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Review of Shake The Skin  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Fivesixer }! A very *Balloonr* Happy Birthday/WDC Anniversary *Balloony* from House Martell at "Game of Thrones" !

I love this title "Shake The Skin", it really drew me in to want to read this poem. A really emotional piece and one that was direct without hesitating.

There is so much convention in this poem. I love the in line rhyme.
These are my monologues now but your dialogue

Fragments of you shake the very skin

This line is an excellent example of hyperbole usage. I really enjoyed this literary work.

Assonance and Alliteration are both apparent as well as use of punctuation.
A suggestion would be to change a bit of that to enhance the emotion.

Example:
you wrote:
Your moments etch in my bones.
Fragments of you shake the very skin
in which I walk, only for you
and my love songs are wearing me thin again.

Suggestions
Your moments etch in my bones;
fragments of you shake the very skin
in which I walk-only for you
and my love songs are wearing me thin again.

In doing this you are using the caesura to bring a strong pause and also creating an enjambment. Two conventions that can strengthen this poem. This is only a suggestion as you know.


*Shield7* Favorite Line *Shield7*


Fragments of you shake the very skin

I love this line because it screams pain, regret, and holds a tone of resentment at the same time. Haunted by a love lost.
*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! *Shield2*
Write On!
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Review of Just As...  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi G. B. Williams }! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this poem "Just As.." which I found in your port.

I love poetry and what it allows us to feel. Poets have the pleasure of intertwining literary works into magic for the reader.
It is so true that soon today will be gone and forgotten. Tomorrow is the new today. I think that is what they say?

Nothing should be taken for granted. It can be taken away in a heart beat. I savor it all.
As we write poetry we find ourselves using conventions that wrap up our words in a nice package. I see many in this piece as I read it. I would like to share a couple with you.

Closed Form
The sun is slowly rising in the East.
Granddaughter is riding on the boat to New York.
The wind is howling across the land.
Jus as we are rising to meet our new day.

Assonance

Winter is in full swing and cold is an everyday occasion

Alliteration
Seems a lot like the same old same old


hyperbole

Life goes on without really missing a beat



*Shield7* Favorite Lines *Shield7*


The skies are clear and the sun is bearing​ down on bare trees​
The earth continues to be wet or damp​ from recent snows and rain
Potholes and patches have become one and​ the same
Just as we are driving to our destinations today

I love these lines because of the imagery and description of a day being just that another day. A day that we don't give a second thought to and without knowing or realizing how blessed we are to have just that-another day.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! *Shield2*
Write On!
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi G. B. Williams }! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this piece "Honoring My Black History" which I found in your port.

I love your stories and I feel your heart in each of them. I can't believe Aunt Janie Barnes lived to see 107 years old. The stories that lady could tell. Black history is something to be proud of without a doubt and when you have a close nit family as yourself pride shows.

My mother is also my inspiration for so many things. She loves to write and did my grandmother. So this comes naturally I suppose. We have to count our blessing don't we? What others have endured in the past is what makes who we are today. We all take a piece of history with us. Stories of generations long ago that endured so much more than we could ever imagine still breaks my heart today. The strength and courage they had to overcome such tribulations is astounding.

I enjoyed the care you took in writing of your family and their roles of the past. It gave a clear picture as to how the present came to be. The world is different now and not in a good way I might add. I am so glad that your grandchildren are accomplished students. That is a proud moment for any grandmother.

A school that begun so long ago in hopes of a dream of education turned into a glorious ending. Freedom is something we can never take advantage of. We see it taken away on so many levels today. The world has been shaken.
Kind regards
~LL~







*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! *Shield2*
Write On!
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Review of Canadian Traffic  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Fivesixer }! A very *Balloonr* Happy Birthday/WDC Anniversary *Balloony* from House Martell at "Game of Thrones" !

I have chosen this piece "Canadian Traffic" which I found in your port because first being Canadian I couldn't help but read. When I started to read I felt right at homee!

This is a prose piece of a death upon the main character. The narrator writes in first person and leaves quite an impression on the reader. Great details of many lovely wonders of Canada while at the same time a saddened ending of life. Although the narrator brings a peacefulness to an ending life; it still led me to believe that life was taken. Swept by the waters of Niagara Falls.


Quite a deep emotional piece but one that holds many conventions as well. With no rhyme scheme it flows greatly with the use of tone and conventions. Metephor, Assonance, Alliteration, imagery, character, crisis, point of view,rhythm, simile, and many more. You really did work this piece into a wonderful image of a deeper meaning of death. A perception that only you as the writer could feel. As the reader I am allowed to convey this into my own thoughts. That is the freedom of poetry. It can take each of us to our own perception.

*Shield7* Favorite Lines *Shield7*


The water
becomes as emotionless as I am
and I sail my human boat
over the edge
of the rocky, unforgiving crags
that have permeated my equilribrium.


I have to say that the use of literary works here have deepened this verse in more ways than one. It's deep dark and well thought out. The hyperbole use is great. "The water becomes as emotionless as i am"
The body being a human boat. Well the whole verse is excellent. Great choice of words that tie in with the tone set throughout the whole poem. Nice Read and gave me plenty to think about. I love that.



*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! *Shield2*
Write On!
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Review of Literacy  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Elycia Lee ☮ }! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this poem "Literacy"! I love poetry and I see you like it yourself.

