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849 Public Reviews Given
1,002 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I usually love reviewing. I will try to be honest about any plothole or the language issues I find.
I'm good at...
Poetry and all kind of fiction.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Emotional.
Least Favorite Genres
Nil
Favorite Item Types
Poems, Short Stories and Novels.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-fiction.
Public Reviews
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76
76
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, there DeKalb Daddy . I'm here with a rereview for you.

Initial Impression
This is much better than the earlier version. But you're right. This is still not complete. After last 2013, when you explain Maggie's death, that's the section which still jumps forward. You know you can tell this from Angela's POV who was then living with her grandmother for some reason. This will give the reason why she knew about Jean and Maggie's whole history. But then you'll have to either put in her mom in the picture too, or you can say that Mom was working full-time and left her with her grandmother. It happens like this in India. People leave their kids with their grandparents instead of daycare. And for death, let Angela witness their last talk. Let Jean console her that she'll take care of her too, even after her grandmother had passed away.

Suggestions
I know that this is still in edit phase but you need to correct all the speech tags. They should be preceded by commas instead of periods. For example, "I'm really proud of you Maggie." Jean said, clasping her hand. should actually be "I'm really proud of you, Maggie," Jean said, clasping her hand.

Also, the spelling of Maggie's name changes in between. You need to take care of that as well.

Final Impression
Though much better than the earlier, the story still needs work. You need to merge the last para into the story still. I hope the suggestions I gave you regarding plot helps you in some manner. Please rewrite that section soon.

Whenever you've written that section, drop me a mail, so that I can see what else is needed to be done in the story to make it better.

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77
77
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey, DeKalb Daddy . I'm here with a review for you. Please note that the review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

The story shows how the faith of a woman in angels win as she meets her real angel during her last time. I liked the story. I don't think it falls under supernatural though. It felt to me more like a religious story. The plot flows perfectly well except at the point when Maggie requests Jean to shift in. That thought came quite suddenly and out of blue for me.

Also, I'd have loved to know how the angel responded to Maggie in her youth, or she was able to sustain her belief throughout her life by talking only to herself?

*Person* Character *Person*

Maggie is shown as an old woman who's about to lose her house and believes in angels. I don't think more can be added in terms of character development.

*City* Setting *City*

The story gives me no idea about the time or place where it's taking place. Although it's not necessary to show this, it'll be better to add these small details.

*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

This is the weakest point of the story. The story has too much of telling going on especially in the initial paragraph. That paragraph actually feels like a prologue to the main story. My suggestion will be to take one day of all those age and show Maggie during that time. This will make the story more interesting and captivating. Also, I'd like to see more of Jean-Maggie friendship on human level. I mean we need to understand the dynamics between the two to fully appreciate Jean as an angel. I know house-saving is one such example, but living-together hijinks can be better shown.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

Not commenting on this as the story still needs to be spellchecked.

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I liked the theme of the story the most. It shows the success of belief..

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

I know that the story will still be edited, but the story needs a lot more work right now. It's not boring, but then it's not really captivating as well. Even though I enjoyed the theme, I kept on waiting for the author's conversation with me(the reader) to end so that the real story can begin. I'd have enjoyed a stronger conflict, some wavering of belief or something.

I didn't intend to hurt you by saying it, but we did promise to be honest with each other. I'm sure you can find a way to incorporate more "story" in this short story.

Do edit it soon and tell me so that I can help you with the final edits.

A handle gifted by Fal.


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78
78
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey Oldwarrior . I'm here with a review for you on behalf of "P.E.N.C.I.L." . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

The story shows two new characters and how the information is spreading throughout the world. This chapter moves forward as two Ex-officers take in their hands to prevent the nesting of Ants in their islands. I didn't find any plotholes, but I do have a small suggestions. There's too much unnecessary information told in this chapter. I understand that there might be sections important for future fight scenario, but these are weaved too abruptly in the chapter. Take for example the detail about Castle Cornet. It comes and ends too abruptly. Also Huck recognized them too quickly. The army is brusque, but it's too brusque to be believed. They just say the name and voila, he asks about their family. Not even a hint of question in either of them.

