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Review of Dragon whispers  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Dragon is hiding ! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this story in your port and had to take a peek!

I love this story! Toothless is a wonderful name for a baby dragon. I think every little girl and boy have something so dear to them that their imaginations go wild! This story not only tells a great imaginative story but holds a bit of a lesson also. Maybe lesson isn't the word I should use. A bit of advice from a close toothless friend is always a pleasure!
My niece has a bear and she calls her "B", she wouldn't and still doesn't go anywhere without her.

I think there are many who could relate to this story and a good one to read for a bed time story. Could open up some conversations between babes and moms.

Great sentence structure through out with no errors. It was a smooth read and I was able to envision both mom, child and toothless. A constructive piece with a message. Characters were strong and even a bit of a conflict. One that gets a great resolve between daughter and toothless. Resolve can happen is any story and i loved this one because of it's genre.

I don't see anything that you could change. It was realistic with a bit of magic.Well done!

kind regards,
~LL~




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Review of forget.  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Rebecca ! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I am here to review this story "Forget" which I found in your port!!

It is very easy to lose track of people when life takes over. I have a few friends that I lost touch with and some I have kept close to. With all the technology we have today it's a wonder how that can still happen. Sometimes it is by choice though. There are some people I chose not to contact. Friends forever or ones that get lost in the shuffle. I try to keep a happy balance when keeping in touch.

Funny thing is, these two girls meet up right at the lights? I guess they don't live too far from each other. It's a wonder how they lost touch.

Your story is told in first person which was done well. I have a few suggestions if you chose to revise this story.

Keep an eye on the over use of the comma!! You have it all over the place and it will confuse the reader.

you wrote:

While sitting at a red light, Monday, on my way to get grocerys, I sat there thinking about a long time friend, I haven't seen in years, wondering how she was.

I suggest:

On my way to get groceries on Monday I found myself thinking about a long time friend. The light lingers on red allowing me to remember her and wonder how she was doing.

So by making these changes you have a clear visual of what the main character is doing. It sets the scene of happenings ahead. There are no commas, only sentences. This making a short paragraph for your exposition.

There are a few errors along the way through out the story. Some grammar, sentence structure, spelling. If you chose to revise this story I would love to help you along. These are only suggestions but the making of a story holds conventions that are very basic for any beginner.

Thanks for sharing
Keep Writing
kind regard,
~LL~






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178
Review of Green  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Rhychus ! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have wondered into your port to review this short story "Green"


Well I should say things are different now! I tell you that kind of stuff really happens all the time! It happened to me a long time ago when I was about ten years old. Girls that i thought wanted to be my friends asked me to meet them at the park. Well they didn't want to be friends lets just say, I went crying home and was afraid to go to school. The sad thing is when you really do like someone and they treat you this way.

I could feel the excitement that Patrick held when Nancy called out his name. Shame on her for being such a cruel person. Well kids are cruel.

This was a short story but held a lot of strength to it. The sentence structure was great which allowed a smooth read. Actions were shown that brought your characters to life.

I enjoyed the exposition due to the age of this boy and him feeling so proud of what he was wearing. This sets a perfect scene for what is to come later in the story. The narrator writes this story in first person that held well all the way through.

If you were to make the story longer I would suggest his sweet revenge on little miss Nancy!!

thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~




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179
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns ! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have wondered into your port to review this story "Farewell or Goodbye?"

You know I really didn't know the difference about the two and by reading this there doesn't seem to be one. I wonder how many people who say good bye really knows what it means. I know when my husband leaves for work there is always a kiss and "See you tonight, have a good day." We never say good bye.. for me it means there is a chance I won't see him. Farewell sounds like a very long time before I would see him so I don't really say either.
If someone visits I always say thanks for coming and see you soon. I don't like final and for me good byes are final. I guess it is a point of view for each individual but a great one.

I am glad I came across this piece because it opened a train of thought for me. The dialogue was good and without error. I was kind of hoping for a longer story for this because of it's deeper meaning. Well being a conversation that you did have I guess we can't add to that now can we. It was more of a point being made in the difference between the two.

