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76
76
Review of SNOW  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,Richard ~ Shenanigans INC. I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title:
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

Not much to say about the title, other than it drew me in because I love nature and how anyone portrays it.

What I enjoyed about it:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

So many attributes I loved about this story. The personification is awesome as you portray snow as cruel by nature. The hook was great from the start with an easy read. I almost felt like I was reading prose in some instances. The "piolet" being the main character had me afraid for him and his outcome.

Snow can be the worst and in this case it certainly was. "A murderous nightmare for sure." I really did enjoy the flow the emotion the visionary of this whole story. Well done !!


Things you could improve upon:
*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Nothing to improve on here. Well spaced, nice grammar and punctuation.

My overall thoughts:

I am really glad I came across this story. I enjoyed it very much.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*


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77
77
Review of The Veteran  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,Harlow Flick I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title:
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

The title is what caught my attention. When I read the intro I wasn't sure what I was going to read. So that intrigued me.

What I enjoyed about it:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

This was a classic tale of in the day of buddies, memories, annoyances and fishing. I enjoyed the visual very much as it grabbed action, emotion, conversation very well. I imagined just about every step into the story. Quite expressive and I love that. It is a talent to hold on to. One every writer wishes to discover.

The characters friends were quite a couple of "characters" without a doubt. The one being Hoover was a guy that , well you can't do without but he is a pain in the butt. I think we all have one of those.

Things you could improve upon:
*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

I think the meaning of this story was to create a visual and you achieved that very well. I did find it slow in the read but it wasn't an action per say. Clearly you knew what you had in mind here as far as writing a short story about one day without a mission.


My overall thoughts:

Over all I liked it. I thought it was well written with great punctuation. It held a good vibe throughout. You didn't walk off the path so to speak. Well spaced with great imagery and conversation.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*

Happy anniversary



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78
78
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title:
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

It says it all doesn't it? Home for the Holiday *Holly2*
So many have to travel to be with the ones we love. The last couple of years really put a damper on gathering. Hopefully this year we have that comfort and joy.

What I enjoyed about it:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

Turkey, dressing, potatoes
Green beans, cranberries and corn;
Rolls and tea and apple/pumpkin pie
A glutton's fantasy is born.


This verse caught my eye right away!! I can't wait to get into the food !! The gathering at the table and the little rituals we tend to have that are personal in each home.

We certainly can over due it with the food though!! That you can trust!!
I see you followed instructions for the contest as Food/cooking , well done!

Things you could improve upon:
*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

I see you used Quatrain this being for lines per stanza.
There are many elements in poetry that the writer can use to hold the reader's interest. Also to bring value of emotion. There are so many that I will give one or two examples.

And giving away that which is too much;


This sentence left me to reread it a couple of times. Let's see if we can give it a bit of a flow.
devouring the flavors of turkey and such

Eating it all's a mistake.


Consuming it all - a big mistake.

So the difference is simple using a flow of consistent syllable counts in each line. There many other values to a poem but I won't get too deep into that. You will learn along the way or reach out to me any time.

There are many tools here on the site that you can refer to as you go along.


My overall thoughts:

I enjoyed the poem and what you tried to express. I would love to see it again if you choose to rewrite it. That is totally up to you.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*




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79
79
Review of WINTER OF LIFE  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title:
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*
The title caught attention right away. Due to the description of the poem I knew it would be a piece of great solace. The elderly have vivid image of life and it's meaning.
What I enjoyed about it:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*
It captured a dream of an elderly person who seems distressed by how it related to her or he. To me it describes death of someone who once strong and vibrant to fragile and faint. Waking up to realize that maybe their end is near or the fear of. This would make one question such a vivid dream for sure.


I love this descriptive verse.

I dreamt of trees and hill tops
Draped in a snow-white sheet
But amidst this vast expanse
There smiled a rose discreet.

Using so many poetic vices. Hyperbole and metaphors allow the reader to be right where you want them to be. This is the joy of poetry!! A great sonnet and congratulations on your win ! I know the excitement of that for sure.
Things you could improve upon:
*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*
Nothing really to improve here. I have only one suggestion and that is all it is a suggestion. Using punctuation is merely something you may or may not choose to use. I use it all the time a brings emotion as well.

