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Review Requests: OFF
1,499 Public Reviews Given
1,744 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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Review of kind of candy  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi hi

I just finished your candy puzzle in 1:45 minutes. I was a bit disappointed once I started the game to only see five words in the puzzle. It actually made the puzzle harder because they were spread out in the game.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Add more candy words like jelly beans, and licorice. Google candy and find some!
*Bullet*"Turtals" is spelled incorrectly. Turtles.
*Bullet*In the intro: candy is a veay sweet treat "veay" is spelled incorrectly. very.

Overall, a challenge to solve but would like to see more effort put into the puzzle.

Regards,
Kim
Review Bear signature
177
177
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello BIG BAD WOLF is hopping

I just finished your monsters puzzle in 4:47! It took me a bit longer to find some of the words, like naga and angel. It's a great way to learn the names of some monsters a person might not be familiar with.


Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Perhaps a description for some of the lesser known monsters.


Overall, a fun puzzle to try and solve. It was a challenge!

Regards,
Kim
A patriotic signature.
178
178
Review of The Champ  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Missus Miranda

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: An entertaining story, I like how you characterized the truck saying VROOM! I could see this turning into a bigger story about a cursed truck LOL. The prompt was entered correctly.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Perhaps mention how the narrator knows or is related to Jack and Butch.


Overall: A fun read, I'm glad you posted your entry.

Writer's Cramp!
179
179
Review of Dinner Disaster  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Bikerider

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: This was so funny to read. I've nearly had the same happen, thank goodness for a last minute phone call asking if they could bring something! You did a smashing job showing the wife's emotions when the husband "forgot". Loved the dialog.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*The other couple's departure was a bit fuzzy.

Overall: A fun read!

Writer's Cramp!
180
180
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Lindy

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A very fanciful and romantic story! And only a man who loved his wife would drive around searching for her childhood haunt. It seemed romantic and surreal, just like the photo prompt. I liked your imagery.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Emily rolled her eyes." ~ Suggest moving this to the next paragraph.
*Bullet*"Queen Anne’s Lace or Golden Rod" ~ I'm not sure the weeds should be capitalized.
*Bullet*“Aww, that if so adorable, Em." ~ "If" should be "is".

Overall, a pleasant read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
181
181
Review of My Place  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Noxys

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A very sad ending to a wonderful love story. I liked how everything came back to relate to the tree. I'm not normally fond of "writer" stories, but this one was a decent read.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*A few sentences were run-on.
*Bullet*"only took 9 years for it to happen" ~ Nine - spell out numbers.
*Bullet*"whispering with it's leaves" ~ its

Overall, a story written directly to the prompt.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
182
182
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello CREEK

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A fanciful story to read. I'm glad you explained why the child lived with the grandparents. The father character seemed harsh, why would he treat this child differently, because of her asthma?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Edit Points are one awesome tool to help when editing your work. But once submitted for a contest, I'd suggest turning them off. They're a bit hard to read around when judging.
*Bullet*"blue tinge on it’s wings" ~ its
*Bullet*"lizard or a king fisher who come to rest on the tree" ~ came
*Bullet*"because she had to cook several times since grandfather did not bring food at one time" ~ Clarify this sentence.
*Bullet*"they owned this pot of land" ~ plot

Overall, an interesting read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
183
183
Review of The Gift  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Milhaud - Long Tail

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I enjoyed the setting of your scene and the rising action. I liked the irony of the story, how the man's life changes without his doing anything to change it. Except deciding to run.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"with Mansfield folks traipsing the menagerie to the big top." ~ Suggest "traipsing through the menagerie".
*Bullet*"I stride out the door and nod at the distracted guard" ~ Would an inmate do that?

Overall, a good Depression era story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
184
184
Review of Round Trip Ticket  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Bookie Taylor

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A cool story of a near death experience. I liked that you used the prompt picture as a pleasant place to meet Jesus.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"I own my own business" ~ Redundant, suggest "I run my own business"
*Bullet*"a familey" ~ "family"
*Bullet*"I pulled a sandwich out of my lunch box and prepared for a short ride." ~ Break this into two sentences, or it seems like you need the sandwich to drive the truck, lol.
*Bullet*"Love never dies Eddie, it just transcends and you bring it with you." Make your dialog real dialog with quote marks and a few dialog tags like "he said".

Overall, a good story that needs a little editing.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
185
185
Review of Relative Family  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Miike7311

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I so wanted to read more of this story! It was left so unfinished and forced the reader to make assumptions. The beginning was a bit slow and uneventful and then finally picked up the pace at the end. I hope you add more after the contest.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Your story had some tense issues.
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs and when you change speakers help the reader.
*Bullet*He was more emotionally excited than his physical actions portrayed. Looking up to see that he had finished, he reached down to turn on the water. ~ This seemed as though he was outside his body.
*Bullet* He smiled somewhat adoringly at her. ~ Strengthen this sentence.


Overall,

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
186
186
Review of I am a tree  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello lisa k

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I found the format hard to read. I liked some of the descriptions of what happened to the tree in the tree's point of view but it all seemed emotionally distant to me. I understand some of it is because the tree can't actually have dialog, but it still can have emotion.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"the storms will come and that can cause breaks to my branches and limbs."
*Bullet*"weeks where I have a million dogs doing that" ~ A million?

Overall, a good try with a different point of view.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
187
187
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I so loved the twist at the ending. An unexpected delight. The personification of the tree was good. It is hard to write without dialog and you succeeded. I liked how the leaves and grass communicated.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"of the sheep white clouds" ~ Suggest "fleece white".
*Bullet*"where are all the animals, the fruits and flowers." ~ "?"