It is so true that words are endless and they play such a huge part in our every day lives. But to use them as an art and to be able to bring together a story such as villains, heroic fighters and Invading aliens; well that is just magic.

When writing poetry or stories we use modules and conventions that sometimes we aren't aware of and it all makes sense once we know how to use them. You have done this well throughout this poem.

examples:
Assonance
of endless words never end.

Enjambment

Fingering expressions
Figuring plots
Generic impressions
Gambling the odds.

Alliteration
unless I use my precious pen.

Favorite Lines
How I wish to forever dwell
in the world of literacy.
Indulging in a secret world to tell
everyone your fantasy.


I enjoyed these lines because it truly describes how a writer would feel. I feel the same need to dwell in the world of literacy. It can take us to anywhere we want to be. The great line of Indulging in a secret world to tell everyone your fantasy really is intriguing. There is always a story to unfold and secrets to be told. The great world of writing is something I adore and I see you do as well.!





*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! *Shield2*
Write On!
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi DyrHearte writes }! ~LifeLessons~ here fleeting through your port and of course I had to read this intriguing story. Two woman and a question of love sounds enticing.


Poor Jabrina has no idea what she has gotten herself into. Her sexuality has been enticed by something she has never encountered before. Being pleasured by a woman with such desire leaves her weak in the end.

Millicent has been caught off guard by a woman she wasn't prepared for. Her quest for sexual hunger was so driven without satisfaction until now. She doubts "being in love" and what it means but for now Jabrina will be hers to lust over.

Millicent realizes that her hunger is diminished and until the next moon she wouldn't have to go out to search. Jabrina is everything she could hope for in a woman, but Jabrina wants more and Millicent isn't sure that is possible.

These two women seem to have an attraction that will be complicated. I wonder how they resolve this. A great story that will have a sequel I am sure of it. Great strength of writing here that left me to wonder and that is exactly what we want as a writer.

Structure was great with no errors that I could see. It was a smooth read with great dialogue. Characters were strong and both hold an important part to the story line. I enjoyed how you left the ending with a wide open space to continue the story. A bit of a fantasy on so many levels.

*Shield7* Thank you for sharing your work with us!*Shield7*


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Review of A Single Tear  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings Sum1 ~Lifelessons~ here to review this poem "A Single Tear" as part of our raid and a little something from myself due to your wonderful celebration!! Happy Anniversary!!!*BalloonV*

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


Wow! Where do I begin with this one? From beginning to end this story comes to a full circle of that one single tear. This poor poor soul! Tormented by her own inner demons and left to her own demise. So much emotion put into this poem. How could he do that to her? Just leave and not come back. To find herself with child and nobody to guide her through birth has left her defeated. Life taken from her leaves her with no choice but to take her own. Weakened by all that she had been through. A broken heart times two or more.

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


So many conventions lie within this poem that I am sure I won't be able to mention them all. I will however point out the ones that stand out.
Well we know for sure that this is written as a traditional form using quatrain ( a four-line stanza) with a lovely rhyme theme. The meter was great with no hesitations. A beautiful tone that really brought out the emotions in this piece.*Quill*

Alliteration

Now she sits by the ocean alone in the sand,

not only is this a great example of alliteration it also leaves a soft tone throughout the line.

Hyperbole

She wasn’t thinking, her mind in a cloud.

Well we know her head isn't really in a cloud but it helps to convey the message of confusion or not thinking clearly. I love hyperbole because it really gives the writer so much to chose from as far as portraying such emotions.

Diction

You have used a great selection of words in this piece that bring this character to life. Through her actions, her emotions, her thoughts. The use of old English is used throughout as well that brought me to that place deep in the dampness of darkness. Very nice!

Imagery

Yet that night as she slept, it slipped away,
She awoke to find it cold in the morning’s sun rays.
So tiny, so helpless, how could this be?
All she could think of was to run and flee.


This stanza really brought an image to mind for me. I envisioned this poor mother waking to her child laying listless and cold. Taken from her in the night. Her panic and grief leaving her to flee. A sad stanza but well written.

I love the figurative language that was carefully thought out while you still wrote with denotation you left room for wonder. That is a very well told story.

*Angel* Favorite Lines *Angel*


With all that had happened, with all she’d lost,
There wasn’t another path she felt could be crossed.
‘Only one way out!’ was whispered in the air,
‘Go ahead, get it done, for none will care.’

I chose this stanza as a favorite because of how she reflects and realizes that she is just that worn out. Too weak to move forward and it ties in with her emotions from the very beginning. She was a lost soul. A single tear from beginning to end. Very sad but a very strong poem.

Over All a very enjoyable read!! full of many poetic conventions with a great story told.

Keep Writing
~LL~













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Review of Summer of 1816  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings River ~LifeLessons~ here to review "Summer of 1816" The title caught my eye. Such a long time ago you left me intrigued!

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


Full of great information in this piece. Our history kind of tells us what we could endure ourselves and really we have had our hardships where weather is concerned haven't we. As I read this I couldn't help thinking how much we take advantage of. What we really need is so simple yet we crave so much more. Simplicity is bliss I say. Count our blessings right.

This read for me was told as a report more than a story. Without characters or personal emotions it's hard to critique it. I have to wonder if you could take this and spin into a personal story in fiction. A main character and what he must succumb to making ends meat. Weathering the storm so to speak. I think it would make a great short story. You have the information with the background.. let your muse take over!! Would love to read it if you chose to do it.

