First Thoughts: This was an excellent poem about how we connect with the people around us through observation. It was easy to set into the scene and observe along with the narrator. I especially liked the way you concluded the poem by mirroring the first stanza, bringing everything full circle.
Errors/Suggestions: I appreciated the form you created with this poem - the observation followed by questions. It highlights the subjects of you theme, and give more emphasis to the situation, while continuing the flow throughout the work. As a person who does this often, the poem definitely struck a pleasant cord with me.
I could find no grammatical errors while reading through your poem.
Conclusion: This a great perspective piece with an apt title that caught my attention right away. Keep up the great work.
((First Thoughts)) You've taken a classic story and added a nice twist from telling it from the serpent's perspective as he begins to formulate a plan. While the ending is known to many, the way you've captured the scene brings a new sense of foreboding as to what is to happen next. I enjoyed this darker spin.
((Errors)) I could find no grammatical errors while reading your work.
((Suggestions)) You have a great sense of flow and movement. The poem grows more and more menacing as it progresses, and there was no lag from the beginning to the end. This is a great poem. I have no suggestions.
((Conclusion)) This a well-written creative poem. I wish you the best of luck in the contest, and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
First Thoughts: This was a breath-taking poem. This moved me so much with the vivid imagery mixed with the emotional nuances you provided throughout throughout each stanza. You could easily feel the wind and the sea as well as the longing of not knowing where someone stands in a relationship.
The free-verse style of the poem adds to the depth of your writing. The questions at the end also provide a sense of yearning to end the piece of a heart-wrenching note. This was truly beautiful.
Errors: Everything looks great. The flow of each stanza moves seamlessly from one to next. I could also find no grammatical errors.
Suggestions: This is perfect as is. Thank you for sharing such an awesome work of art and poetry.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Then, whispers soft the gibbous moon,
and draws in her net of silver strands;
the waves recede reluctantly,
with one last kiss to the wet sands.
First Thoughts: Your poem was vivid in both description and emotion. I found the portrayal of your heart to be extremely person, and was honored to have read something that must be close you. Each of us at one point in time or another have felt the pain of heartbreak and betrayal, but your words speak of heart after years of pain.
Errors/Suggestions: The structure of your poem is formed well, accenting each aspect of the broken heart, highlighting the experience and the pain. I also thought the free-form nature of the poem suited the theme accurately, giving better flow. I could find no grammatical errors. Well done.
Conclusion: Thank you for sharing such an intimate piece. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
First Thoughts: When I first caught a glimpse of how short your poem was, I have to admit I was a bit skeptical of how this would turn out. Surprisingly, you did a wonderful job compacting the emotional devastation of losing a loved one. Leaving the scene to the eye of the reader, you were able to provide images the reader could identify with. This was quiet an impressive feat.
Errors/Suggestions: Containing only eleven words, the structure and grammar of this piece was sound. The flow of the poem worked well with its limited wording. Although additional words would have been nice, they are not necessary.
Conclusion: Well done capturing the waiting and emotional torment.
First Thoughts:First, I'd like to apologize for the long wait on your review. Your review is the last of the contest round, so results for the contest will be up shortly. I want to thank you for all of your patience.
Your poem was emotional-evoking piece that demonstrated the beauty that the earth and nature holds for those who take a moment to take a look and see. The awakening of the narrator is fascinating to witness as he sees not only the beautiful essence of life, but also the strife and struggle to survive.
I feel as if I should give you extra credit for the image, lol. It fits the prompt perfectly.
Errors: Everything about your poem is spot on: structure, flow, and rhyme. I could also find no grammatical errors.
Suggestions: This is wonderful as is. Well done.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Her beauty touched me deeply, her skin of peeling bark
her eyes were looking skyward, shadowed by the dark.
I saw her outstretched arms, as though in crucifixion,
while her joyful face shone - a study in conviction.
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First Thoughts: First, I wish to apologize for how long its taken me to review your entry. I hope to have them all finished by the end of the day, so your results will sent to you shortly. I thank you for your patience.
Your poem was a lovely piece about the beauty of nature. Your use of vivid detail brought the images you've written about come to life. There is everything provided: a sense of smell and vision, a feeling of place and time. This is an excellent use of the contest prompt.
Errors: The structure of your poem flows smoothly from one stanza to the other. I could also find no grammatical errors while reading your piece.
Suggestions: No suggestions. Your work is great as is.
Favorite Line/Segment:
The rain-cooled earth emits
A pleasing fragrance
That spreads far and wide
Like the endless grace
Of a mother’s love
Bringing solace to millions.
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First Thoughts: The way you mesh reality and the metaphorical with this poem makes it a great read. The concept eyes being the window to the soul can be seen woven throughout the piece, while you also talk of a person who changed while the narrator wasn't looking.
