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Review of Caught  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings:bas my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I come wondering into your port to review. I was intrigued by this story as short as it was it held quite an impact.

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


I have to say that I wasn't hooked right away, but I was by the the third paragraph. The makings of suspense in such short words. Great job there! I had to wonder what was going to happen to Richie with his attitude. The nice twist in the end was great! It would make for a great longer story if you ever chose to do so. This way you can fill in the little details with his thoughts, actions in ways that would bring the character alive. This guy has a few secrets I see. Another reason to bring this story back to the table, so to speak.

*Tools2* Structure *Tools2*


Right away the exposition takes to the airport where Richie loses his cool about his luggage. The attendant tries to pass him off and not alarmed or so it seems. The rising action bring us to the attendant asking Richie to come into the back office for some questions. He declines and has no idea what is to come next. The falling action and resolution allows the reader to only find out that Richie isn't his name at all and he is being arrested for murder and smuggling. Nice twist there!

There are some little mistakes here and there with commas and little missing words. These are things that could polish up this story nicely if you choose to revise it. This of course is your choice.

Thank you so much for sharing this story I did enjoy it very much and would love to see the lies and destruction of this main character. Maybe a re write?


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Review of She comes  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings sindbad my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have come across this poem in your port as I was snooping for a great read! I think I found it!

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


A very intriguing read indeed. Unconventional to a degree I must say. As far as structure goes you wrote in a free verse style with many conventions as I can see. As I read this wonderful piece I had to decide what the poet was conveying to me. As the reader we can inhale poetry as we see it. I myself saw this as the poet speaking of mother nature as she is unknown with a voice but can come and go without warning. Your take on this is wonderful with charming choices of words.


*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


Assonance

she stays sprinkled in morning rain

Alliteration

I could use the same sentence for this example as well.

she stays sprinkled in morning rain

The repetition of consonant sounds, especially at the beginning of words. She, stays, sprinkled nicely done!*Wand*

Hyperbole

Her voice is sticky between the soft summer soil her breath in the air - the faint scent behind the window
A wonderful example of hyperbole here. Exaggeration allows the poet to convey emotions that let the reader feel what the poet is saying. Another wonderful convention to show the reader and not just tell.*Wand*

Enjambment

This is a convention that for me, goes hand in hand with punctuation. Your whole poem screams of this convention.

However if we want to use this, i feel it is important to use the punctuation with it.
I would like to show you an example of how you can use this and make a bigger impact on your voice as a poet.
This is only my suggestion for this is your unconventional piece.*Wand*

You wrote:

She comes she goes
she lives in the ashes
she stays sprinkled in morning rain
she lies dead every so often in the flowerbed
she is listless
as shadows piling on the earth
She fills the clouds she dampens the noon sun
she stands as the trees
Jagged in the dust when the storm breaks


my example

She comes, she goes;
she lives in the ashes,
she stays sprinkled in the morning rain,
she lies dead every so often in the flowerbed-
she is listless
as shadows piling on the earth.
She fills the clouds, she dampens the noon sun,
she stands as the trees-
jagged in the dust when the storm breaks.

By using this punctuation change you allow me as the reader to pause and take strong pauses by using the caesura. I believe in this poem it is paramount to really let the reader "feel" the emotion as you paint such a wonderful tale.

*Quill* Over All Thoughts *Quill*


Thank you so much for allowing me to read this great piece of poetry. Well done and it was great to have to take a few moments to inhale your words.
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 
Greetings Earthenware_Haven my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this story while I tip toed through your port.

*BookOpen* The Read *BookOpen*


A wonderful read that was filled with great emotions, excitement and blessings! I love these kind of stories especially at Christmas Time.

I really enjoyed that this was a feel good story. I would normally go into structure of the story but because it was told from experience and a great memory there is no room to critique something from the heart.

Two lucky young girls have been magically touched by the Christmas spirit. A great story taking off on a journey that lead to a wishing well filled of wishes that came true.

Magical!

Keep Writing

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell







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Review of A Street Way  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 
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Greetings!Conwritedd ! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "A Street Away" which I found in the lightening list. So happy to visit your port!

*BookOpen* The Read *BookOpen*


This story was complicated. This poor guy seems to be in a bad way and has to decide which way he will go. It felt like a journal more than a story. His wife is not happy at home, the main character is a smoker and is filled with anxieties in his life.

*Tools2* Structure *Tools2*


Sometimes as writers we just want to write without any rules. Most times it is a great way to just get the idea right out there. Sometimes it is better to walk away and go back to it. Read it as a reader not the writer. This allows us to have a better perspective on how our story reads. We find our own mistakes and mold the story over time. One thing I have learned since being here on the site is to hold on to my work for a few days.

Your story takes off in first person and present tense, then it veers off to past tense. Reflection on happenings from that day? the day before? I wasn't sure.

If you are writing in first person you have to make that character strong. It takes a lot of practice and that is why most writers stick to third person. Details are a must when you are trying to bring your character to life. Actions are quite scattered leaving me to wonder what this character was all about.