A great tale of the ancestors and the makings of a great short story. I feel there would be so many ups and downs in a story like this. Heightened fear, loss, gain, happiness, sorrow.

Thank you for sharing this and I really did enjoy the history it held.

~LL~

















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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings 🌕 HuntersMoon ~Lifelessons~ here to review this poem "It Must Be Summer" dedicated to summer!! I love summer!

*Sun* The Read *Sun*


You didn't miss a beat! I loved loved this poem as you were bang on with everything summer brings. A few great giggles along the way and I couldn't have expected less of you sir! Excellent!

I am not shocked at the way you intertwined summer using great conventions that wrapped it up all very nicely.
Similes, hyperbole, Metaphors, rhyme, imagery, meter, onomatopoeia
You covered it all!

I want to say I have a favorite line but i love them all. however I will chose!*BigSmile*

It must be summer …
The ladies, like my garden’s rose,
are blooming with their painted toes
that peek from sandals, once more found,
in styles and fashions that astound!


I have to say that this is so so true!! I can't believe what some wear. I loved the use of simile and metaphor here as you describe ladies like a garden rose, blooming with their painted toes! OOF that reminds me, I had better do my own.*Rolling*

It must be summer …
The clink of ice cubes in my glass,
the perfume of the new mown grass,
the unseen pollen in the breeze …
I feel a constant need to sneeze!


This would have to be another because I love ice and all the yummy things that fill my glass in the summer. The fresh mown grass is another favorite for me. I think I get that from my dad. I loved the lawn green and lush. Oh-pollen in the breeze and no not seen until the morning when the patio furniture is laid in yellow.

Once again you out did yourself. Covering all senses of summer and reminding me why I love this season so much!

Thank you for sharing
~LL~








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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings GerMac ~Lifelessons~ here to review this poem "I Love Piano Duo" as I found this on a list for the review raid!

*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


A wonderful story here as these two characters come together and share such a passion. Memories made between father and daughter is certainly something to treasure. My mother writes and her mother wrote and now myself. It's nice to see it come down through the family. I am sure this character has that same piano handed down. A precious gift that plays memories when touched. Beautiful.

I see you have written this as a Ballad using four line stanzas. A ballad directed in a style that is told in swiftness. I would like to point out a couple of conventions that caught my eye.


*Piano* conventions *Piano*


Alliteration

She dreamed of a dancing princess
draped in diamonds on chiffon.


I chose to use both of these lines to introduce Alliteration. The repetition of consonant sounds especially at the beginning of each word throughout a line. By using this the reader is given that quick pace.

Enjambment

Tucked in bed full of joy and peace,
A four-year-old towhead nestled in sleep,
She dreamed of a dancing princess
draped in diamonds on chiffon.


Enjambment is a run-on line of poetry and when logical grammatical sense is used it carries from one line to the next.

Suggestion

If we changed the punctuation some, I think this enjambment could come across with more expression of emotion.

Tucked in bed full of joy and peace,
a four-year-old towhead nestled in sleep;
where she dreamed of a dancing princess-
draped in diamonds on chiffon.


By using the semi colon you are connecting the two lines without having to end it. Using a comma is not necessary in this case. The caesura allows a great pause and sounds dreamy. Suiting for last line I believe. I love the caesura and when I found out exactly how it is used I was able to convey my poetry just how I wanted my reader to feel.

Simile

He played like a one-man symphony.

Knowing that a simile is a figure of speech that involves a comparison between to unlikely things allows a little magic to our poetry. Nicely done!*FairyL*


*FairyR* Favorite Lines *FairyL*


She dreamed of a dancing princess
draped in diamonds on chiffon.


*Wand* I love these two lines as they take me away in dream land. So magical and full of great conventions. A princess, dancing draped in diamonds on chiffon.. okay you got me here! Love this!

"Please play my favorite song, Dad."
She sidled up to Ol' Dad and confided.

*Quill* These lines express the bond between father and daughter and shows how much she admires her father's magic.He is her prince, her inspiration. The dialogue proves her admiration for his qualities that will stay with her always. Quite nice and it made me feel as though there is a time in place here. Maybe the 18th century?


*Angel* Over All *Angel*


I quite enjoyed this piece as it held a bond, a talent, and memories. A tale of daughter and father with the same passion is something nobody can take away. The fact that is was a ballad and held a story was nicely done. A few little changes to enhance the emotions are small and if you choose to revise it, i would love to come back to it. Never feel that you need to do so! This is your piece and my suggestions are only that.
Thanks for sharing
~LL~






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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings Naveed my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I have come across this story "Spring Is No More" on the review me list. I couldn't imagine the future with no spring. I had to take a peek and see for myself.

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


A very enjoyable read as well as sad. I just couldn't imagine our spring as nothing at all. You are right that summer is a clinging heat and it seems as though winter goes right into summer these days. I love spring at all that it offers. The new of everything even the pollen. I would never wish it away. Did you know that we are at a low right now for bees? How scary is that?!! Goes to show that men are taking over our environment and leaving it little to expand. I know the memories of a child and the great times we spent outside. Stopping to pick lilacs for mom with smiles of such happiness. Yet now it is far and few between that i see small ones outside.

*DragonflyV* Tone and Structure *DragonflyV*


I felt the narrator's saddened voice as she sees into her grandmother's past and longs for what once was. Little details that kept me interested such as the romance and the cherry blossoms of Caceres.

