Wow, this is simply a beautiful poem. I love everything about it. The imagery and emotions it conjures are just lovely. The very first line is so sublime, "The gray sunlight."
The scene you depict here in my mind is just short of magical. I have experienced waking to a morning such as you describe here and it is an experience you never forget. You have really touched a nerve with me. Consider me blown away. Bravo!
b-item:1801607}
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1780545 by Not Available.
This is another poem of yours I really like. You have a knack for picking pieces that resonate with me. I really love the concept behind this one. I have felt this way about a loved one who has passed, though I get the impression the narrator of the poem is the spirit not the survivor it really can be taken either way.
My favorite part of the poem is the line:
Time seems to stand still (if it ever existed at all?)
I have always had issues with the concept of time so that line really speaks to me as well.
Again, just a really great poem. I enjoyed it very much. It makes me think of my mother who has passed. I love it. Thank you for that.
b-item:1801607}
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1780545 by Not Available.
I like this poem very much. It is one of those type of poems that I like even though I don't understand it all. The message might be a bit abstract but the imagery and sentiment are coming through loud and clear.
This is such a visual poem, I just love it. The vivid mental pictures this piece conjures just exudes loneliness and withered husks of memories. It is really amazing how cornfields are associated with war and ghosts. This is really a brilliant. Bravo.
b-item:1801607}
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1780545 by Not Available.
Wow, what a beautifully lyrical poem. This poem just exudes sadness and regret from every line. There is no doubt about the anguish the narrator feels at the loss of this love.
I love the eloquent language and haunting metaphors you use throughout this piece. It really is quite lovely. I think everyone can picture and relate to the beauty of moonlight glistening on rain soaked pavement. That is such a powerful and moving line. Well done.
Overall, this is an amazingly poignant poem of lost love and regret for things that might have been. It is so full of sorrow and longing that it breaks the reader's heart. Bravo.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
I love the concept of this poem. It had me laughing so hard I almost choked to death. It never occurred to me how much zombies would benefit from an union with vampires. That is brilliant. I wonder how long it will be before we start seeing movies to that effect.
Anyway, I loved the poem. I thought it was incredibly entertaining and clever. Good luck in the zombie poetry contest. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. This was a riot.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
I really like this kind of "in your face" poem written from the point of view of an athlete on the losing side.
I love the way you've written short-to the point- lines... kind of a "staccato" barrage. It's clear concise and easy to read. The emotions and feelings come through loud and clear.
I think it shows the emotional devastation that losing has wrought on this individual then to add insult to injury someone shoves a mic in the poor man's face and he must portray the "gracious loser" persona. How awful must that be. You make a hell of point with that action. Well done.
Some of my favorite lines:
It stabs into my chest the lack of black and yellow left in the crowd.
And then there it is like a bullet heading straight for my face.
A microphone.
It passed through my ears like liquid poison streaming down my throat.
These are all such poignant and powerful metaphors and usage. I can feel the intensity of emotions running through this man's mind. Way to put the reader in his shoes.
Overall, I think this is an outstanding poem. I enjoyed it very much. I see you have entered it in the A Poem a Day contest, good luck with that. I hope you win. In any case, I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
What a great story. I can see why you had difficulty cutting this piece to make the word count. I would hate to leave out any of this rich colorful characterization or atmosphere. And just knowing that you cut 1k words makes me want to read them.
The way you set the scene with the marriage in trouble is just marvelous. The dialogue between the husband and wife is convincing and believable. They react to each other very naturally. This is a really accurate depiction. Well done.
One thing I would like to mention that I thought was cool about the troubles our couple is experiencing is Kyle's weight gain. I really liked that you made it the guy that let himself go or is struggling with his body image and that the wife is put off by it. It is good to remind everyone that men and women both suffer the same problems.
I'm not sure where you cut your words but I know one area that I would have liked to have read more about is the dance itself. You mention a few times other people's Victorian style dress but you don't spend much time describing the ballroom or dance floor. Once you no longer have to worry about word count I would love more details in this area.
You mention at one point that Kyle and Mallory had danced together about an hour before he bumped into someone. I can't help but wonder how they never noticed the other patron's injuries before that. Perhaps, you could explain how they only had eyes for each other or maybe describe how they were talking to each other as they danced.
One other thing I could use just a bit of clarification on is when Mallory and Kyle both dance away with other dancers. When Kyle first realizes what they are he is obviously alarmed but then he takes another one's hand and dances away. I would like a little explanation here maybe something about him falling under the spell of the dance or his partner.
I love the single paragraph ending. That last paragraph really drives the magnitude the night's events home and sums it all up so neatly. Well done.
Overall, I really enjoyed this story. The characters are deep and interesting. The atmosphere is natural with an air of mystery, very believable. The plot is compelling. I am glad you entered the Daily Slice and good luck with the contest. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
Wow, this is poignant. This reminds me of the great melodramatic tragic love poems of Poe and Shelley. It speaks of unrequited love from the grave. It is very beautiful and even more haunting. It speaks of love and longing that will never be satisfied. It sends shivers down my spine and an arrow to my heart. Bravo.
