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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lillygrillzit
Review Requests: OFF
369 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Passionate, and hungry reader. I try to feel the vibes of the writer, and review accordingly. A. We are all in this together. B. Encouragement, and Empathy followed here. C. I am not a perfect writer or grammarian D. Language works when it works. Communication on some level occurs.
I'm good at...
Cooking, ironing, gardening, digging for fossils, budgeting, photography, writing, reviewing drawing, painting, landscaping, erosion control, research. Spotting patterns, rhythms and minute differences within patterns. Data entry. Taxes. Environmental. Public Service, Problem Solving, Building Databases, Data Entry, finding Free Resources (legally), Brand Building, Social Media The price of my reviews is due to a high demand for reviews. I cannot help but give an in-depth review. Peace.
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Juvenile, Childrens, Y/A, Folklore, Story Telling, Native Spiritual, Genealogy, Golden Oldies Sci-Fi,
Least Favorite Genres
Outdated Non-Fiction
Favorite Item Types
Too many to name. I like original content that is "stranger than fiction" from the author's character's experiences. I love when stories pour from the imagination of the writer - and I feel it. Or learn something good.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry, because I am really a dive-bar, bathroom poet, and it is too structured.
I will not review...
I do not mean this ugly, please take this from a place of kindness and love - I read a lot. I have been reading a long time. I speed read. If asked to review an item that seems familiar to things read, I will check for plagiarism, and do. I will not review hard porn, poems (unless more prose than poem), nor plagiarized items. I will not call you out. If I turn your review down, it is not about you. It is me and life. Peace.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Forget Tiptoes  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Dragon2* *DragonflyV*
January 2016 Power Review Raid
*DragonflyV* *Dragon2*


*Cat2* Why did I choose "Forget Tiptoes?

In a team effort to support the WDC January 2016 Power Reviewers Raid, I searched WDC for recent Teen/Young Adult stories. I found "Forget Tiptoes" by A for Alias who is a newbie, and liked the unique story right away.

*Cat2* Description(s):

*TV* "The piece of cardboard holding it open...", "Light spilled from the half-open kitchen door partly open door."

*TV* "A mrrooww...interrupted her musings.", "gray long-hair tabby"

*TV* "Each tiny speck of metal along the way gleamed silver in her mind's eye."

*Tv* "...broken by the sound of a robotic Tyrannosaurs Rex thrown through a building..."

All of the above snippets are good descriptions for painting a picture with words. I love the term 'shark-vision." Another phrase that stood out is, "...Shelby could hardly keep from crowing." I can imagine the feeling of euphoria she got by successfully using her powers to create a diversion.

*Cat2* Readability

*Reading* "Forget Tiptoes is readable, I read it about seven times through. It is good writing, and a unique story of a teen who has superpowers. There were a few things that gave me pause *PawPrints* *Smile*

*Paw* "Less so" I assume that means she couldn't really hear them well. (?)

*Paw* Eric (Her brother?)

*Paw* Inanity (?)

*Cat2* Technical

*Lightning* I like this story, it is possible this was done for a contest, or under some other constraints such as a prompt, or using a famous quote. The thing is that today, I feel left out of some information regarding the structuring of this wonderful story.

*Cheshire* *Fairy3* Overall*Cheshire*:

A for Alias is well read, and that comes out with literary references within the story. Dialog is tough for any writer, and then to be eavesdropping on that dialog is major hard. A for Alias has real skill at writing.

*BookStack2* I am a greedy reader, and I guess I want more. More info, more background, an expanded tale of this short piece. Short stories are the most difficult to write.

*Dragon* Where the author notices line through phrases or words, is just suggestions. The opinions and ideas expressed here are just that. It is my intention to help other writers. It is not from a place where I think I have arrived as a writer- I have much to learn yet. It is from the place of a reader. As a reader, I am a professional.

Please do not be discouraged by my words or this review, but encouraged to Write On! Write More! and Write Often.