The structure was well written as you gave an enlightening look at the past to the present and what the future holds if we continue to destroy our earth.

clear paragraphs with no sign of grammar mistakes or spelling. Sentences flowed with no hesitation. Well done!!

A very nice imagery through this piece that left wanting to go out and sit on the front stoop and enjoy all that we have right now. Although the heat doesn't come our way for too long but none the less spring is the best time of year.

*Vine2* Over All Thoughts *Vine1*


A lovely piece that left me wanting to embrace the green lush verdant. Something that I love to do anyway. I see no room to improve as this was your thoughts of how man kind has been unkind to what was given to us to use as a best interest and not to take for granted. Thank you for the pleasant read!!
Keep Writing
kind regards,
~LL~



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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Apondia my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have come across this piece in the list of reviews for this months raid!!*Delight*

When I first read this I had to wonder where you live. I mean with all that ice and deep freezing going on there is no wonder why one would invite the sun and warmer weather! I do understand that the weather hasn't been on our side this year. Today we are experiencing a cold front and had to put the furnace on. Last week we were in shorts!!

You wrote this in clear sentences and provided a great flow throughout this piece. A longing for spring has arrived or so we think.

Punctuation was good with only a couple of errors as far as spelling, but nothing worth mentioning. I am sure you will see this yourself if you re read it again.

Thanks for sharing!
Keep Writing!




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Review of HGTV and Me  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings Harry my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this wonderful poem in the list of things to review for the RAID!*Delight*

An excellent piece here I have to say. Not only did you use a lot of great conventions here but you tell a story that most of us can relate to! *Headbang* Is this how I will spend my days! I love these shows as well but now seeing it written in a poem? I might have to find something else to do.

*House* conventions *House*


Assonance
Tiling is a preferred topic of mine.


In line rhyme
With time, interest in these shows arose


Hyperbole
and even whole houses taken from trashed

Now there are many more conventions in this wonderful piece!! These are only a few.

*Tools* Favorite Lines *Tools*


Need assistance with your accent pieces
or information about shiplap walls,
how a barn door that slides on rails increases
a room’s appeal? Or other design calls?


I love these lines because as a man I know you really don't care about accent pieces and the design calls. I tells me that you do however pay attention to these shows! HA caught you ! *Rolling*

Have you been renovating your own house now? these shows tend to put ideas in our heads but best to leave it alone until you know you can finish it... words of the wise!

Great read!
Laugh on!
~LL~











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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings Charlie ~ ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "Circuitous Fire". This being a part of your raffle ticket winnings! *Delight*

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


Great read! The exposition creates a great scene for the reader as I am introduced to the main character. I love the idea that she is a complete independent woman. A full career with a secret admirer. This whole thing had me hooked. It is the drama that I love to write about with emotions. So you had me right away. How could she do this though? As I read on I see how it could happen but it reads so harsh. Lessons to be learned I suppose.

*Heel* Structure *Heel*


Quite a conflict in this story. Marital tragedy when roles are flipped. Livi being the bread winner and Ray the stay at home dad. A plan that was proposed some time ago doesn't fair well in the end. Not the doing of Ray but the doing of Livi. She is missing something from her husband and I believe this is how it would go if the roles were flipped. Ray is tired and not on his game and Livi is out in the real world meeting people and full of confidence. Leading to a toxic relationship between her and her husband.

The rising action to the plot takes us to the day that Livi stays home and yet another parcel arrives. Ray comes out with the truth because his emotions are running high. He had known of Livi and Dean for some time and gave Livi time to drop it or come out and tell him about it. He played her the way she played him.

The resolve takes us to Ray leaving. He has filed for divorce without giving Livi the time to fix anything. Something most women in Ray's shoes would do. The stay.

The story read well as the sentences were spaced perfectly. I didn't come across any grammar mistakes or punctuation. I see you are an editor at heart. Something I need to work on.{e:Headbang}

*People* Characters *People*


Livi

A married career woman who has one child. She is on the top of her game but has no idea that her husband is fully aware of the game that she is playing. She is having an affair and at the same time receiving gifts from a secret admirer. She feels badly for having the affair but yet she is feeling as though her lover gives her something that her husband can't. A stale marriage in her eyes, yet she loves her husband for who he is.
I wonder what she looked like?

Ray

Ray is Livi's husband. He stays at home taking care of their baby and this is something they agreed upon. Ray isn't a dumb guy! He uses resources to find out that his wife is having an affair. He creates a scenario giving Livi the benefit of the doubt in ending things with her lover.

Dean

Dean is Livi's lover and co worker. They have an affair and Dean is encouraging Livi to continue on their path of defeat. Dean isn't the one who sends Livi gifts. He has no idea that Ray knows everything.


*Quill* Over All Thoughts *Quill*


I really enjoyed everything about this story. I wish it were longer!! Some intriguing details would be awesome. Being a short story I really enjoyed the whole idea of reverse roles. Something that happens a lot but we only hear about the norm.
Great read!

