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126
126
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Graham Muad'dib }!
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

The perfect title for this story! I love birds so much, I sit outside and listen. This year we have so many new ones. Climate change I say. So this story is a mystery for sure and I love the idea of her Aunt not wanting her Uncle to keep the birds caged.


Very nicely spaced out with wonderful dialogue. I was very impressed how the story pulled together without hesitation. Literary works were used to enhance this story very well. I found no mistakes as far as grammar or punctuation! great job there!!

I couldn't imagine all of these birds taking flight on their own! Reminds of that movie in the 60's. These aren't crows however, they are exotic birds and shouldn't be so aggressive.

Aunt Kay was a bit of free spirit so to speak. I was still doubtful in the end as to what happened so I took it upon myself to edit the ending for my reading. I suppose Aunt Kay became another kind of spirit. Birds of a feather fly together. Okay maybe not but she had something to do with it of course.

I loved the mystery to this story because honestly what can birds do without the hands of a mother? or other? great read! It reminded me also of a Nancy Drew read! nice!





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Write On!
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127
127
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi dizzydreamer }!
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

Oh how I love poetry and there is so many out there to read! There is something of a mystery to one's thoughts at the very end isn't there. Maybe I wouldn't want to know though! This guy however left poetically and profoundly.

I love these lines?

Does my soul go up in smoke?
Or will it slowly seep and soak?


I like them because it might be something we could all wonder about.A single thought left upon a rift!! Excellent literary works here. Well done!

Great use of punctuation and little hesitation in meter. Rhyming held a great flow as you brought one verse to the next. Sounds like the grim reaper was paying a visit to this man and we never know when he will strike. Is life a number or are we chosen wisely? Maybe I will let that remain a question. lol. I am certainly not ready myself.

I noticed many conventions in this poem that allowed it to come to life for me. Allowing the reader to actually connect with our poetry is a thrill and you have done this rather well.

I wonder if this man was convicted of an unknown mercy? There lies a mystery on it's own. What had he done to deserve such a death? Maybe nothing at all. This allowing the reader to form their own thoughts of the poem and that is a wonderful thing. Well done!


*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! *Shield2*
Write On!
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128
128
Review of Modern History  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Author Ed Anderson }!
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

After reading this maybe I will leave Ancestory.com right where it is. *RollEyes* We all have questions to our past and imagine most of them should be left right where they are.. in the past! Family is complicated at it's best, so if I doubt anything I write about it but I don't seek too much.

Well written with great literary works in motion to allow the reader to follow through with ease. The story line was great! I loved the idea that Kristen rose to the challenge even when she was told to leave it alone. Heck I would want to know!!

Sentence structure was great as well as spacing. An easy read with wonderful structure. An exposition, rising plot and resolution were well written. Dialogue was an easy read and allowed me to become apart of the story line. A lot of showing not only telling. I like that!

I love this sentence!

if you had the sense that God gave hobos, you would leave it alone."

totally something an elderly would say and I cracked up!! A bit of humor is a great way to keep your reader's attention. It brings a bit of reality to the story. If you can connect your reader you are a running win!

Looks like Kyle was also using Ancestory.com *Whistle*
Great story!

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! *Shield2*
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129
129
Review of Play The Game  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi BethH }!
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

I love a great mystery and you are well on your way here with "who" and "why". There are so many ways to introduce your story and you chose dialogue. That's okay and sometimes it grabs the attention of the reader right off the bat. Mia is the main character and there is a bit of back ground on her that allows me to imagine this character. I wonder if you throw a bit of actions to her words if I could create a better image.

Examples of her hair color, height, body image. We can provide these things in different ways. Maybe her mother looks at her daughter while reading these letters and holds her? Maybe she strokes her long blonde hair or whatever the writer chooses. These are only suggestions for you.

It was for the most part easy enough to read but have a look at the spacing and sentence structure. It causes a bit of confusion as to where to read on.

I really like the way the story has unfolded in a very short amount of time you have left me wanting to know more about Mia and who this mystery person is. Be sure not to give too much away at once. Build your character as you go on and allow her to come alive. Be sure to write details that will allow your reader to feel emotions. A good read so far!



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130
130
Review of Lucky 28  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi mysterman }!
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

Well there are two sides to every story!! Well done with that! I little bit of a twist in the end but I was ready! This story of such brutality left me with goose bumps yet I had to read on. Sometimes I love these scenes that are gruesome because you can let your imagination really take off. Being a writer I think we should all dabble in genres we are always okay with.

Claire Marshall is introduced as the main character and right from the beginning she is questioning her fate. I would to of course. Looking her killer in the eyes right to her last breath!! Creepy! I had to know who this was because she does notice the 28 stabs being "his" lucky number.

