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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lili4
Review Requests: ON
52 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I don't care much for grammar errors, but if reading the work becomes difficult, I will point it out. I mostly pay attention to the tone, mood, and theme in every work. Like I said before, I try not to be too nit-picky while reviewing, especially for spelling or grammar. I consider myself honest, and I will mention if there is something that bothers me while reading your work! Preferable Pricing: 1000 GPs - Short Stories, Poetry, Songs, Scripts, etc... 1500 GPs - Book w/ less than 10 entries/chapters... 2000 GPs - Book w/ more than 10 entries/chapters...
I'm good at...
Thinking about main ideas, tone, mood, characterization, themes, hidden messages; I won't mind much with grammar or spelling.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Dark, Comedy, Entertainment
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, Fanfiction, Adult
Favorite Item Types
Book, short stories, poetry, songs...
Least Favorite Item Types
I will honestly review any reasonable item types.
I will not review...
Erotica, Fanfiction, partly completed work. Contest entries may vary. If not paid by the required minimum amount of GPs, then I will not review the work.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of Trophy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello! I'm here to review your work *Smile*

Initial Thoughts: I like the exposition, we understand how she is with relationships, and relationships play a constant role in this story. Also, just a highlight after reading everything, this should be 18+ due to the graphic nature in it. The constant cursing, the blood, everything, is to be considered as "adult content" and shouldn't be listed as Teen. Just a reminder.

Favorite Part: My favorite part is when she grabs her phone and tries to call for help, it's clear that she tries to call people she felt would help.

Positive Feedback: The story is decent, the conflict is well communicated. Her fear is infectious, but I enjoyed that she tries to keep a clear head. The imagery is pretty good, the descriptions helping along.

Issues: I feel the repeating part is unnecessary, and my reason is nothing changed. It would be better if there was something different, like she was dreaming the initial part and it turned out to be real, or something along those lines. There are some words that aren't spelled correctly, I remember reading "know" when it should've been "now". Proofread the story to see grammatical and spelling errors.

Overall: It is a nice story, but there are some errors with spelling.


If you have any questions or need some help, you may email me.

Keep Writing!
❤️️Lili J.❤️️


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Climbing Trees  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I'm here to review your work! *Smile*

Initial Thoughts: I thought this was neat. I like how poetic it is especially the "dine on mooncakes and drink starlight."

Positive Feedback: I like how the "green" person is very stubborn about their decision to live in a tree and how the "black" person is so very against that.

Issues: I think there should be a point where the person against "green"'s decision is getting frustrated. Imagine having a friend who believes in fairytales or whatnot and won't listen to your logic. You might get frustrated trying to get them to think realistically. You would probably get frustrated too (I wouldn't, I would find the whole interaction amusing!)

Overall: I like this! I would think of it as a piece of dialogue that's very poetic, my reasoning is that stories can also sound very poetic but are after all stories. And add some form of annoyance! It will make this piece sound more emotional and feel human!

Keep Writing!
❤️️Lili J.❤️️


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Eventually  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello! I'm here to review your work! *Smile*

Initial Thoughts: This is definitely relatable on many levels. Everyone says it gets better with time!

Positive Feedback: Well it's very relatable and so simple that it's nearly perfect. It's also short, so the message/theme is able to travel quicker.

Issues: None that I can see. Of course, I'm only human, so righteously so. No extreme grammar or spelling issues.

Overall: I really felt this poem. There's this feeling of not knowing whether to trust their words or not and sometimes you feel like they're just lying to you. But time doesn't necessarily fix all the bad things, switch the sadness into happiness. You have to make that decision yourself, but you are a person with a heart so obviously, you have the right to feel.

Keep Writing!

❤️️Lili J.❤️️


~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! I'm here to review your work *Smile*

Initial Thoughts: I'm to rush this because I'm in the middle of class! Whoops!

Favorite Part: When he realizes that he's A) in a story's end, or B) dead.

Positive Feedback: I like the description, a decent representation of feeling trapped and seeking freedom.

Issues: There are some issues.

For example: "the boy saw a page written in his name." what does this mean? This doesn't make any sense when reading the next line. Remember that as a writer you are to share your thoughts on paper in a way that makes sense to the reader. There are ways of adding strange ideas into your story, but this is not an excuse for that.

"'When could I have known

I wrote a poem

Where can I sit

I had hoped.'"

Proper punctuation would also help this part flow well. You can add a "--" if you need it to sound sudden, or commas to make it seem like a few things.

If you were to read this, how would it sound? "I wrote a poem where can I sit I had hoped." It's super annoying to read this.