Sentence structure is also very important so you want to pay attention to run-on sentences, grammar and spelling. Without pointing out all the above I would only suggest that you take the time to revise your story with a sense of structure in mind.


*Vignette2* Over All Thoughts *Vignette2*


I do believe that this story has potential and just needs to evolve with the attention of the narrator. I see many great things here. A lot of imagery and if you place it correctly you can allow the reader to read and hold their attention. The pace of the story is quick but a lot of hesitation due to structure detail.

I do hope to read this again if you chose to revise it. This is a start to great writing! But great writing can be polished to shine as a gem!





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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings Sewcrazy Again 🤗 ! My name is ~LifeLessons~ and I found this story in the review list. I loved the picture and seemed to paint a colorful vision. I had to stop and take a peak.

*BookOpen* My Thoughts *BookOpen*


I was quite intrigued about the idea of ghosts in the prisons in Rhode Island! I am fascinated by the thought of the other side and what it could bring to us. Enlightenment or fear? Who is to say.
This is a great story of Lonnie who is misplaced in his duties of the war. A bit of a "meant to be" for him now isn't it? He was able to see the sites of another city and meet the love of his life.
I love any great love story.

*Tools2* Structure *Tools2*


The exposition of this story was great. It caught my attention with all the ghost talk. Then when I reached a point in the story I have to wonder where this fit into the story. I would cut out that first introduction and start off here

After all that haunting talk, Lonnie did not sleep very well. His ears listening for screams or maybe seeing some ghosts. Finally, Lonnie drifts off to sleep knowing he will have to be up again in three hours.

The morning comes and it's still dark out. When Lonnie walks out of the guards house the sun begins to peek, then he sees a beautiful silhouette of the Statue Of Liberty.


Seeing as this is closer to the rising action of the plot. It takes the reader right where one would want to read on. I expecting to read a ghost story with the beginning and then that fades right out. A little detail to the new starting point explaining why he woke up where he was with great disappointment leading to the new twist of finding love.

This is only a suggestion as a reader. Please do not change a thing if you don't wish to. This is your story.

I liked the conflict with the irony. A few little revisions and your story will make a beautiful love story.
I love the fifties and stories of the past.

A little more showing than telling will bring your characters to life. Little details can make a world of difference in allowing the reader to be there with you in the story.

Thank you for sharing!
Keep Writing
~LL~


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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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Review of Where is Father?  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings ranjithk ! My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this newly written piece in the review listings.
I really enjoyed the outline of this story.

*BookOpen* My Thoughts *BookOpen*


Deepak is a younger boy who finds himself facing the loss of his father. His mother is in despair and asks him to find his father. He is on a mission and ends up for a great horrific find.
The mother so certain that her husband has taken his own life when his body was found in a well, she grieves. Until her husband taps her on the shoulder. She is surprised but angry and relieved. Yet another shock when he disappears again. The man tapping her on the shoulder was her husband in the after life.

*Tools2* Structure *Tools2*

So when writing a story we want to show this amazing scene with characters that come to life. We want our readers to be engaged without becoming bored. There are a few things I would like to point out that will allow your story to become a great read.

I loved the idea of this story and the outline of a first draft. However you should make some revisions.

Exposition of your story should set the scene, introduce a character. Instead of getting right to the point you want to dance a little and pull your reader in.

What does Deepak look like? How old is he? How does he feel about the quarrel?

Mom should be shown by actions of despair. She is in a quarrel and trying to do chores. Could she be crying?
What does she look like? Is this in a time in the past?
What leads us to the conflict?

You also want to pay attention to spelling.

you wrote
"Amma don't cry, Appa will be back" consoled the son

correction
"Mamma don't cry, Papa will be back." consoled the son.

you wrote
Worried that I drowned is it?" he said

correction
"Were you worried that I might have drowned? he asked.


Pay attention to punctuation. You have some sentences without periods. Don't be too quick to post without proof reading. We tend to get excited when our muse comes to life. You have to mold it and take your time.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I enjoyed the message and the resolve in this short story. Despite the changes that I suggested. Your imagination is great and I think you are on to something here. Keep revising and take your time. I would love to read this again if you choose to make any changes.

Keep Writing !
~LL~

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings GerMac ~LifeLessons~ here! I came across this poem "Seeking Her Fortune" in the please review me list. I love the beach and the picture alone pulled me in.


*Beach* First Impression *Beach*


You absolutely gave a great visual of the beach and all it has to offer. I enjoyed the details of what one would come across. I would love to be basking in the sunshine right now!

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


Reading this poem I have found many conventions that you used well. Considering this to be a free form style without rhyme. We still look for those special delightful conventions.

Assonance
Crabs and sand dollars

Hyperbole
The fragrant salt air beckons her

Metaphor
And rides to shore at last!

There are many conventions that we can use when writing poetry. Some we use without even realizing it. Another convention in poetry is punctuation. It allows the reader to feel the emotion that the writer is trying to convey. I would like to show you how little changes can change that mood to the reader. This is only an example and don't feel as though you need to change anything!