Thank you for sharing your work here, and welcome to Writing Dot Com




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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Life Bites.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Dragon2* *DragonflyV*
January 2016 Power Review Raid
*DragonflyV* *Dragon2*


*Vamp* Why did I choose "Life Bites. ?

*Grave* In a team effort to join The WDC Power Reviewers in our January 2016 Raid, I searched for recent items of Young Adult and / or Teen genre. I found this unique piece and was instantly smitten.

*Vamp* Description(s):

*Grave* "Sunlight filtered...a chink in the black curtains...", "dirty clothes...dishes piled on the desk..the messy bed..."

*Grave* "...slapping blindly at the curtains...", "getting more frustrated as his skin began to sizzle."

*Grave* "Posters adorned the wall...'Mistress Black.", "Vlad the red."

*Grave* "The washroom was in a worse state."

*Monster6* This room belongs to a teenager, no doubt. It was as if the reader is a voyeur, seeing the real of how this kid is managing his space.

*Monster6* There are a few hints at the start, but finally as he yawns, "his fangs gleam..." He is a teenage vampire.

*Magnify* The descriptions are remarkable. It is as if the author is creating a screenplay and has the scene down perfect. The room tells the reader many things about John. As a "constant reader" one of the things that persuades me to get into the *Car* vehicle of the story are pictures drawn with words. camdenmascaro does this well. I am ready. I want to read this. I want to follow John's day and night - the rest of this particular chapter of his life.

*Vamp* Character

*Monster1* From the excellent descriptions given, we get good information on the main character of "Life Bites.

*Vamp* Readability

*Laptop* This is readable. The introduction and setting lure the reader in.

*Vamp* Technical

*Microscope* How can he see his reflection? It is true that this author's vampire has a way of seeing himself in reflection, not all vampires or vampire stories are the same.

*Microscope* He gets sizzled by the sun coming through his curtains, so going outside to go to school should fry him like an egg...I know I am holding onto preconceived notions of Vampire lore, but he is sensitive to sunlight, going out with a tee shirt and backpack will not protect him.

*Cheshire* *Vamp* Overall *Cheshire*:

*Monster9* This story has excellent bones fangs. The preconception of Vampire Rules are due to all of the tales read over several decades.

*Monster9* The story, character and opening are unique! That is a rarity today, and because this is your own work, you have a new fan.

*Writing* This is your story, and I have given you my opinion. Take it or leave it, but I am sticking by the sunlight thing, because it was part of the story. Maybe he doesn't go outside at all, perhaps he donned a sunlight invisibility cloak, but as a nosy reader, I need to know.

Thank you, and Write on.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Fear is Real  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Dragon2* *DragonflyV*
January 2016 Power Review Raid
*DragonflyV* *Dragon2*


*Fairy3* Why did I choose "Fear is Real ?

*Microscope* This review is part of a team effort with the WDC Power Reviewers. I have searched WDC for the genre of Young Adult. I found this story, and upon discovery, found that Caitlin Washnock is a Young Adult, and a Newbie. This is a triple bonus.

*Phone* Welcome to Writing Dot Com. This is the place writers go, and it is obvious by your first work published here, that you are a writer.

*Fairy3* Description(s):

*Microscope* The author does a good job in showing the personality of Liam. The young man has good friends who accept him for his type-A personality. One of the first things that really stood out, was when Liam’s friend Charlie calls him “nerd.” Liam is surrounded by thoughtful friends and family.

*Fairy3* Readability

*Microscope* "Fear is Real is easy to read, and I do not see any glaring errors.

*Fairy3* Technical

*Microscope* I like the opening idea about fear. For Liam to have such a strong belief in fear being fake, he turns that around quickly.

He seems like a person who has beliefs and ideas based on study. He has extreme mental and physical changes over a short amount of time.

One of my favorite sentences is; "He always went there as a kid, but never had the chance to go since he turned 14."

*Cheshire* *Fairy3* Overall*Cheshire*:

*Microscope* The character development and story line are well written. My only suggestion is to notice how quickly Liam changes.