~LL~



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Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this!! Excellent read and words of wisdom. Conventions of writing go unnoticed until we notice. Making sense.
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
{image:"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 


Greetings Maryann - House Martell ~LifeLessons~ here to review this poem "A Friendship Which Could Never Be" As a part of your celebration of an anniversary here on the site!*Delight*

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*

A wonderful story written in poetry form! I love the colors you have chosen to add a great visual to this poem. Dragons are so mystical and intriguing. I know your love for them! Reading this was a bit sad because I often think of elephants and how they spend few years with that one and then to be separated by zoo keepers and circus acts. Elephants have amazing memories and will remember that "one" they spent very little time with.
I see dragons as the same way and I empathize with both of your characters. Cassie and Cheshire were bonded in the early years of their lives but broken apart by an ancient law from the kingdom Rye.


*Dragon2* Conventions *Dragon2*


Here we go and you know all the conventions that wrap up a great poem. I see many here..
Alliteration

Cassie and Cheshire, both ten years old,

}In-line Rhyme

They knew it couldn't last, as Cheshire would one day depart.

Assonance

The sorrowful two never imagined what friendship might bring.

Hyperbole

The sorrowful two never imagined what friendship might bring.


There are many many more and i am sure you know them as well.


*Dragon* Favorite Lines *Dragon*


Cheshire, please don't go! Please stay!
Cassie, pleaded, though she know there was no way.
Cassie and Cheshire, both ten years old,
Couldn't stay together, as the accords have been told.

I love this first stanza because it holds a poetic sense of feeling as you introduce these two wonderful creatures. It sets a nice scene for the reader. I enjoyed the meter as it flowed from one to the other.

*FairyR* Suggestions *FairyR*


Only a couple of suggestions here.

Cassie, pleaded, though she know there was no way.
should read knew

Now this line struck me odd and I found myself reading as
Don't sob, my true friend. I'll be back if I get the chance.

Don't sob my true friend;I will be back if given the chance.

I felt this was more suiting with iambic meter that you were using.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem that held a story, great imagery and poetic senses.

~LL~








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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings Jakrebs ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "My Cool, Little Breeze". It peaked my interest as it is in the Romance Round.

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


In five hundred words you had me laughing and in awe. What a guy this Dave is! To be truthful if a guy talked to me that way I would think he was over the top corny! *Laugh* But that is just me. I am sure there are many girls who drool in the way he metaphorically adores his love.

*Tools* Structure *Tools*


I see that the narrator used third person in telling this little tale. Very good imagery has been used to describe his love. Seeing something so little in the grass reflects a light of love. Comparing his girlfriend to his breeze in the heat, his medication for love, and her beauty as colorful, and sparkling as a dew drop in the morning sunshine.

Sentences were a clear read with a smooth pace. I have no suggestions as far as grammar or punctuation.

You story takes off with the action of taking a whiz!? *Rolling* Now I know you wanted to give this story a bit of reality but it would have done well without the visual of the whole toilet scene. It kind of killed the romance right away. Actions are great to bring our stories to life, yet if you want to engage the reader be sure the actions speak louder than words.

*Quill* Suggestions *Quill*


Writing this kind of genre in five hundred words can take place in so many scenarios. The one you have chosen was worded nicely. However I would have to suggest to take out the whole whiz thing. It throws off the reader once the romance starts.

Other wise i enjoyed this short story and loved the metaphors that were chosen to convey his love.

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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings SandraLynn Team Florent! my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I have come to review this piece "Catch Me If You Can" in the review list.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


A pure delight as you have taken me back to my child hood. Inspired by a snowflake without a doubt. The simple pleasures that I wish we had more of today. You have used your imagination very well here and with great imagery I was taken to the yard of a young girl playing with nature's most delightful times of winter. I won't say that I miss winter because honestly I want spring! Yet this poem had me realizing that there are some things about winter that no other season can bring us. A joy to read!


*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


Poetry is something we can indulge in and make it our own and there are some things that wrap it up like a gift. Conventions are used to do just that and I have so many in this piece. I would like to share with a few I have come across.

Personification

Beautifully done here. You have the snowflake talking to the young girl and allow the reader to be caught up in the playful moments.

Alliteration

This is the use of the same letter at the beginning of a word and used throughout a line. You have done this well and it also presents the sound as well. By using the "S" you have conveyed a softness about this piece and held it very well throughout the rest of the poem.*Fairy2*

Assonance

This works the same way but with vowel sounds. I also noticed this in a few lines. A great convention as well.

She kissed my cheek with a wee whisper of sound.

In Line Rhyme

This is one of my favorites. As long as it doesn't turn into a tongue twister is keeps a great beat with rhythm.

skips I slip,


Lovely imagery in this poem. *Palette*
That is the one thing that a poet can do as a painter. Create a piece that comes to life for the reader. so thank you for that.

*Wand* Suggestions *Wand*


I see this poem as being written in couplets with an a,b. rhyme scheme. As i read however it comes of as a bit cluttered. My biggest piece of advice would to space your couplets or five stanzas making it a traditional poem. Either way a bit of spacing would make it a bit easier to read especially as you bring the snowflake to life and then lead into the little girl talking.

Other wise a wonderful poem with a delightful experience.
Well done!
Keep Writing






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Review of The Cave Delicacy  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings Angus ~LifeLessons~ here to review this piece "The Cave Delicacy" on the review list. The title caught my attention so I took a peak!

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


Let's just say that you would never catch me in a cave! *Laugh* let alone try something that was growing in there.
This is a light story with great pieces of comedy. I love that! The very fact that these three consumed such a thing had me questioning what would become of it. So you had me hooked there.

