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Review Requests: OFF
1,499 Public Reviews Given
1,744 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

Love this story! You brought a lot of culture to the story without it feeling too informative. I enjoyed your characters and the stories Minjarra would tell. Learning from stories rather than a computer seems sensible, more impressionable. How else did generations survive? How else did generations stay connected?

No suggestions for edit *Cut*

Overall, well done!

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
52
52
Review of Patterns  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello debmiller1

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This is a really cool concept story, I liked how you turned body parts into cyber parts, like "camera". We already have all the body electronics to help amputees, it's not a far reach to go full on. Great take on the contest prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* Sort of like a savant ~ Tighten to "Like a savant"

Overall, well written, I could see it all in my imagination.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
53
53
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Johnny O

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

I liked your narrative, and even though it was disqualified, I appreciate your entry. It's very thought provoking and did well exploring the prompt.

Suggestions for future entries *Cut*
*Bullet*Including your word count / following contest rules are crucial, read them carefully.
*Bullet*Use the word count available to you, your work was 414 / 2000.
*Bullet*"all play a roll." ~ "role" I know edit programs don't catch these, ask a friend to proofread. Our community is very friendly and helpful...just ask!

Overall, keep trying! We're all here to learn and grow.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
54
54
Review of Applause  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello THANKful Sonali LOVES DAD

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

What a clever story! The reversal was fun. I didn't even notice until I neared the end that there was no actual dialog. I hope all your readers understand the moral of the story *Wink*

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I'm not confident the applause was needed.
*Bullet*The story felt as though it was a verbal story, in which case the crossed-out words weren't necessary.

Overall, a fun story in an interesting format.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
55
55
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello PureSciFi

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

The shape/animal changing in this story was fascinating. Some of the things I would have liked to see were -instead of an explanation at the bottom of the story, build it into the story. Show us the world and the factions of people.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Two large lions1 are" - no explanation - this made your reader stop and scroll down to see what was written
*Bullet*"back and force" - back and forth
*Bullet*"using those weapons to watch the fight" - This was unclear, did they use scopes on the weapons?
*Bullet*"food my way by taking it from others" - unclear

Overall, great ideas that need a little help with execution.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
56
56
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Graham Muad'dib

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was such an enchanting story, it left me wanting to know more about the world you showed. And of course, who doesn't love a flying pig?

Suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only trouble I had was with the statement made Zatya made about Hieron getting the rope instead of Janne. So much back history in one statement! Perhaps when more word count is allowed, expound.

Overall, a great read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
57
57
Review of Night Owl  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello AliceLvs2Write

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a lovely story. Your owl had a great amount of intelligence and inner thoughts which gave a lot of background to the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*It makes me curious how much contact Grey had with humans that he worried about "trophy-hunting mentality".
*Bullet*Douglas Fir - fir
*Bullet*I'm not sure the italics were necessary for the owl's actions.

Overall, a story with a great start to an adventure.

Congratulations on your 3rd place win!

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
58
58
Review of The Tower  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Queen NormaJean Greeneyes

I had a good chuckle reading this little flash fiction. I did it! Climbed the water tower, woo that was scary. But too chicken to leave a message. So it was fun to read about your little twist on the right of passage.


Suggestion for edit *Cut*:

*Bullet* Nothing big, a comma after "so". (So it was begun.)

Overall, a great entry. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
59
59
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello THANKful Sonali LOVES DAD

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!
A very entertaining and cultural story! Even when it is not the culture to coax-feed friends, a lot of people do it. Its definitely a demonstration of caring for many. Your story was simple enough for anyone to enjoy without having to translate. But thank you, for the glossary.


Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"hard disk-like items in various degrees of thickness." ~ bread?


Overall, a fun story and I know so much more about chaat.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
60
60
Review of Dinner For Ten  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Mastiff

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was very entertaining! You did a good job of getting the back history of Helen in, and introducing all your dinner guests. I admit, I was shocked when it wasn't Helen who died.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* "I’m 32, with blonde hair, green eyes, and a nice build" ~ Not sure the random description was necessary.
*Bullet*"burned coffee and vomit wafter over me" ~ wafted
*Bullet*"Cameron listened, then asked me if we were alone as a client would be afforded." ~ I assume you mean attorney/client privacy.

Overall, better than dinner theater, good story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
61
61
Review of Time  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

What an ending! I didn't expect Sarah's demise. I was expecting the typical mafia scenario since you mention the drug cartel. I especially liked the scene of Sarah under the boat.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Stop worrying about me, Papa.” Sarah climbed the steps, and all eyes followed her." ~ I felt this should have been a softer 'daddy' comment.