And what does the leaf have to do with anything? Leaves are, yes, a symbol of life, but to explain as that he had no life around him is not making sense.

Overall: This was very difficult to read at parts, but I did enjoy the theme. Please work on making this easier to read by fixing some grammar, and some of the details mentioned before.

I normally don't review by talking about grammar unless it has hindered my ability to understand and read. Please fix this so others may be able to read this without problems!

Keep Writing!
❤️️Lili J.❤️️


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Bedtime  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello! I'm here to review your work *Smile*

Initial Thoughts: I remember this story! I forgot to review it the first time I read it! It was very well written and the plot really is attention-grabbing.

Favorite Part:

“You look fine,” Gina rolled her eyes, “Let’s go. I want coffee. 76% of my exhaustion come from forgetting my coffee this morning.”

It's the secret behind living a good life. Coffee.

Positive Feedback: I really liked this story! It flows very well, there aren't too many info dumps, and the fantasy theme is weird. The fantasy part is literally like a mashup of different folklore and legends and other fictional stories as well as your own imagination! It's amazing! I also enjoyed reading about shadows and the Realms.

You should (once you've finished this story) create an index that explains in detail about every Realm that you've created. It will also help you make another story from the same universe if that makes any sense.

Issues: None at all, but of course, I am flawed and may have missed a couple of minor problems.

Overall: Great storytelling! I'm still waiting for part 4! *Smirk2*

Keep Writing!
Lili *Heart*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of A Fall Day  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello! I'm here to review your work!

Initial Thoughts: Exactly the perfect fall day! It's my favorite season! *Smile*

Favorite Part:

As I climb the path to the top of the hill, I pause to look down at the scene below me. Reflections of bright orange, deep crimson red and sunny yellow make the calmly flowing river blaze with colour.


I always do this too!

Positive Feedback: I love how descriptive this story is. It's like I'm sitting next to the narrator.

Issues: None at all.

Overall: I love this, it was well written. I'm glad that fall is right around the corner!

Keep Writing!
Lili *Heart*


~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of The Noise  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I'm here to review your work *Smile*

Initial Thoughts: I just love this. It's like watching the horror-themed episode of your favorite comedy show!

Favorite Part/Positive Feedback: All of it! It's all dialogue but I can picture each suggestion from the other guy (the one constantly interrupting.)

Issues: None at all!

Overall: I have a feeling that you will win the contest you've decided to participate in!

Good luck with the contest!
Lili *Heart*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of The Dream  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I'm here to review your work *Smile*

Initial Thoughts: This is a very sad story. The family is obviously waiting for news about their MIA/KIA son.

Favorite Part: My favorite part was the scene where the perspectives change from the son experiencing the torture and the mother having the nightmare. It's very clever!

Positive Feedback: This is very touching and emotional. How we're able to see the world from two different perspectives, both of them chronologically making sense. It also makes us wonder how long the family had to suffer, knowing their son may have been dead or have been going through hell for a long time.

Issues: There are only errors that are easily overlooked. This won't count. Just make sure all dialogue has quotations FRONT and BACK!

Overall: This is great, it is heartbreaking especially knowing that the mother had to witness the scene in her dream and knew in her heart that her son was dead. Truly is a mother's nightmare (as far as I know!)

5/5

Keep Writing!
Lili *Heart*


~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of I wonder...  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to Writing.Com! I'm here to review your work! *Smile*

Initial Thoughts: While reading this I picture the scenery to be a wealthy British estate, from possibly the 18th century. Servants rushing into rooms, trying to finish preparing for the dinner party. To be quite honest, I love this sort of setting.

Favorite Part:

‘How odd! I do hope the shawl is found soon. You don’t suppose there is anything the matter with Topsy? She’s been behaving strangely of late and has grown oddly plump.’

‘It will be the cream that the dairymaid gives her most likely, Ma‘am. She’s such a muddle-headed girl. I’ve told here time and again not to feed Topsy. She just can’t resist giving the dog a bowlful of cream when she comes fawning with that handsome feathery tail of hers wagging faster than you can whisk eggs.’


It's funny because I actually guessed that the dog was having puppies just because my mother had told me about working at a pet shop and having a manual that talked about these sorts of things. She gave me the manual and I read about this. I do find the situation a bit silly, so props with that!

Positive Feedback: I love that the problem starts out with a missing shawl, then the reading focuses on a girl who is curious quite often and the problem about Topsy. That's a very nice way to get the reader to think about all of these and maybe even try to put the pieces together. It's also nice that in conversation, you've managed to hint that the dog may have been pregnant because mothers before birth tend to feel the need the shy away and get lazy. I don't blame them, after all, they are giving birth to about four puppies.