Overall, a fun story to read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
188
188
Review of The Tree of Love  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello jpsmtl

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked how the prompt tree became the pinnacle of hope for your character, Elizabeth. The scene seemed very "Gone With the Wind" with her declarations. Bringing David back at the end was a good wrap for the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs and dialog speakers would help the reader.
*Bullet*"blue water beneath deep blue spring sky" ~ redundant "blue"

Overall, an interesting read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
189
189
Review of The Tree  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A good take on the image prompt. The lead in was slow but still kept my interest. I liked how the tree was the narrator's tree, with a treehouse. The ending was clever, one wonders what happened after he opened his eyes.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"It was so cold. He was so cold." ~ I know you wanted to emphasize the opposite of the warmth he felt earlier but still redundant.

Overall, a good read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
190
190
Review of The Poet Tree  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked your use of the prompt. The story was sad and introspective until she saw the calendar and the real story was shown. Very clever. I talk to my plants and pets...should I be worried? *Laugh* "The faint drumming of water beginning to boil" ~ I loved the sound description.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"the day before her father had passed away." ~ As a reader, I was curious as to how he died.

Overall, an enjoyable story to read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
191
191
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello davidvanhorne

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked the reveal at the end of the story. It's amusing and ironic to look at the big tree in the prompt picture in reflection of your story. Good work with your dialog, it felt teen-innocent and simple. It was a good reflection of the emotional turmoil of that age. A little more word count could have been used to show Nicholas's falling in love with Olivia as children.

Suggestion for edit. *Cut*:
*Bullet*A good title.

Overall, a thought-provoking read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
192
192
Review of Rising to the Top  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello I less than three U

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: You picked a common theme for high-end business people, losing their family because of their focus on their career. I liked the point of view you used. The suggestions I made are just to help the meter/feel.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*L4 ~ take out "my way"
*Bullet*L8 ~ take out "down"

Overall: Great theme idea.

Writer's Cramp!
193
193
Review of Bobby and Beth  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Rogue Writer

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Very amusing! I can see a whole story behind the rhyme and the final lines. While the rhyme was simplistic, you made your point clear.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*A lot of redundant words you might change in edit.

Overall: Funny poem!

Writer's Cramp!
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194
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Tina B

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A funny poem! You did well painting an image for the reader and building a story in the poem. I liked some of the unlikely rhymes, it made for fun reading. The confession at the end, I thought it funny!

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*

Overall: Amusing, write on!

Writer's Cramp!
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Review of Eyes chapter 2  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Korbin Scales

Again, a good voice in your chapter. I like how you're demonstrating the peril of Tobi's gift. The only thing I question in the chapter is how clear the dream is, so the actual event moments later becomes a repetitive bore. Your reader learns from the scene that Tobi's eyes are a mutation but nothing more.

To make important the emotion of Anna ignoring Tobi, I'd suggest not showing Anna's reaction in the dream and showing it in the actual event.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"All I will ever want is her to love me. Her to want to hold me, her to want to talk to me." ~ Edit fragments for clarity.
*Bullet*“HGer name is Mrs. Bray, correct?” ~ Her
*Bullet* “So I want to tell you something that you’ve probably heard a thousand times." ~ Suggest delete "so".

Overall, a good action scene.

Regards,
Kim
Top of the mornin' to ye!
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Review of Eyes chapter 1  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Korbin Scales

I've read over your first chapter and really enjoy your voice in the story. Tobi is an interesting enough character and you capture the reader's interest right away.

While the first scene of being captured by the police is basically a flashback, you abandon the concept in the rest of the chapter. At some point in the chapter, I expected you to refer back to the beginning scene.


Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"it is sad because he was no more than five holding his mother’s hand while he walks blindly into the world" ~ How does Tobi and Madison know the kid's story? Suggest edit this part out. As a reader, we know visually impaired people would be walking in and out of the office. If that boy has no relevance to the rest of the story, you don't need it.

Overall, a great beginning. Now on to chapter two.

Regards,
Kim
Top of the mornin' to ye!
197
197
Review of A Mellow Beat  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello E.J. Apostrophe

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A great read! You executed your quatern well and made the last dance so intriguing. This brought a lot of images to mind...a man holding his dying wife up for one last dance...very cool.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*A comma or colon instead of the two ellipse.
*Bullet*L15 - suggest "a" instead of "your".

Overall: A likable poem.

Writer's Cramp!
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198
Review of The Mellow Beat  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Duke-CastleChaos

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I really liked how the scene in this story was presented. One always wonders in the first paragraphs where the story is going. Your dialog felt authentic and was interesting. I wonder how many others on Wall Street would take the chance?

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Take the time to correct the exceedingly numerous spelling errors.

Overall: A entertaining read.

Writer's Cramp!
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199
Review of Angel of Light  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello RS KrisAnn-Thanks Blainecindy!

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A clever story! One could never guess the end of this story when reading through it. I like how you showed Chrystals scepticism and kept the story current. While sad, it was a surprising and clever ending. A twist on the "Be careful what you wish for.".

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*

Overall: A marketable story, a good moral ending.

Writer's Cramp!
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200
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hello E.J. Apostrophe

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A funny story. Too bad I just saw this story on the news. The set-up was original, but because I knew the ending, I came away disappointed.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"...while I would be at the home."
*Bullet*“Sigh, its Buzz.” ~ Would he say that aloud?

Overall: A well-written scene.

Writer's Cramp!
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