Each gust of wind tore away
A petal from its frame,
As if to remind it that
Soon would be gone its flame.

Soon would be gone-its flame.

This allows a pause for the reader to feel the sadness, the ending of a life.
My overall thoughts:

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Overall this is a great piece of poetry and I enjoyed it very much!!
As I cared for our grandmother I saw her whither to lifeless soul. It's very sad to watch as she passed this august.

Keep Shining *Sun*
I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the



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80
80
Review of Fallen  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Violet Moon My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this story on the read and review page. I imagine this is a story that is to be continued? Going by the small intro I didn't come across a cat or the escape? You may want to put that somewhere in the intro?

*Books6* The Read *Books6*


Right from the beginning my heart went out to Sorra and her situation along with the others. So much of this going on today and it's heart breaking. Very descriptive and held a great imagery for the reader. Details in this sort of tale would be quite necessary and you did a great job. The man with the control is quite the character and you didn't have a name for him but you didn't need to. He was the care taker of this kennel and not a nice guy!!

I didn't see any major mistakes so I won't mention any. As you revise your story you will see these yourself. Animals have hearts and they are not stupid but to be treated like you are meaningless, beaten and starved they will lose their spirits.

The dream that Sorra has gives her a vision of a strong spirit and keeps her own spirit in tact. Once after another living in those conditions makes me shiver. You kept it real enough and gave personifaction to each animal. The ending had me wanting someone to find them and take them away somewhere safe.

I do hope the story continues and I can have the chance to see where you are going with it. Thank you for sharing. I did enjoy the read.

Kindly
~LL~



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81
81
Review of Mary Ann  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings to you very thankful my name is ~Lifelessons~ I found this story on the read and review page. The intro caught my attention to read but the story itself held me there. The unexpected was shocking.



*BookOpen* The Read *BookOpen*



I enjoyed the beginning which started with dialogue. Dialogue is a wonderful way to introduce characters and start off a story line with visual. I could imagine this little Diner with a purpose to carry Susan into her new fate.


It's very bad luck to be out in the middle of no where so close to giving birth! I couldn't imagine her fear and distress. Everyone around her seems so care free and knew right away what to do. I have to wonder if they have done this before. Seems like a twilight zone story. Intriguing none the less.


The dialogue was spaced out great along with all sentences. A clear read and with the punctuation used properly I was able to follow the story without hesitation.


The characters were strong yet I think I would have portrayed the fear of Susan with more intensity. She had to be so scared!! I didn't feel that like I would have hoped.


The end was great and yet again it leaves a wide open area to continue the story. Does Susan stay? Could she have escaped? Does Marianne keep her child? I have many questions as to what could have happened.


Once again a great little piece. I enjoyed it a lot and I hope you come back to it one day to explore the many possibilities for Susan and Mary Ann.


A pleasure!

~LL~



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82
82
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings to you Cubby~Home! It's me ~Lifelessons~ ! I am so glad to come upon your story through the read and review page!


*CoffeeV* The Read *CoffeeV*



I believe this was written for a contest so maybe a word count was enforced. I enjoyed the idea that this was in first person and held well all the way through the story. The home of this little girl called "Remember" fitting title for the content. I remember as well playing with barbies and we used socks to make all kinds of clothes. Wealthy we were not but we didn't notice. Everyone had the same back then. Just as you write in this piece. So much has changed and it's quite sad really.


This story strikes a chord with me as I remember all too well how growing up was not the same as current days. People seem to need so much more to happy and I think this was the point of this story. Even though it was short it wrapped up a few story conventions that pulled together nicely.

I felt sad for the narrator in the end. Losing her parents and not able to deal with it properly. Times were different then but I am thinking a sense so much better for the soul.


clear sentence structure helped move this story along. I would of wished to read more with more visual. You did a fine job but maybe this could be a longer story now that it isn't in a contest? It has great potential of a lovely short story.


Thank you for sharing

Keep Writing!

~LL~
*Bird*

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83
83
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings to you fyn my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have found this on the read and review page. I loved the description being short and informative. It grabbed my attention. Maybe because I am my own best friend.