In the early morning hours
The fragrant salt air beckons her
To search for crystalline white sands
For sea life to observe,

Playful little girl toes comb beach sands,
Seeking her fortune
All-day jaunts allow her
To explore seaweed washed to shore.


example

In the early morning hours
the fragrant salt air beckons her
to search for crystalline white sands
for sea life to observe.

Playful little girl toes comb beach sands;
seeing her fortune-
all day jaunts allow her
to explore the shores.

So I didn't make a lot of changes here but introduced the caesura which allows a long pause within a line or verse. In doing this you are now looking at another convention of enjambment. This can easily work throughout this whole poem if you switch a few words and change the punctuation.

This is the wonderful thing about poetry.. always room for change. *Fairy2*


*Writing* Favorite Lines *Writing*


Low tide witnesses the sea
Retreating from the shore,
Plankton floating on the tide
Settles on land.

I love this verse because there is a visual and such a calm feeling as the low tide witnesses the sea, retreating from the shore. Great visual here! *Wave1*

*Wand* Over All Thoughts *Wand*


A great day at the beach exploring the beauty we don't get to see everyday. I tend to agree that these little pleasures are great fortunes!!

Thank you for sharing!
Keep writing
~Ll~





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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell
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Review of Power of Actions  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
well you did great! I had a bit of a hard time but nailed it! way to go
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings delboy my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I came across this story "No Place Like Home" in your port! Welcome to the site as I noticed you have only been here a short time!

*BookOpen* First Impression *BookOpen*


A great detailed piece. The narrator held a wonderful image allowing me to see the geese, inhale the mountain air and imagine life as it was in the past to present. The changes that were made due to time and mother nature herself.
From spring to winter I felt myself sitting beside this man.
This story was written in first person which was held well all the way through the story.

*BookStack3* Structure *BookStack3*


A very smooth read. Well written with no hesitation. I found nothing to complain about as far as grammar, sentence structure or punctuation. Easy paragraphs in a great pace of flow.

The character is this story is strong. He is the main character aside from Jack. This man feels he is where he belongs, but yet towards the end I felt his battle with leaving. The now and the after. Jack comes for him and he still is bent on staying right where he is. I wonder if that really happens? Do we want to stay? A question I will never know the answer to I guess. If we are lost we wouldn't know now would we.

*Angel* Over All Thoughts *Angel*


There is so much focus on the place this man resides that I felt his passion as to why he didn't want to leave. The surroundings are beautiful. However I wonder how the story would have read if the narrator wrote from his perspective of time and how he is lost. Just a thought I needed to ask as a reader.
Once again thank you for sharing this story and I really enjoyed it. I loved the visual you provided.

~LL~
*Bird*










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Review of The Thorn  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings SpeakeroftheDead my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I came across this poem "The Thorn" in your port. There were a few that I could have chosen but this piece sounded a little dark. Dark poetry is just as poetic as light. Not always an easy feat for some.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


A wonderful poem written in free verse. A voice of someone who claims love, or is it more than that? One can love but one can love with wrong intentions. The thorn leads me to believe that this love only goes one way. As much as the rose is adored the thorn is not accepted no matter how much he loves. I see the thorn as needed but not appreciated.

This is the wonderful thing about poetry. It allows the reader to create their own meaning to it. Using free verse creates emotions without meter or set rhyme.

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyR*


Simile

Like a drug,
I need you.

A figure of speech involving a comparison.

Like a fish out of water,
I can't breathe without you.
Like a flower needs rain,
I need you.

Caesura

I can't help but wonder --

A strong pause within a line or verse

Hyperbole

Your petals shine scarlet above them.

We use this convention as a figure of speech to enhance our poetry. It allows the reader to visualize or feel what the writer is wanting to portray.


There are so many conventions that nurture our poetry. I was pleased to see how many you have used and sometimes we use them without being aware of it. once we do know their meaning it allows us to use them as tools to write beautiful poetic forms.


*Angel* Favorite Lines *Angel*



Or the suffocating constrictions of the deprived,
the shriveled, gnarled stem of the thirsty...

The thorn?

I have say these are my favorite lines because it brought the main question to light. The whole poem written about a love. Someone adored. Then these lines allowed me to feel what the narrator was feeling.



*Quill* Over All Thoughts *Quill*


I think that this poem was written with passion and with a little changes it could really shine. Poetry is something we can re write in so many different ways while still saying what we want to say. A wonderful way of writing.

Thank you for sharing
Keep Writing
~LL~








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Review of Silvermoons Dip  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Greetings writer0 my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I have come across this story in your port. There were a few things to choose from but I was pulled towards the poetic title of "Silvermoons Dip"

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


This is quite the adventure with two main characters. Charlotte and Johnny. It seems that one looks out for the other during this path of beating the grumbleforth. So much going on that I had to re read a couple of times.
I enjoyed the descriptive writing you have chosen to portray the skies as Charlotte used her staff to cast a bellowing chant.

*BookStack3* Structure *BookStack3*


The conflict in this story is quite apparent while to people fight the odds of staying out of the grips of trouble in their path. Rising action happens when Charlotte uses her staff to try and put an end to the horror that could happen. The meter of the story is quite fast but not only due to the action but do to the punctuation and sentence structure.