*Person* Character *Person*

Hamish and Dorbec are the two characters introduced. Their backstory and friendship is sufficiently explained to give the idea to the readers. Also I noted while you refer to Hamish by his first name, Dorbec is addressed with the last name. Is their any special reason for it? Or is it like that with French names? I am not sure, so mentioning it for you to crosscheck.


*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

As I said in previous chapter as well, there's too much telling going on especially in the beginning when you explain both Hamish and Dorbec. They are explained in such a manner that non-military person like me might need to go back to refer to where was who and why is it explained that much. I cannot still tell except that they met while giving the training and settled on the island for one or the other reasons. Does that info play an important role in the later story? Or is it an additional detail you have added to flesh out the character?

Readers will not keep the notebook beside them to remember who's from where. Instead they'll just move ahead keeping the gist of it as I did. So you need to reexamine whether you want to include that information or not. Also the part where in they used military to reach Huck is not clear to me. What does that really mean? They were still on net, right? I felt a bit lost there.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

I'll repeat my suggestions from the last post. You need to use the fiind function and go over the weak verbs like was and had. They weaken the prose and make it feel like a textbook rather than novel. There were a few typos in the beginning which is marked below.
Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

Nothing stood out as a special favorite or non-favorite.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

I am not so sure I'm engaged as a reader. If not for the review, I'd have skipped the details in the chapter and moved on to the next chapter to see some more of the action. That makes me a bad reader, but that description was too boring.

But I can see the world gearing for fight now, and I wait to see where they are going to find the nests, or if they are going to be able to stop the ants.

See you soon with the review of the next chapter.

Sig for Members


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79
79
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*StarY* Welcome to WDC from all of us at "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *StarY*



Hey puppycat . As promised, I'm here with a review for your chapter.
Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

The chapter talks about a girl who meets a stranger, and is kidnapped by him. The handsome stranger tells her that she is a witch.

*Person* Character *Person*

There are two main characters shown here: Ethan and Rebecca. I loved the voice you gave to Rebecca. It's a voice of a girl who has spunk in it.

*City* Setting *City*

The scene acts in a bistro in present day settings. Although the description is sufficient, you can add more about the surroundings as well.

*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

The description shown are sufficient for the chapter.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

The story shows that you have a grasp over your grammar. I want to point out one major thing first, and that is absence of capital letters. Is it a keyboard issue? My observations are marked below-

*PenR* Every letter after full-stop/period should be capitalized. It not only is correct way of writing, but it also makes the writing look more neat. Else the periods and breaks are lost in the long sentences. If you are using some word processor, there would be squiggly red/green lines appearing for this.

*PenR* Similarly the pronoun "I" is always capitalized. No exceptions to this rule.

*PenR* Your and you're are two different words. Your is used to show possession, while you're is a short form of you are.

*PenR*I'll also suggest giving a enter after every paragraph break.

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I loved the voice of your character. The dialogues felt absolutely natural to my ear.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

You know for a teenager, your skill of writing is exceptional. I can feel the characters waiting to leap out of the page.

But presentation of the story is as important as its content. A right formatting of story can attract many more readers. You have the capability to hook the readers with the story. What you need is to polish this piece a bit.

I'll suggest that you start by giving proper enters and capital letters. Mail me once you're done with it, and I'll re-review it for you and help you with polishing it a bit more.

Welcome once again to WDC.

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80
80
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey Oldwarrior . I'm here with a review on behalf of "P.E.N.C.I.L." . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Plot

The plot shows deployment of a unit of military to the city. A unit is deployed at the mall to check for civilians and kill any extra ants. The last sequence shows them heading out to the college lab.

I will be honest here. This was a chapter I didn't much enjoy. The whole chapter has little happening in the way of story and a lots of detailed descriptions about the ammunitions and machinery. I understand the need to explain all these things to reader, I myself was lost at some points, but these descriptions need to be roped in the story. Currently they feel like author is pulling me out of the story to tell me what the Black Hawk or Bradley looked like. This could be one thing that can be improved.