It was a clear read and interesting to say the least. Not sure if many put too much thought when they say "Goodbye" I do and that is strange.. always have.

thanks for sharing
kind regard,
~LL~




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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi lmmortal ! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have come into your port to gander at the all the wonderful pieces you have written. I was taken by the prose due to the title and the short expert.

Prose for me is another kind of poetry and it can allow the writer to tell a story using conventions of poetry. You did this very well indeed. Though this prose is sad it really left an impression with me. It was full of wonderful conventions. Literary use was great as the writer painted a beautiful image for me. Nothing was questioned as I was there, seeing and feeling what the writer wanted to convey.

Similes, hyperbole, metaphor,assonance, alliteration all rolled up into a sweet tale. A crisis of the heart with a resolution of the soul was captured in a prose.

This was a great prose that read well and held a wonderful sweet tone all the way through. I found no errors with grammar or sentence structure. Very poetic with figurative language through out.

My favorite lines

The sun was envious of my vibrant soul and the glitter that shined in my eyes.
Seeing the earth in fifty shades of grey, it could not bear the dullness.
Taking that as an excuse, it snatched the rays from my eyes and set the stolen light upon the surface of the vast soil.

Don't get me wrong I had many favorites but this being the exposition was breath taking and had me engaged right away. It's filled with so many wonderful things. Painting a wonderful scene while using great choices of literary works, you allowed me to see the darkness, the pain and the fear.

thank you for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~



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Review of Atlas  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Lorri Cotton ! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I wondered into your port to find this poem "Atlas" I love poetry!

Sometimes life does leave us feeling as though it is on our shoulders. Sometimes we let things so heavy weigh us down. when the door knocks we should open it, but with caution and never without a light heart.

Conventions of poetry are what make our words as a poet craft together bringing magic to the page. I see many conventions in this piece and would love to share them with you.

Rhyme being the recurrence of accent of strong vowel or consonant sound
example:

I'll be a hero. Stand alone
Pray others choose to come along
This path is mine to follow now
If to my fears, I do not bow

although the first and second line is a near rhyme it still works by using the same rhythm in each line.

Alliteration

Been watching and waiting for these times to pass us

Assonance

Pray others choose to come along

Hyperbole
Love me sane or love me strange


Also is poetry there is a convention with punctuation. I see you used this in the last two lines which makes me wonder how well this poem would sound if you brought this through out the whole piece. I would like to show you an example of what i mean.

you wrote

I'll be a hero. Stand alone
Pray others choose to come along
This path is mine to follow now
If to my fears, I do not bow

I suggest
I'll be a hero-stand alone,
pray others choose to come along;
this path is mine to follow now-
if to my fears I do not bow.

By doing this the writer is creating a voice that the reader can convey in the same tone.

Also in the last stanza I would like to suggest a bit of a change for meter sake.

But NO, I won't do that, I will stand the pain
And hold up the world as it twirls once again
Alone in my destiny, fighting for you, you see?
But sometimes I wonder just who fights for me?

I suggest

But No!I won't do that, I will stand the pain
and hold up the world as it twirls again.
Alone in my destiny; fight you see?
But sometime I wonder-who fights for me?

Little changes can bring a huge effect on poetry and once we know the conventions when writing them we can create poetic perfection.

These are only suggestions and by no means do you have to change a thing. I enjoyed the poem and hope to read more.

thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~

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182
182
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Noyoki }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this story "Just a Little to the Left" as I wondered through your port today.

Oh the curious minds of little ones. Can't turn your head for a second. This little guy's curiosity certainly got the best of him and his mother. That poor woman searching for her son and yet he isn't that far away now is he.

This held a good amount of great story structure. The story line itself was great! You followed the prompt rather well as you write of Gareth and his incident with fate. I felt his desperation trying to get his mother's attention. I understood that he was on the other side but not quite a ghost. Stuck in an in between state I would say.
I wasn't surprised that the cat saw him and hissed. Animals pick up on these things they say.