*BookOpen* Structure *BookOpen*


I could get into all of the conventions to story telling but this story doesn't hold a lot of intense up and downs with action. It does however follow the main criteria of a good story. Your exposition allows me to be introduced to your main character that you chose to write in first person. I followed that easily and with the dialogue you introduce your other two characters.

There is a plot as you write about the three consuming the moss like substance that tastes like chicken. *Chicken* ? This gave me a chuckle. What could have happened to them was a mystery until I read on. Growing feathers and jerking of the legs would certainly be a concern.

The resolution was the best part for me because it left me with a sense of humor. A great way to end this story.

Sentences were very clear and if there were any mistakes they were very little. Not enough to mention.

*People* Characters *People*


Alex

Alex is the main character who moves to a small island in the south Pacific. He meets new friends and decides to go on an adventure in the old Crestmore Caverns. He seems to be more of a cautious guy but enjoys the idea of what could be in these wide mouth tunnels. He decides that his friend Terry would lead the way as he has done this before. Alex holds reluctance to the findings that Terry comes across.

Terry

Terry is considered to be the risk taker and a butthead who says what he wants and does as he wants. He also likes to poke and jab when he can just to egg others on. He places a bet with another friend to try the moss. Of course he doesn't want to be the first but would rather risk someone else's life before he tries it himself. butthead!!!

Barbara

Barbara seems to be the youngest of the three and maybe a bit of an air head. Sorry, had to say that.*Whistle*
Who does that? She leads the way as she takes the first sample of the moss and decides it tastes like chicken. She then talks Terry into taking a try which eventually leads to Alex.

I like the idea that I was able to give details to each character and who they are as people. It helps with details to your story line.

*Shamrock* Favorite Part *Shamrock*


Well of course it would have to be the ending paragraph. It left me with a smile and a perfect way to end the story. When I first read the story I wasn't predicting a comical out come. So good for you for throwing that wrench into it.

Over all this is a great little story about what could have gone wrong in the caves with a group of friends. Remind me never to go there!

Great Read!
Keep Writing







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Review of Saving Andy  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings Sawyer My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this story on the News Feed. I felt compelled to take a peak and was pleasantly surprised!!

*Glasses* The Read*Glasses*


A great story told in first person and you held it all the way through. Not an easy task. Although it goes from present to past tense it made sense and was easy to follow. The older brother "a hero" tosses his own fears away to save his younger brother in a horrible situation. I didn't see the twist coming at the end and it was heartbreaking to find that Jesse didn't survive. The irony that this was his biggest fear and yet it took his life.

Little brothers can be a pain in the neck yet they can also be the most important person in our lives. The fact that Jesse watches over his younger brother even after he passes gave me goose bumps because I believe that the ones that pass on do have that power to visit. We just have to look for it.

*BookStack3* Structure *BookStack3*


When I first read the exposition I thought that it was an introduction to the narrator telling a story of a "near death" experience. When I read on I still felt the same way. Going back to a memory of a day that changed the lives of two people was done well.

The dialogue was perfect due to the fact that you used great descriptive words to allow to be in that bedroom. I envisioned the scenery and Jesse's drawing. I felt his frustration when his little brother begs for his time.
Your rising action to the plot was perfectly timed as the story didn't drag out but kept me reading.

Showing the reader is a great way to keep them interested in the story and you did this very well.

As far as grammar mistakes I couldn't detect any but I was into the story line more than anything.

The heightened plot to the story thickens when Jesse can't reach his little brother and knows that icy waters were about to take him away. You showed this and I felt the fear in both characters.

Falling action comes into play when Jesse takes a hold of Andy's arm and flings him across the ice where he landed safely. Jesse then realizes he is not so safe and feels the ice give away around him, leaving him to his death.

A resolution that left me with goose bumps and yet left a smile on my face at the same time. To know that he is still with his brother after all the years that have passed leaves me to think we carry on.
No matter what the tragedy is and how traumatic it can be, life does move forward.

*Person* Characters *Person*


Andy

Andy is a four year old little brother with sapphire eyes. He was eager to spend some time with his elder brother during Christmas vacation. Bugging Jesse until he was left with no choice but to succumb to Andy's wishes. Rambunctious as any four year old would be, he hurries up before his older brother changes his mind. He had no idea of the danger that was before him when he skated out to the middle of the lake.

Jesse

Jesse is a sketch artist at heart and has put many hours into his passion over time. Being home for Christmas break he continues to do what he loves the most until Andy pulls at his heart strings to spend time with him ice skating.
He knows his mother would not agree with his decision of not checking the ice first. He also had no idea that his younger brother would go off so quickly on his own. Jesse is a hero as a brother and an angel for watching over his younger brother after his death.

*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


Great use of imagery in this story. You have taken a situation and placed the reader right there on the lake. I felt the fear and saw the fear in both character's situation. Moments that probably felt like forever in a very dangerous situation.
Where i live there are many deaths this way as people don't realize the dangers of being on the lake too early in the season or too late. Very sad.

*WDC* Over All Thoughts *WDC*


I am so happy that i took the time to read this story. This is the best part of reviewing. When one comes across a story that sticks with you, you know reviewing is satisfying. Excellent job!!*ThumbsUpR*
I hope to see more of your work!
Keep Writing!!

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Review of Escaping Yourself  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 
"Congrats! This is a gift for your ticket # in the Over the Rainbow Raffle" *Shamrock*

Greetings Jen~ ~LifeLessons~ here to review this piece "Escaping Yourself" apart of your winning ticket!*Delight*

Let's get started!!