Wonderful exposition that gave me a great idea as to where the story is going and left no hesitation to wanting to read on. Very well done!A visual for the reader is a great way to start off and leave them wanting more. I felt myself watching her fade away.

The other side of the coin being the killer left me to question who he is. He says she is his favorite but favorite "what". Sister, girlfriend, wife, student. Maybe I missed something. Sometimes it's best to leave the reader hanging and we can decide. I think there is room for more with this piece. I liked it a lot! Second part maybe or is this a set up for a small novel? Choice is yours my friend!


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131
131
Review of Who is She?  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*Shield3* A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review *Shield4*


Hi Joseph LaFollette }!
Welcome to the die hard GoT where reviewing becomes a game "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

Where to begin? I do love the mystery of who "she" is and her destiny. I enjoyed her descriptive thoughts as she enters into a new day.

I do have a few questions for the writer. Who is "she"? As you mention this word so many times I wanted to envision her and I couldn't. Maybe describe her and what her mission is. A great thought out story line but maybe revise a little allowing the reader to capture just what you want us to.

Spacing is important and I think if you taking another look you see sentence structure and some grammar mistakes. It is always better to space properly so the reader can read at a pace and not find themselves re reading.

I did enjoy the mystery to this story and where it "could" go. A little more detail as where "she" is heading at the end. I was left in great question and I realize that is a mystery but I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. If that was your intention that a great job for sure. However I would want my reader left with a "wow".

Create your character a little deeper and re adjust the story line. I think if you revise this story you will find a great treasure!!


*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! *Shield2*
Write On!
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132
132
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Summer Time!! Hope you are enjoying the season! We are having some summer fun here as well, which brings me to this review!



*StarfishY* The Read *StarfishY*


I have always wanted to go to Italy!! A dream of mine. You held a great descriptive story here with a great character. Details that brought this story to life for me and held my attention. Delia is a woman who enjoys a simple life and one that knows how to enjoy herself in the moment it seems. Poor guy though! *Wink* Pushed right out the door without a bite to eat. Devious but awesome!



*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


I really enjoyed the imagery in this piece because it really allowed me to imagine myself right in that room. The sounds of carts on cobble stone walk ways, Voices of people heading into their day. The odd angle of the shutters with layers of paint. These are all great ways to draw in the reader. Nicely done!!

The setting of the scene caught my attention right off the bat. I sense a longer story here. Maybe? The aroma of coffee is a tell all from the heights of Italy and I love coffee!!

*Vignette1* Suggestions *Vignette1*


Not too much to change here. The story itself was great! I would love to know more about Delia. I think she is a great character for a longer story. Just something to think about.

I only suggest that maybe revise the last paragraph as it seems a bit of a run on. I was running out of breath..lol.

Other wise a great read and it make my dreams water at the mouth! I have to get to Italy!

Thanks for sharing
~LL~










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133
133
Review of Picnic Memories  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Summer Time!! Hope you are enjoying the season! We are having some summer fun here as well, which brings me to this review!



*StarfishY* The Read *StarfishY*


Those lazy summer days that allow us to use our imagination and fall in love make the best memories. Quite enjoyable as the narrator takes me on a picnic with his new found love. A love that lasts for quite some time at that. I wasn't expecting the end so it was a nice twist. Sad of course but life isn't all about sunny days and picnics now is it.

*Tools2* Structure and Tools *Tools2*


Writing a story is just that. We write it without looking over it too too much. We want the story out there. This is the wonderful thing about reviews because we get that feed back we want before we edit. Some are fine with the first draft some like to tweak it.

The spacing in this story was great and easy to read. The dialogue made sense and allowed me to be there with the story teller.

Commas are my mistake and I am learning. I did notice a little over usage with the comma in this story. Sometimes we can re write using adjectives or other words to tie up a sentence. Sometimes it's best to just end a sentence and begin another. Just a note you might want to think about.

The exposition of the story was good but I think you can re write the first few sentences.

eg. David laid his head on the pillow, sharing it with his wife. He kissed her daintily on the cheek, not wanting to wake her. He stared out the window, across a parking lot, long ago a field of grass and dandelions. He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent, slow and deep, allowing it to slip him back through time.

maybe?

David stared at his wife next to him in a bed they shared for a while now. He kissed her softly on the cheek as to not wake her. As he stared out the window across the parking lot his memory went back to a place before the city was built. A time when grasses and dandelions grew, a time when love grew between himself and his beloved wife. Her scent lingered beside him allowing his memory to take him back in time.

This is only a suggestion. This is your story.