*DragonflyV* First Impression *DragonflyV*



I love the clear well spaced writing of this story. The clear imagery had me sitting right up there in that tree. Victoria is a strong character even through the imagination she made a great best friend. I felt sorry for Emily as she was so down on herself. A bit of an introvert. Nothing wrong with that because I find myself more and more this way the older I get. Sometimes we need that "other" to keep us above water. No pun as they were up river! Okay not funny.


The idea that Emily became a writer doesn't surprise me because most writers do better on their own. I enjoyed the little disagreement between the "two". Maybe that is what we do ourselves and don't even recognize it. We all have that other side that is more confident and reasurring. I think I do anyway. So I related to this story on many levels. It was well told and expressive with value.


I really don't have any suggestions for this great piece. You wrote it well with great conversation and brought your characters to life. Even the grandmother knew better than to question the reality of Victoria.


Thank you so much for sharing, I really did enjoy the read. Hence the ribbon award! Congratulations.


Keep writing

~LL~ *Bird*

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84
84
Review of Elisa  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Greetings to you Opal Forest my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this short piece on the read and review page.


*BookStack3* First Impression *BookStack3*


I was drawn to the darkness of this short story. I enjoyed the imagery because it placed me right where the writer wanted me to be. In darkness, in fear, in the middle of the night. Dream can take us some where great or some where very dark. As far as I can tell this is still a dream.

The girl in the dream sounds like the walking dead kind!! Great detail in this character as well. I would have ran myself.


*BookOpen* Suggestions *BookOpen*



So when we are writing we really want that thought out there before we lose it. I totally understand this because I do it all the time. If we look over our work we begin to see it morph and find little things that bring to a better read. These are a couple of things that I thought you might want to change.

letters 3:00

you may want to change this to numbers

Up ahead I could see a starting of a forest.



I would change this line to something such as


Up ahead I could see what seemed to be the opening to a forest.


or.. Up ahead I could vaguely make out an outline to a forest.


You may want to space between lines. Having everything so crowded makes it hard on the eyes of the reader.


Take a look again at your present and past tense. I noticed a few "is" and "had" "were'


"All I could see" should be All I was able to see" or "all I had seen" keeping in past tense.


These are only suggestions and do not feel you have to make changes. Writing is a freedom and a passion and as you write more you will learn more. So Keeps Writing.


~LL~ *Bird*

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85
85
Review of Time  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings to you Morshdi1 my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this piece of poetry on the read and review page. Welcome to the site!! Don't you just love the magic of words? I love what they can portray for the reader and the writer.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*




Right away I felt the heaviness of the heart as two people are not together. Time is never on our side is it? What once was could pass in our dreams and give us a quick glimpse of those we love and miss. So very nicely written as I felt the pain.


I love this line

Time is a cruel mistress


This grabbed my attention right away as I knew there were wonderful conventions in this poem allowing me to feel as the reader what the writer was portraying. Memories that wash over us as time wipes them out. The cruelty of something we have no control over.


This being a free verse poem allows the writer to think outside the box a little and use imagery through words of convention. A nice flow from line to line without hesitation. I did however notice that you used a few commas but not other punctuation. I think and this is only my opinion that maybe use it through out, creating pauses and refrain from losing your breath.


great read!!

keep writing

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86
86
Review of Calendar Girl  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Lou-Here By His Grace my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this wonderful piece in the read and review page. I love poetry because it allows the writer to feel but it also allows the reader to portray the words how they would see fit. It is either plainly written or written with passion.


*Bird* First Impression *Bird*



The memories of this piece brings a smile to my face. The Cola girls were like movie stars on bill boards, magazines, beauties on calendars. Those were wonderful times but I wouldn't know I wasn't there. Women held much class back in the day which is something today's society could use.


The flow of the poem was nicely written and left no stagnant pauses or hiccups. The use of poetic conventions were clearly used in just about every line. Puncutation was well placed creating the flow with nice pauses through out.


I really don't have any great suggestions as this is your work and I really did enjoy it. I can picture that cold bottle of cold sweat making me thirsty!! The beauty of the gals with that favorite drink on a hot day would make any one go buy that thirst quencher!! Colorful with wonderful memories.


I enjoyed the read very much

thanks for sharing!!