When writing a story your characters are important, therefore shouldn't they be important enough to have capitals?
Your sentences are quite run-on in many instances and you want your reader to pause and take in each scene for what they are worth. Commas can be over used and when you do this it creates pauses when there shouldn't be. So a few hiccups in the structure of the story.


*Fairy2* What I enjoyed *Fairy2*


I really enjoyed the life of the story. Even after the revising it will be a great setting with a quick pace. The visuals were great as you painted an image of the skies.

the wind moaned, and the sky, bent, and beaconed, lights and clouds, melded and swirled for the light grew dark so dark in fact that the grumbleforth, fell over while hitting several trees on its way, no one of the 3, the grumbleforth, charlotte or johnny, could see where they were going.

I also enjoyed Charlotte's chant as she used her staff

with the light of silver moon
with the last I give to thee
to battled sprawn, 1 battled beast and the seas of the forgotten sea

with the sight of the seen I tell
I long for them to know
take this beast from within my sight
and without it it must go

and with a load shout charlotte proclaimed to the sky

"tom tell weyen"


*Angel* Over All Thoughts *Angel*


This story was created by a writer with great visuals. A little practice with sentence structure, grammar and punctuation will enhance your talents all that more. Writing is work but work that we enjoy. A goal that most of us want is for others to enjoy our work as well. I hope you take the time to revise this piece somewhat and allow me to read it again at any time. We are all here to learn and to share and I am so glad you did.
Keep Writing and never despair.
~LL~
*Bird*









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Review of Too much to say  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Tales my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this piece "Too Much To Say" in the young adult listing. I love poetry and all the conventions it holds. I was drawn to this poem due to the short introduction as when I started to read I realize the title is perfect!!

*Writing* First Impression *Writing*


This poem is a tongue twister! What a great use of so many conventions. Sometimes there is too much to say and even writing it brings confusion. You portrayed this well !

*Vignette3* Conventions *Vignette3*


*Fairy* Alliteration is all over the place in this poem. Wonderful! The repetition of consonant sounds at the beginning of each line running through the same line. Well we know you have done this !!

*Fairy* Assonance in the last verse is great! Being the repetition of similar vowel sounds continuous throughout the same line.
Ending every exasperating expedition emphatically.

enjambment is also another convention that would work well in this poem. A few little changes to punctuation and you would have a great enjambment throughout.

I would like to show you how this could work in your favor. This is only a suggestion and you by no means have to change a thing.

You write

Words work well with what we want.
Some sentences seem so simple,
Lifting lovely little letters.

However, having harsher harder hitches hardly helps.
So somehow, super senses starts swirling.
Throwing terribly twirling twisters to tie tired tongues.
Rapidly raising radical rational reasonably.

Making many messes. massively mushing minds.
Progressively probing probable places, properly perfectly picking possible pieces.
Ending every exasperating expedition emphatically.

Because honestly, sometimes, there's just too much to say



I suggest

Words work well with what we want;
some sentences seem so simple,
lifting lovely little letters-

however having harsher harder hitches hardly helps;
so somehow super senses start swirling-
throwing terribly twirling twister to tie tired tongues,
rapidly raising radical rational reasonably;

making many messes massively mushing minds-
progressively probing probable places-properly perfectly,
ending every exasperating expedition emphatically;

because honestly sometimes, there's just too much to say.

by using the caesura it has allowed a longer deeper sigh without ending the sentence. This let's the reader feel the extent of ramble! By making these few little changes you now have a complete enjambment.

enjambment is a run-on line of poetry with logical sense of punctuation and grammar. Another wonderful convention that I love to use!*FairyL*

*Wand* Final Thoughts *Wand*


I would like to say I have a favorite line but I can't because the whole thing makes it what you wanted it to be. Too much to say and a blur of words take over. This is what it is! Although it was a tongue twister it was well suited for it's purpose.

I enjoyed this poem very much and had a giggle trying to read it out loud. Well done and thanks for sharing.

~LL~
*Bird*











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Review of Breathe  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings HWard my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this piece in the young writers list. The title "Breathe" found me wanting to read into this piece. This is something that can take us on so many emotional adventures.

*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


A very compelling written journey of a soldier. That feeling of what could happen and you write truthfully in stating our demise of world issues. Very believable and I couldn't imagine being in that situation with so many fears. I read this is a personal thought and point of view, which I love! We all have our perspective on any situation and you gave two. One angel from the soldier and another as a citizen. Both holding many similar characteristics.

"Just Breathe" can pertain to so many things, but i didn't expect being buried.

Favorite Lines

I don’t fear dying. I fear the dirt. The weight of six feet's worth of gravel pressing against my coffin. The darkness, the cold. I'm scared that when you die, you don’t leave, you stay.

These sentences speak volumes of so many fears that we all probably have. This is dark, compelling and a bit twisted. I think it would be a thought that many soldiers have. You portrayed this fear well with great word choices. I had goose bumps. A bit of a hyperbole in here. "Gravel pressing against my coffin." Poetic and deep.