As time passes Gareth is now seventeen and this is where I get confused. Why would he be changing a light bulb if he wasn't in the real world? Bringing back by electricity makes sense.

I suggest maybe leaving out some of the parts that dragged and changing up the resolve. A great twist to the story would make it that much more amazing.

Other wise you used the prompt rather well and a great imagination was put into this creative story.

thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~


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Review of Ashes to Ashes  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi Oldwarrior }! Hi there! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "Ashes to Ashes" that I found in your wonderful port!

Well this story puts a new spin on ashes to ashes now doesn't it? Yikes!
Hopefully this stays as a fiction story and nothing more. A great read with strong characters. I enjoyed the idea of family together and doing something as long as they have. My family is from the East coast and we also are in the fishing business for lobster and salmon. Well I am not there anymore but the family is still involved.

The characters are strong in this story and I couldn't imagine coming across a body that has combusted. I never have heard of this and I wonder if this is possible. Could you imagine if we as humans soak in the solar heat from the climate changes? That is just eerie.

There are many great elements to this story as the writer uses great literary senses that brought me to the scene of the body. Stories like this leave one to wonder. A scientific theory that maybe this could happen?

Great sentence structure and it read well. I was engaged all the way through and found no errors that jumped out at me.
A great read, thanks for sharing

kind regards,
~LL~





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Review of EFFECTIVE WRITING  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Oldwarrior }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this wonderful piece in your port.

It was a must read and one that so many can relate to. I once read a story that had so much potential and I loved how it captivated me but, yes there is a but. I was so mesmerized by the wording I lost touch of the whole story. Words I had to look up and some I knew but didn't fit. I would love to be able to just blurb out literary works as this but I'm glad I don't.

This is sound advice. I have a friend that is a journalist and she reads my writing and says what a talent I have. I told her ah no you are a journalist. She says, "A journalist and a writer are two different things." Now I get it as I read this piece. Simplicity isn't wrong in writing. I enjoy reading a few words that I didn't know, it helps to strengthen knowledge. But I try not to "flower" a story with letters without meaning to the reader.

This was well written in plain English that I understood as a reader and a writer. Clearly you have had some experience in both worlds. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and separating the two worlds of writing.

kind regards,
~LL~



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185
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi JACE - House Targaryen }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this poem in your great port!

I love the title and how you mirrored it.. excellent idea.

A very emotional piece you have written with so many conventions of a blank verse. Depression lingers in so many lives today and we all cope in different ways. Are we strong enough to bare someone we love suffer? Are we mindful to the actions that aren't towards us but yet we soak them in like a sponge. It can be hurtful and nobody wants to feel as though they abandoned those they love but when it starts defining who we are then maybe it's a choice with reason.

I watch as they crash to the sink, drops of my agony staining the white porcelain.

This line is filled with the use of hyperbole convention. Agony literally staining the white porcelain conveys how much hurt the poet is portraying to the reader.

I cannot shake the feeling I'm to blame for this space between us.

This line allows us to see how assonance can bring a tone to our poetry within the whole line.

Conflict is used throughout. The poet is hurting and has no way to express the pain but to bring pain. Maybe not even realizing what they are doing until after the fact. Then guilt sets in.

Enjambment is used throughout and done well with no hesitations. The use of punctuation that makes grammatical sense from line to line allows an easy read with pauses that create a tone for the reader.

With all of these conventions combined along with others you have created a very emotional piece. Figurative language is an amazing tool when we want to convey something as this piece.

thank you for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~










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Review of By the Book  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Write-fully Loti ! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I am here to review this story "By The Book" which I found in your port.

Another excellent read! This kind of reminded me of a Nancy Drew story. The way she takes over to find out the cause of her boyfriends new personification. I loved the whole idea of a book holding an evil spirit from the writer himself. Excellent imagination.