The last of line of your poem was my favorite, speaking to the ultimate consequence.
Errors/Suggestions: The free-verse of the poem works well with the unraveling of the story behind the work. The one thing that was somewhat difficult to navigate while reading was the sporadic use of the punctuation throughout, and the random lines that rhyme with each other while others don't. While this can be accidental, it can also throw off a reader to the true poetic form of the piece.
Conclusion: This was brutally truthful and dark with its honesty. Thanks for sharing.
First Thoughts: The subject of your poem was met head on by your perception of events. The intensity of the work had an underlining sense of helplessness felt by not only the person surrounded by the feelings, but the emotion themselves who seem to lack control over what they do best. For only eight line of poetry, your piece surely packed a mighty punch.
Errors/Suggestions: Your words matched perfectly with the form of Acrostic. The lines of your piece stayed consistent with the topic, and moved well together as the poem progressed.
I found one possible grammatical error while reading your poem.
>Yeilding (Yielding) to nothing as they become me.
Conclusion: High emotion and well written. You've done a wonderful job with this piece. Write on!
This is a Helping Hearts review of "Foggy Morning" .
First Thoughts: After first reading, I wasn't quite sure of how I felt about your poem. I went back to get again, taking away more information. The more I read your work, the more I seemed to enjoy it as well as understanding what you were trying to portray. This was lovely in its subtlety, yet thought provoking in its execution.
Errors/Suggestions: You have an interesting style of poetry as this poem demonstrated. I enjoyed the way it flowed freely from any set poetic structure, relying more on the thoughts and ideas of the writer. Although reading this poem was awkward at times due to the somewhat disjointed wording, it was a great piece capturing a scene and its feelings.
I also could not find any spelling errors while reading through your work.
Conclusion: Your poem was slow in building and as haunting as a foggy morning. Thank you for sharing.
First Thoughts: From what you stated in your essay, the inspiration behind the campfire was based on one of your award winning short stories. I love the way you were able to take your characters and make them into a gripping campfire while making it a learning experience for others who hadn't explored script format before.
Concept: The first thing I noticed about the campfire was the way the structure was set up like a stage play. This was a breath of fresh air from the usual format of a campfire. I also enjoyed how the campfire wasn't too long, concluding at the end. More times than not many don't finish, leaving the reader to wonderful how everything concluded.
Characters: Damita, Rosa, and Katie were all interesting women who faced difficult choices. Each dispatcher, after experiencing the earthquake, went through a review of their life's priorities to see what was most important. Each author did a wonderful job expanding on each woman.
Conclusion: Excellent style and excellent format. Thanks for entering your campfire into the contest.
First Thoughts: You've done a wonderful job capturing the moment that will forever be a part of American history. Although I wasn't alive during the president's assassination, my mother often talks about the day he died and exactly what she was doing at the time. Your memory and retelling of the day shows how deeply the moment impacted your life. The physical and emotional details you provided for readers made it easy to picture the scene.
Well done.
Errors/Suggestions: The story flows well from the beginning to the end, especially how you opened and closed the piece with the same sentence, which adds an extra poignancy to the story. One suggestion I would give is mentioning President Kennedy's name as some younger readers might not be able to reference what day you're mentioning.
I could find no grammatical errors in your short story.
Conclusion: The scene of this day was woven skillfully. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Write On!
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First Thoughts:You description was right on the money about how delusional the woman in the story is. It was interesting to see the way she was able to rationalize normal behavior for hidden words of love. The ending made for a scary work about a woman going too far for love.
Errors/Suggestions: I spotted a few errors while reading through your story.
I smiled happily back at my rounded figure while I adjusted my short blond hair,making (needs space) sure that every strand was in its right place.
...making sure my thick coats of the lipstick didn’t leave a stain on my crooked, (delete comma) teeth.
Rob liked unique,(;) he welcomed change.
He nodded and smirked in my direction, trying to appear detached(.)
“Of course, I’ll stay as long as I have too (to).” I replied.
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First Thoughts: You captured the image of the prompt with the essence of your poem. It was hard not to picture the images you provoked with your words; I was definitely creeped out, lol. As always, your work is well crafted.
Thanks for entering.
Errors/Suggestions: Your chosen form of poetry was well suited for the theme. The flow moves smoothly throughout the piece. I could find no grammatical errors while reading.
Conclusion: The disturbing imagery and dark emotion moved excellently. The last line of the poem fit perfectly.