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


I sense a great deal of darkness in this piece. Battling of thoughts of maybe suicide? This is the wonderful thing about poetry, it allows the reader to appreciate the narrator and what they are trying to convey. Emotions are high in this poem and only darker as it reaches the end. A feeling I hope I never have to deal with. Although everyone struggles with the darker corners of the mind from one time to another, I hope I have the strength to overcome them.

*FairyR* conventions *FairyL*


When we write poetry we use our imagination to the fullest. It is best to write it down quickly before it leaves us. Sometimes for me it is in the middle of the night. Once we have those treasured words on paper we are allowed to mold them like a painter's pallet or clay and create a winner. To this we use conventions that help bring our words alive and allow the reader to feel every little emotion or description of what we want to convey.

You have used a couplet poetry theme where a pair of rhymed lines may be written as just that or separate from a stanza.

The meter you have chosen runs from 8 to thirteen throughout the poem.

Well chosen words for a rhyming scheme that flowed easily throughout the read.

Paradox
example:
Plunged into a darkness, I look but cannot see

a statement that contains two opposite ideas or seems to be impossible *ThumbsUpR*

Hyperbole
Example:

There is nowhere to turn,I am frozen now with fear

The use of exaggeration which allows the poet to portray an action or emotion in a way the reader can absorb it.


Alliteration
Example:
I know that they are here,I can feel their rage

The use of the same letter or sound at the beginning of words that are close together throughout a line.

Another convention that we use and not everyone does, but it is one that I came familiar with. Punctuation is something we don't really because we area focused on rhyme schemes, meter and form. This convention truly does wrap up a nice package. Some poems don't need them and it can be a personal choice, but one I choose to value.

You use many commas throughout this poem and I think maybe misused in some cases. This is isn't a bad thing but I would like to show you how I would want to read it.

You wrote:

Alone with my thoughts,not a place I should be
Plunged into a darkness, I look but cannot see

I know that they are here,I can feel their rage
I know if this was a book,I would turn the page

Suggestion

Alone with my thoughts-not a place I should be;
plunged into a darkness; I look but cannot see.

I know that they are here;I can feel their rage.
I know if this was a book-I would turn the page.

In doing this I have allowed room for long pauses and deeps breathes. This gives me a more in depth feeling of the emotions that the narrator is trying to convey to me.


*Fairy3* Favorite Line *Fairy3*


I'm being held prisoner,by the demons deep inside
I hope that everyone knows,how hard I truly tried


I enjoyed these lines because it seems to be the main thought process of the poem. Fighting with one's self through a time of defeat. There is great strength in these lines and an emotion of crying out for help.

*Wand* Over All Thoughts *Wand*


I enjoyed reading this piece as it took me to a time when I tested my writing skills while writing on the darker side of things. A great imagery and usage of descriptive words allowed me to feel the anguish that the narrator wanted me to feel. A pleasure to read !! Well done!!

Keep Writing




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Review of A Girl in Town  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" Greetings AbigailStevie my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this story "A Girl In Town" in the review list at the docking station.

What I have to say is completely my own opinion. I am not a professional but would like to share what I do know with you.

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


The narrator takes me to a town called Breelum. The society here is well known for their gossip as things get around quickly. Even before the Smiths arrive the town already gives their own thoughts of who they are and judges their reasons for moving.

Regina is introduced to her class mates but is scrutinized by automatically by one girl. Delphine Hudson is from a wealthy family and she tends to get what she wants. Bullying seems to be her trend when getting her own way and she uses this against Regina when she discovers a secret of her past.

Lisbeth Rosa who is another class mate is a close friend to Delphine but stays neutral when it comes to Regina. When she finds out what Delphine has done to Regina she chooses to stand by Regina, leaving Delphine to her own consequences.

Things turn around quickly for Regina as she becomes quite popular. Her past was shown by empathy from her class mates, but for Delphine it left her alone.

*Person* Characters *Person*


Regina

Regina is the new girl in school. She is on her own when entering a new school. Nobody likes that position and I have been there myself. Just an knot in my stomach for over a month. Regina has a past that she likes to keep right where it is. As the story goes on she has to face the uncovering of what happened.

Delphine

Delphine is from a wealthy family. She is a bully to say the least and uses threats to get what she wants from anyone. When it comes to Regina she finds out her past and uses it against her to retrieve demands.

Lisbeth Rosa

Rosa is girl who has always stood by Delphine but becomes more neutral trying to keep peace between friends. I have to say there are those who just hate being caught up in the drama.

*Tools* Structure *Tools*


This story seems to be your first draft so anything I point out here is based on that. I am sure you will revise it and maybe these pointers will help do just that.

The Exposition

This where you want to pull the reader in with details of introducing your main character with a set scene and some background of your character.
When I read this introduction to the story it really didn't grab me. Now this isn't a bad thing because as I read on I was finding myself wanting to know more.

My Suggestion

I would bring Regina into play right away. The anticipation of moving into a place that was strange. The worry of her past without revealing what it is. On her first day of school you set the scene well. I would start at that. Then maybe lead into the town and the parents meeting. With actions and story telling you can show the reader just how this town works and it's background.

The rising plot is great as you kept me interested in knowing what happens with Regina and what her secret past is about.

