her life and was worried about passing away. I could even feel the pain in the reassurances you gave. It is quite an emotional poem.


*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

I stumbled at some of the words, and I think that is because I am not Christian and you are referring to some religious books/stories. Yet I do think you need to take a look at the following sentences:
i) Our efforts need not grope. : I don't think the grope is the right word here. That sentence came out quite weird while reading.

ii)our separation mend. : I think there is a helping verb missing here. You might need to crosscheck it with the previous sentence.


*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved how you captured the emotion in the poem. It is well-done.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

If this poem is true, I hope your mother is at peace now, wherever she is. Thanks for sharing this piece with us.


WDC spring sig from Carmela's shop


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15
15
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there.

I am here to review your piece on behalf of I Write. I enjoyed this story a lot. It is a fun take on the mixing of the genres and you have indeed blended the genres effortlessly. I liked the language and the maturity which is shown while handling those characters. You have not idolized them, but these are written in the manner that there is a satirical tone to the whole story.

I especially enjoyed the friendship between Artemis and Aphrodite and how they felt like real friends.

Thanks for giving me a smile of the day.


WDC spring sig from Carmela's shop
16
16
Review of The Promise  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey there, 🌓 HuntersMoon . I was searching for the inspiration for the contest, and there I came across your poem. Please note that these are my reviews as a reader and are not meant to offend.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

Your poem weaves a fine tale of the dragons. I loved the emotions you gave to the dragons and how "human" the dragons sounded. It resonated well with the message that you wanted to convey in the end.

*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

I did not find any grammatical errors with the poem. The rhymes are well done except for perhaps memory and history which do not really rhyme when I speak them aloud. But I don't think it distracts much from the poem.


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Punctuation


Just a small observation regarding punctuation: In the following lines, don't you think there should be a comma at the end of the first sentence?

"‘Til man and dragon ceased to kill
protected it would stay."



*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved how you weaved the messages in the poem. I loved the way you described that the hate can be worse than the violence itself. I also loved the way you explained the age of the dragon with the glistening of its scale.


*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Other thoughts and suggestions

It's a wonderful poem and a poem with a cadence. If you haven't thought so, you can add it to the collection of the fantasy poem for children. I know I have read a few more in your port in past.

Also, thanks for sharing it. Your dedication to poetry is my inspiration.

WDC spring sig from Carmela's shop


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17
17
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey there. I am here on the behalf ogf"I Write in December-January-February to review your item. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

First Impression
Your poem and acrostic are in contrast with each other. It is like that secretly coded letter which showcases the real as well as the superficial sentiments. This might be a dramatic explanation, but that is the idea that I got from the poem. It might be because I have read too many unpleasant novels or something.

{c}Suggestions
None.

Final Thoughts
I wish you would change the description a bit. The description clearly outs what you want to say in the poem and kills the sublimity of the hidden message thing.

Thanks for sharing it.

WDC spring sig from Carmela's shop


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18
18
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey, there. I am here for a review on behalf of "I Write in December-January-February. Please note that these are my views and are not meant to offend.

First impression
You have written a Haiku, and followed the syllable count, but I just could not make it out whether you are happy for rain or not. The poem tells me about squishy mud and soaked hair, but those can be both good and bad. Only good indicator part of rain that is reflected here is from bare toes. Is that what you intended?

Suggestion
You should not be capitalizing "H" of hair I guess. Rest looks fine.

Parting thoughts
A haiku is supposed to be more than a scene. I feel that this haiku falls short of that depth, but it is good for fun. Haiku is a beautiful form which can be used to convey a lot. I am glad to see that you enjoyed it.

WDC spring sig from Carmela's shop


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19
19
Review of Pumpkin  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hey, Steve adding writing to ntbk. . Let me take a moment to wish you happy anniversary month. I found this item in the Raid items, and here are few of my thoughts on same. Please note that these views are meant as a personal opinion and no offense is intended.

Initial Impression
It's a fun poem which shows different facets of the Pumpkin. I don't know what it was written for, but the purpose felt to me that you wanted to describe the pumpkin. In case of the second line, I felt that you forced that line to meet the requirement. Otherwise, the poem stayed true to its form.

Suggestions
The lines need the mid-punctuation. I understand that it can be a choice for you to discard the punctuation. But I think since you have used the ending punctuation, it is better to have the punctuation in middle too. For example,
Keep it up you Jack-O-Lantern fodder you. This sentence can benefit from the better punctuation.

Parting Thoughts
I enjoyed the poem because of its different subject and treatment, but I believe you can make it stronger in some ways.

Thanks for sharing it.

WDC spring sig from Carmela's shop


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20
20
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hey there. I am here on behalf of "I Write in December-January-February to review your entry. Please note that this review represents my views and is not meant to offend in any way.

Initial Impression
I know it is an essay written on the film, but honestly I was a bit lost while reading the essay. I couldn't make it whether you wanted to talk about Alfred Hitchcock or about the movie. I believe you need to focus on one single idea throughout the essay. I haven't seen any of the movies indicated there,but I felt that you were more impressed by Rope than by Vertigo.

Suggestions
There is too much use of the word "swell" here. I actually went to the contest page to see if there was some requirement of using the word "swell"". Is it some kind of pop-reference that I am not understanding? I do know the meaning of the word, but I don't understand why have you used it so many times. Apart from this, I did not have any observations with regards to language.

Final Thoughts
I did enjoy the different movies you have touched upon in this essay. I have added some of them to my to be watched pile as well. Thanks for sharing this.

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In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there. I am here from "I Write in December-January-February for a review.

These are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

First impression

I did enjoy this small conversation. In my eyes, Santa and Jesus are same. Just different names or may be different ways to celebrate. I loved how you brought all religions into the story.