First Thoughts: You're off to a wonderful start. Bianca is an excellent narrator, and provides a strong voice for the story. The other characters as well are full of life, and have their own unique personality, which can be hard to do given how large the cast of character is. The amount of history and background you've provided for readers is rich with information. One thing I would be careful of in the future is giving away too much in the beginning as this can throw readers off. All in all this was a great beginning.
Errors/Suggestions: I'm in awe of the work you've put into this chapter. There are a few errors I spotted while reading. Know that these are given as suggestions, and in the spirit of helping out a fellow writer.
Derik and I looked to each other, each of us wondering if the other had heard that? (delete question mark) as we laid on our stomachs... [Random question marks are scattered throughout this chapter. I would suggest rereading and deleting ones that pop-up in mid-sentence.]
“No thanks Aunt Jess. But thanks anyway... [delete one thanks – redundant]
“Your family are (is) cool.” Derik said for his zillionth
time.
Derik continued to stick up for his older brother. [delete, not needed]
...all evolved from being human to exist as pure energy and light and take their place in the space time continuum? [delete question mark - replace with period.]
To say that my family were (was) ‘unique’ would have been an understatement.
The Lokoti Tribal Lands was (were) safely tucked away in a small corner of the vast Lokoti National Park in the Alaska Range.
Derik had brown hair and brown eyes and was academic, sensitive(,) and easy to talk to.
The last time somebody said something like that? That no other Circulators were meant to be created after the year 1985? [delete question marks – connect sentences]
This included with (delete) raising their beloved only child.
Sure, things got sad when somebody died?(,) But with the miraculous skill of our Medicine Man, my Grandpa...
I looked from him to Justin, wondering what was going on here? (delete question mark)
“Yeah!” my (My) eyes lit up at the idea.
Conclusion: An intriguing beginning to your tale. I look forward to reading more.
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First Thoughts: You've written an intriguing piece of poetry. The reveal of the victim and predator progressed well. The detail and sense given by your poem was well represented.
Errors/Suggestions: Please note that these suggestions are given in the spirit of helping a fellow writer; please do not take offense as you are the ultimate judge of your work.
One thing I noticed right away was the lack of certain capitalization throughout your piece. This can be distracting to reader as the eye immediately goes to the irregularity. There was also a comma after each line when some of them would have benefited from a period. I would advise correcting these to improve the rating.
I also found a spelling error.
But all he did was beem (beam) at me,
Conclusion: This was an interesting piece of work. You've done well with Prompt #3. Thanks for entering.
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First Thoughts: Your story has a subtle sense of despair as the story of the main character, Anna, unfolds. The horror comes with a near flawless transition, and the execution of detail is one of the things I enjoyed most about your work. You've done well creating a story around Prompt Picture #3.
Errors/Suggestions: There were a couple of errors I found while reading your short story. These are just suggestions and are given in the spirit of helping out a fellow writer.
(From the description above.) a young women struggled within the confinement of a pshycward (Psych Ward).
They echoed eerily against the 4 (four) walls keeping her captive...
The bloods (blood’s) downward current was soothing, relaxing.
Conclusion: This is a well-crafted piece, one where the readers will wonder - does Anna actually suffer from insanity or is there more to the situation than meets the eye. Wonderfully creepy.
I'm here to give you a Showering Acts of Joy review.
First Thoughts: The multiple facets of of your poetic piece make this an interesting read. Although a reader can assume a couple is being mentioned, the one set free could be anything. The sense of remembrance and imagery were played out well for a small work.
Errors/Suggestions: I found one spelling error while reading through your poem.
>and you aked (asked) me to set you free.
Another thing to look out for is the lack of spaces between words and commas. The inconsistencies interrupts the flow of your poem, which can confuse readers. Take a moment and add a space between them.
Conclusion: I enjoyed the premise behind your poem. The emotion was heartfelt as was the loss. Your ideas of time and freedom came off the page well. Write on!
First Thoughts: Faith is hard to see when a tragedy happens such as a tsunami. You're poem points out that the ways of God are more than we as people can sometime comprehend. The use of water and change in your piece were well placed. Well done.
Errors: I could find no grammatical errors while reading through your poem.
Suggestions: Your poetry holds deep emotion, showing that faith is more than simple understanding. The flow of the poem works well. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Have faith in Him and His perplexing ways.
He does care for His own children always.
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First Thoughts: Your work is quite clever and imaginative. The story within your work can be seen in many different frameworks of the mind. The awareness of life was an apt description for your work. The last line was especially my favorite with the clever working.
Errors: I found a few of potential errors while reading through your poem.
Once upon an ancient time
Earth, fire, water, (and) air
The elements lay sleeping
And default ruled the lair(.)
Then the serpent reared its head
Fire(,) water(,) air(,) and earth
And woman woke to anguish
As wonder gave him birth.