Also, the fight between the ant and military ended too quickly. That felt a bit anticlimatic after the last fight with ants.s.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Character

A new character is introduced but nothing much is shown. It is the kind of appear and die character. I , as a reader, am aware about it and thereby couldn't feel much for him.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Setting

The mall and city is shown. The curfew is shown well enough.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Description

As I said, the chapter has too many descriptions of machines and vehicles and guns. They are necessary, I can see that, but they need to be blended better. Also, the chapter felt lacking in feelings. I couldn't feel the terror and horror of the people in the story.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language and Grammar

The chapter had few weak points. I've highlighted them below in the dropnote.
Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

Nothing stood out as an exceptional favorite.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I am wondering if you can end the chapter in a better manner. Maybe at the thoughts of one of the commandos or something. The end sentence right now gives away that they are going to die in next two chapters taking away the temptation to read if there's more.

I know I've pointed out this chapter as weak, but my intention is to provide you a groundwork you can use to revise the story. Anyway, I hope this is a filler chapter for what's to come next.

Thanks for allowing me to read and review it.

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81
81
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Oldwarrior .It has been long time since we heard from each other. I am here with the review for you on behalf of "P.E.N.C.I.L." . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Plot

The plot shows the reaction of scientist and government to the ants. The reaction of government is very real, one you'd expect from the government. This chapter shows the world becoming aware about the menace of ants. This does take the story forward but it was unable to engage my emotions. I neither felt the fear or the pity for the victims in this chapter.

I understand that this chapter is meant to be action oriented, but showing some of the feelings is necessary to engage the reader. Otherwise it feels like dry retelling of things.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Character

All the old characters come together to analyze the strategy for combating with ants.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Description

There is enough description in the chapter, but I felt it could be more. The despair of the situation could be better explained.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language and Grammar

As usual the chapter is quite well-edited. There are only a few minor errors you need to take care of. These are highlighted below.

Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

My favorite in the story was the last scene wherein you showed the camera sequence and back to the broadcast scene. It felt vivid and real and it reinforced the terror these ants could create.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I am glad the things are happening faster now. I'm waiting for the final combat strategy and how they would finally save the world. I'll drop by with the review for next chapter soon.

Thank you for sharing this story with us.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

We offer reviews for novels and chapters! Come and visit us!


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82
82
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Header for The Gift Shop

Hey, fyn .This review is one that intuey of House Lannister bought for you from "Invalid Item"  with the message: Dear Fyn, here are the two reviews still owed, plus four extra, for being late. My sincere apologies. I've been going through a pretty stressful personal health crisis. I hope you enjoy your reviews. God Bless. Tracey'

Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* Initial Impressions *Xmastree*
What an ending! *Laugh*
As I read through the ordeals of this little frog, I was myself wondering what you wrote in the last stanza. What is the point?! *Laugh*

This sweet poem takes us to a captured frog who falls into a pail of milk and is trying to find a way out of the bucket.As usual, the poem is laced with some wonderful images which transport us directly into the frog's place.

*Xmastree* Suggestions *Xmastree*
The poem is absolutely perfect as it is. I won't change a thing in the poem. It is funny, it's interesting and it tugs the heart just as it is.

*Xmastree* Final Thoughts *Xmastree*
The message of your description is very well-imbibed in the poem. I had a lot of fun while reading the antics of the frog in the pail of milk. I hope the life turns out in the similar way as well.

Thank you for sharing it.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*
83
83
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Header for The Gift Shop

Hey, Ken. I'm here with another review for you. This review was bought for you from "Invalid Item"  by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm with the message: 'Part of your package from "Invalid Item" ! Congrats and I hope you enjoy it!'Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Imagery Created

The poem talks about the Christmas tree and what memories it brings for the poet. It tells us about how each ornament reminds of the happy days and laughter. I think that's what festivals are all about. They might not bring in magic, they might not even be true, but they carry in them the essence of memories and traditions. These traditions bring us together year in and year out. Your poem talks about that coming together. It paints the scenes of many christmas which have gone but have left a mark of memories in the poet's mind.


