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1,499 Public Reviews Given
1,744 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of The Passage  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Loved the narrator's story about the trip. Oh for the days of stretching out in the back of a car on the freeway, no seatbelts! The boy's point of view was perfect for the tale. It's those small moments in life that we remember best. I saw no grammar errors or structure problems, which made the read even better.

Overall, a good tale and a lovely trip down memory lane.

Regards,
Kim
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
127
127
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Shawlyn

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A great story, so much tongue in cheek humor and fun. I loved the twist at the end, very clever. I liked the part where Prendergast pushed Decker out of the office, it reminded me of a scene in Willy Wonka, good day! Hahaha. I wonder where the Decker's trip went...

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line breaks between speakers in dialog.

Overall, a fun story to read.

Regards,
Kim
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
128
128
Review of The Holding Place  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello jls135

Just sending a quick review of the book item itself. A few little suggestions to hook your reader into clicking the chapters and continuing on.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*A big title. Yeah, the font size tag can be helpful. Even some color will be nice.
*Bullet*Leave the synopsis with a question or invite the reader to enter your book.

Overall, I like the wording of the cover, you just need a little prettying up. *Smile* I hope other reviewers click on your invites and read the story, it has great potential.


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
129
129
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter Two" 
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello jls135

A good scene with Casey, but it loses its sense of purpose. I liked the dialog with Casey, it felt stronger than Abigail's observations.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I struggle to go through the layers of memories that made up my time on Earth. ~ This feels cliche. Suggest "I go through the layers of my memories."
*Bullet*All she left were the spent shotgun shells that lay by her side from the gun that took the life right out of her. ~ Let the reader see, they don't need the extra details.
*Bullet*I turn and see that I am far away from the chapel. I can still see it but the image is distorted as if viewing it through a crystal ball. Slightly dazed, I look around in an effort to figure out what just happened. Behind me is a vast emptiness. There is no color to it, no depth. It is like peering into the sea with no echo of an ocean floor. I am in a suspension of nothingness. In front of me the distorted crystal ball of my loved ones is inching farther and farther away from me. I can do nothing to grab hold and bring them back. ~ I got a bit confused. Casey wants to show Abigail her experiences, okay, but the purpose of taking Abigail though it becomes muddy when all she has to say it they're stuck in a "limbo" type of place.

Overall, the story is developing well, but the overall sense is you need to tighten Abigail's point of view. Right now everything seems a bit hazed for her. If you rewrite, send me an email and I'll be glad to take a look. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter One" 
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello jls135

A good chapter, you'll need to go through and take out some passive parts, but you did well showing Michael's grief and seeing Abigail for the first time.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* I can see the lack of sleep in the red of his eyes. ~ Suggest - "His eyes, red from lack of sleep or the Jack." Again, your point of view is telling.
*Bullet*Time is jilting to a standstill. Michael knows he cannot wait to finish. He must proceed forward. He must accept why he stands before all of our loved ones reading aloud the story of our lives to them. It will be the hardest thing he will ever do. Our life was not perfect but so far from broken. ~ I'm not sure "jilting" is the right word for this. Suggest "time slams to a standstill".
*Bullet*"We were two people who had found their soul mate in each other."
*Bullet*Ugh, I hated finding out he was bossy even when they met. Women like that? At least Abigail showed some spunk.

Overall, good work in this chapter.moving the story forward and introducing the family, and showing the grief.

Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
131
131
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Prologue" 
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello jls135

Thanks for inviting me to review your work. Your prologue was an interesting read. I find myself wishing it was Michael's death. This sets up much for the beginning of the story. You did well introducing your characters and setting the scene for the accident. I like when a prologue is quite clear and invites you into the story, rather than foggy and distorted, leaving a reader to sort it out on their own.