Cringing eyelids puckered lips,
Water, air(,) earth(,) and fire.
Coded threads of resonance
On twisted strands of wire.
Pleading to a heartless womb
Air, earth, fire(,) and water.
Damning death’s ineptitude
And Mito Chondri's daughter.
Suggestions: Although the format was intriguing with the second line of the each stanza being present even though it was not intricate to the poem, the progression of your piece goes well.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Pleading to a heartless womb
Air, earth, fire and water.
Damning death’s ineptitude
And Mito Chondri's daughter.
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First Thoughts: Your story was compelling, with a subtle twist at the end. The man was obviously down on his luck, with a few wisps of a possibility he might of killed, yet towards the end I couldn't help but feel some compassion towards him. Something that happened in his past seemed to haunt every step of his future. The multiple layers of your work is fascinating. This was an excellent use of the contest prompt.
Errors: I found one possible error while reading your story.
>I saw him them (then), darting between two houses and into the dark...
Suggestions: Your story is great, but one thing that takes away from your writing is the stumbled format of your work. I imagine you transferred this from a Word document and the formatting didn't transfer as you wished. When you have a moment, I would advise going through this piece and restructuring to make it easier for future readers to read.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Before words dissolved completely and I forgot the sound of speech, I pressed him to my chest and whispered,
"This is what you need."
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First Thoughts: Wow! Reading your work was a real treat as you included both a poem and a touching short story. The depth of emotion you've conveyed truly magnificent. Mark was a character that was easy to feel for as his personality and emotional struggle came right off the page. Scooter was an excellent character for the reader to learn more about Mark without the main character being overshadowed.
Errors: I could find no grammatical errors while reading through your work.
Suggestions: Both of these pieces are perfect as is. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Favorite Line/Segment:
The moon inhales
pulling the sea to her breast
revealing her silent secrets.
Everything was written superbly!
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First Thoughts: This is an imaginative story, taking on the premise of the creation of a water nymph. The story's point-of-view added an intriguing touch to your piece. Nice use of the contest prompt.
Errors: I spotted a few grammatical mistakes while reading your short story.
>Now, it's just a giant (delete space) mud hole.
>I guess i (I) won't ever know what she was doing way out here.
>Throw a baby in a mud hole and oiut (out) comes a beautiful woman.
Suggestions: One thing I noticed while reading your work is the consistent switch between the man character speaking, then thinking internally. This type of narrative is fine, but the way you have structured your story makes it harder for the reader to follow. I would advise separating the speech and inner dialogue into individual paragraphs.
This is just a suggestion.
Favorite Line/Segment: Poof! Just like that. Throw a baby in a mud hole and out comes a beautiful woman.
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First Thoughts: You've taken the contest prompt into an interesting direction, exploring human nature in the terms of all living creatures on Earth. Your views are intriguing, and I enjoyed the points of view you presented to the reader. The last stanza of your poem I particularly agree with.
NOTE: YOUR POST IN THE CONTEST MESSAGE FORUM COULD NOT BE ACCEPTED AS IT WAS NOT IN BITEM FORMAT, WHICH IS WHY I HAVE REVIEWED THIS PIECE AS IT REASONABLY SIMILAR TO YOUR POST ENTRY. PLEASE REMEMBER TO POST YOUR ENTRY IN BITEM FORMAT FOR THE NEXT ROUND. THANK YOU.
Errors: I found two errors while reading through your poem.
>Yet our jelously (jealousy) is grand
>to peaceful co-existance (existence)
Suggestions: One thing I noticed about your piece is the lack of punctuation. Punctuation, I find, as a writer and as a reader to be optional. However, I feel in your case that your work would benefit if you added the proper punctuation to help with poetic structure and pronunciation.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Respect all the earth
Give humble assistance
As this can give birth
to peaceful co-existance
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*This review was made on behalf of Hollywood Night Design Shop.*
First Impressions
Your poem was a great refletion on life, showing what life is like and what it shouldn't be mistaken for. Your rhymes work well together, and are written with a smooth transition from one stanza to the next. One thing I enjoyed most about your work is the imagery you provided for the reader.
Grammar/Spelling
I could find no grammatical errors while reading through your poem.
I enjoyed your choice of AABB rhyming scheme. The format was simple and easy to follow. All in all, this was a great choice of poetic form, highlighting your theme and your writing talents.
Suggestions
Your overall message was one I agree with, and I feel you ended it well with your choice of closing lines. I have no suggestions for improvement.
My Conclusion
Your poem was an excellent prospective on life. One that doesn't overwhelm the reader with forcing the point-of-view of which your view life's meaning. Job well done.
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I smiled happily back at my rounded figure while I adjusted my short blond 