The exposition brings the reader right to the crisis while introducing the main character. The second main character being her room mate and doesn't think highly of love and romance. I really liked this line:

“Glad I’m not in love. Looks painful.”

Perfect dry humor, just the way I like it.

The rising action being when Sophia talks to the book store owner and finds out the truth about this book. It makes her more eager to find it and get it away from Allan. The crisis is quickly heated when she reaches Allan's apartment and takes the book away. Ending up in the fire to burn and leaving Allan unconscious on the floor. A great resolution brings Allan back to his old self and ending with a great pun.

This read was clear with great sentence structure. Great dialogue with imagery that allowed me to see each scene and character. I felt every emotion between Sophia and her friend and Allan. Just enough detail to create a perfect story.
Well done!

thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~



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Review of Joy of the Muse  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Write-fully Loti ! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have wondered through your port and came across this poem "Joy of the Muse" a must read as I love poetry!

What better than a poem about the muse! Well done! It is so true how it comes and it goes but using the literary wording in this piece you have allowed me to feel the essence of such a beautiful thing.

The poem capture so many conventions! All over the place.

Hyperbole

My emotions set free to careen up my spine


Simile

Cascading like a cataract


Assonance


Until he lifts himself free

Alliteration

from fragile carcass in a sigh,

There are also other conventions that really help bring this poem in a nicely wrapped up package. Punctuation, personification, enjambment. All of these things make a poem flow with a great tone. There were no hesitations as I read this and the meter was close to perfect.

Imagery was very well done along with the great use of free verse implying the muse has such power on us. And it does!
Again a lovely piece and thank you for sharing

kind regards,
~LL~





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Review of Romantic Notions  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hi two of four ! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have wondered in your port and came across this short story "Romantic Notions"

Well well... karma? I do believe that one can love the other more but not in a bad way. These two characters were fighting something that couldn't win. A love of battle never wins. Even if Brian forgave her he would at some point hate himself for not leaving her.

Dee would at some point regret her emotions that were false. This tells me that the magic mushrooms only moved along what fate had in store anyway. Falsehood of emotions when it comes to love is only hurting ourselves. I couldn't imagine knowing that my husband is with me because he doesn't have the guts to leave me. I would rather know and deal with the situation. Pretty sure we don't have any kind of those mushrooms where we live. Not looking for any either!!*Rolling*

Structure was well done as the writer tells a story of a great conflict with a crisis. The plot thickens with the trip into the cave where everything changes. The falling action leads to both parties wishing for the opposite things. This leaves a resolution that is sad but for the best as I can see it.

It was a smooth read and held strong characters. Being a short story it isn't always easy to introduce details that build our character. However I think maybe with some revising you could tighten your characters just a little. By using gestures and tone of voice. Little changes but otherwise this was a great story. Never go looking for change when you know it could kick you in the A.

thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~





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189
189
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen }! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this piece "A Gaze on their Struggling Lives" which I found in your port.

This piece is very surreal to me. It screams out about what parents do for their children and what they have to do. This is more than meeting ends meat as they say. This is going beyond capabilities to breaking bread for one's family. Most children don't understand the anguish inside a parent's heart. The struggle and hardship to overcome and ensure a quality life for their children. I believe no child understands that until they themselves grow up or have children of their own.

Portraying this mother as such a hard worker and making sacrifices for her kids and only to find them bickering over nonsense is a sad site. Written quite well as I felt the pain the mother must have felt. We take for granted what we are given even when we don't intend to.

Of course as parents we smile and we hide our worries. I think I have become quite the master at this one. I feel for these parents as they hide their pain of tired souls.

This piece was written from the heart. I can feel it and see it. A reckoning of the soul it would seem. Enlightenment is so satisfying and better yet when you can return the kindness. These parents will grow old and from I have read I am thinking the children will love them with patience as they did for them. Or I would hope so.

Thank you for the read!
kind regards,
~LL~





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Review of Battlefield  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen ! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this poem "Battlefield" which I found in your port.

A great read that was so raw. I felt the change from moonlight to gleaming search lights. You held a great visual here for me as the reader. Quite chilling.