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87
87
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello falak My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this little read on the read and review page. I love writing but I also love what other write. Sometimes it awakens my own muse.

First Impression


I totally understand what you are saying here. Life is so fast and we don't have a lot of time to just stop. Stop and listen or to smell the roses. The importance of this is way more valuable then we tend to think it is. One day the ones we love are here and one day they might not be. Family or friends or that one guy you see every day and never spoke to.


Suggestions



It might be that this is all you wanted to say but I think you can add to this with potential of making it a longer piece. I would liked to have felt more emotion here and with changes in punctuation an easier read. The point you are trying to get across is important. Maybe revise a little and make your reader leave feeling like they want to make that change. Ponder it a longer while.

What I liked was that you used "Today as a Gift" and you are so right. It is that for sure. This is a point of interest or a deep emotion of how you feel. Make it real, make it stand out. It doesn't matter what we write we write from the heart. I know this as I read it but was a bit confused in the beginning. Not because I didn't understand what you were trying to say but with different choices of word choices it would be an easier read.

Never stop writing!! Loved the read
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88
88
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary 🌕 HuntersMoon !!

I have no trouble finding something in your port that draws me in. Knowing this was written for humor I have to say I slightly giggled! It's so close to the truth!

Well written while leaving the reader to think about where we are in life and will we have enough to retire and not starve. Who will be looking after our seniors and one day that will be myself. Yeesh!


I love the use of conventions in this piece because each is used so fitting to the tale. Great punctuation use as well that made this flow so easily. Please be patient as this is my first review in a very long time. I am putting myself in sticthes.
My favorite in this poem would have to be the fourth verse. Probably because it is hard making it through while working let alone having to survive on what ever we are left with in the end. Seriously you took a topic of worry and still had me laughing. Why? That's just what you do my friend. Again it was a pleasure to read you work once more. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

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89
89
Review of The Woman in Navy  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Quick-Quill !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos
*Sun* Happy Anniversary!! *Sun*


I love this story! I love that history in those times of despair. It's humbling to me that people lived with so little and yet today we need so much. So I tend to read these impoverished times. This woman had a dream to escape her fate and took a chance. Writing those letters under an alias gave her hope. I don't think she intentionally wanted to hurt this man and probably fell in love with him along the way.

He was so angry and with rights to be so angry. Yet in those times having someone held a big price. People were realists and had to survive even if it meant living with someone you may not love. You did what you had to do.

I was glad that the resolution was a happy one because I believe they both fell in love without knowing it.

Clear sentences, great punctuation. I enjoyed the dialogue and small gestures that brought these two characters to life for me. I liked them both as they are both strong and knowingly went forward with a knew knowing. Wonderful conventions of a short story and it really was enjoyable.

thanks for sharing
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90
90
Review of Rhythm  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Marco G. !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

I imagine this friend of yours is the dancer? I love prose and have written a few myself. To be able to take a moment in time and write it with poetic conventions just thrills me. I find it easier to write about a moment than a full story. not sure why that is. If this piece were written as a poem how would you write it? Even as a prose there are so many conventions in this piece. Hyperbole, simile, soft tones, visual, imagery, character, narrator, rhyme, simile, alliteration and so many more.

A wonderful prose filled with a minute by minute play of a dancer who makes her way into the streets for competition. She knows her talent and is sure to wow her audience.

The beautiful thing about prose is that there is no rising action or plot thickening. It is about this one character. From what she looks like, how she feels, who she is dressed, her surroundings and dancing.

I was able to envision her there putting on a dazzling show with her toned body and wicked moves. The crowd is heard and probably cameras going off. Tourists gathering and left is ah. A talent that one just can't dismiss.

great prose
thanks for sharing


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91
91
Review of On the Runway  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi NeedingBeachDuf 🐠⛵🏝️ !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

I love fashion! I love clothes! My mother makes the most interesting clothes. She should have been a designer without a doubt. She just altered a long jean skirt for me and added leather trim. gorgeous!

This story is filled with many things. A passion, the drive, the patience and the know how. Fashion is about design and everything from shoes to hair and makeup. I find many transgenders make awesome models! The main character of this story follows her heart and not the voices of others that wanted her to do other things.