*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language, grammar and form

The poem follows a-a-b-b rhyme scheme which flows perfectly. I didn't find any grammatical error in the poem except for one sentence. placed on last - I think it should be "at last" here or "on top". But "on top" will change the rhyme. "On" with "last" doesn't feel right to me.


*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Punctuation

huddled by the fireplace;
A happy glow on each child's face. - The "A" in this sentence should not be capitalized as it follows a semicolon. Other than this small thing, the poem is well-punctuated.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the first stanza and the last stanza the most. They join the poem together showing age and love. *Smile*

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and suggestions

Your poems always leave me with a smile.

Thank you for sharing them.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*
84
84
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey Maryann - House Martell . 'This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that shiuli_dola bought with the message: 'Part of your surprise package at the "Invalid Item" . Enjoy!'
Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Plot

This cute story tells us about the lemonade stall two little girl set out as a detective's joint. The story was sweet as it portrayed the hiinks of two little girls.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Character

Mandy and Gina are shown. They are well-loved girls in the neighborhood with a sense of justice and humor. They love trying to solve problems. The story is told from Mandy's POV and does complete justice to her character.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Description

Sufficient enough for the story.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language and Grammar

The story has a few tense changes. I've highlighted them in the dropnote below. Also, you've missed comma before direct address in the story. I haven't marked them, but you might want to cross check them while editing the story.
Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

I loved the initial interaction between Mr Marino and the kids.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I think the story could have been stronger towards the end with more humor when they see the dog with the teddy. But despite it, I enjoyed reading the story.

Thank you for sharing it.

Keep Writing!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review of Starbucks  
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey, Maryann - House Martell .This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that shiuli_dola bought with the message: 'Part of your surprise package at the "Invalid Item" . Enjoy!' Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Imagery Created

This poems is an acrostic about Starbucks. I have not been to Starbucks because it's not there in India yet, but I can understand why anyone will write an acrostic about it. The poem captures all the reasons you liked your visit to Starbucks for.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language, grammar and form

Acrostic is a difficult form to master. It's not only about the first letter of the first word, but also about the message that is conveyed in the poem. You acrostic conveys the message well, but it felt disjointed to me. Each sentence (except for the first two) read as if they are from different perspectives. The line that made me stumble the most is Understanding coffee lingo is fun. The line preceding this is about something the poet saw, as is the line following this. But then this sentence disjoins the two sentences around it.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Punctuation

Perfect!

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved that you included the scent in this poem. Without it, there wouldn't have been any strength to the love of the shop.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and suggestions

Though the poem is well-executed, I believe it could have been better. I have read other poems and stories in your port and I know that you are capable of much more. But still, the poetry is such a subjective thing. This does give a vent to your thoughts about Starbucks.

Thank you for sharing it.

Keep Writing!

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86
86
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Hey, Chrys O'Shea . This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that you won at the "Invalid Item"  raffle.'Please note that this review represents my views as a
reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* Initial Impressions *Xmastree*
This short poem portrays the message of world without any wars and full of love. The high school incidences you mentioned shows well how degenerate the world has become in your opinion. I liked the message of the poem and support it except for one point. I don't believe that the world was ever a peaceful place. History shows us war upon war-- war between friends, war between brothers, war between families.
It's not the past we need to compare to, but the future we need to believe in. It doesn't matter if the past was golden or not. What matters is that love should become the first priority of ours.

*Xmastree* Suggestions *Xmastree*
The poem has no error-- grammatical or punctuation wise. But there is one thing which I didn't associate with--the word "brotherly". I know what you're trying to express but I could wrap my mind around this word.

*Xmastree* Final Thoughts *Xmastree*
How wonderful it would be if all the people learn the lesson of love! That day seems distant but it'll surely come.