*Sun* Over All thoughts *Sun*


Thank you sharing this story and it really was filled with blissful moments of a love from beginning to end. I felt the joy, the grief and the reality of it. Great job!!!



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134
134
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings to you KnightScribe My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this story on the news feed. I had to dive in and take a peek on your version of romance.


*BookStack* First Impression *BookStack*


Okay so where to begin here! A great way to start off the story. A conversation between two friends on writing! Nice one.*ThumbsUpR* Isn't that exactly how we do it. I however need to start carrying around a notebook for these moments. A few surprises for the main character as the story takes off. One never knows when or how a romance can bloom. Very enjoyable.


*Tools* Structure and Tools *Tools*


There are certain tools that we as writers grab onto but if we stuck to the same theory with every story then it's just that. This isn't math it's writing and using our creative minds with the use of imagery literary works, we can bring it to life. Such as you did here very well. Adam and Jim being friends and sitting in Adam's office, they start a conversation. That alone wouldn't want me to read on but with the imagery of Jim looking out the window placing actions of thought, you held my attention.

There is no great conflict here besides embarrassment once Hannah is introduced and Jim becomes three shades of red! I think I would of died right there!

The three talk and end up going for lunch. With conversation and laughs the three turn into two. Aww yes! The what if's are about to happen and the writer smooths the story ending it with a date.

Sentence structure was great! Well spaced as well as the dialogue. There were no hesitations through out this story and I was quite pleased with the lightness of the story.

I only found two mistakes but if you revise it and read it again you will find them.

*Bird* Over All Thoughts *Bird*


Welcome to the world of romance! There are no restrictions when it comes to love. Emotions, settings, struggles of the heart. It's all there for the taking.
Thanks for sharing!

kind regards,
~LL~












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135
135
Review of Djinn Tonic  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings 🌕 HuntersMoon !~Lifelessons~ here to review this story that I found on the read and review list!

*Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock*


Well of course I had to laugh! You do it every time! I love the humor. It seems today that I have read a few things where the men are mocking their wives! hmmm *Whistle*

*Shamrock* A great way to start a vacation! Get rid of the wife and hook up with the genie!! It did feel real to me though because I have a neighbor that talks to her husband this way. He just mumbles about and does as he is told or he will find an excuse to come over here for tea, just to get away! Poor bugger!

This was a great story and really kicked in when Bob suggests that his wife had made her first wish. Clear sentence structure with zero mistakes. I really didn't look for any because it read so well. Dialogue was perfect and kept the story in it's humor.*Shamrock*

The ending was perfect as it left me wondering about the third wish.. no I don't have to wonder. A free senior with a genie at a bar to his pleasurable wishes. I was thinking more viagra! *Laugh* Yes I read that limerick today!*Shamrock*

Thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~*Gold*

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136
Review of The River  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Zen !My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this story on the plug page! Fun fun fun as we are in the middle of a St Patty Day raid! Welcome
*Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock*


*CoffeeG* First Impression *CoffeeG*


A very "in the moment" story you have written here. Well written with such great imagery. Elements of a poetic read as well. Nice use of literary works such as metaphor and hyperbole, simile. *Gold*

I really enjoyed the visual you have set for the reader. I knew from the beginning it was something sad and dark. I wouldn't have described it as bleak though. It holds great strength in a few words. How do you say good bye to your loved ones, especially your child. *Gold*

The end was a bit of a twist and left me feeling as though they seek revenge. That is sad in itself.

*PenG* Structure and Tools *PenG*


The rules to writing have changed over the years and not for the worst. As writers we can engage our readers in so many ways-but the exposition does it for me. When I first started reading this story the writer takes me to a place that is meant for a very sad time. The woman is portrayed so vividly I felt I was right there beside her. Her husband abiding her wishes without stepping over his boundaries. His thoughts are else where and not in a good way. He wants to seek the ones who did this to his son.

I like the message of the story as well as bullying can be that bad that someone feels they need to take their own life. Very emotional and quite prolific with emotions.

Sentence structure was okay but if you choose to revise this a little you will see the over use of the comma and some run-on sentences. These are easy fixes and will really make a difference in how it is read. *Gold*

On a whole I didn't trip on anything and the read had a good flow. Enjoyable and held my interest to the end. *Gold*

Thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~ *Gold*

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137
137
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings Legerdemain !!~Lifelessons~ here to review this story which I found on a review list for the raid!! Welcome!*Shamrock*


*Shamrock* First Impression *Shamrock*


Well first I'd like to say that i would love to be sitting on a bar stool in that little pub!*Cool* Poor Rusty didn't see what was coming to him and greedy hands were fooled by the rod! Nice! Quite a bit of comedy in this story that made me laugh on a cold day here in the north! Thanks for that!
I really enjoyed the lingo in conversation. A language of the little people maybe?