Each chapter, I'll make comments, then specific suggestions. It's up to you what you do with them. *Wink*

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Michael is angry; he has every right to be." ~ Boom, you have the reader right in the story. I like that, what disappoints me is the sentence is weak. I know Abigail is a weak character at this point, but let the sentence grab the reader.
*Bullet*"Fire, more immense than anything I have ever experienced wracks my entire body." ~ The internal dialog here seems a little apathetic. Shouldn't her whole being be screaming to get free of the fire and car? "I can think of nothing else but the pain, it is so immense, but panic forces my mind back to my husband." ~ Don't tell it, show it. Describe voices shouting, metal screeching and fire crackling.
*Bullet*"Through the fog a hand gently close over my own" ~ "closes"
*Bullet*"I am dead" Aw, you give it away. I like her staring at her body, in shock and looking at the scene. Blaine will help the reader know for sure she's dead.

Overall, a good beginning, the point of view just needs to be tighter.

Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
132
132
Review of The Book of Mary  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Esh

I saw you mention your item in "Noticing Newbies"  and thought I'd pop over for a look. Since there's a mission challenge going on ("Note: *Clock2* 24-HOUR "Read a Newbie" MIS...") I thought I would review your item. So glad I did! The chapter is a great read. I did have to change your rating, the moderate violence was above the E-rating. The description of the Harvesters was excellent, I could see them skittering down the hallways.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Do you explain later about the " its mass and light blue, leathery appearance" of the tubelike structure? Is it a ship? A mother-pod?
*Bullet*"they seemed to be mechanically passing unconscious bodies back and forth" - In this paragraph, you're describing the bodies stacked in the room. Who is the "they" that are moving the bodies? You describe a spider-like creature in the next paragraphs, but not this one. You'll have to introduce the spiders before "they" move them or skip that part of the room description so you don't confuse the reader.
*Bullet*Mary departing the passageway and the soldiers and Mary reentering --- You took time to describe the slit and liplike edges, but then pop them in and out. Shouldn't they struggle or push through?
*Bullet*" Mary and Luis standing outside the doorway, side by side, wearing clean, casual clothes, smiling and waving goodbye." Okay, my assumption as the reader thinks these are apparitions of the dead, that's what Sniffer can see. But then why did he have to shoot Mary along with Luis in the room stacked with people? Was she dying and reached out to him? This poses a final question...is the book about the human race fighting this invasion? Is it about Sniffer, his team and their adventures? Since this is chapter one, I assume, perhaps some detail of that should be outlined.

Overall, a great story idea, I hope to see more chapters.


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
133
133
Review of Oh Cramp 22 lines  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Yellow Rose , I'm reviewing your entry for "The Writer's Cramp" 's birthday contest!

Your poem was so funny! Reminds me of the 'dem bones songs. I can visualize you bent over at your desk, all contorted and cramped. LOL!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The bold text made the red quite bright to read. Maybe just red, not red and bold.

Overall, so amusing, thank you for entering.


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello J. A. Buxton , I'm reviewing your entry for "The Writer's Cramp" 's birthday contest!

I liked your little homage to The Cramp. I think most members who try the contest a few times feel the same way, that it has improved them in some small way. For you, the stories flourish so well they can blossom in a book.

I love how you say "Okay, so I still ramble more than some reviewers like, but like all who enjoy writing, I am a work in progress." Aren't we all...*Smile*

No suggestions for edit *Cut*.

Overall, a lovely entry to read. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
135
135
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG , I'm reviewing your entry for "The Writer's Cramp" 's birthday contest!

I'm so glad you wrote about your everyday routine and how much work it takes for you to just get to the computer to write, let alone think of an entry. It makes me appreciate my day a little more and admire your tenacity. It obviously means much to you.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"24" - write out numbers.
*Bullet*"unfamiliar genera" - I think you meant "genre".

Overall, a great read and keep writing!

Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
136
136
Review of beach walk  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Rhyssa

Love this beach poem! I just got back from a beach vacation and I can certainly relate to your images. I liked the sound of beach grass compared to whispering secrets.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only line that threw me was "wind whipping sand up". I felt the wind should just whip or toss sand up.

Overall, a lovely write.


Regards,
Kim

Enjoy your summer!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
137
137
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello kaysnrach

I wasn't sure what to expect of this story when I started reading the first paragraphs. The narrator's voice seemed distant and unfeeling. Obviously, after finishing the story, I felt quite different.