Thank you for sharing this poem. Wish you happy account anniversary again.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*


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87
87
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Magoo . This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that Ghostranch bought for you with the message: 'Congratulations on winning 3rd place in the Poetry Treasures contest.'Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Imagery Created

Ha ha. What a creative poem. The poem shows a raindrop which decided to follow her love winter to the north. I loved the way you showed her change from rain to snowflake. How her love made her colder and colder.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language, grammar and form

The poem is quite well-edited and well-done. The only point where I stumbled was her frailty came unfurled.. This sentence didn't feel right to me. It jarred my flow while reading the poem. Other than this one sentence, the whole poem flowed perfectly with perfect rhymes.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Punctuation

Perfect! *Thumbsup*

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the story portrayed in the poem. The second last stanza was my absolute favorite as it depicted the change quite well.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I'm glad I discovered your poems while doing this package. They are fun to read and quite innocent.

Thank you for sharing them.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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88
88
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, fyn . This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that intuey of House Lannister bought with the message: 'As part of your winning bid in "WDC Birthday Ice Cream Social 2018" .

Initial Impressions
This poem talks about the beauty and the music that lies hidden in the open view. Like many of your other poems, this poem is built with many images. Each image collides with other to show the beauty that lies in the eyes of the author. Each image brings peace just by words.

Suggestions
I like the stanzas of the poem, the way they suggest the beauty of the things. In fact individually they make a captivating picture, but when I read them together, it feels to me that they are not connected. Like the poem starts with you and then move into a general scenario and finally into "I". This disconnected me from the poem as a whole.

Final Thoughts
Despite of the above mentioned disconnection, I enjoyed how each line made me feel and think. And I think that's more important in the poem.

Thank you for sharing it!

Keep Writing.


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89
89
Review of Binary Blindfold  
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey, Liam . This review is part of the gift basket that you bought from "Invalid Item" . We appreciate your order!

Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Imagery Created

The poem shows us how the computers have overtaken our lives. I am confused whether the poem is about the gaming or do you want to encompass everything as well? The second and third stanzas feel to me about the gaming skills but then "angelic hackers" contradicts the gaming philosophy.

But overall theme aside, I enjoyed as you showed how the computer has overtaken our lives. How we even do immoral things on PC in the name of virtual reality.


*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language, grammar and form

The poem is quite well-edited. The meter for the Trijan Refrain is very well done. Although the rhyme is a bit off in first stanza. Idleness/Bliss/Anonymous do not rhyme as per my pronunciation. But since I am an ESL speaker, my pronunciations might be different. You might want to cross-check this rhyme. (Though I don't think anonymous can even obliquely rhyme!)


*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Punctuation

Perfect! *Thumbsup*

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

First of all, I loved the title. It expressed everything in just two words. After that my favorite lines are the first two lines. It shows the reality of how we treat ourselves when sitting before the PC.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I have never written the Science Fiction poem. Despite of being an engineer, I cannot imagine writing it. I applaud your efforts in using all the three requirements together (Muse Campfire requirement, right?)

Thank you for sharing it. Keep Writing!

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90
90
Review of Wolfs pain  
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey Jimminycritic .This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that you won at the "Invalid Item"  raffle.
Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Plot

This is fantasy story about a werewolf hunter whose own wife has been turned into werewolf. The story follows his journey on how he tries to find his wife. The plot flowed smoothly till the end.

I just had a two small complaints. The "hard-on" realization came too abruptly. I mean if he had already felt it, he should have thought about it during the chase. t's possible that he tried to justify his reaction or something, but out that came out of the blue for me. The second thing which disconnected me from the story wa absence of emotion in the first stanza. I did not feel that impotent rage which should have come across to me.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Character

John and his wife are the two character. Both used to kill werewolves, but then both turn to werewolves later in the story. Nothing much is evident here about their relationship. They both are shown as powerful people in hunters' guild.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Description

Sufficient enough for the story.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language and Grammar

The story is quite well-done. I'll like to point out two things which you need to look upon in the story-

1) There are sentences which are too wordy. I understand each of us have their own writing style and sometimes we do embrace the more eloquent style, but the sentences in this story can be shortened. I will suggest you to go through it once again with the eye of downsizing and you'll find that there are many places where you can tighten it up.