*BeakerV* He is rock solid in things like pleasing his family and succeeding, but he goes from not believing in fear to admitting it quickly.


*BeakerV* While Liam is studying, dark circles form under his eyes.


*BeakerV* He is determined not to be disturbed until he graduates, but suddenly realizes he is ignoring family and friends.

*Clock2* These are all good components of a story. It is my opinion that they would come together more smoothly by inserting more time into the story.

*Clock2* If the revelations and changes experienced by Liam were played out over a longer track of time, it would be easier for the reader to move with the story.

*Idea* The comments are my opinion only. This is your story, and it is good. I think it could be great. Liam is a three dimensional character and I suspect his friends and family are too.

*BookOpen* In the future, this could become something larger like a novella or novel.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Plate Tectonics  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon2* *DragonflyV*
January 2016 Power Review Raid
*DragonflyV* *Dragon2*


*Fairy3* Why did I choose "Plate Tectonics ?

*FairyR* In an effort of teamwork with the WDC Power Reviewers, I searched for a story in the Young Adult genre.

*FairyR* Sometimes the stories choose us. I am a geologist and am interested in all things Earth Science.

*FairyR* I noticed the author Cassie Hall is a newbie, and this short story is newly published. The story picked me.

*Fairy3* Description(s)::

*Fairy* "I never liked undressing...Grandmas spare room...Elvis stuff, 18 eighteen eyeballs...all those Elvises..."

*Fairy* “I pull the front door...softly. My ring grazes the doorknob...like plate tectonics...two metals shifting against each other.”

*Fairy* “My car sits and stares at me...like an ox.”

*Wand* The descriptions are bold and lend a creepiness, without telling us what to feel. Then she moves into a somber mood. She remembers. In the past, but here today. The author shows skill with words.

*Fairy3* Readability

*FairyR* “Plate Tectonics” is a short read, but it contains a lot of imagery and symbolism. The author uses less than three hundred words to tell a piece of childhood history. The reader is privy to the Cassie Hall 's feelings of time spent in her grandparent’s home, and the shift to the present. She is tugged between two ages.

*Fairy3* Technical:

*Wand* As a reader, and scientist I appreciate linear thinking and writing:

“I sit at the "top of the stairs...slide down..."

To "toys in the basement".

She exits the house onto the splintered porch. Against her will, she “climbs the ladder up into the tree house...”

“Gravity” takes her down the fireman’s pole to the ground.

*Cheshire* *Fairy3* Overall*Cheshire*:

*FairyL*I enjoyed this short story. It is understood that when we write, it is not usually to produce symbolism. When the reader finds these gems it is like dessert after a meal.

*Fairy* I found no errors. There is a recommended change, with a crossed out numeral. This is not my work, and it is only a suggestion.

Welcome to Cassie Hall and Write On!*FairyR*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of New World  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is a WDC Power Review for 2015 Nov Raid


*Notepad* What hooked me into reading "New World ?

*Vignette6* "New World" is under 10KB, with the genre of Sci-fi, Dark and Supernatural.

*Vignette6* Rewrites are always interesting. Little treasures written which sit and await some polish and affection.

*Vignette6* The opening sentences piqued my interest.

*Notepad*Descriptions:

*Vignette6* There are simple descriptions of the room where the creature awakes. This is good for a beast with a limited range of knowledge when it comes to the descriptions a human uses.

*Vignette6* The first six lines of Chapter 2 introduce Agent Bryce. Descriptions remain simple, short sentences. These are not what we see of our characters when they are bursting out of our brains. I can get a picture from the opening lines, but it seems like the author is more concerned with sentence structure than letting the character show his stuff.

*Notepad*Characters:

*Vignette6* A. Agent Bryce was pudgy. He wasn’t fat, but people certainly would not say he was slim.

His face wasn’t striking. His hair was brown, slightly curly, evenly cut, and ordinary. He looked thirty-ish but might have passed for someone in their late twenties.