This poem has a lovely lyrical and melodic flow to it. The language is eloquent and beautiful and the pacing and structure are graceful and haunting. I don't really see the darkness in the Dark Vows however. What is dark about an eternal love? I mean I definitely see how this has a Gothic style to it but in my mind it is simply beautiful not dark or melancholy.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
What an excellent story. Your skill with poetry is amazing. I was completely enthralled with the dark suspense of this tale. It is truly unsettling and fascinating. It is a beautifully written dark tale with an absolutely terrifying conclusion. I am awestruck. Bravo.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
I love this style of poem. I am fascinated by words that form shapes and these poems that create word lanterns are amazing.
The subject of this poem is truly mesmerizing as well. Seldom, can an artist compete with a spider's web covered with dew glistening in the sun. Mother Nature is the greatest artist of us all. We can only hope to imitate her beauty to a sufficient degree.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
One of the most fascinating things about poetry in my opinion is how open it is to interpretation. A poem can have different meanings to everyone. This poem in combination with this picture tells a tragic story, in my mind at least.
This glove along with the words of the poem symbolize the death of child. I see a little girl lost, perhaps taken by an evil man or perhaps the victim of an accident but some how taken from this world. Leaving behind only her glove and bittersweet memories in her wake. Of course being a horror writer I tend to head to dark places in my mind.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
This is a haunting and ethereal poem. It speaks of hunger and freedom and the magic of the night. It tells of the spirit of things wild and how Mother moon watches over her children. It is mysterious and beautiful, not meant for the eyes of men. Bravo.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
This is an incredibly moving and heart wrenching poem about love lost and relationship past. I feel for the narrator of this piece. I can feel his pain and confusion. How do you find the will to go on when your whole world has crumbled? How do you care when your heart has been ripped apart? This poem is so raw and bleeding it rushes straight past sadness straight into despair. It exudes sorrow. Well done.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
This poem has such a sensual and serpentine feel to it. It reminds me of an H.R. Giger painting. The writhing, slithering pit of aliens and amalgamations of flesh but in this case shadows on stone. It is very visual and primitive like a tribal dance around a fire. Bravo.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
This poem tells such a lovely story. I am amazed at what a rich and complete tale you can tell with just three little lines. Not to mention the fact that the depth of emotion present in this poem intense and heart warming. I think every parent, in fact anyone who has ever received a gift from a child can relate to the beauty of this story. That is a lot of substance for such a short poem. Well done.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
I am glad to see that you can write bright and happy poems that are as lovely as your dark and brooding poems. This is really very beautiful.
I think this poem captures the spirit of the child when they are young and new to the world. This is the time when everything is wonderful and each new day is a chance to play and explore and share. Before they know anything of darkness or horror. Great poem.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
What an awesome poem. I have to say never has a poem about rain made me feel so brooding and hopeless. This poem has a powerful effect. The repeated lines especially simulate the falling/running rain. The dirge-like sound, The dirge-like sound, I love it. This is just a really well written piece that leaves the reader feeling as dark and gloomy as the rain to which it speaks. Outstanding job.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
What a beautiful poem. I'm starting to sound like a broken record but it seems you are incapable of writing a poem I don't find amazing.
I love the serene and tranquil feel of this piece. You capture the essence of the flow of nature so well. It is harmonious it is gentle like a summer breeze. This poem speaks of life, love and nurturing. It is so spiritual and uplifting. Bravo!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
Another great poem, I am such a fan. I love how you so accurately explain the horror writer's need to get their demons out of the mind and on to paper. As always your use of language is so lovely and precise. This hauntingly beautiful poem is a tribute to dark writers everywhere. Well done.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
Wow, what a thought provoking poem. I absolutely love the concept of this piece. The idea that since mankind came from the sea that we left the knowledge of and answers to the secrets of life behind is so brilliant.
I can't help but notice the similarities between this theory and the biblical account of Adam and Eve fleeing the Garden of Eden. If this story is a metaphorical version of our evolutionary rise from the muck perhaps the promise of heavenly paradise represents mankind's return to the sea. It's something to think about. Awesome poem!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
I know this is a Japanese form poem but despite that it has a Native American sound to me. I think it is the first line giving me that impression. I like this poem very much. I have always felt an affinity with the moon and I speak to her nightly. This is a fitting tribute to her magnificence.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
This poem speaks to me. I live in constant physical pain due to severe arthritis and the older I get the worse it becomes, so everything about this poem resonates.
I must say, I have never thought of pain in such melodic or poetic terms before. This is really lovely but emphatically true. I like it very much. Bravo.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
Here is another beautiful little poem. I've only read two and I can already tell I am a fan. This poem poses such a profound and powerful question most eloquently. I would really like to see a second verse or perhaps a new poem even that replies with the answer. Still, great poem. I enjoyed it very much. Well done.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
What an incredibly creepy poem. I love the concept behind it. It never occurred to me there are so many kinds of darkness. The last form of darkness that comes from blindness is absolutely terrifying, alone in the darkness. It just sends chills down my spine. Excellent job of putting the reader in the situation. Bravo.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1801607 by Not Available.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.49 seconds at 7:28am on Apr 19, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