2) The story is too much dependent upon the verb "was". Though I don't consider it a bad thing, but then it again depreciates the impact of the story.

Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

I loved the reference of man-wolf and his head in the oven. It was grizzly scene which made me appreciate the bdifficulty of John. What I didn't enjoy was the absence of emotions in the beginning. I wanted to connect with John emotionally during the hunt too, but was not able to.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I know I've made quite a few suggestions, but that doesn't mean that story has no merit. The story has the capability to stand as it is as well. My points are something to take into consideration to make the story much better.

Thanks a lot for sharing it.

Keep Writing!*Thumbsup*

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91
91
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, Magoo . This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that Ghostranch bought for you with the message: 'Congratulations on winning 3rd place in the Poetry Treasures contest.' Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Imagery Created

I love children poetry. These poems have a specialty and that's they can make anyone smile with simple joy of reading the poem. Your poem does the same. It talks about a baby kid whose grandparents are babysitting him and he is running amok in the house making them follow him all around in exasperation. I absolutely adored the images that you showed. The poem is written from kid's point of view and what makes it more sweet is that he doesn't mention any reasons for his behavior. Neither he feels any remorse. How so much like a kid!

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language, grammar and form

I loved the way you used varied phrases like "tipsy toddle style", "dentures click and clack ". These add to the image you are trying to portray. Grammatically I didn't find any problems with the poem. The rhymes you have used flows completely in line with the images of the poem.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Punctuation

Perfect! *Thumbsup*

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

Apart from the phrases mentioned above I liked the following two sentences the most-
I climb the crib and fall inside,
then Teddy shows me where to hide. - This line reminded me how much I loved playing with my toys and how I believed them to be my friends. *Smile*

I giggle from inside my crib,
without my clothes and just a bib. - This line is so cute. I can just hear the giggle.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and suggestions

You made my day with this poem. I am wondering why I didn't stumble across your poems earlier. This perfect poem is worthy of five stars. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

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92
92
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*StarY* Welcome to WDC from all of us at "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *StarY*


Hey, Twitch . I'm here with a review of the your gift basket from "WDC Addicts Anonymous" . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Plot

This sets up an atmostphere of a fantasy where magik and elements ruled. It tells the story of how the magik was banished but is still practiced at many places. It sets up the perfect set-up for a new world where the story can take place.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Character

The prologue has one major character and that is Fauxmir. He comes out as a villain who caused the wars. He comes out as the person who caused magik to die, but is still not dead.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Setting

Fantasy world where the elements used to rule, until they were banned.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Description

Sufficient for the chapter.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Language and Grammar

Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

I loved the idea of the beginning and the names of the element. So near to the names that we use.

*Xmastree* *Stockingr* *Xmastree*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I found the prologue quite interesting. It makes me want to know what happens next. Thank you for allowing me to read and review the story.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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93
93
Review of Warping  
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, openyourize . This is one of the reviews paid for with the gift certificate you received for placing 3rd in the "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" .' Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Imagery Created

The poem talks about the spiritual awakening of the person. Actually, only the last stanza talks about it and first two hints at it. I loved the way the poem jumped from one place to another showing how everything is moving in circles around us since so many days and years. Even in its abstractness, it conveys the beauty.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Language, grammar and form

The poem does not follow any particular form but for me, it flowed very well. It ebbed and rose in a way that it made me wish to read it again and again. As far as language is concerned, I don't have anything to add.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Punctuation

There is only a teeny-tiny mistake here. The sentence "Feed..." starts with a capital letter though there is not period in the previous line.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the second stanza. It expresses the philosophy of all this related and yet not related to us beautifully. I didn't like the last two lines of the poem. They felt quite abrupt to me.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I understand in this kind of poem each person can decipher it in different manner. It's equally possible that the vision you wanted to convey was different. But our interpretation of spiritual realms are defined by our religion and values. In case any of my opinion offended you somehow, I would like to apologize.