I see that you used some rhyme scheme however some are near rhymes and if you use thesaurus you could come up with some great literary words that could really enhance this poem.

Even so there are great conventions here the way it is.
Assonance being one of them. The repetition of a similar vowel sound through out a line.

A strong conflict of course. Something that happens so much so today that it is becoming the new norm. Is that possible? Sadly yes.

Punctuation is also a convention of poetry and one that we don't pay too much attention to. If used properly it can convey emotion and allow the reader to hear the writer.
I would like to show you an example.

you wrote:

Soldiers struggled behind the strife
Crawled bravely to save a life.
Bruised, maimed, wounded, exhausted
On piteous faces, blood ceaselessly shed.

Suggestion:

Soldiers struggled behind the strife,
crawled bravely to save a life;
bruised, maimed, wounded exhausted-
on piteous faces-blood ceaselessly shed.

In doing this not only do we bring in the caesura allowing strong pauses but we also create enjambment. Another wonderful convention in poetry. When using grammatical sense we create a run-on line of poetry.

These are only suggestions and do feel as though you need to change your work.

An excellent poem with great strength.
thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~




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Review of Dark Horses  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Keaton Foster: Know My Hell! }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this intriguing piece in your port.

I love the idea of Dark Horses and you really related them to your thoughts. I believe that Dark Horses really are out there and fewer than ever before I can see how you would relate this to your own writing. Quite an emotional piece for sure.

You write how much you love to write and this is your beckon call. I think we are all afraid to run out of thoughts to write. I'm not sure what I would do if I couldn't write. To battle with neurosis is a battle in it's own. A terrible burden but one I am aware of.

I think writing is the best thing to do when constricted. It really can take you to other places. Dark Horses run free and yes you should run free with them.

I enjoyed the connection the writer makes in this piece. The read was smooth and sentence structure was great.
A few little hiccups but nothing that can't be fixed if re read again.
These Horses carry life(ideas) that are unable to be expressed is powerful for me as the reader.
A bit of personification here as the writer allows these Horses to be the demise of his writing. Are they really?

An interesting read without a doubt.
thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~







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Review of Arrival  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hi ~MM~ }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have come across this story "Arrival" which I found in your port. Steampunk!!

Okay I won't lie because I don't write steampunk but very interested in it. So when I read this story I was blown away! Such a very detailed story for flash fiction. Literary wording is amazing! Which only brought to life that much more for me. I followed the main character from aboard into the customs foyer and you have allowed me to feel the tension, see new characters, and set the scene.

I really enjoyed the names you have used throughout the story. I think I have to study steam punk now!
A great exposition with a bit of a crisis but not a whole lot of action but due to the story line how could there be. This was a full imagery of a great scene. I don't see any room for improvement here. Sentence structure was great without hesitation I read the story smoothly.

I love the idea of the future verses the past. How we have reached the point of turning back the clock so to speak. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if we reach that point. Well done!! Loved the read.

Kind regards,
~LL~



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193
193
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi maggie }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have come across this poem "The Big Grey Catastrophe" in your port.

I couldn't imagine the world without color! Yet you turned a simple gesture into something profound. It seems you were cursed with the paper mache experience. A grey world is simply dull and would seem dismal.

Conventions bring our art together and when used properly you enhance your words into a poetic piece. There are many conventions in this piece I would like to share with you.

Alliteration
The teeter-totters too!
The repetition of consonant sounds, especially at the beginning of the line throughout

Assonance
I realized, to my surprise,
the repetition of vowel sounds through out one line


Hyperbole
That Mother Nature heard!
Now we know that mother nature can't hear us but this line allows the writer to embellish her words, bringing her work to life


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The playground swings, the monkey bars,
The teeter-totters too!
They all looked rather dull to me,
a grayish sort of hue.

I enjoyed these lines as they created a great imagery of colors lost. The idea of a playground for kids without color is a great way to create a saddened emotion. The conventions in these lines are endless.