Issues: Slight overlook of spelling errors. Also a bit hard to read. Make sure in future works to space out each paragraph so it can be easier on the eyes.

Overall: Just a question. If the Topsy hid to give birth, how did the puppies find the shawl? Maybe I'm overthinking this one bit, but it does seem interesting. I hope none of them got lost! Nice story!

Keep Writing!
Lili *Heart*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Sad Sad Beings  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

Initial Thoughts: The writing is very deep and honest, and I agree with your opinion when it comes to God putting us in a box full of junk. As a race, we are fools, and I think a lot (not enough, though) of people understand this.

Favorite Part:

Ignorance and filtered misinformation take up the sum of our airwaves to be greedily accepted by the simple minded, the one's who have the clouded view of what's in front of them.


Quite often do we believe what others say, even if there is barely any proof of such claims or suggestions. This can be directed to religion, the media in general, conspiracies, etc.

Positive Feedback: This is so true, considering the only way all of us to know what's going on, especially since the epidemic and quarantine has been through the news, which is often biased and/or vague. I love the usage of similes and metaphors; to the ignorant reader, this will help send the message across. My favorite one is "The 'system' that's been set in place for us to follow seems as if the only thing we received was a puzzle with stolen pieces, taken to be hidden from us with malicious intent."

Issues: This is a bit confusing to read, mainly because of the way everything is compacted together. If you want readers to be able to read your work with ease to the eyes; make sure to leave a line between paragraphs, and indenting is unnecessary.

Overall: We are greedy and ignorant beings. If there truly is a God, he is laughing at us as he watches his favorite television show; Human News Networks. This was incredibly nice to read, just a bit difficult to do so.

Sorry for not sending a review sooner, I've been busy.

Keep Writing!
Lili *Heart*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello!

Initial Thoughts: This is so unusual! There's clearly a whole story behind this story! In fact, there could be a whole galaxy behind this! Very interesting.

Favorite Part:

Because I am going to find a way out. I am denied Shetzun University, but there are other schools, other planets. I will find a University that accepts me, and then . . . I will be free.


I like this part because it feels like a cliffhanger! There is a story behind this, possibly one of slave indenture and the hope of leaving this suffering behind.

Positive Feedback: The plot is well planned; the narrator is afraid of failing the test. But there's a good reason for it, they're trying to escape their servitude. It's a very complex twist, and like I've said before would be nice to make a sequel or pre-sequel to suffice.

Issues: Nothing that I can see! Of course, there may be minor mistakes that I can't notice.

Overall: Amazing writing, great character creation (and race creation as well), and I really enjoyed it!

Keep Writing!
Lili *Heart*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! I won't be using my normal reviewing format because this is a quiz. Let's get started.

Even though I'm not religious (well, I don't have one), I enjoyed this quiz a bit. Of course, I've heard some things about the bible, so some of this seems a bit shocking. I think it's a nice quiz that will test believers in their history! *Smile*

Lili *Heart*

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13
13
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

Initial Thoughts: Nice story! I can tell that this is a tale from a different society than what we are used to, though it could be a certain religion.

Favorite Part:

"Don't kill each other over me," he pleaded. "Neither of you can have me because I am an angel and must return to Heaven. I had been sent to Earth for a short time, and now my time is up." He went up to The Apparition, partially lifted the hood, and kissed her. It was the only time in her adult life she had been kissed. He then smooched Greta one last time before fading away.


Positive Feedback: The whole general gist of the story is interesting. I think many can feel the envy of the Apparition as well as the guilt in Greta. That is wonderfully established. I think it was a nice touch where Nathaniel was really an angel, making the whole issue worthless considering he was going to leave anyway. Imagine being an angel and the people you're with are fighting over your love? It sounds crazy!

Issues: The overall writing is a bit bland. There's barely much description and some of the story leave out important details that make scenes interesting, such as what was the Apparition doing in the duel? Some more writing will make the scene more interesting, and will probably make hearts throb more.

Overall: The story was nice, the ending was also a great touch. Just put a little more work in to make it a fantastic tale!

Keep Writing!
Lili *Heart*
A text sig for either your reviews or emails


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello!

Initial Thoughts: This was a nice story! I loved reading Sherlock stories, so reading this made me feel great. There are just a few things I will like to mention about your story.

Favorite Part:

He knew his friend’s darkest fear was the fear of death. He couldn’t blame him. Death was possibly the scariest thing out there. Knowing this, he tested the air, and knew a light, short wind would soon come, floating the lightweight figure up, but only for a while. He had to use every last second of the few minutes. He thought to himself. A flashlight and a knife.