John's voice was exactly the point. The point being even a lost vet can have a soft spot and end up in a place where he's comfortable and happy.

Your writing, called sarcastic in your words, goes much deeper and more emotional than I expected. Well done. I hope you have aspirations of sending this out for publication.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:

*Bullet*Format: You don't need the dividers. While it probably helped you with writing, the reader can understand the scene changes. If you feel you need to divide, just use an extra line break.

*Bullet*Part 2: "Not the least of which was it was a place surrounded by death. And I had seen my share of death." ~ These felt confusing and I had to go back to reread. I like the point, it's just the redundant words that halted my reading.

*Bullet*Part 8: "My usual care-free sarcasm seemed out of place with her too, which was a little weird." ~ As a reader, I didn't like this comment. His sarcasm and wit is part of him, his personality.

Overall, the writing doesn't need much work and was enjoyable to read.

Regards,
Kim

Leger's Dragon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Bentley

Thanks for asking me to review your item, it was a fun read. I remember the same issues when I was that age. Right off, I can see you need some formatting, I'll detail it below. The other part of the letter I found difficult was some of the cryptic messages about dark places and rough waters. If you were truly writing a letter from the future, wouldn't you try to warn the yourself from the past?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line break at sentences starting: "Guess what," "Oh, and this is random, but" "Anyway. You'll say yes" "Actually, nothing about life" "But you listen to me" A big chunk of text is hard to read.
*Bullet*It was hard to understand your point when you wrote "Eventually, you won't know who you are." Don't we always know?
*Bullet*Why are you apologizing in the last paragraph?

Overall, I liked the encouragement at the end of the letter, it gives the reader something to look forward to and have hope.


Regards,
Kim

A helpful fairy!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
139
139
Review of Time to heal  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Karl

This was a fascinating story, ended with a familiar quote which made it even more poignant. Your descriptive work is eloquent. I liked how the "figure" in the beginning was never given a name or a definition, yet the ending tied this up neatly. I did want to learn more about purposes- who built the obelisk? Would the dragon seek revenge? How did the villagers find the female and what was their motivation to kill?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"characteristic of the dragon was that it was soundly asleep" - "sound asleep'
*Bullet*"the chief of the hunting party, and the anguish he saw there, mingled with sorrow and regret and a myriad of other emotions he could not name," - On first read, it is hard to identify "he" is, dragon or hunter.

Overall, a vivid read.


Regards,
Kim

Small Sea Serpent Sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
140
140
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Joy

Thanks for sending me a review request! I chose "Ice Marshall (June 17 - Ice)"  as the story to review in your collection.

I loved the beginning of this story, the description of the waters and colors of the ice mountain. I've never been near a glacier, but I can imagine that it does make noise. The plot really captures the imagination, who would check the arctic waters for other life forms? I could see expanding this story with a more complicated plot line, like more exploration and scientist romantic relationships before the ice monster shows up. Then military action to throw in more clashing action.

Some small suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"sturdy enough to slink its way through the Arctic ice" - Somehow "slink" doesn't capture the image of the boat making it's way through ice-choked waters.
*Bullet* "This ice-mountain has a voice,"

Overall, the story really captures the imagination from your great descriptive work.


Regards,
Kim

Happy Easter!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
141
141
Review of The Waist Knots  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Don Two

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
This was a delightful poem, a wonderful play on waste not/waist knot. I didn't recognize the poetry as a specific form but liked the couplet rhyming.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"wherewithal" was a stretch in its meaning.

Overall:
An amusing entry and fun to read.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
142
142
Review of Tap the Muse  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Joy

I think the most exciting thing about this In & Out are the previous entries! This is a great place to stop in and add your own inspired snippet. I love to read the prose already entered and let my imagination run with the image that pops into my head.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Strengthen your first paragraph into directives. "Write a couple sentences, prose-poem, or short poem on the given word."

Overall, a fun activity, thanks for taking the time to add all these great word prompts.

Regards,
Kim

Made in PSP X and Jasc Animation Shop.
143
143
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I enjoyed reading your letter, the format was easy to read and your goals were easily identified. All of your goals are fairly easy to accomplish if you decide to work on them. Perhaps setting a reward for yourself when you reach a goal might help.