Punctuation was great and the rhyme and meter was well done. I had no hesitations as I read this piece with ease. Great imagination.




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Review of Busted!  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hi OOT™ }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this story "Busted" in your port today.

Love it! The spin on this was great. I thought for sure she was going to be arrested for murder, but then she talks about her husband and new side kick looking after her kids. So I'm thinking that can't be it. The stealing of something from a leaky tray! perfect!! *Rolling*

Sentence structure was great as well as grammar and spelling. The exposition introduces a conflict and crisis right away. The plot is there with rising conflict then a resolution that could have been much worse.

Great imagery here as I was able to imagine this character like a deer in headlights. The officer glaring at her wanting her coat for his "investigation". Everything pointed towards an angry wife getting her revenge. The little details that helped bring this story together when the main character thinks about all she was leaving undone. Her children. the other woman keeping her children. Devastated for sure. Maybe a little more devastation would be great. Bring her to tears a little and begging the cop?

No real changes need to be made but the emotional part of it. Instead of having her think about it all, maybe have a dialogue between the officer and herself.

Thanks for sharing
kind regards,
~LL~





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Review of Cancelled  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Beautiful Candy }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I wandered through your port today and found this story: "Cancelled".

The narrator gets right into it as the bride falls to her consumption of eating and realizes her day could be ruined.What a day this poor girl is having. One thing after another.

I felt a little lost here however. More detail could have had me want to know more. It was quite short with little to left for me to feel the desperation. I wonder if you had introduced the story with Bridgette trying to lose weight and failing. Maybe have her boyfriend involved in the story as well. I kind of thought of Bridgette Jones' diary and that gave me a chuckle.

Sentence structure was well written and I found no errors as far as grammar issues. An easy read but vague. Clearly there was a point to the story but I wish there were more. A resolution to the story would have wrapped this piece up nicely.

Having the mother cancel the wedding seems a bit absurd and leads me to believe that Bridgette doesn't have too much control in any areas of her life.

I hope you re visit this story and bring it to life because there is great potential where the whole story line is concerned. If you chose to do so I would love to re read it again.

kind regards
~LL~



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Review of Not that Girl  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Chihiro }! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "Not That Girl" which I found in your port.

A sad story but one we all have probably been through. Watching that "one" walk away is hurtful. Through the writer's eyes this is their pain. Something like this could be written in a prose poetry piece. Something to consider. Using conventions of story telling and poetic could wrap this up very nicely.

Literary language can be overwhelming but if you have that desire to write you will want to learn. Challenge yourself to using descriptive writing that will help your reader to connect with your pain.

As you wrote this you were more or less telling me about it. I wanted to feel it and see it for myself. This is what writing is all about.

Last night, a young woman heard a young man asked the girl from the Cafe out on his birthday, of all days

This sentence is confusing. "A young woman" being the writer?
Suggestion

Last night I heard him. The one I loved ask another girl out on his birthday. They met at the cafe and it wasn't the first I have seen them together.

Make sense? No big changes. Just be careful with your wording and past and present tense.

Otherwise this is a great little prose..




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Review by ~Lifelessons~
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Chihiro }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I wandered into your port and found this story "Remembering Christmas." I love Christmas so I had to read.


Every family goes through change and before we know it we drift apart. Sometimes with no valid reason. I understand it totally. My mother always had Christmas but now she has retired her job to my brother and sister in law. They have the bigger house. Still it isn't the same as some of us are missing and nobody can get a schedule in order. But as you I also remember my last Christmas at my mother's house. Memories like that are special so hang on to them.

This being a personal story there is no real module set in writing it. You told a story with embellishments that allowed the reader to go back in time with you. Nicely told as you held a great imagery for me as the reader.

A few little errors but nothing you can't fix if you take the time to revise this story. Over use of the comma can change the tone and confuse the reader so you might want to look at that for sure. Some typos in spelling but only a couple that you will see for yourself. An enjoyable read and if you do choose to revise this story I would love to read it again.