*PenG* Structure and Tools *PenG*


From beginning to end I was intrigued by the imagery brought to this story. Using excellent literary words my imagination took off and I found myself in this little pub with pine floors. A bell above the door with a bartender cleaning glasses for his customers. An exposition brought me right to the place where magic continues.


*Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock*


Miche being the bartender found himself serving a "wee folk" which is a leprechaun but a bit taller. This wee folk carries a shillelagh with him and lays it on the bar.
A little conversation before a third character rings the door bell. A customer that was more of a headache than anything else. A wise guy of sorts and we all know a few of those.

So a great exposition followed by a little conflict with some humor and a great resolution leaving me with a chuckle. Nicely done.

I found zero mistakes with punctuation or grammar and dialogue was used in a way that I followed without hesitation. *Gold*

*CheckG* Over All Thoughts *CheckG*


Thank you for sharing this story. It was not only told but shared through a visual. If i can put myself there I love the read. Quite the characters that you shared as the story unraveled I could envision each one giving them each a twist of my own. Short stories are not the easiest to do but yet the challenge is intriguing and when i read a great one I want to write. Thank you for that.

kind regards,
~LL~*MushroomG*










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138
Review of Gachoner  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Brokenhunter my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I chose to review this piece for our Raid!


*MugG* My Thoughts *MugG*


I really enjoyed the explanation of Gachoner and his pining to break hearts of the lasses. It helped me to envision his motivation in the poem. What a guy though! There are a few out there that aren't a folk tale. They exist!! No- Really! *Laugh*

*Shamrock* Conventions *Shamrock*


So I would read this as a free verse form of poetry. Although you have rhyming couplets which gives it a nice flow, they are broken into a second verse. Conventions allow the poet to be free and use figurative language to bring our words to life for the reader.

example
ne'er listen you to words so dear,
tis spoken in a lonely ear,

This would be a great example of a hyperbole. I love the use of any hyperbole because it is the one convention that allows us to go right off the map so to speak.


Another important convention would be punctuation. I learned this myself over the years and it makes such a difference in how the reader absorbs your poetry. I would like to make a suggestion. Almost every line has a comma making the reader out of breath reading without any breaks.

You wrote

O' lass O' lass,
with hair so gold,
listen now as tale is told,
don't give ye heart away to keep,
to gachoner man, while tending sheep,
ne'er listen you to words so dear,
tis spoken in a lonely ear,
for when the dawn does come with day,
gachoner man be gone to stay,
and with him go ye heart so fair,



I suggest


O'lass-O'lass
with hair so gold,
don't listen now as tale is told.
Don't give ye heart away to keep
to gachoner man while tending sheep.
Ne'er listen you to words so dear;
tis spoken in a lonely ear-
for when the dawn does come with day,
gachoner man be gone to stay
and with him go yet heart so fair!

In doing this we have created an enjambment more than once. The caesura creates a great pause in telling a story such as this. Emotions are felt when using proper punctuation and keeps the reader gadged in what the poet wants to convey. Keep in mind these are only suggestions.



*Shamrock* Over All Thoughts *Shamrock*


All in all this is a great poem that holds heart break and weakness to love. The folk story comes to life and is quite emotional. I would watch some of the figurative words such as ne'er only because it takes away from the meter and trips the reader. They are great in most cases but can be over used.

Thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~*Shamrock*


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139
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings CeruleanSon My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have found this great piece of Irish laughter in a list of reviews!!*Shamrock*

*Gold* My Thoughts *Gold*


Well where to begin! This piece holds so many great conventions that pull quite a tale together. I was wanting a wink or two myself as the narrator made it seem so calming. With a twist of fury that quickly brings him to his feet or "his arse in gear"! Well this left me in stitches to say the least. I am bit Irish and a bit newfie so I found the humor in this bang on! *Shamrock*


*Grass* Conventions *Grass*


A few that I will point out that really allowed this poem to flow and give a great visual for the reader.
Alliteration
Assonance*Fairy*
Caesura*Fairy*
Character*Fairy*
Conflict*Fairy*
Dialogue*Fairy*
Enjambment*Fairy*
Fiction*Fairy*
Hyperbole*Fairy*
Imagery*Fairy*
Literal Language*Fairy*
Metaphor*Fairy*
Meter{{/i}/i}

So you see you really pulled so many wonderful conventions together as you told a story in a poetic form. It was funny with wonderful lines that had me read it twice, just because I liked it that much.