Language,Grammar

I found the piece well done except for a small error. I used to think eggnog is a single word. But please crosscheck once on your end as it is not the word I regularly use.

Also I really didn't get the distinction between magic and miracles. So that part felt a bit strange to me.



Other suggestion
I immensely enjoyed your thoughts. Especially the point when Santa consoles Jesus about the lost people who come back later.

Thank you for sharing this uplifting piece.

Sending you loads of festive wishes.


Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Naveed . I am here as your reviewer today. Sit back and relax as I expect the review to go a tad bit long. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created


The poem talks of how the person reads the newspaper. We all see the world falling apart, the hunger, the wars, the dealers of the wars going all around—yet all we do is read it with apathy. You have captured that feeling very nicely. With the juxtaposition of the current state of the reader of the newspaper with the news the person is reading, you have brought out clearly how safe and secure we feel even after seeing the bombing happening in the next house or country. It is really strange that rather than opposing such stuff, we all read and nod our heads at whatever lies we are fed, leaving our common sense at the altar of money and promises. I loved the way your poem talks about all these things and how it creates a message.

There was one image which confused me quite a bit:

portable and sewerage seem to be vague I just couldn’t get what you are referring to here. The portable and sewerage is something which I could not visualize. I get the reference of the word sewerage, but the words portable and vague are a little unclear to me.

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Language, grammar and form


Let us start with the language and grammar first. There was a small mistake I found in the poem in the sentence their weapon’s to smite. I think what you want to use here is the word weapons (i.e. without the apostrophe). Just crosscheck once.

In terms of form, I had two issues:

1) things that’d leave even Azrael of death perplexed.: This sentence is grammatically correct and well-constructed, but on speaking aloud, this sentence was a mouthful. As compared to the brevity of the other sentences, this lone sentence stood out for me. I don’t know how it can be corrected, but just giving you some thought to think about.

2) Second issue is with the rhyme of word “lies” and “justify”. Your whole poem rhymes quite well except for these words. Probably one way to change can be the replacement of word “their lies” with the word “every Lie”. That should be able to meet the rhyme with justify.

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Punctuation


There are quite a few comma errors in the poem. I am bringing them out here for your notice.

1) their wars, and their genocides : The comma here after wars is not required.

2) We look at the world, like : Again the comma is unnecessary here.

3) nod in obedience, as : Again since the word “as” is used, there is no need for the word comma.

I am of an opinion that the poem should follow the normal rules of punctuation. My comments are made accordingly.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites


There was nothing that I disliked. My favorite lines were the following:

They feed… pomp

That was an amazingly written stanza. I also enjoyed the unusual rhymes that you used.

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Other thoughts and suggestions


Overall it’s a wonderful poem which needs a tad bit of polishing. It speaks of the current time and about our situation, of how we have turned into a machine who reads the paper but does not see the plight of the people. Thank you for allowing me to read it.


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Review of The Purple Beast  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey, . I'm here on behalf of "Game of Thrones to review you. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

*Laugh* *Rolling*
That's what I've been doing since I read the poem. Man, the culinary skills truly needs a lot of refinement. I am so glad that I know how to cook. The poem describes a fiasco in which the person is trying to cook for his date and ends up hitting himself in the head and losing consciousness as he tries to contain the cooking fiasco and make the situation slightly better. It was fun to read the poem and imagine the scene.

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Language, grammar and form

The poem is quite well-edited, but I do feel that your rhymes are quite off. You have tried four rhymes in a day thing, but these rhymes felt like no rhymes while reading aloud. For example silver and quiver doesn't rhyme when I speak them loud. Probably this is something you might want to think about.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the last stanza of the poem. The way you said that Thank God love is blind closed the whole poem quite nicely.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

It was quite a funny poem to read. I enjoyed reading it a lot. Thanks a lot for sharing it with us. It helped me to forget the stress of my day.

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24
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there. I'm here to review you on behalf of "Game of Thrones. I selected this item because I liked the description of the item. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Message conveyed


I'm not sure whether this piece is a true piece or not, but it felt quite true. I'm from India, and I have seen people trying to leave the country too. And many of them don't want to come back. I related quite a lot with the message of loving the family and loving one's roots that is conveyed in the piece. I did wonder why the protagonist saw a random person, someone whose name escaped him too, as a visitor, but then I think mind can play any music it wants.


Language,Grammar

I did not find any kind of grammatical error in the story. Everything felt in order grammatically.


Other suggestion
I felt the beginning was quite weak. I did not associate the beginning with the ending easily. I also felt that there were too many characters in the beginning. I know you wanted to set the scene of the party but as I said they did not add to the ending for me. In fact till the end I felt that they will appear again and then the story will connect us back to those people, but nothing of that sort happened.

Otherwise, as I said above, the scene felt quite realistic.


Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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25
25
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey, W.D. Baker . I am here with a review for you on behalf of "Game of Thrones. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

You create a picture of the lost love where the protagonists cannot go back and cannot even move ahead. The images created have the feature of regret of something which should have happened. Everything was clearly shown, except the mentions of the children. I understood the reference and the meaning too, but it felt a bit jarring to think of how much time must have passed since the protagonist was thinking about her love.


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Language, grammar and form

The language and grammar all looks fine. Except for one small thing. There is an and or comma missing in the sentence I look around wonder

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Punctuation

I found the stanza breaks too many in the poem especially when you were continuing the same thought in the next lines as well. Otherwise, all was well.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the last stanza of the poem the best. The idea of the hourglass sand was beautiful ending to the poem.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

Reminiscing about the past is all okay and fine, but one should be able to move on as well. I hope you have made your peace with the poem since this poem felt quite personal to me.

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