His nose was average. Fit his face rather well actually. In a just right ordinary way.

As a matter of fact, Agent Bryce had a way of not standing out in any sort of way.

Currently he stands in front of an ordinary looking building.

An ordinary man staring at an ordinary building.

*Vignette5* B. Agent Roy Bryce kept his natural strength without working out. When he played football in college, he did not lift weights like the other centers. He could take the tackles.

Not fat but husky, he left the buttons of his coat undone, because they never closed without a gap or two showing. At his yearly physical fitness rating, he mopped his curly brown hair off of his sweaty forehead, and smiled at the younger agents who were still a mile behind him. With twelve years under his belt, he did not look much older than the new graduates the agency hired.

His way of blending into a crowd, kept him from some promotions, but it also kept him out of trouble. His bravery and skills could not be denied.

Agent Bryce was as nondescript as the building in front of him.

*Notepad* Overall:

*Vignette6* Above, I took the descriptions of the main character and made some suggestions for breaking away from sentence structure conformity and letting your character come to life. These are suggestions only. This is your story, and you write it in the way that makes your heart sing.

*Vignette5* There are many words in the English language that can be used in sentences, and my suggestion is to fall in love with more of them. In this story there are many repetitions of the same word used sentence to sentence. Try to limit the use of adverbs, especially multiple times. "Very" is used to show an extreme stance, but when overused, it becomes fluff.

*Vignette7* Please know that this review is not meant to demean the writing. As a reader I can sense a story that is entertaining and frightening - which I love. I like Agent Bryce without knowing much about him. I am curious about what busted out of the crazy, nondescript building with the unknown weird people doing unimaginable things.

*Vignette4* Most of all, this is your work. Your baby. No matter what me or anyone else says, it is yours. Do with it as you please. Write On!.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of A TEXT-MESSAGE  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Coingold**Coingold* THE 9,000 GP REVIEW *Gold**Coingold**Coingold*


*Cellphone* What about captured my attention?


*Cellphone* The Title "A TEXT-MESSAGE

*Cellphone* This is really funny, because when I got the request for an interview, I was thinking that the message posted into my e-mail was an error. "Sir, are you sure you dialed this number?" Now that I have read "A Text Message through, it is hard not to grasp hold of the arm of my chair and hold on for dear life.

*Cellphone* Is it possible that just by reading a story, one can be transported with such speed that they are not sure of where they are? *Boothb*

*Cellphone* Description and Word Use:


*Cellphone* When reviewing a story, the first thing I usually do is check out the genres. It was not until the end that I came back to see that the genres are "cultural, psychology and emotional." These are excellent descriptors for the type of story.

*Phone* There is no physical description that I can find of our main pro-antagonist, but I envision him as an older guy who has just come to use technology, and is none too happy about it.

*Phone* The only person's name we get is Lucille. That is not a problem, because most dialog of O.G. is done between he and the cellphone. He does seem to speak to strangers some, but most of what is happening is in his head; or that is the way it seems to me.

*Phone* The first mention of vinegar is when he is dealing with Lucille. It is surreal when she turns into a vinegar bottle, and vinegar drips from her.

*Phone* Quandary and quandaries are used several times. It (they) are very descriptive and good words that are difficult to replace.

*Man* Characters:


*Cellphone* Crabby, confused guy is quite a character. I cannot pinpoint what is going on with him. Is he experiencing a Kafkaesque meltdown, did his wife slip mescaline into his medicine, or is this the degradation of a mind of a man; husband and father?

*Cellphone* Lucille: "...She sighs and motions me through the little swinging gate in the side of the counter. She does have good posture. She is standing very straight and I can clearly see that she is balancing a bottle on her head. The label on the bottle says: VINEGAR -- 'Lucille's Patented Sighs' - It is probably my imagination."