*CheckG* Favorite Lines *CheckG*


Well this was very hard because the whole thing is so great, but I have to say the twist really had me laugh.*Shamrock*

Her hair is flame, her eyes black coals
Her mouth is open wide
The voice that issues from that hole
Is cause to wish I'd died.

I really enjoyed the figurative language here that had me laughing. It's filled with conventions that hold it together well. *Shamrock*

Y'know, I'm not that faint of heart
I've learned t' face me fear,
But when yer woman's howlin' starts
Ye get yer arse in gear.

This being another verse that does it for me because I am sure it's every man's night mare! *Laugh*



*MugG* Over All Thoughts *MugG*


This being my first review today. I was having my coffee and it was a true pleasure to start the day with a refreshing laugh!! I love when poetry pulls me in, no matter what the muse brings to the poet. Well put together my friend! Well done! I have zero suggestions and I know why you have that wonderful ribbon beside it.

kind regards,
~LL~*Shamrock*










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140
140
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Greetings Ms.Shell my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this story Two Inches to the Left on the review page!

*Paw* The Read *Paw*


I really enjoyed the exposition of this story because you showed me without just telling a story. Luci being your dog is in control it would seem, making it known she wants out and right now! Dogs can be clumsy on their feet in a puppy kind of way and being only two Luci is still stumbling like a horse trying to walk. Adorable! I totally understand the frustration with the peeing on the concrete and some dogs just have those annoying habits. I have a little poodle that thinks she is human so I get it.

I couldn't imagine the stench in the summer-but wait, yes I can! My neighbors got themselves a new puppy last year and never pick up after her. This spring coming I will have the hue of poo up my nose! HA!

*Dog2* Tools and Structure *Dog2*


When telling a story as you did here, I thought from the beginning that it would read as it did from the beginning. Then I was a bit disappointed as it went from being "shown" to being "told". I lost the excitement along the way. It was still funny, so don't get me wrong there, I just missed the imagery that you showed in the beginning. Literary works became a bit dismissed.

There seemed to a lot of past to present tense leaving to wonder if you were still at the door or out on the patio in july. Small issues such as this can be paramount in story telling. You don't want to confuse the reader.

I didn't find any issues with grammar and punctuation seemed to be pretty good. It was an easy read but if you choose to revise it somewhat it could be that great story you want it to be.



*PawPrints* Over All Thoughts *PawPrints*


Luci sounds like a wonderful dog that I am sure just loves concrete!*Laugh* My biggest suggestion would to make this story as it began. In the moment, present with thought and dialogue. Bringing it to the front lines that would hold the attention of the reader. Otherwise a good read and something we all as dog owners can relate to.

thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~ *PawPrints*




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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

141
141
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings Donkey Hoetay my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this story in the read and review list! Wasn't sure what i was about to read but...

*Wolf* The Read *Wolf*


All I can say is HILARIOUS!! You made my day! *Rolling* The way you intertwined little red riding hood and the three little pigs was awesome! The humor is dressing in drag had me in stitches. This is great writing for sure and I wasn't bored one bit.

You brought personification to it's fullest potential here as you write about a wolf in sheep's clothing. This poor Sheila and what she is in for has me covering my eyes. Not sure I want to see that one!*Whistle*

As for Sheldon, that poor idiot has no idea what he is up against. As I recall couldn't he be another wolf in hiding? yeesh!



Sentence structure was bang on and held no hesitation. I totally see why you have a great ribbon hanging beside the title. Pretty sure after reading this comedy will be a whole other venture for me to review. You raised the bar here.

I saw no errors with grammar or punctuation and it was a clear read.
Going to the zoo will give a whole new meaning for me.

My favorite part of this was the description of how this wolf came to get his red cape and hoody number!*Laugh* that chatty little teenager strutting her mouth! She had that coming didn't she.

great job! I have nothing to add here as you had everything covered!
Loved the laugh!

Write on!
kind regards,
~LL~











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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

142
142
Review of Bête Noire  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings sir 🌕 HuntersMoon I found this piece on the read and review list and of course I had to stop and read!


*Bird* The Read *Bird*


I have to say that none of your poetry is boring! *Smile* If anything I learn something with each one I read. This one is both comical with a bit of self anger I presume!

Pretty sure we all have looked in the mirror which made me think of the song by Michael Jackson "The Man In The Mirror". He is going to change his ways!

Great rhyme scheme going on here as the meter was bang on as well. I had no hesitations in reading this excellent little piece. Each verse told a little something about that image on the wall. Things we wouldn't dare share at the table. Oh the scandal of it all! *Rolling*

Of course you also provided me yet another new meaning "bete noire" I didn't know what it meant so thanks for clearing that up. This also making the title so perfect!

You really think outside the box with your writing and that is a wonderful thing.