Into the plot when Delphine finds the diary and figures out what Regina's secret is and works her magic of deceit is well written. There are ways to really show emotion in this dialogue and that seems to be lacking. I couldn't really place a picture in my head so you want to be descriptive here.

Into the falling action the narrator speeds things up a year and things have turned around for Regina. She finds herself in a better place leaving Delphine in the cold. Yet at the very end we are given a surprise.

The resolve was a bit questioning for me. I wasn't really sure what happened. Some details missing here and left with doubt of a good finish.
You wrote

In a small town called Surfonn, there was a high school. A teacher walked into a classroom with a young girl behind her. The teacher entered the room and said, “Good morning everyone. Let’s give our new student a warm welcoming.” The blonde girl smiled and said, “Hi! I’m Delphine, Delphine Hudson.”


I have questions of what happened here. Did Regina have powers of switching situations? What were her powers?

Somewhere in the story maybe spice it up with Regina wavering her thoughts as to her secret powers and what she can hold against Delphine.


*Type* Over All Thoughts *Type*


You have a great basis of a cool story here!! I enjoyed the characters and each of their roles. I would love to see the details. What did they look like? Maybe a few gestures of action or motions.
A few misplaced commas and run-on sentences but as I said I am sure this is your first draft.

Thank you for sharing this story! I loved the whole idea and I think you are on your way to a well polished piece.

Keep Writing!!



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Review of A Ghostly Poem  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings Maryann - House Martell ~Lifelessons~ here to review this poem "A Ghostly Poem" which I found on a reviewing list.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


An excellent way to share a house! Maybe!*RollEyes* Interesting enough, I believe in this kind of thing. In fact I think we have had a little treasure of our own in this house for years now. I loved the idea that the narrator excepted the two lost souls and treated them with kindness even though they were tricksters.

*FairyR* conventions *FairyL*


Nicely written in a couplet form with a great meter throughout. I enjoyed the rhyme setting as it flowed from line to line. There was no hesitation as it set a pace that was quick but soft tones.

There is so much i could go into here with Assonance, metaphors, hyperbole, and great punctuation to set the scene and entice me to read further. A fictional story in poetic form is the best!!


*Ghost* Favorite Lines *Ghost*


The house sat in grandeur at the top of the hill.
Yet, an aura about it gave me a chill.*Wand*

I enjoyed this lines because it says so much about the poem as a whole. It introduces the setting and I could imagine this wonderful home upon a hill. Shutters, porch, swing sets. All of the extras for the little ones from back then to now.

*Fairy3* Over All Thoughts *Fairy3*


An enjoyable read indeed! I have no suggestions as you held your own all the way through to the end. Great job!! The whole idea of "other" sharing our secrets within the walls of home is intriguing and quite eerie.










 
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings Simply my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I have come across this story in a reviewing list. I also wrote a story based on a song so I was intrigued as to what you wrote.

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


A beautiful story with such emotion and heart wrenching loss. I felt the pain that the Reverend was feeling once his wife was taken. Along with the story a lesson to be learned as we do have to make our decisions on our own. Some are lost and walk alone. The narrator had me thinking of a few people I have crossed paths with that lived a sorrowful life and with no way to see straight. I believe everyone deserves some dignity on their final hour. You have given me much to think about.

*Tools* Structure *Tools*


There were no mistakes found as I read a great detailed story of two lives as they followed their paths in life. Sentences were crafted well with a great visual for the reader. Paragraphs were well spaced and held a smooth read.
From the exposition to the end the narrator writes in first person and held it strong all the way through.

*Quill* Over All Thoughts *Quill*


Thank you for bringing me to the west! On a journey that nobody could have known what would happen. A story held with convention with very strong characters. Based on a song that I has to listen to again. Now I know your imagination took full power and allowed you to write this very well thought out story.

Well done! Very nicely written








 
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
"SuperPower Reviewers Galactic Guardians" 

Greetings GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen ~Lifelessons~ here to review this poem which I found in a reviewers list.

*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


Well I have say that as I read this I thought of a dear friend of my own. Oh the battles and tears with laughter. What a bowl of soup we stirred. Then life happens and we we drifted apart. Even though we don't share our lives any longer we share the most precious times between two friends. Memories for always!

*FairyR* conventions *FairyL*


You have chosen to write this poem in a quatrain style with a on and off again rhyme scheme. I would have to say this would be a free verse style of poetry without any set form.

I noticed a lot of Assonance in this poem which is a nice way to set a great tone.
Also the use of the caesura is lovely leaving a great pause without hesitation.
In line rhyme is awesome! It keeps a flow within the sentence and a great tone.

*FairyR* Favorite Lines

We’d faced our fears, shed many tears,
Cried on sorrows, laughed with peers.
Those memories remained so fresh,
Even we’re old, it’s worth a reminisce.

I love this verse because it holds everything there is about a friendship. Memories made to reminisce as we grow old.

*Quill* Suggestions *Quill*


As we right poetry we begin to learn how words can set the mood of a piece written. All the ways to convey our emotions for the reader to feel them as well. I use thesaurus all the time. Any word you might want to use can be conversed in so many other ways.

When using punctuation, read your piece out loud to yourself and listen for those pauses. They will sound differently than just writing them. These are all little tricks that a poet will pick up over time and thought.

I enjoyed this piece as it stirred my own memories of a great friendship. As a whole this was a lovely reminder of what life and relationships do to create our character.*Heart*












 
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