Positive Feedback: The story was good, there was definitely some effort put to make the situation to Sherlock become logical. You might enjoy reading some of the books and stories where Sherlock investigates supposedly haunted houses and towns, it might give you some idea of Sherlock's thoughts upon this matter.

Issues: One of the major issues in this story is the language itself. Sherlock and Watson are from Britain, so their speech should follow the rules from over there. For example, a flashlight should really be a torch. Also, some people speculate that Sherlock is either autistic or a sociopath due to his unempathetic behavior. You should use this information to your benefit when you write a story with "borrowed" characters. Knowing the characters better will give you some idea on how to progress the story, and make it interesting.

Overall: It was nice, and I would like to read another story where I can see Watson's participation in the investigation as well! Some more dialogue between the two of them (you know... because they argue all the time!) would be a nice touch as well!

Keep Writing!
Lili *Heart*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Woods at night  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Initial Thought: It was very descriptive, helping the story move along!

Positive Feedback: The thoughts of the main character are well placed, in my mind. I enjoy reading about this character, they don't know what is going on other than to survive. It's great, the ending is a bit of a cliffhanger and confuses (downright on purpose, surely) the reader!

Issues: There are some spelling corrections to be made, nothing too serious.

Overall: A great story! Just needs a bit of revision for any errors!

Lili *Heart*
16
16
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welp, I'm just gonna say nice blog, Mia! Definitely going to come back when more entries are posted!

Lili *Heart*
17
17
Review of Thankful  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I felt like crying, this is very true and honest. Reading this, I understand that mothers are always close to our hearts, that they help us through life even when they're not here. I think this is an important message because not many people think about how much their family - or mothers specifically - have supported and contributed to the person they are today. While reading I had a tune set up, but I would like to hear this as a song!

Lili *Heart*
18
18
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is awesome! I mean, the fact that someone has a mystical rock "telling" them the weather is so strange, I honestly thought you were going to discuss the most efficient radar to date or something! About a year or two ago I had a conversation with my father about the weather accuracy, and I'm embarrassed to say that I'm quite naive in that particular area. I thought the more cameras and other equipment set up, the easier it would be to predict the weather. Of course, I was wrong.

This was great, and I actually laughed a bit at the end!

Lili *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Eyes of Mist  
for entry "3 - Departure
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm in love with this story! It's like reading one of the books I used to read when I was younger. The perspective, especially the writer's thoughts while writing this, is a nice touch. Seriously, I'm captivated by the plot, and the characters seem very realistic to the situations. I'm gonna continue reading!

Lili *Heart*
20
20
Review of The Grendales  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ooh, this one gave me some chills. The twist was nicely placed, not too abrupt, not too obvious. If I was Naina, I would be just as afraid. Maybe ghosts are real after all. Anyway, I wonder if Hayley knew them before their deaths, then that may explain why she "interacts" with them. Nice job, keep up the good work!

Lili *Heart*
21
21
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is nice! It's like I'm in the mind of a cat, though it could use some more descriptions. It's silly, and I like it! Reading this reminds me of my grandmother's cats, which at night walk everywhere and look out at every window. Great job, I think that's all I have left to say! *Smile*

Lili *Heart*
22
22
Review of The Patron  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This story makes me wonder if Ingrid is working for an evil entity. I can tell that she's possibly in her teens. There's so much I want to ask, like, why does the moon call her specifically? Is there some sort of witchcraft or something going on? It's interesting, and I sort of want to know more about what she's doing. And who's the patron? It seems like there's more than one, considering she knew some sort of myth that talks about a curse. This is great, just needs a bit more explanation.

Lili *Heart*
23
23
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love this series of chapters! Well put together, greatly described scenes and plot. I also love how the characters have details about their personality and background. I honestly kept reading through each chapter, now I truly wish there was more!
I guess the only problem here is the lack of understanding of the "lore" of these vampires. I mean, we get to read about slayers, and Kyle worries a bit about them, but we don't see any real element about them. We don't see any action about them. There is also how some of the reactions the characters give seems unrealistic.
Other than these issues, this was fun to read, and hopefully, there will be more to enjoy in the future!

- Lili J. *Heart*
24
24
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is great! The rising of how horrible Nancy's day could get, then how she finds someone to help her have it better. How everything was set up by the psychic, the pieces of the puzzle making sense. So we put together, and honestly the twist ending was so good!
25
25
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I loved this story! I felt so sad reading the end, how his regret of killing someone "tore" himself apart. He shot himself because he couldn with the regret, that he ended someone's life. Very well written, definitely pulled the reader in all the way through.
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