Conventions of all kinds are wrapped up in these verses. I know you know exactly what they are so I won't bore you with them. There is something to be said for those who are so wise as to see the mistakes and make that change.

Mirror mirror on the wall does really speak truth and tells all.

kind regards,
~LL~












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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell
143
143
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk ! Happy Anniversary to you! Wow you sure are apart of the wood work on the site and so glad you are! I love your contests and your efforts to keep the site lively as you do! Your port is full of excellent choices to read but I chose this one because it is a Chapter of what could be a thrill of a life time.


*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


I love this character so far! She is a beauty of skills that probably go far and beyond from what I have read so far. This only being the first chapter you have still covered everything I want to know as a reader. It held my interest very well and I will be wanting more of what Kenna has in store for us.

She is a surfer who is single. She runs a private detective service. This I like because it shows her strengths right off the bat and what she believes in. A character built on knowledge and talent! I love the fact that she takes action while sticking up for those who are in doubt.

*Tools* Tools *Tools*


If anyone knows the tools to writing you are one of them without a doubt. The exposition of this story is well done as you introduce the main character. You have set the scene where her life revolves around adventure, employment and living quarters.

Great dialogue as you use it to give the reader a peek at the main character, developing who she is and what she is about.

I have a feeling that the covered up car in her garage is going to have impact in the story at some point, or I hope it does. Making the story a bit racy!

*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


Great literary works come into play as the narrator allows the reader to visualize every detail. The ocean, the surfers, Kenna's great looks, and the surrounding area where she lives.

Walking into the garage giving details as this will come into play along the way. I suppose this is true due to the story being a thriller. I would pay attention to those details as I read along.

*Type* Over All Thoughts *Type*


I have to give this a five star because it is only the first chapter and it grabbed my attention all the way through. I'm not sure what you have in store for Kenna but I can't wait to find out.

There is nothing I can mention about grammar or punctuation because I am terrible at polishing and I know you know the difference!! I was caught up in the story and that to me is more than the editing.

Again a great read!
Good luck!
kind regards,
~LL~










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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

144
144
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings J. Robert Kane ! My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this story on the read and review page. If a story grabs me it was worth the read. As far what I thought....

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


I truly enjoyed this story and the doubt that the Sullivan holds on himself. He seems like a lost soul but tries so hard to do the right thing. Life gets in the way some times and we lose our grip with reality. From what I have read Sullivan owes money and has a drinking problem. His grand-mother means the world to him even if he can't show it to her in a grand way. He seems depleted of all that is good in the world and his visits to his grand-mothers seems to be a last resort to any hope.
His visits however bring light to how his grand-mother is being tormented by either something mental or a haunting gift.


*Tools* Structure *Tools*


For most short stories we use tools or we are told there are certain tools in telling a great tale. I believe that in most cases a great story comes from within. I can feel this in this story very much. You had an idea and you wrote with great convention.

A main character being Sullivan was set in a scene right from the beginning. A conflict was shown and not told as I felt his anguish when he decides it was way too long since he visited his grand-mother. For reasons unknown.

Sentence structure was great and well spaced out making this an easy read even due to the length of it.

The plot of the story lingers with the ghostly images of grandma's imagination. However you had me wanting to read forward when she gives her grand son a head's up about an accident that will occur. That accident does happen making Sullivan think twice about his grand-mother going crazy.

He continues to visit her to be sure of what she is going on about. Something he never figures out as she comes to her death shortly after.

*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


Wonderful use of literary words has brought this story to life for me. As you painted a picture of Sullivan's grand-mother's kitchen, her frail body, her mind set and so many other wonderful bits that stood out to me. I care for my grand mother who is 95 now and I felt heart ache when i read this story. I felt the emotions that you wrote which are all so true. They tend to go off on their own thoughts. The kettle was a great piece because you brought it back in the very end. These little things are so important when you turn them into a visual piece.
I have some trinkets of nannies that I will always treasure. To some there is no value but to me they scream memories.

You truly showed me a story without lingering on. A clear understanding as the story moved from beginning to end. Great job with that!

*Thought2* Dialogue *Thought2*


Dialogue is very important when writing a longer story. In this piece you brought in points of value as you introduce other characters. Though they weren't a major factor in the story they brought the story together.

Sitting at the kitchen table with his grand-mother, Sullivan is able to connect with her on levels he didn't imagine. You created a great scene in many areas. Such as the diner and the waitress, the accident on the t.v.

The phone call with Dolan which brought new light to Sullivan towards the end.


*Printer* Over All Thoughts *Printer*


The only doubts I have about this story is what was the t.v. about up stairs? Was is it all in grand-mother's head? Did she leave something of value for Sullivan to have changed his mind about taking his own life?