*Thumbsupl* Overall:


*Cellphone* One of O.G.'s statements that gave me question marks was; "I have been doing a lot of traveling lately, and I will admit that my Cell-Phone has come in handy a few times..." I went back and read from the top, and each time I see a man sinking into dementia. Little signs throughout the story indicate such. Like, "...I seem to be developing cognitive difficulties. I haven't told anyone about it yet. I've been coming up with little coping mechanisms, little hints that remind me what I'm supposed to be doing...". In another part he calls the confusion conundrums. So, he knows he is confused, or he is just difficult.

*Cellphone* I never considered what may be going on inside the head of someone with dementia, or Alzheimer's, but they journey of this man and his experiences sound like they certainly could be. Has the author had these experiences, or is close to someone who has? Is this based on reality, experience or study?

*Cellphone* This has given me something to think about long and hard. A very thoughtful piece and well written. If there are any grammatical errors, they did not stand out to me. This is very good writing. You had me hooked from the first sentence.

*Check5* Rating:


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Letter to my Dad  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Boothb* A May Review Raid *Reading* *Magnify* *Computer*



*Writing* This is a review of
 Letter to my Dad  (E)
A letter to my dad that I never got a chance to write
#2039958 by FiFi


*Writing* The reason I chose "Letter To My Dad," to read and review is that I think people go for years with words pent up inside that needed to be said to a person who is passed. For whatever reason, what needs to be said stays inside and festers. Writing letters is cathartic, and can bring sometimes an instant sense of well-being that has been missing.

*Writing* When it comes to writing such personal works, a reviewer has no business to come along with suggestions for better grammar, sentence structures or any mechanical critic.

*Heart* "Letter To My Dad," is an honest correspondence from the heart and mind.

*Trophyg* I keep reading back over the line, "The cavernous space you have left in our family is one that never decreases..." It makes me think that "Dad" was a man who had certain standards, created in order for him to do the things which he considered important for him to be successful. Not emotional, or demonstrative it left some of the family feeling they could never measure up to his expectations.

*Trophyg* The family was the most valuable thing to him, and it shows by the way the author writes concerning them. "You would be happy now with Debs and Mum living together..." and, "We all miss you with all our hearts..." the writer is speaking of and for the family.

*Bookopen* Overall As a reader, I have become very invested in this letter, and the author. Not a typical review, I am compelled to say, "Fiona, I am sure your Dad is proud of you." It is probable that he came from a time and society that did not teach men to be nurturers and to express their feelings. He may have not been able to form the praises for you, your siblings or your Mom that he would love to say. [Please forgive me for taking any liberties with your feelings or thoughts.]

*Vine2* Thank you for sharing this intimate and heart-felt letter.
*Vine1*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Hit By Love  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Heart* WDC Power Reviewers *Heart* a February 2015 "Heart Power Raid"

This is a review of "Hit By Love written by nads

*Heart* The Writing Dot Com Power Reviewers are on our monthly raid. This raid topic is "Heart Power" where we seek out items that need to be reviewed with a genre of romance, love, family, etc. Your poem fits the bill nicely.

*Heart* Welcome to WDC!

*Lightning* "Hit By Love" is a poem that attracted my attention right away.

*Wind* "Love gushed out like a tornado...swishing and whirling...wrecking heart..." To this reader, I am attracted by the science and geological references used within this poem. These are descriptions that I can fathom.

*Wave1* "...thudding heart, building pressure..." emotions as strong as the work and pull of the universe. A tornado is a vortex, Chaos comes from natural disasters. Movements of the earth during times of geologic upheaval can be likened to the feeling and emotions of a person falling in love. Amazing. Bravo!

*Wave3* The poet completes this short but powerful work of prose with:

*Heart* "Bemused, in this heaven...Lost in this vortex of emotion..." Science stuff gets me every time.

*Beach* Overall:

*Ball* Kudos to you for getting me to read, like and review poetry. You rock!
*Earth*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Rewind  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* WDC Power Reviewers *Heart* a February 2015 "Heart Power Raid"


*Books2* This is a review of "Rewind written by Zandria

*Hand* Welcome to Writing dot Com. This seems to be your first item. Thank you for sharing this song that must have come from deep within your emotions.