Thank you for sharing this poem.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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94
94
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, Dave . Thank you for your entry to "Words with Wings" . I apologize for the delay in announcing the results. I was too engrossed in festival season. *Blush*

Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Imagery Created

The poem talks about the efforts a father puts in refurbishing an old cycle and the joy the child feels as he gets the gift and learns the cycling. I enjoyed the way you used the bicycle. It expresses the feelings of both father and child and ties them together quite nicely.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Language, grammar and form

The poem is well done and well edited. The only issue I had with the poem is that some lines felt too long. That's one thing you can think about in the poem.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Punctuation

Perfect! *Thumbsup*

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the first and the last stanza the most. They are very descriptive.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I have read many of your poems and each poem tugs at my heart. Thank you for all your support to the contest. It's much appreciated. *Smile*


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95
95
Review of Magic Marbles  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, 🌕 HuntersMoon . Thank you for your entry to "Words with Wings" . I apologize for the delay in announcing the results. I was too engrossed in festival season. *Blush*

Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Imagery Created

You poem, like always, is wonderful with the imagery and the message. So much fun can be found in small games, the fun of the outdoor games which has been lost in this fast paced world. The poem beautifully captures the love of the parents and their joy at the bonding over marbles.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Language, grammar and form

The poem is well done and well edited. Just few things which I noticed-

*Treefall3* The word "daylight" is a single word without any spaces.
*Treefall3* I felt the poem has too many "and"s (10 to be precise). In some stanzas there are four ands very close by. I can see that this is done for the effect of creating time and effect, but they can be cut down in numbers. Do check that.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Punctuation

Perfect! *Thumbsup*

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the description of the marbles -- the words like image rounds, gleaming orbs made me see them in real.
I did not like the line He looked around. “What did you find?” I broke the flow for me somehow. Another sentence which felt too wordy to me was we used to help make the time pass. They felt like they were written only to add to the rhyme. I think this is more of the structure issue.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Other thoughts and suggestions

You are a gifted poet. Telling a simple story in a poem is difficult, but you managed it quite well. Thanks for participating in the contest. Do come back for this round.

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96
96
Review of Toys... HELP!  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Amay . Thank you for your entry to "Words with Wings" . Sorry for the delay in review and judging this fortnight. We have festival season in India and there just is too much fun going all around. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Imagery Created

The poem talks about a child's hurry to clean up the room/house before their mother comes. You have beautifully shown the pains that the children are taking and the thoughtfulness behind each action.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Language, grammar and form

The language you have used is simple yet effective. The short sentences makes the poem sound like coming directly from and for a child. The simple rhymes add to the appeal of the poem. *Smile*

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Punctuation

This was where the poem didn't work for me. I understand that punctuation is not must for the poems. But having some lines punctuated and some unpunctuated made me feel disconnected. The third stanza has periods in second and fourth line as well. (The fourth line should be an exclamation mark in my opinion) while the first and second stanza are devoid of any periods despite the fact the sentences did end in these stanzas as well.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the phrase with Santa's elves and the Whew in the end. I broke into a huge smile on reading them.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Other thoughts and suggestions

The poem is good, though not as good as your other entries which I've read. But as I said in my earlier reviews as well, you have a knack for writing in a way that a child's attention be capture.

Thanks for participating in the contest. See you again in this round.

** Image ID #1939830 Unavailable **


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97
97
Review of Dreams and Dreams  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (2.0)
*StarY* Welcome to WDC from all of us at "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *StarY*



Hey, {suser: sherlockwatson}. This review is the part of the package Elle - on hiatus gifted you in "WDC Birthday Ice Cream Social 2018" . Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Message Conveyed

This article present the thoughts about the dreams. The first stanzas tell us about what we consider dream to be and the last stanza gives us the conclusion as per the author. Though initial paragraphs explained the message clearly, the last paragraph, just before the points, became too mixed up. All the points intermingled which distorted the message being conveyed. My suggestion will be to break this stanza into further paragraphs so as to clearly show and highlight what you want to convey.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Language and Grammar

I stumbled upon the construction of many sentences. Though the message can be construed from these sentences, they felt too forced while reading. I have highlighted my suggestions in the dropnote below. Also, please be careful about the use of words like so, now, and well. They are mostly unnecessary and make the prose heavy to read.

Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

I enjoyed the beginning and the turn of phrases like "mysterious world of dreams". It creates a warm feeling inside me. I did not enjoy the clinical way you put forth the points.Some more explanation should be there to engage the readers fully.

*Leafbr**Treefall**Leafbr*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I personally believe that we should not bother about the dreams too much. There are far too many things in real life which are still unexplored. *Smile*

Anyway, is English your second language? I felt that you thought in some other language and then translated it to English. It's the same for me. My first language is Hindi. So my sentence structure is many times skewed. But this changes with practice. I'm getting much better now, and you will improve too with some more practice.

I hope my suggestions help you in some manner. In case you need any further clarification about my comments, do not hesitate to drop me a mail. I will also be happy to re-rate and re-review the item if you decide to make some changes.

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98
98
Review of Whispering Walls  
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey, Nixie. This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that you bought with the gift certificate from Princess Zelda . Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

Initial Impressions

What a fantabulous story! I usually do not read horror. Because it is mostly filled with gore and something. You created an amazing psychological horror of guilt. The story talks about a man who tries to defies Friday, the 13th every year and gets captured in a nightmare. The way you showed the rooms and the story you built around Friday, the 13th is very real and credible.

Suggestions

The only thing where I stumbled in the story was 200 years. Were there cigarettes two centuries ago? In 1813? Wiki says it became rage in France in 1880. Before that there were cigars. I am getting into finer details , I know, but just pointing it out for historical accuracy. Also, there are ending quotes missing after the it was a breath of fresh air.

Apart from this, I didn't find any error in the story.

Ending Thoughts

I was absolutely delighted by the story. The minor things I mentioned do not distract from the story. They are just the small things which need to tighten the story.

Thanks a lot for sharing this with us.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*


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99
99
Review of Jeremy's Debut  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, Amay . Thank you for your entry in "Words with Wings" . I apologize for the delay in declaring the result. *Blush* Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Plot

What a wonderful story! I loved every moment of it. It shows a child who makes his debut magic show before the elders. The story beautifully captures his nervousness and the enthusiasm and love of the grandparents.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Character

Jeremy is shown as a kid who is performing his stage show. His grandparents are the two other characters who help Jeremy by motivating him.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Description

Absolutely delightful! I loved the way you showed Jeremy's nervousness and appearance of Mr Bugs was also very entertaining.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Language and Grammar

I wish I had some suggestion to improve the story, but I don't have any suggestion. The story is perfect as per me.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

I loved Mr. Bugs and its appearance out of the hat.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I have read this story twice, and it still remains fresh. Thanks a lot for making my day with this story.

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100
100
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Dave . Thank you for your entry to "Words with Wings" . I apologize for the delay in declaring the result. I was too caught up in birthday madness. *Blush* Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Imagery Created

The poem talks about a special day at the beach when the protagonist meets a neighbor and spends the day while dancing together. I must thank you for explaining the word "shag". It really did feel like something else, or maybe my mind is polluted. Anyway, the poem describes the day in the perfect manner, but I found it weak in imagery. I couldn't feel the strength of feelings that is usually woven in the poem.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Language, grammar and form

The poem flows well with perfect language. Not even one word is misplaced in the poem.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Punctuation

Perfect! *Thumbsup*

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

Nothing stood as too memorable in the poem.

*Cake**BalloonR**Cake*
Other thoughts and suggestions

As I said, the poem in itself is a technically perfect. The only thing I felt was that it could be sprinkled with much better imagery. But poetry is a very subjective thing. What appeals to me can be entirely different from what appeals to others. My review represent just one such view.

Keep Writing!

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