I felt this was uncertain in the end and left me feeling a bit confused. There was so much about Sullivan's train of thought that I really wanted to know how this all tied in. I hope I didn't miss something that would have allowed me to see this.

I loved the very end when he puts the kettle on the stove and throws the match in the kitchen sink.

A little doubt left making me wonder but other wise an amazing story with great visual.

Thank you for sharing
~kind regards~
~LL~













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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

145
145
Review of Skratch  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings to you sir🌕 HuntersMoon When I saw this poem in the news feed the other day I had to read. Just wow! I wasn't shocked on how this poem came to life for me. Your work is not hard to review, that's for sure! Where to begin...


*SnowMan* The Read *SnowMan*


The imagination in this piece is astounding! I saw this frozen ghost in each sentence as you brought him to life, leaving me to feel as I do about clowns!

Meter and rhyme was excellent as I read without hesitation anywhere! Way to go sir!!

The title by the way is so perfect! It was haunting as the prompt picture was. A story told in a way that left me in awe, as it was poetic with conventions that brought it to life.

I realize you know your conventions of poetry very well, but I wanted to point out a few. I am sure you won't mind.

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


Alliteration

A sudden sound comes on the wind,

Assonance

Imagination begins hatching

Caesura

This creature – Skratch – resembled

Enjambment

This creature – Skratch – resembled
a snowman from my youth
that I had once assembled
when magic was the truth.


Hyperbole

My world recedes into a haze

Onomatopoeia

‘neath the clicking of his jaws.

So these only being a few great conventions that allowed me to really capture the poets intentions; the use of literary words grabbed my attention as well.

“Quoth the Raven, Nevermore!”

I won't lie! I had to look this up and was quite surprised. A great way to end this poem. *ThumbsUpR*


*Fairy* Favorite Lines *Fairy*



The wind abates and silence reigns.
I hear a noise outside my door.
Perhaps the sound of Dicken’s chains
or Poe’s dark raven’s, “Nevermore?”

Once I knew and understood where the "raven" came from and of course Dicken's chains; I re read this verse and I loved it from beginning to end. The between of what was and what is about to be truly shows in this verse.

A sudden sound comes on the wind,
lofted from some place far below.
I peer and find myself chagrined;
it’s just the cawing of a crow.

Here again the poet allows the reader to feel the nervous fear of what could be. A new literary word for me "chagrined" gave the perfect touch to the feeling of being scorned by such a "Scratch" of a creature.

Over all my friend this was an excellent read! The best I have read in some time. I totally enjoyed the darker side of a frozen demon spreading this wintry blight! Brilliant I say!

Thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~








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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

146
146
Review of Double Wide  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings greet🌕 HuntersMoon Yes it is me! ~Lifelessons~ ! I have so many reviews to do in your port alone it could take a week but I want to start with the comedy side of things! Seeing your name posted at "Queen of Comedy Challenge"  had me excited! I know you have a great sense of humor and voila! Found it right here in the very first poem I read!

Oh good old Walmart huh?

A sense of humor wrapped up with great conventions makes for a wonderful piece of poetry! This guy was moving in for the kill! No pun intended once I read of her leopard leggings maybe there is a pun after all. *Rolling*

I have to admit that I had no clue what a double-wide was! So a guy's dream in a trailer park I suppose! Maybe she is a great cook?

The whole last verse had me in stitches. "That we are closely-blood related" Oh boy!!

You turned this piece into a whole story or fairy tale dream for someone! Ha ha ha.
Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale. How sweet.

The title suits this poem very well as it gave me a clear picture of attributes of a beauty queen or Walmart special!

I have no favorite lines in this piece as they all come together giving me a great chuckle. Very visual that left nothing to the imagination.

Well done! Never disappointed!
thanks for sharing!
kind regards
~LL~










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147
147
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings to you sir 🌕 HuntersMoon I came across this story in your port as part of "Queen of Comedy Challenge" ! There were several to choose from but this one however caught my attention. Not sure why. However I couldn't resist.

*Cat2* The Read *Cat2*


Ralph Ralph Ralph! This guy who lives day in and day out in a mundane realism is given a chance of a life time. We all say "if only" and yet would I ever be prepared if it happened? Not so sure Ralph was either, as he scopes out his mail and finds he won a trip! To discover that all expenses were paid to Bimini sends him over the moon. Travel plans are made and he is on his way.

It seems that Ralph wanted way more than what the trip offered him. He wanted to be on the off beaten trail to discover a bit of history on his own. Well I guess there is a price for such an adventure and he has more guts than I would.