*BookStack2* Suggestions *BookStack2*



I found this piece easy to read. I didn't see too many mistakes as far as grammar but I would look into construction of sentences. A few run on sentences and few that could conjunctions. Otherwise well done and great imagery.


*Writing* Final Thoughts *Writing*


A hundred percent success rate of becoming a killer? I think everyone can become one if one were coaxed to be one. The sad thing is in today's world there are way too many that live up to that success rate. The world is becoming to immune to the very thought of death. No empathy on so many levels. This is the sadness of what world war can do. The ones that make it home have to live with the devastation of what their capabilities have left them with. A never ending topic but yet one that will never be resolved.


Thank you for sharing
~LL~












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Review of The Catch  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings DeBaucheryNotes my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I found this short story in the newbie listings. "The Catch" could mean so many things and because your short entry doesn't really say, I found myself curious enough to read.

*BookOpen* First Impression *BookOpen*


The introduction to this story was well thought out as you had me up in that tree with the owl. A very nice visual as you used, sound, descriptive writing that allowed me to feel myself present.
I love the character "Knives" as he held a personality of no other of his stature. To have been on his own for so long and collect a bandit only to find out he was a she? Great twist.
I wish the story was longer and maybe this would be a good idea? A character building of a female bandit! Exciting!

You followed the tools *Tools2* of writing a short story very well. Setting the scene, introducing a main character with a second at the end. A great sense of imagery *Palette* as you placed me in this forest with such courage and fight.
The conflict was sensed right away with the owl and then with "Knives" which leads to a resolve of great question. Mystery always engages the reader to want to read on and you did this for me !


*Type* Over All Thoughts *Type*


Over All I really enjoyed this story very much. I would suggest maybe revising the spacing as I found it a bit crunched and it would allow a smoother read.
A few run on sentences and watch the comma! This can take away from a great read. Other wise I hope to see this story take off into something bigger ! There is a marvelous character here in "Knives"

Keep Writing
~LL~




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Review of Plate Tectonics  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Greetings Cassie Hall my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I found this story "Plate Tectonics" on the young adult writing list. I love the title and the picture. The short introduction peeked my curiosity. A must read! Let's take a look.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


This is a short story of a girl who is visiting? She is in her grandparents house and finds herself overwhelmed with memories. You write this story in first person which is great but leaves the story vague. Without a well rounded character.

*Palette* Showing and Telling *Palette*


This is a convention of story telling that is very important. One that you will learn to manipulate along the way. Even in writing first person, we need to "show" the reader the scene. we still want to know the character. Maybe she could be looking in the mirror and describing herself on how she has grown. Pointing out memories along the way. What were her emotions? Was she sad, grieving? As a writer you want to build your character to allow the reader to become involved.

*Type* Tools to Writing A Short Story *Type*


A story should start off with an introduction to the character. You want to paint a picture of the scene and create a believable character. Hard to do in first person, I would advise you to write in third person until there is a grasp on the tools of writing.

There should be a conflict of sorts. Not always fighting as such, but emotions against hardship or grieving.

You did a good job of showing some surroundings but vague on details.

I have questions as to why she was there?
Who is she?
Where are her grandparents?

A resolution to the story is a great way to finish off and this I found vague as well. The resolve:

The sky is purple and red and setting. I grab the fireman’s pole that extends to the ground. I let gravity do the rest. My hair swishes, my body whirls. And my ring goes for the ride.


I imagine that she goes into the tree house but not sure about the ring going for a ride.

What does the ring pertain to?

Some issues with sentences that can be too short and too long. You want to watch the use of comma and the word "and". They can both be distracting to the reader.

*Quill* Over All Thoughts *Quill*


I found this story has potential to be a wonderful emotional piece. My suggestions are based on that alone. They are suggestions that I hope will help you and if you chose to revise I would love to read it again.

~LL~
*Bird*









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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Here In the Room my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have come across this story in the young adults list. "Whispers In The Dark" Sounds intriguing and knowing this is the setting scene of the main character I had to peek and see what it is about.

*CoffeeV* First Impressions *CoffeeV*


Perfect timing! I had a coffee in my hand when I chose to read this chapter and it begins in a coffee shop! Awesome !
I believe this story will be compelling and dark. I could be wrong but I think you have shown me a troubled young man.
As I read on bringing this character on the bus, I couldn't help thinking of a song, "Your Beautiful" by James Blunt. Not sure if you know it but this reminded me of it in so many ways.
A bit of darkness with emotions. I liked it!

You write this story in first person which is quite an accomplishment, but this being the first chapter i have to wonder if you will be able too maintain first person all the way through. Something to think about.

The beginning of the chapter starts with dialogue. Now the thing with dialogue is, you want to allow the reader to follow the conversation. In this dialogue I am only seeing one person talking. The person behind the counter? Not quite clear and maybe add some action to the dialogue. I like it but a little revising in that perspective.