*Music2* The author writes from a deep well of creativity.

*Music2* It is beautiful to know that this daughter experienced the grief of the loss of her mother and turned the sadness into something beautiful. A lasting shrine forever.

*Music2* As a reader with little real musical talent, I have tried putting this to different tunes, and have come up with a bluesy melody in my head.

*Notepady* Emotions

*Dropbl* This could be me projecting into "Rewind," but there seems to be lines of guilt, sadness and a little hope.

*Dropbl* Mother and daughter may have argued, or fussed "...now I find myself Having the fight of my life..."

*Dropbl* "...I want to Thank you for everything...All of the things I forgot to say."

*Dropbl* "...be able to tell you again someday."


*Heart* Overall:

*Vinylb* The title, "Rewind" says so much with six letters. Death is a hard door to beat upon. One of the stages of grief is denial, and personally the final notice we living ones get is the hardest to take. No, there are no more chances. Hopefully, it teaches us to live better and more fully, remembering to leave our loved ones presence with words of appreciation. Guilt is natural, but doesn't do anyone any good. Thank you for sharing this song.

*Bookopen* This song is dynamic and filled with emotion. A song of mourning and grief - it is a path to healing and remembrance.

*Rainbowl* *Lightning* *Rainbowr* Welcome to WDC and remember to always "Write On!" *Quill*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Gone (1st Place)  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* WDC Power Reviewers *Heart* a February 2015 "Heart Power Raid"

This is a review of "Gone (1st Place) written by BScholl

*Bookopen* The title of "Gone" drew me for a couple of reasons. One is that I watched the Gone series and it resonates.

*Bookopen* The description of "...searched frantically for Bobby" got my attention, and kept it.

*Bookopen* Something I would like to point out is that the writer / author / publisher of this piece did all of the right things to grab a readers attention. Reading on-line, and especially for those mining items to review want to be able to find the treasures in a timely fashion.

*Bookopen* Written in 2010, the topic will never grow old, and lost children are more prevalent today. We are going backwards.

*Bookopen* The genres are Drama Parenting, Suspense

*Film* This is a dramatic scene where mother; Melissa is running and searching for her missing child.

*Magnify* I think this is writing that is able to charge the reader emotionally.

*Magnify* One of the lines that brings me into panic with her is; "...What was he wearing?...His shoes were..." a parent who works hard to protect her children have check-lists of items to be crossed off, while checking to make sure that all is well with her young charges.

*Film* As a parent I cannot help but feel an empathy for Melissa. We are supposed to know all of the details, right away. She could be suspect. When she remembers his outfit, the writer is able to convey a world of considerations. She thinks; "Yes, White with Spiderman...Pants were..." as if by answering the questions correctly, she will win her son Bobby right back.

*Film* When Melissa finds the guard she is able to describe Bobby's wardrobe and description without hesitation, but the saddest thing is that her attention to the detail of the son she loves, did no good. He was lost and she would probably not get him back. Sad.

*Film* The way this story is laid out is done in chronological order, the lines paragraphs and sentences are easy on the eyes.

*Film* BScholl does an excellent job of creating a set of two different times and spaces. On top of that, it was done in under 300 words.


*Dropb* This tugs at my heart strings and will not be soon forgotten.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* WDC Power Reviewers *Heart* a February 2015 "Heart Power Raid"

*Books1* Why I read and reviewed "where the wise man's wish comes true by alfred booth, wanbli ska

*Kiss* It is our effort today to randomly review items by WDC members. Our choice of genres to chose from are:

*Heart* Romance/Love
*Heart* Family
*Heart* Relationship
*Heart* Emotional
*Heart* Friendship

It is my hope that the Inspirational communing of human being with Nature will classify as an emotional poem. It has affected this reader so. Hopefully it is.

*Trees* *Mountains* *Treepine* Imagery

*Vine1* "...a deep forest...soaring branchless spikes..."
*Vine1* "...broad triangle of fragrant midnight green..."
*Vine1* "...grey mice and blue beetles..."