Aaliyah is going to give him what he wants even though she is probably rolling her eyes. She is doubtful but willing to make his happy on his quest.

*Turtle2* What I Enjoyed *Turtle2*


I enjoyed the descriptive writing in this piece, along with the sense of adventure. You painted a vivid picture of color as you portray so many things one would see on such a trip. Then i looked out my window and saw snow squalls! Much prefer this setting! Leave, papaya, ocean views. "As the warm Caribbean lapped at his feet" Awesome!

The sense of humor being in the end didn't catch me off guard as much as the very last sentence.

"Mon," came the reply, "there's nothing to worry about ... you're just being marooned!"

I just wanted to see the look on Ralph's face. *Laugh*

You tied this in very well and i didn't see it coming. Nice! Leave it to you sir. Great stuff.

I don't have any suggestions on this one. It read well and held my interest. I saw no errors as far as punctuation or grammar.

Well done
thanks for sharing
kind regards
~LL~
















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148
148
Review of Elf Team Six  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings to you Brick Chicken My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this story on the review request list affiliated with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*Glasses* The Read *Glasses*


What a very very clever story!! Sgt. Noel and the Dream Team "Elf" Team is a tale full of adventure with excellent characters. I had to chuckle in a few places and why wouldn't I right? A light read like this that still held everything a short story should.

There aren't too many Christmas stories that have Santa held hostage! Yet you tell this story in a way that held my attention all the way through because you brought it to life. That is great story telling.

*Reindeer* Characters *Reindeer*



There are so many characters in this story and they all play a great role pulling it all together. The names give an amazing visual for me as I place each of them in their part.

Professor Frostbite being the nasty guy that he is. Has Santa held captive in the dungeons of ice! Brilliant!

Holly who blindsided the crew by placing peppermint crystal in the weapons they prepared to use in order to save Santa.

Snowflake being yet another elf who is very eager to save the day!She is a witty one with good looks to boot!

Cpl. Tinsel is the right hand man next to Sergeant Noel.

All of these characters have come to life in their own unique way. Some with a mission and some to defy the mission. All in all I enjoyed them all.

*Tools* Tools and Techniques *Tools*


A great conflict in this story! I mean Santa being kidnapped? It just couldn't happen! I truly enjoyed the way you used the conflict-crisis-resolution model in writing this. You didn't do it in a way that I had to look for it. It was clear and with great use of comedy along the way. Those little extras of using imagery and showing not telling was well used in this piece.

Sentence structure was great and as far as grammar and punctuation. I saw no errors. I was however taken by the read and didn't pay too much attention to this.

*Type* Favorite Part *Type*



“Come on, Sarge! Let me shoot ol' Doodyhead in the jingle bells!” Snowflake shouted, prepared to kick some snowman ass.


This was one of my favorite parts because it's right in the middle of the crisis. The writer brings in a great amount of comedy here which is very suiting to the whole story. If I had not read the story and just a part of it I wouldn't think so highly. It gave a great chuckle and brought Snowflake to a new level of character.


The scene was pure jubilation as the sleigh raced down the runway. Elf Team Six, surrounded by all of Christmastown cheered at the sight of Santa gaining speed as the reindeer hooves thundered through the snow. With each hoof beat, you could see the Christmas magic sparkling and swirling around the reindeer, until the entire rig was consumed in a shimmering cloud. The sleigh lifted, slightly at first, then suddenly, completely off the ground and raced out of sight, to the familiar joyous laughter, “Ho-ho-ho!”



I really enjoyed the end as the writer allows me to see the magic of Christmas. The literary language brought that sleigh right before me. With that great HO HO HO! From jolly St. Nick himself. A great ending!

*Wind* Over All Thoughts *Wind*


When we write a good story we kind of know we did good. This is a story that any age would enjoy. It was very creative with great spirit. Totally fiction with metaphors and similes and other wonderful uses of what makes a good story. Thank you so much for sharing and I am so glad I found your piece. Was a pleasure to read.

Keep Writing
~LL~






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149
149
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A wonderful way to start the year!! This news letter allowed me to see the up coming events with inspiration to push as hard if not harder as we did last year!
Congratulations to everyone on the list for praises!!
A wonderful way to connect with new reviewers with wonderful suggestions for reviewing tips. Something we all learn along the way!
I am so proud to be a member and even if I started off slow this year I am coming back!
Informative, with great links to all sorts of enthusiasm. Very well written and a great news letter that I enjoyed reading! Thank you for all your hard work on the upper deck!! Lets rock 2017!
150
150
for entry "One Wish" 
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
okay this is priceless!! Loved it! Have to give this a try but i am sure it won't be funny! lol
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