She finds her inner power and takes it to the run way. Things could go very wrong but she was quick on her heels to get it back on track. It wasn't a drama packed or action packed story but it held a convention on it's own.

Good dialogue with great sentence structure that allowed the story to flow at a good pace. Two more characters bring this story to it's end. Three girls who rocked the house and the run way make it to the cover of Elle! If that isn't a great dream! The lights flashing, the glowing stars and moon make it so magical. I could envision this show so easily with the cameras, the people, the fussing and time related pressures.

good read
thanks for sharing


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92
92
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Charlie ~ !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

You certainly have a gift my friend! *Cool* This is something that seemed so real to me. The world around Jason was just squeezing him to death. Even after ten years sobriety can be taken away instantly given the wrong situation. I felt so badly for him because of all he had went through and tried so hard to keep it real. Can someone's ego do that to them. All for the attention of a woman? I guess it can. Demons are demons and they have the last say sometimes.

I thought it was wrong of Michelle to set him up to fail as he did but it was his choice in the end. The whole scene at the pub was so realistic, I wanted a drink. lol
okay been a long day! HA!

Everything about this story was bang on. It was alive for me like watching it. You just know how to write. No doubt about that. A very smooth read and one I really enjoyed. I saw zero errors and no hesitation. Literary works were in place making this a very interesting story that held my attention.

Very strong characters involved with such conflict!! The resolution was sad but here we go again with realism. You kept it real. Loved it!! thanks for sharing with me!


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93
93
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (5.0)
perfect place to be!!
94
94
Review of Modern Times  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Prosperous Snow Valentine !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

This is a free verse poem that allows the poet to convey an opinion on humanity and what it carries forth as we evolve in many aspects. We would like to think that we are on the right path, but I don't think we are. There aren't enough of us that grow to make a difference as a whole.

We are a species without a doubt. We started with nothing but had everything we needed to survive and prosper. Then Modern Times takes all of it away replacing it anxiety, troubled souls, not enough, doubt. How did we get here? What did we miss? Was there a boat? LOL.. sorry this was a bit of humor on a very important opinion.

I enjoyed everything about this piece, as it covers so many kinds of people and our growth on this earth.

A easy read with no hesitation. Spacing was great with some enjambment by using grammatically correct usage. There are conventions in place that set the voice of the narrator. Some rhyme scheme that is quite fitting. The message is great with history in place and written for individuals as everyone grows differently.

I am glad to have come across this poem with a great opinion of evolution. Thanks for sharing!



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95
95
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Robin:TheRhymeMaven !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

Very insightful poem!! Full of so many messages that are so important for man kind. Some are raised this way and know no different or don't know how to change. Some are just ignorant to what is supposed to be. Humans, we are all the same. To think any differently is just blind for sure.

A great traditional form of poetry that has so many wonderful conventions. Punctuation is brilliant as it helps to convey the strong emotions placed in this piece.
Enjambment, in line rhyme, assonance, alliteration, hyperbole, meter, strong narration!! So many others that wrap this up nicely!

My favorite verse is the third because it is about the future and what our children learn from us. Poisonous words can create such hatred. Our world is messed up in so many ways but as parents and neighbors we can make a difference in what our children learn. One house is different from the next when it comes to beliefs but this isn't a secret. It's real, it's out there and more than ever in the last few years.

I commend your opinion, your voice and strength. I feel the passion in this poem and your hunger to have others read. Poetry is a voice and we as poets are able to write for others to read and in hopes of making a difference.

well done!
keep writing!



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96
96
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Harry !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

Quite a piece here that holds great knowledge. A reminder that yes some people hold no empathy. I believe some can't put themselves in other's hardships and focus on their own. Ignorance is bliss to some if they can't fix it. I however hold a great amount of empathy for the past, today's society and the future. Some people are lucky enough to go through life and never see strife. Not sure how that works but it happens.

A very well written poem that I can see you put a lot of thought into. It holds literary works that allowed me to think long and hard about our society today. Not sure if that will ever be fixed. We seem to be going back in time instead of prospering and growing as a nation.