This main character is still in question to the reader, which makes me want to read on. Not everyone would agree but I like the way you gave a bit of a background, introduced a second character with a scene that was clear.

Great imagery here too. I have to say I felt as though I was sitting in that cafe with you. Descriptive in showing and not telling too much. A great mix.

I am hoping that the second chapter reveals a little more of this character.

*Document* Over All Thoughts *Document*


I believe you have gotten off to a great start here. Be careful with past and present tense as you go along. Frankly I am okay with the back and forth due to memories or documents or what ever have you. This being the first chapter I don't see anything to comment on. You have me hooked! I want to read on!

Well done!!
~LL~
*Bird*









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Review of Silent night  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Greetings Aleeza my name is ~LifeLessons~ I came across this poem in the newbie list. "Silent Night" caught my attention and I was even more excited when I saw how you were excited by writing it.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


I see here you have written a free verse form of poetry. I love free verse. It allows the poet to test our skills with words to portray emotions. As I read this I found the poet writing of a great loss. A photo I am guessing which was kept in a pocket close to the heart. The person of interest is lost and finds life unworthy without his/her love. Isolation can be in so many forms and you have given life to a portrait. Personification is a lovely way of bringing such things to life.
I enjoyed the setting of this poem. Traffic lights can put us in a trance and more so as you wait for the lights to turn green. Lost in thoughts of grief.


*Fairy* Poetic Conventions *Fairy*


So as you write more poetry you will learn many conventions that will bring your writing to a whole new light. I won't go into too much detail and confuse you. This being free verse, there is no rhyme or formed meter so we won't go there. However in any poetry there is one convention that we don't see as a great contribution. This being punctuation. I would like to show you how you could change this in your piece allowing your reading to feel the anguish.
This is only a suggestion and this is your poem in the end. Do not feel as though you have to make these changes.
What you wrote

Silent night,
Traffic lights,
And then I found you in the middle of my pocket,
Oh!! you got faded,
After all I have kept you there for so long,
You must be feeling alive after such isolation,
And then I found myself in the middle of traffic with pop up lights,
But I'm not feeling alive,
After all I have kept myself breathing through this extreme cold of life,
And now it's almost freezing,
I can see cars and their lights around me but they aren't warm any more,
Here I put you again in my pocket to keep you always there isolated,
And here I put myself on prayers to keep me alive because I can feel nothing now,
Except the freeze that has caught me now.

my example

Silent night-
traffic lights,
and then I found you;
in the middle of my pocket.
Oh-you got faded,
after all-I have kept you there for so long.
You must be feeling alive after such isolation;
and then I found myself in the middle of traffic with pop up lights.
But I'm not feeling alive-
after all I have kept myself breathing through this extreme cold of life.
And now it's almost freezing.
I can see cars and their lights around me but they aren't warm anymore.
Here-I put you again in my pocket to you always there isolated.
And here-I put myself in prayers to keep me alive because
I feel nothing;
Except the freeze that has caught me now.

So in these very little changes you can feel the deep breaths and sighs of sorrow.

Another suggestion I would like to make is, pay attention to over using the word "and". You can use many other words that bring each line tied in with the next. Remember poetry is the use of words and there are so many out there. Time to explore!!

*Fairy3* What I liked *Fairy3*


I really enjoyed the emotion here. I had to read through it in order to see what you wanted to portray, but that is the joy of writing poetry. Your reader will see things differently and this doesn't make it wrong or right. These are your emotions and your own way of painting a picture for the reader.

*Quill* Favorite Lines

After all I have kept myself breathing through this extreme cold of life,


This is the line that brought the emotion of sorrow to me and the strength to move forward.

*Type* Over All Thoughts *Type*


You have the means of being a great poet. This is art and like painting or sculpture art, we as writers have to start with our own canvas and paint our picture with words. I hope you get the time to explore the conventions of poetry and if you chose to revise this poem in the future I would love to read it.

Keep Writing
~LL~





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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Greetings Elegance_and_Grace my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this prologue in the read and review listing.

*BookOpen* First Impressions *BookOpen*


I love the idea of three girls who bond and share their daily happenings throughout a school year. This is a great idea for a book or trilogy. I enjoyed the relaxing scene at the table in the cafeteria. The girls sharing events and thoughts with some humor. I definitely see where this could take off and how many other girls in that age group would grab it for a great read.

*BookStack3* Characters *BookStack3*


Thomas Johnson

Blonde hair, very white teeth and a bad attitude. His father is a lawyer who dabbles on the other side of the law. Thomas has never been turned down until now. He isn't happy about it and will make his claim.

Louise

Louise being the girl that Thomas wants. She dresses fine and is a girl slash woman on the rise. She sees right through Thomas for who he is.

Chloe

Chloe is apart of this trio of friends. She seems quick tempered and always there to protect her sisters.

Jo

Jo is a girl with a past love. A boy "Mickey" who moved away but has returned. Her friends are concerned of her well being and reminds her how he broke her heart once before.

