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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lilliyloidd
Review Requests: OFF
45 Public Reviews Given
Favorite Genres
Psychological, Dark, Odd/Weird/Unusual
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there Gupta,

This is a very nice poem with a very good message and an amiable character.
I'm already fond of this voice.

"My friend, the old may be old in body,
But stout remains their mental rhapsody."
This is a strong ending. Solid. I like it quite a bit.

Keep on writing,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Trash or Treasure  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello again Krista,

Short and very much to the point.
A strong political statement in only a few lines.
Rhyme 'aaaa' adds to the satirical effect.

I like it, on point and funny.
The image alone is a laugh, gave me a lil giggle.

Keep on writing,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Autumn Ease  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Don,

A very cute poem indeed.

Steady abcc rhyme, 4 line stanzas, consistent throughout.

The imagery is clear and vivid, incorporating multiple senses.
Well captured.

Suggestions:
line 2: consider switching "initial" to "initiate" or a synonym.

Keep on writing,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of His Chair  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Travellinda,

This is a touching poem. It clearly portrays the difficulty of letting go.
It achieves its goal of emotional entrapment of the reader well.

Keep on writing,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Ooey Gooey  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Hello there Chibithulu!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
A nice, short, dark piece. It has a classic feel to it, I could see the film noise as I was reading it.

*Penw* Structure:
Clear-cut paragraphs. Clean.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"Scrape, scrape, scrape." I love the repetitiveness of this, a very nice touch.

*Penw* Suggestions:
I would incorporate a bit more metaphor and synonyms for some of the repetitive wording. But that's just me. *Laugh*


Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Cleatus  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Bubblegum Jones,

This was a very cute little story. R.I.P. Cleatus. *Pumpkin2*

Cheers,
Lill


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of The Attic  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello there spidey,

I would add the genre of "Tragedy" to this. It's well written, clean, no problems I came across. The imagery was vivid, the emotions much more. I felt my heart go out to this girl by the end of the story. This means you've captured your reader, great job.

Regards,
Lilliy



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there, Parker!

Short and sweet. I love how it could be interpreted as both a supernatural occurrence and just a child's overactive imagination. Very vivid imagery and strong character. It pulls you in immediately.

I liked it. Thank you for sharing.

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
#$%^#&$& YEESSSSSS

10
10
Review of Mother's Reward  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there, normajean!

This was an adorable short! I love your description of the sunset: it hit the sea and slid below. It creates a nice surreal image. Not unlike the real sunset oversea.

The little convo between the turtles was simply so cute. Considering their long lifespan and wisdom, I found it wonderful that they still spoke like children.

I loved this small little read. It definitely made me smile. Thank you for sharing.

Write on,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of True Friends  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there, Raven!

I love this poem! The structure itself is quite flattering to the eye and the meaning it carries is so significant and full of emotion.

This is one heck of an entrance you're making: Welcome to WdC!

Write on!
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there CrisMiss!

This is an adorable little poem you've got here!
I love the imagery and metaphors, you build a pretty picture quite well.
And then it transitions to a girl protagonist right in the middle and we get a little story in there too!
Quite cute, I have to say it made me smile.
I see no technical issues and it's brightened my day, so I say: a great job done here!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of English  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello there!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
Encouraging. Makes you want to step out and explore. Strong poem.

*Penw* Structure:
One stanza.
Steady rhythm.
Steady [abab] rhyme throughout.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
I love all of it.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Nothing.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of First King Corwyn  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hello there!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
A lot of info packed together. It intrigues the reader to seek out the story. Good job.

*Penw* Structure:
This is to be on the back cover of a novel.
A short description of the protagonist of a novel.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"He would bring justice where it had been obliterated."

"First King Corwyn is about to meet Griffin King Jonathan and he's about to get the adventure he's craved his entire life..." Nice hook.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Corwyn is a young man whose life started out ordinary (by Entirity standards).

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Legacy  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello there!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
Beautiful metaphors. Wonderfully portrayed and eliciting a strong empathy from the reader. The imagery was clear in my mind, a fitting atmosphere to the theme.

*Penw* Structure:
Poem.
One stanza.
Rhyme: a-b-c-b-c-d-c-d-a-e-e

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"Death’s poetry contains no reason or rhyme.
Our legacy is words lost along our path
inscribed on our love as a last epitaph."