Some comments / suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"I apologize if this offends you, alas you know I’m right. Hence the written letter." - Semi-color or period after "offends you." Fix Hence fragment.
*Bullet*"well chosen" - well-chosen
*Bullet*"face book" - Facebook
*Bullet*"I do like the fact that you’ve back on WdC." - you're
*Bullet*"Put your faith in Gods hands" - God's
*Bullet*"Just remember to be brave, you are strong already. Perhaps even too strong with too much unused energy." - Add your fragment.

Overall, some good goals for the year, best of luck!

Regards,
Kim
Shaped like me...hehehehe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
144
144
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Pony Tale

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
Your descriptions of your animals were cute. Who can resist sweet looks? I can see your effort at creativeness for the letter but it got a bit purple prosey to read. In the end, the only goals you set for yourself were in the last paragraph. Work hard to accomplish them.

Some comments / suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*" I began. The words stared at me on the stark white paper" - New line starting with "The words..."
*Bullet*What is "actiniomysesis"?

Overall, an interesting read.

Regards,
Kim
Shaped like me...hehehehe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
145
145
Review of Letter to Self  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello kathleen ann whalen

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Your letter has some great goals. There's always that turning point, not necessarily in January, when we decide to change something in our life. It seems you reached that point. You didn't pinpoint your steps to change, but you did say there was a need for change.

Some comments / suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*After the contest, or in another place, perhaps you could write the steps you need to take to achieve your goals. It may help you reach them.
*Bullet*"dreams and goals I may have"
*Bullet*"my other aspirations will more easily" - incomplete.

Overall, a good letter to help remind you of your aspirations.

Regards,
Kim
Shaped like me...hehehehe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
146
146
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Michael Rains

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A very simple letter with great meaning. Somehow the first step is the hardest. Personally, I find saying my dreams and desires aloud helps make them come true. This is a great community in which to take that first step. Keep reading your last sentence, it IS the most important.

Some comments / suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"I don't like having New Year's Resolution" - resolution

Overall, good aspirations.

Regards,
Kim
Shaped like me...hehehehe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
147
147
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Panthera Shadow

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

You wrote a good letter with plenty of goals. I like how you set small steps for each one so by the end of the year you'll have much accomplished. Did you get a part in the play??? Now I'm just dying to know.

Some comments / suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Suggest line breaks between paragraphs. Easier to read.

Overall, great goals. Best of luck.

Regards,
Kim
Shaped like me...hehehehe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
148
148
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Murc

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked reading your letter, The Rock gives good advice. I liked how you stated the problem and detailed what you intend to do to solve the problem. I'd suggest you read this letter once a month. Perhaps you could combine writing with your healthy eating aspirations. Write a cooking blog or develop a guy's cookbook.

Some comments / suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Diet is more important than exercise, although exercise should not be neglected." - I read a poster the other day that said "You can't outrun your fork." No edit suggestion, just a comment.

Overall, good goals, and best of luck in the new year.

Regards,
Kim
Shaped like me...hehehehe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
149
149
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello NYPen

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked the point of view in your letter. I hope you feel resuscitated in the new year and write something to be published. The only difficult thing about this letter was trying to read it. A simple format correction will do wonders.

Some comments / suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"I was about to give up a few times and throw away the key so you couldn't unlock the potential that is inside." - Does this make sense?
*Bullet*" writing wise" - writing-wise

Overall, good goals, have a great year.

Regards,
Kim
Shaped like me...hehehehe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
150
150
Review of Dear Me Letter  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Jo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

What an exciting few years you have experienced! I'm sure you have a fabulous photo collection from all the places you've been. While the letter was interesting to read, I didn't see much in the way of this year's resolutions or steps you planned to take to accomplish them.

Some comments / suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Here you met online writers and poet." - Only one poet? Most likely poets.
*Bullet*"Within a couple of month you were able have a passable conversation" - months

Overall, a fascinating journey to read.

Regards,
Kim
Shaped like me...hehehehe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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