*Tools* Structure *Tools*


Writing a story or book consists of many tools that we as writers should abide by. There is no system we "have" to follow but we have to stay on the map in a sense. When you introduce your characters you want to give them "character". Consider point of view. Showing your reader and even though the dialogue is good. It is good when it could be amazing. The spacing is crunched which led me to re read over and over the same sentence. You want your reader to be engaged and get lost in the read. They will tend to bore easily and stop reading.

A few run on sentences with over use of the comma. These can be paramount to the reader.

Begin your prologue with your main characters. Instead of telling of the trio in the end, maybe introduce them in the beginning before Thomas arrives. Maybe have him make his play in the lunch room where all three girls are witness to it. The would surely mess him up more and the story can take off with a clear image.

*Thought2* Over All Thoughts *Thought2*


As I mentioned you have a great idea here that could take off. If you take the time to revise and mold it, you will have a great story. Build your characters and bring them to life. Don't crunch your story into the prologue alone. This is the part of your story that should leave your reader wanting to read more.

I hope you use the suggestions I have left with you and remember we are all writers and we are all learning. If I have learned anything, it would be taking advice as help and not a critique. I hope to read your work again.
Keep Writing!!

~LL~
*Bird*











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Review of Creation  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings JustPeachy ~LifeLessons~ here and I read this great poem in the Newsfeed!! Congratulations on a great win. I love traditional poetry and I love all the conventions that help pull it together.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


Love it! You took me on an adventure into the secrets of the waters. I can see why you won the contest! Good for you! Traditional poetry is what got me into poetry in the first place. Now there are so many ways to write but my heart always comes back to traditional. I enjoyed the imagery, the meter was great with no hesitation.
I really loved the conventions that you brought to this poem.
Assonance was noticed right away and it really brought each sentence to a nice flow of words.
and splash inside a liquid dream.

Imagery was quite apparent as I found myself swimming in the depths of the ocean.
We'll float below her salty mires,
drifting through the whale-call choirs.
Soundless swimmers, gliding down,
swirling through her emerald gown.

Hyperbole is a nice way to embellish what we want our reader to feel. I found that you used this well throughout but this is a nice example.
a place of wonder, a growing womb.

*Bird* Favorite Lines *Bird*


We'll float below her salty mires,
drifting through the whale-call choirs.
Soundless swimmers, gliding down,
swirling through her emerald gown.

I love this whole stanza! The word choices brought such an image for me. It felt so breezy and tranquil. "whale-call choirs".. so perfect. Well done !


I really don't have any suggestions. Knowing the judges of this contest, I know they are informative, knowledgeable and chose this piece for an apparent reason. congratulations again on a nicely done piece.


Keep Writing
~LL~
*Bird*







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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings G. B. Williams !! I am ~Lifelessons~ and I just strolled through your port and you have so many wonderful things to read that hold amazing messages. I had a hard time choosing. I found myself drawn to this piece. "My Cold House Made Me Think".

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


Well it isn't nice to be in a cold house in the winter! I have been there. I loved this piece because it is a reminder of what we take for granted. Everyday I make it a point to think of others and how some are suffering. My nanny is 93 years old and every day she asks me. "Could It Be Worse?"
Yes nanny it could always be worse. You can walk, you have no pain, you can still get out on your own.
Being thankful is something we don't do enough of and blessings can be of the smallest things. It seems we go on in our everyday lives without realizing what we are blessed with.


*MugLV* I felt the cold in this piece. You tell in first person because it is your experience. I loved the caps, making it feel as though you were yelling it.

*MugLV* I really enjoyed the last paragraph as you remind us that God gives us only what we can handle and someone else has to handle so much more. Strength and preservation is necessary to anyone who has to climb that mountain.

Thank you so much for allowing me to read this piece!

Keep Writing!
~LL~













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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Cast2wind my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this interesting piece "A Soldier's Letters" in the plug page. I chose to read this piece because of the short description. It drew me and maybe because of the state the world is in.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


So I read of a soldier with regret and great sorrow. A plea for strength to endure what has happened to him.
You wrote this in free verse which allows the writer to write without form or meter. This is a new way of poetry and it allows "me" as the reader to interpret you writing as I see it. Even though there are no real rules to free verse there are conventions we want to pay attention to that will put emotion and convey these feelings in a more enhanced manner.

Your poem is filled with great conventions that allowed me to feel the anguish of the writer. I enjoyed seeing the use of hyperbole, Assonance, great imagery of a strong character. Using conflict of opposing forces is quite strong.

I also notice enjambment which is a great convention also in free verse form. I suggest using punctuation in this piece because I feel as though it would allow the reader to feel what your trying to say. Emotions can be shown through words, but punctuation is a convention in poetry as well.

*Quill* Suggestions *Quill*


I would like to show you how punctuation could change this piece. This is only a suggestion and in the end this is your poem.