Thanks for Sharing,
kind regards,
~LL~


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Review by ~Lifelessons~
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Stormy Lady }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I took a peak in your port and found this story "Tears From the Sky". I reminded me of a poem I wrote so I had to read it.

Now I know why I wanted to read this story. It does relate to love, heart breaking, torment, and loss. So many emotions from the skies above to the umber of the earth. A lovely story that brought great use of personification. The idea of Mother Nature nurturing her daughter "storm" is very creative. To think that storm could even fall in love is a wonderful thought.

I wonder what she would look like if she were shown to us. I imagine her with white hair, long and ice blue eyes. Pale skin with a dusting of glitter. Fantasy type all the way!

This was an easy read without hesitation. I found the structure complete with exposition, crisis, plot, falling action and resolution. A sad resolution but everything is born to die isn't it. Even love?

Also a hidden moral to the story. Don't mess around with mother nature or her children!! All that rain due to a broken heart. Man messes with mother nature and well, she bit back, so to speak.

There is no doubt in my mind that love comes in mysterious ways and this story proved that now didn't it. You were creative while showing the reader that there are conventions to story telling that some aren't aware of. Writing fantasy allows us to use so many conventions to bring the story to life.

Well done!






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Review by ~Lifelessons~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Cat Voleur }! A very *Balloonr* Happy Birthday/WDC Anniversary *Balloony* from House Martell at "Game of Thrones" !

What a wonderful new take on a dragon. I really thought when they climbed that hill they would be taken by surprise by a creature. The were taken by surprise alright but not nearly close as to what they anticipated.

*Dragon*


Very well written with great exposition. A lovely character build for the dragon. Imagery left me with no doubt as to where this couple were spending their time.
*Dragon*



I enjoyed the twist at the end and throughout the story as people of the town described the dragon I understand now that some saw him as creature and some witnessed him in dragon form. Well done!

We do presume a dragon as a "dragon" but that is the wonderful thing about writing fantasy. We get to dream outside the box and you did this very well.

*Dragon*


Excellent structure in this story as well. A smooth read without hesitation and sentence form was great. Well spaced out without any grammar or punctuation errors. You took you time with this story i can tell. Well thought out and carefully written.

This young couple has started a new life with an adventure taking place right away. They won't ever forget this town and I wonder if they remained where they were.

*Dragon*


The resolution to the story was the best part for me. It left me believing in a whole new kind of fantasy. Inspiring read without a doubt. Thank you for sharing.

Kind Regards,
~LL~



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Review by ~Lifelessons~
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hi Chris24 }! my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I have stopped by your port to review this Fantasy story "The Renascent Apprentice"!! *Delight*

Quite the tale! I loved this story. It holds such magic on either side of the tale. From a young rider to a sorceress you have taken Avery to a new heightened life.

Avery

A young girl who is driven to win her ride on Examination Day. Her dragon Aileron would be her battle companion and is also her best friend of sorts. They connect on a level that no human has with a dragon. During battle they tend to communicate without talking and know what the other has planned for combat. Both are overwhelmed with confidence that it would them to serve the palace and defend the King.
Being out numbered by Colossal serpents they were pushed and defeated bringing Avery to her fall and leaving Aileron to her death.
Avery is stricken with pain when she awakens and finds herself in a strange place, uncertain if what happened was a dream or not.

What comes next for Avery is nothing she could prepare herself for as she finds herself with new powers, powers if she didn't understand.

Structure

A great exposition here as you introduce the scene, main character and setting. I was introduced to Avery right away and she is a strong character.
The crisis was right away leading to a rising plot and rising action without hesitation it was written very well. Falling action came to sad resolution but left the reader wanting to read on. I do hope there will be a sequel to this excellent read.

Fantasy genre is something that shouldn't be hard to write but it is. You can do anything you like with it, yet for some it is harder than writing science fiction or romance. sshh I might be one of them.

Over all a great read and so glad i stopped by to take a peak in your port. Keep writing
kind regards
~LL~



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