This is nice. I like how it shows the uncertainty of the writer while trying to describe a certain feeling. I like the way the description and name of the feeling always stays elusive. As one of my therapists told me before, not all feelings are able to be described or named. I think this is probably one of them and you did a perfect job relating that to me in this poem.
The poem written from the view of Fury is a novel idea. I liked how you mad Fury seem almost human in quality. There was one point where I was held up in the poem though. "Your murders My essence, blood" is where I seemed to get stuck. The blood seems like a word just stuck in there. What the poem was saying to me until that point is that the murders were the essence of Fury. I could not figure out where the blood went into that. Otherwise, the poem was very good.
I enjoyed this poem. Even though there was no rhyme to the poem, there was a flow that just kept going until the very end. Your words are powerful and vivid with detail. I look forward to reading more of your poetry! LeJenDPoet - member #13 in The Poerty Ring
* Title: Family Poem - tells adequately what the poem is about
* Punctuation & Spelling: there were no spelling or punctuation errors I could find
* Other: The last line needs some work. The poem just doesn't seem finished to me. It left me hanging. The flow on the first and second lines is good - then the third line comes into play and throws the flow off.
This is great! It forces the reader to accept that we do not always give respect or attention to everyone whose paths we cross. This poem is also good in that writers do not generally write about things like how everyone in the world ignores each other. Much food for thought for any reader.
This is good but could use a little work. The flow is off on the poem (unless you were trying for free verse). As far as spelling or punctuation goes, it looks good. Work on the flow and it will be much better.
This is good but it needs a little work. Your line,
"Boldwild, unruly, Coyote howls up a full moon" needs to be edited. "boldwild" is not a word and should probably be separated with a comma, and it would sound better and flow better if the coyote howled at (or up at) a full moon.
The line,"I pull away into the greendark of pinebreath" needs work too. what exactly is greendark? and what about pinebreath? maybe they should be hyphenated? That is all I saw wrong, but over all it was a good poem with a good story line.
This was really good! I liked the suprise ending where the sentry turned out to be a dog (even though you don'y say so). Great to see people writing about Texas too, as I am from Texas. I only gave you a 4 because of some punctuation and grammatical errors in the firse "real" paragraph of your little story. But, over all it was GREAT!!! I would like to read it again after the "glitches" are fixed! I enjoyed reading this. Have a nice day!
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