I found no errors in punctuation or grammar. Sentences flowed into great verses that each hold a message on their own. Conventions of poetry are present that wraps up a nice package. This poem held a nice meter that allowed me to read with a great flow. Poetry can be deep and grab the reader or it's just a poem. I tend to read into all poetry I read. There is always a message that can be taken and food for thought. I really enjoyed this piece and so glad I came across it.
thanks for sharing!



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97
97
Review of Friendship is  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Dragon is hiding !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

Friendship is so very important. There are times you need them and there are times you don't. I have a group of friends that I don't get to see often enough, but if I ever needed them they are they like a group of sisters.
For life time, a seasons or a reason, friends come and go and the ones that stay are family. I love meeting people and sometimes I get a feeling about them. Either to stay away or "I really connect with them."

This being a free verse poetry it still holds many conventions. Assonance, Alliteration, enjambment and a narrator conveying an opinion. Well done there! I wonder though if you used some different punctuation that allows one line to run into the other. I found I was at a dead stop with each line making it hard for a good flow.

I saw no errors as far as punctuation or grammar. It was clearly written and poetry is in the hands of the poet. As a reader this is only a suggestion. I love the idea of friends and how they come into our lives in any given moment. A pleasant read that brought a smile to my face. Friends are so very very important.

Thanks so much for sharing!
Keep writing.




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98
98
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi BlackAdder !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

It seems that Henry had no idea what he was doing or he was obsessing about his wedding day and forgot about something very important in the lab.

A great exposition in setting the scene for the reader while introducing the main character Henry. He is a chemist and has a deep passion for it. Long days away from the one he loves but he believes she is understanding. One should know when to call it quits.

The rising action comes into play when a burner goes up in smoke releasing a poisonous gas that Henry inhales. He has only a few minutes to get to the alter but doesn't realize the danger he put himself in.

Falling action brings us to the church where Henry enters in a disturbing form. He is dead and still wants to marry his love.The resolution isn't good. The marriage is done and never happens as Henry is a walking ghost.

Clear sentence structure and great descriptive literary works. I see no grammar mistakes and have no suggestions. Great imagination for a good story. It seems as though you thought this out well and covered your tracks. Paranormal doesn't always have to be frightening. There was a bit of comedy in this piece. Not sure if it was intentional but it brought a smile to my face through some parts.

thanks for sharing


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99
99
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi J. A. Buxton !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

Oh boy! could you imagine? I have a few character that best stay right where they are!! lol. I enjoyed the cleverness of this story and using great tactics you allowed me to have a visual in the office of the writer. She doesn't even know what hit her. Just sits back up in her chair and starts typing. I hope my muse never knocks me right off my feet..lol

This was great personification! Bringing characters to life literally! The lives of these two depend on the writer and she is having writer's block. Great exposition that introduces the two main characters with a great conflict. Their world is disappearing and without more typed words they could disappear for ever.. lost in the cyber world.
Quick thinking and some magic allows the couple to come to life and quickly jot down ideas for the writer before they are taken again into the world of cyber space.

A clear read with dialogue helping the story move along at a nice flow and pace. Sentence structure was great. Moving back and forth from in the computer to out was done well without hesitation.
The resolution seems to have been great on their part. The writer does start to write again so I assume their lives move forward.

thanks for sharing!


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100
100
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi DailyZee !
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos

Addiction is right and it's everywhere!! Even if you aren't working on anything people use this click like it could be their last! The internet is endless but do we really need to be consumed by constant clicking. This free verse style poem speaks the truth in saying that people use this device to remedy their lives.

As a poem there are conventions that make it just that. All though it isn't math and there is no perfect equation when writing free verse, we still want to use a guideline to make it shine. I noticed some in line rhymes, Assonance, enjambment and a few other great little devices.

My suggestions are quite simple. I would prefer to see this written in short lines creating a flow of words. Changing some punctuation to create a sense of emotion. I would like to show you an example of this.


When I sit at my computer to think
and wonder while the world seems so vast-
full of cries like thunder!

So the changes made here. I took out an "and" because you want poetry full of descriptive literary works. Over using and can some times take away from that. I shortened the sentence and used a Caesura creating a great pause. This allows the reader to feel as well as just read. Cries like thunder is a great simile and should be left powerful.

These are only suggestions. In the end this is your piece.
thank again for sharing.


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