That is absolutely beautiful.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Write more. *Laugh*

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Faint  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Hello there, def. NOT Suki!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
I love it! It flows nice, at the right moments it intensifies. The feelings and imagery come across clear, it drew me in quite near.

*Penw* Structure:
Varying. I loved your break by centering that short stanza.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"It lasted forever, ending only too soon."

"You whimpered,
I shed a tear.
You see me,
I was always here."

"If I could see what was once our future,
I would do so, for us to nurture."

"Rainbow to monochrome, disappearing with snake-like hissing—
Shattered and scattered until we fade away."


*Penw* Suggestions:
I got nothing, I loved it.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
for entry "Sunset Daring
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Hello there!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
Passionate. That was darn heavily passionate, it was a pleasure to read.

*Penw* Structure:
Freeverse, I liked the rhythm.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"With sunset daring my blue eyes
I don’t blink
View you solid"

"Spin together in this dying shine"

" sway
To our heart's unifying rhythm."


*Penw* Suggestions:
Maybe a comma after "sway"?

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Live Geology  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello again, Beholden!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
Wow. This was darn beautiful. It was a wonderful montage of imagery, a seamless movement through the lines. Simply well done.

*Penw* Structure:
Freeverse, nice rhythm, whimslical rhyme scattered.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"folded and fractured, tilted and abraded, the geological
record of our ages,"

"Can this be true recall, a record of so long ago,
or is it merely reconstruction from the shreds of a family tale?"

"these footprints in the hardened mud
are whispers from the dawn of understanding,"

"Visions crowd in upon us as the ticking clock gains pace;"

"The snapshot stream becomes a flood, real events and photographs,
remembered scenes and dreams envisaged, kaleidoscope
of colour refracted in a million shards,"

"cathedrals sailing through clouded heavens"

"the compresséd past
surfacing now and merging with the present."

The full last stanza.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Absolutely nothing, I loved it.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello Beholden.

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
I loved your take on immortality and death in this piece. The way it is written carries much to the table to ponder on love and life. It is much deeper than a simple love story.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"until the sun touched the topmost trees"
"He paused and the lovers, the watcher, and even the forest breathed not while they waited."
Girth's speech about Death. A beautiful take on it.
The ending.

*Penw* Suggestions:
"raven her hair shot through with umber threads" - her raven hair
"He paused and the lovers, the watcher,[comma] and even the forest breathed not while they waited."

*Penw* Overall:
I loved reading this piece and I'm very glad you pointed it out to me. Carry on my friend, you have a beautiful pen.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Shrine Maiden  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
I love the language you used to portray imagery. Quite Beautiful.
"The crackled pavement gleamed like stars on a lone seashell," = hooked.

*Penw* Structure:
Intro line and a single paragraph.
Clean.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Trees surpassed us in height, and the supplied supplying me with momentary relief from the blistering sky.

Maybe not centered alignment?

"Today way too important" - maybe a new line for more impact.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Harvey  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
I laughed hard! I hope I got it right. Harvey is a motorcycle, correct? I hope so.

*Penw* Structure:
Clean.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Maybe move "Well, that's when I met Harvey." to a new line for more impact?

Write on and prosper!


Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
This was sweet. The character feels realistic and relatable. The story moved smoothly and I'm very glad you pointed it out to me, I enjoyed it quite a bit.

*Penw* Favorite:

"No one ever sees me when Scott's around. Girl's eyes gravitate toward him in a crowd."

"I don't know what I was lucky enough to have said, but whatever it was, it resulted in the first best night of my life."

*Penw* Suggestions:
"She bent into the floor next to me." - this rang unclear to me

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Who Are They?  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
Relatable for every writer on here, I believe. Yours truly included. It's short but carries the message and emotions across well. I like it.

*Penw* Structure:
Short and Sweet. Nice rhythm.

*Penw* Suggestions:
One typo: "Wo Are they" Who
Maybe consider incorporating some more punctuation?
Ex:
Teasing me, beckoning me,[comma]
Frustrating me. [period]

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw*Impression:
I love the twist. Such a short piece, yet overflowing with so much emotion. It pulled on my heartstrings. Well done.

*Penw*Structure:
Clean. Beautiful imagery. Beautiful ending.

*Penw*Suggestions:
I've got nothing.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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