\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
1,524 Public Reviews Given
1,769 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 -3- 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
51
51
Review of A Song of Loss  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Beholden Author Icon

What lovely words. I'm not an expert at poetry as far as form or meter, but I do love a good picture prompt and this one is inspiring. Your word choices all lean toward a sleepy poem. The narrator definitely sounded wistful and imparted the feeling of sleeplessness. I do hope you placed for prizes.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*None


Overall, wonderful work, keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
52
52
Review of Memorial Day 2022  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jay O'Toole Author Icon

This was beautiful writing. It was very moving while not coming off preaching or pushy. It would be a perfect reading for a Memorial Day ceremony.

I always think of Ecclesiastes 11:1 as a "pay it forward" passage.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"The Banner" ~ I couldn't decide if The should be capital or not.


Overall, very moving and much enjoyed. Keep writing and I hope you're having a fun birthday week!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
53
53
Review of Wrong Address  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello AmyJo-Spring's finally here! Author Icon

This is a cute little entry for a contest. While you didn't use nearly all the word count, the story felt complete. Although my muse itches to write more to the story, when the man meets Holmes.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"2p.m." ~ suggest 2 p.m.

Overall, a charming little story. I hope you are enjoying all the birthday activities!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
54
54
Review of Headache  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Words Whirling 'Round Author Icon

This story was from a really fun perspective. I wouldn't have guessed what the 'gray goo' was at first. (I never saw it coming, lol) The ending was a bit tragic but thank you, not gory or anything. "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window. is a great way to explore fun stories like this. It looks like you followed the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*None

Overall, a fun yet disturbing story. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
55
55
Review of The Lost Sunset  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello LightinMind Author Icon

This was an interesting perspective in this story. I really never thought about a lack of sunset. I can imagine all the stories Jack will tell his child as she grows up.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only thing I wished for was more description of the exodus from Earth.

Overall, definitely a story with something to think about. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
56
56
Review of The Box  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jacky Author Icon

This flash tickled my muse! I liked the dialog between Ted and his Dad. Using a tiny small voice for the box was very clever. It was interesting that Dad didn't take it out, but Ted was asked to.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Dad turning back to his iPad seemed to distract from the tone of the story.

Overall, an interesting read! Where did it go?


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
57
57
Review of Why just me?  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello LightinMind Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

While sad, I liked this story. Your description of the dark shapes worked well. At first, I thought the Captain would lead them away, but you added that interesting twist. I enjoyed the emotions brought forth in the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* You indented everything but the first and last paragraph.
*Bullet* "blue hospital covid masks" - suggest "surgical masks"

Overall, a great contest entry!

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
58
58
Review of Tower Moment  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Author Ed Anderson Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

A fun story! Isn't it crazy how things change for people who come into a fortune? I liked your characters and the teasing dialog. Nice job with the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"In any case, i am not spending this money, it's not mine." ~ "I"
*Bullet*"Stop making fun of this, it's incredibly frusdtrating and disorienting," ~ "Frustrating"

Overall, I enjoyed your story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
59
59
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sumojo Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Love this story! You brought a lot of culture to the story without it feeling too informative. I enjoyed your characters and the stories Minjarra would tell. Learning from stories rather than a computer seems sensible, more impressionable. How else did generations survive? How else did generations stay connected?

No suggestions for edit *Cut*

Overall, well done!

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
60
60
Review of Patterns  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello debmiller1 Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

This is a really cool concept story, I liked how you turned body parts into cyber parts, like "camera". We already have all the body electronics to help amputees, it's not a far reach to go full on. Great take on the contest prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* Sort of like a savant ~ Tighten to "Like a savant"

Overall, well written, I could see it all in my imagination.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
61
61
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Wandering Thoughts Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I liked your narrative, and even though it was disqualified, I appreciate your entry. It's very thought provoking and did well exploring the prompt.

Suggestions for future entries *Cut*
*Bullet*Including your word count / following contest rules are crucial, read them carefully.
*Bullet*Use the word count available to you, your work was 414 / 2000.
*Bullet*"all play a roll." ~ "role" I know edit programs don't catch these, ask a friend to proofread. Our community is very friendly and helpful...just ask!

Overall, keep trying! We're all here to learn and grow.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
62
62
Review of Applause  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello THANKFUL SONALI is happy! Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What a clever story! The reversal was fun. I didn't even notice until I neared the end that there was no actual dialog. I hope all your readers understand the moral of the story *Wink*

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I'm not confident the applause was needed.
*Bullet*The story felt as though it was a verbal story, in which case the crossed-out words weren't necessary.

Overall, a fun story in an interesting format.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
63
63
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello PureSciFi Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

The shape/animal changing in this story was fascinating. Some of the things I would have liked to see were -instead of an explanation at the bottom of the story, build it into the story. Show us the world and the factions of people.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Two large lions1 are" - no explanation - this made your reader stop and scroll down to see what was written
*Bullet*"back and force" - back and forth
*Bullet*"using those weapons to watch the fight" - This was unclear, did they use scopes on the weapons?
*Bullet*"food my way by taking it from others" - unclear

Overall, great ideas that need a little help with execution.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
64
64
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Graham B. Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

This was such an enchanting story, it left me wanting to know more about the world you showed. And of course, who doesn't love a flying pig?

Suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only trouble I had was with the statement made Zatya made about Hieron getting the rope instead of Janne. So much back history in one statement! Perhaps when more word count is allowed, expound.

Overall, a great read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
65
65
Review of Night Owl  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello AliceLvs2Write Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

This was a lovely story. Your owl had a great amount of intelligence and inner thoughts which gave a lot of background to the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*It makes me curious how much contact Grey had with humans that he worried about "trophy-hunting mentality".
*Bullet*Douglas Fir - fir
*Bullet*I'm not sure the italics were necessary for the owl's actions.

Overall, a story with a great start to an adventure.

Congratulations on your 3rd place win!

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
66
66
Review of The Tower  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello QueenNormaJean marching on! Author Icon

I had a good chuckle reading this little flash fiction. I did it! Climbed the water tower, woo that was scary. But too chicken to leave a message. So it was fun to read about your little twist on the right of passage.


Suggestion for edit *Cut*:

*Bullet* Nothing big, a comma after "so". (So it was begun.)

Overall, a great entry. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
67
67
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello THANKFUL SONALI is happy! Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!
A very entertaining and cultural story! Even when it is not the culture to coax-feed friends, a lot of people do it. Its definitely a demonstration of caring for many. Your story was simple enough for anyone to enjoy without having to translate. But thank you, for the glossary.


Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"hard disk-like items in various degrees of thickness." ~ bread?


Overall, a fun story and I know so much more about chaat.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
68
68
Review of Dinner For Ten  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Mastiff Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

This was very entertaining! You did a good job of getting the back history of Helen in, and introducing all your dinner guests. I admit, I was shocked when it wasn't Helen who died.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* "I’m 32, with blonde hair, green eyes, and a nice build" ~ Not sure the random description was necessary.
*Bullet*"burned coffee and vomit wafter over me" ~ wafted
*Bullet*"Cameron listened, then asked me if we were alone as a client would be afforded." ~ I assume you mean attorney/client privacy.

Overall, better than dinner theater, good story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
69
69
Review of Time  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Sumojo Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What an ending! I didn't expect Sarah's demise. I was expecting the typical mafia scenario since you mention the drug cartel. I especially liked the scene of Sarah under the boat.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Stop worrying about me, Papa.” Sarah climbed the steps, and all eyes followed her." ~ I felt this should have been a softer 'daddy' comment.

Overall, a creative story for the prompt.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
70
70
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Graham B. Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Love this story, it's a beautiful twist on nature and astrology. It wasn't what I expected at the beginning, but I so love great endings. I sort of expected the crocodile to be the wise one, not the egret, a nice surprise. Each animal had a lovely and distinct personality. The pace of the story was good. Nice job on the use of the prompt.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:


Overall, a great read, thank you.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
71
71
Review of Dinner with Kieth  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Mr. Midnight Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

This story really pulls on the heart strings. Your character's desolation and acceptance of humankind's rejection is well described. It amused me, the comment about how everyone stops by with a birthday list. I was sad to see such an ending, one always hopes to see a bright light and change in a melancholy story.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, great use of the prompt.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
72
72
Review of The Last Supper  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Odessa Molinari Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Cute story. I like how everyone's inner dialog was the opposite of what they were saying. Sometimes dinner parties can be like that...and holiday parties! I did get lost in the dialog a couple times without any tags. But managed to move on and read.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Sorry I don't have a white colour job." ~ I wasn't sure if you meant colour or collar.

Overall, an interesting story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
73
73
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Beholden Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I can totally see the irony of this story. I loved your curmudgeon character Max and the butler Hutchins. I laughed at his nickname for the neighbor. I sort of expected his demise to be a fall, with the climb up the stairs being a clue. Not so!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* the black saloons - I tried to research what you meant by this, no luck.

Overall, a fun read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
74
74
Review of A Death Nearby  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello The Sun SmilesOn Small Valley Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

This was a sweet little story. I'm sure many people with common names could relate. It does give a person pause to think about what they would do, how they would react to such news. Harry gave thought to a lot of people. Perhaps readers could take a lesson in such a story, to treat every day like it's their last.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a nice little story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
75
75
Review of Witchy Women  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Fyn Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I liked the quirky character of Cywedir. You story was certainly the dinner party gone sideways. And lasagna is easy! I wasn't sure where the greenish sauce came from. The dialog was certainly small town cattiness.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Calling her guests to the table, they sat down to salad bowls filled with three different lettuces, several different colored peppers, and a variety of yellow, orange, and red tomatoes. Sprinkling some dressing from a crystal bottle, Florence wrinkled her nose at the sharp vinegar tang." ~ Wouldn't the host, Letticia call the guests to the table?

Overall, a fun story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
583 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 24 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3