I beg to go back
To live or die
Just to be with those who are like me and fight at my side
This world changed
My thoughts pounded in red, blue and white
Until I could eat, sleep and wake only in the
blood soaked promise of 'one day'
I am never looking to blame
And the man in the mirror feels no real shame
I keep those things in empty little frames
I know peace is in reach
Sing, David, sing to me
Like you did for Saul when his demons would wake
Not for me, but for my family's sake
Because being a "hero" sets these demons free


example:

I beg to go back,
to live or die;
just to be with those who are like me and fight at my side.
This world changed
my thoughts-pounded in red, blue and white!
Until i could eat, sleep and wake only in the
blood soaked promise of "one day";
I am never looking to blame
and the man in the mirror feels no real shame.
I keep those things sin empty little frames;
I know the peace is in reach-
Sing! David-sing to me
like you did for Saul when his demons would wake;
not for me, but for my family's sake,
because being a "hero" sets these demons free.


I hope you see the difference in how this reads back to you. This is only a suggestion, but if you chose to use punctuation you will find it gives your work life.

Thank you so much for sharing and I hope to see more of what you have written.

~LL~
*Bird*







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Review of I Like Trees  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love trees ! i could get lost in watching them all day. They provide so many things for us, wild life and enjoyment. I just wrote a poem myself about a tree... Lovely and nicely put.
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings Nikola~Loving Her Gracie Girl! ~LifeLessons~ here to review this piece as apart of your Anniversary celebration!! Time flies when we are having so much fun. This is definitely a unique way of questioning and I love it !

*Type*


I would say this story is a great example of dialogue. It was easy to follow, well spaced out and I felt the emotion in each line. Sometimes it's best to write without all the flowery words. Simple is best at times. Dialogue is important and when we can do it and make an impact it's even better.

*Vignette3*


Normally I would have suggested a more vivid picture. Little details such as poise, gesture and character building but in this short piece you covered the moment quite well.

I couldn't imagine being purposed to in that kind of manner and really I found it quite compelling and exciting. Well done !

*Ring1*


Thanks for sharing this with me and I am so glad I came across it. Happy Writing!

~LL~

*Bird*



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Review of Serial Killer  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Greetings Ajay my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I came across this piece on the Power Review request page. Everyone loves a suspense thriller. Setting the scene is of the up most importance. This is a review based on my own personal view. As a writer myself I am also learning along the way and that is what this site is all about. We read, share, review and hope to gain knowledge to share with those who are new. So let's begin shall we?

*BookOpen* First Impression *BookOpen*


So you are trying to set a scene here and bring the reader to a moment of realization and fear. Every writer has their own way of starting off a story. What is right and what is wrong? That is something we all work out on a daily basis. I won't get into great detail of a line by line review. I want to round it out for you a little.

*Type* Structure *Type*


You have a great idea for a suspense story here. The conflict is told right of the bat. However I had to re read it several times due to past and present tense. The back and forth was confusing enough but you also left me as the reader trying to figure out your characters. This would be of up most importance in the beginning of any story. A description of her and him, how they met and how she became who she is. Did she have a name? How about his name? Writing in first person is a challenge and because this was quite short it worked.

If you wanted to really turn this into a great story which I think the idea is great. You need to re focus on your character building. Sentence structure, using capitals where needed.


*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I see potential in this piece and I believe you have it in you to commit to it. This "idea" is full of possibilities and if you take to a new level, you yourself will see how a writer can blossom.

These are all important things to pay attention to and I hope you take the time to revise it. I would love to read it again if you chose to do so.

Thanks for sharing

~LL~

*Bird*



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Review of Eden  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*GiftR* WDC 15th Birthday Reviews *GiftR*


Greetings Ashen Sunflower my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this piece "Eden" in the poetry listings.
I love poetry and all the wonderful ways it can touch us as readers. It inspires us to play with words to convey such emotion.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


I loved this! You followed the conventions and form of a villanelle very well. You also used great poetic conventions of many others as well. A lovely setting in August as the air turns to a chill while fall creeps in. I love how the two seasons mingle into an evening that allows us to still enjoy the sounds but smells of the next to arrive. Nature is that magical.

*Fairy* Conventions *Fairy*


Alliteration


The repetition of consonant sounds starting in the beginning and throughout the line and verse. You did this is a wonderful way choosing soft sounds that ease the flow of a summer's breeze.

Assonance


The repetition of vowel sounds in a sentence which you proved to have used so well.
A moth bathes in a street lamp’s glare,


Onomatopoeia


The use of words to initiate the sounds the poet describes. As you used it with the owls that croon.

So many conventions that I saw and it really did make this poem so lovely. There was great imagery with your chosen words. I sit on my porch every night and soak in the changes of the seasons. You brought this to life for me.
Wonderul!*Fairy*

*Fairy3* Favorite Lines *Fairy3*


An owl unfurls his wings with regal flair.
Two more upon the rooftop gutters croon.
Summer’s symphony fills the air.

This verse just speaks poetic devices that bring to where the poet speaks of. I love the word choices here. Unfurls, regal flair.. just divine.

*FairyR* Over All Thoughts *FairyR*


Thank you for sharing this beauty! I am so glad I came across it. I have nothing else to offer but only enjoyed it very much. I hope you enjoy the week's festivities during the anniversary of the site!! *BalloonV*

*BalloonV* *BalloonV* *BalloonV*


~LL~
*Bird*
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