Overall, a creative story for the prompt.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
62
62
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Graham Muad'dib

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

Love this story, it's a beautiful twist on nature and astrology. It wasn't what I expected at the beginning, but I so love great endings. I sort of expected the crocodile to be the wise one, not the egret, a nice surprise. Each animal had a lovely and distinct personality. The pace of the story was good. Nice job on the use of the prompt.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:


Overall, a great read, thank you.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
63
63
Review of Dinner with Kieth  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Mr. Midnight

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This story really pulls on the heart strings. Your character's desolation and acceptance of humankind's rejection is well described. It amused me, the comment about how everyone stops by with a birthday list. I was sad to see such an ending, one always hopes to see a bright light and change in a melancholy story.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, great use of the prompt.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
64
64
Review of The Last Supper  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Odessa Molinari

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

Cute story. I like how everyone's inner dialog was the opposite of what they were saying. Sometimes dinner parties can be like that...and holiday parties! I did get lost in the dialog a couple times without any tags. But managed to move on and read.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Sorry I don't have a white colour job." ~ I wasn't sure if you meant colour or collar.

Overall, an interesting story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
65
65
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Beholden

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

I can totally see the irony of this story. I loved your curmudgeon character Max and the butler Hutchins. I laughed at his nickname for the neighbor. I sort of expected his demise to be a fall, with the climb up the stairs being a clue. Not so!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* the black saloons - I tried to research what you meant by this, no luck.

Overall, a fun read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
66
66
Review of A Death Nearby  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello The Sun SmilesOn Small Valley

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a sweet little story. I'm sure many people with common names could relate. It does give a person pause to think about what they would do, how they would react to such news. Harry gave thought to a lot of people. Perhaps readers could take a lesson in such a story, to treat every day like it's their last.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a nice little story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
67
67
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Christopher Roy Denton

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a fun story to read. Definitely not what I expected when you brought scientists together. It felt right, the scientists comparing notes and discussing. It's something to think about, the points that Celia said about the elixir, no old age diseases but also overpopulation and lack of food and necessities.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, interesting to read and think about.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
68
68
Review of Witchy Women  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello fyn

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

I liked the quirky character of Cywedir. You story was certainly the dinner party gone sideways. And lasagna is easy! I wasn't sure where the greenish sauce came from. The dialog was certainly small town cattiness.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Calling her guests to the table, they sat down to salad bowls filled with three different lettuces, several different colored peppers, and a variety of yellow, orange, and red tomatoes. Sprinkling some dressing from a crystal bottle, Florence wrinkled her nose at the sharp vinegar tang." ~ Wouldn't the host, Letticia call the guests to the table?

Overall, a fun story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
69
69
Review of Dinner with Death  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Lillie Eden

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

What a strange story! I can see this happening to me, accepting an invite thinking I know someone in a remote way and then not knowing anyone there, how awkward! The main problem I have with the story is that there isn't a purpose, a reason for people to die.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"He pushed in there chairs" ~ there/their

Overall, quite a mystery.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
70
70
Review of The Dinner Party  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Write-fully Loti

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a crazy little story. I've seen people on the street that looked like younger or older versions of my relatives and people I know so I can totally relate to the dinner party. How odd to realize this at a stranger's meal. An edit to the story could be to tighten up the 'invite' to Ginn's house.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a good read. Sorry it was disqualified.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
71
71
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Rhychus

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I like your dream! I hope its a good dream for you. I get seasick, so this wouldn't be for me. The poor pirates would have to deal with an ill captive. They'd probably toss me overboard.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"obsidian black flag" - black and obsidian are redundant

Overall: A fun dream to have while chopping wood and swatting flies.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
72
72
Review of Detachment  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello JustaThought

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I can totally see this happening! And I loved the irony of trying to disconnect Ray from the grid and then using a smartphone to look up bird house videos. Too funny!

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Random caps: Comfy, Garage, Axe, Raised, Bird
*Bullet*" his glass eyes darting around the room." - I think you meant 'glassy' condition from the video game.

Overall: A charming and amusing story, with an ironic lesson.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
73
73
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello sindbad

I loved this! This would make an awesome meme on Facebook! *Laugh* I know...it was supposed to be ironic! A lot of these were true for the US, too.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I didn't understand "...poor ones could only afford it (rubbish fish) if they needed it."
*Bullet*Little typo space "Well,most of us!" Not a big deal.

Overall, amusing yet so true!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
74
74
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Happy to write }

Staying at home is creating all kinds of new adventures for people, even with a crockpot! The recipe you did sounds really delicious.


Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Breaking this up with an intro about the crockpot / perhaps a recipe that you used / what steps you took / perhaps how it turned out and tasted

Overall, sounded yummy!


Regards,
Kim

Stop in my portfolio!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
75
75
Review of Winning Streak  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Myles Abroad

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

Spellbinding story! You did an excellent job of weaving the prompt into the tale without being obvious. The seer/gypsy was a great character with the spark and I loved how the ending had a special twist. Well done!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Strangling the steering, I yell," ~ Suggest 'wheel' instead of 'steering'.

Overall, a fun read.

Regards,
Kim
Visit Leger's port!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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