*Vine2* "...like arrows reaching toward heaven... vs "...they reach out to caress the clouds..."
*Vine2* "...protecting..."


*Vine1* "magnificent ancient trees..."
*Vine1* "I know its serenity from my dreams..."
*Vine1* "...and take me silently over soft ground amid the giants of evergreen solitude."

*Bird* "where the wise man's wish comes true"

*Heart* I think that the author of this prose has a clear vision of the afterlife. The jewels and wealth inventoried by the writer are all from Nature. Trees, sky and animals are described as parts of the whole. Each form of life is shown respect and describes an importance of each role. Mr. Booth has a close relationship with the things that are the most important.

*Heart* So many think they are going to go to some place with streets made of pure gold and they will do anything to get there. Maybe that is going to be heaven to some, As we find at the finale of this poem, there is a rest to "Wise Men" which is unconcerned with man made items of wealth. This author shows what is most valuable is beauty and serenity in nature which is ignored or damaged. This heaven is taking all of the beloved things from this Earth are most loved, and are waiting there for those wise ones to enter.

*Clouds* Overall *Lightning* *Clouds*

*Coincopper* For me this use of prose, language and title does what it is supposed to do. All of the words placed carefully and lovingly into this portrait of what is valued.
*Coingold* The author knows language and words. It is creative license, and allows the work to be understood .
*Coinsilver* I have re-read this numerous times. Each new read through allows me to discover another hidden delight of detail and description.

*Heart* Write on.




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12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Heart* WDC Power Reviewers *Heart* a February 2015 "Heart Power Raid"


*Bookopen* The reasons I read and reviewed by Word Warrior beating cancer!! :

*Flower5* This is a review of the writers personal heartfelt experience. There are many threads of feeling woven throughout this essay. I hope to respond to that divine movement.

*Kiss* The title of this essay is catchy.
*Kiss* I was searching for genre or descriptions that are "emotion" or "emotional."
*Kiss* The description is too much to pass up.

*Bookopen* What kept my attention?

*Hand* International Standard Version of the Bible, verse and chapter: "Stop neglecting to show hospitality to strangers, for by showing hospitality some have had angels as their guests without being aware of it."

*Hand* As I read how the author was moved spiritually and physically I could recall similar experiences. At first I thought, "that sounds a lot like what happened...". For me that is a confirmation of my own experience, and it may teach the reader a lesson in compassion. We do need to consider those around us who are down and out. And, there seems to be an invisible but real system that pits one human being into contest with another. As I have heard before, "sometimes another person is suffering so that I will grow and become more compassionate."

*Hand* One thing that I like the most about this is how a regular person responded in a divine manner to another person, and I think that Word Warrior not only changed their own life but the person who was blessed as well.

*Hand* I love the following reflection; "... Never before could I remember feeling such love. Love for this human being - this dirty, homeless human being, not an annoying, lazy bum. I cried all the way home..."

*Heart* *Lightning* Overall - I do not think that the rating (4.0) system can put a number to "All I Have To Give". 5.0's are difficult to get. That means publisher ready. This is an emotional piece. This is a real Love Story.

*Heart* Thank you. Write on.







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Review of A Journey Home  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Blockv* *Orange* The Challenge *Orange* Mon. Feb. 16th and Tues. Feb. 17th 2015
This Review is to fulfill a ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** given to Fyn by Andy~2021 has to be better . This is from the WDC Power Shop Review Board.


*Bookstack* "A Journey Home," by Fyn

*Type* Why did I read and review "A Journey Home?"

*Glasses* While searching for one of your items to review, I found this short story located in Folder:
 Beribboned Hutch  (E)
Here are some of my older (wdc time) awarded works
#1637254 by Fyn
.

*Glasses* The title gives an indicator of pleasantness. There is a yearning in each of us to go or find "home."

*Glasses* The award and contest with links at the top is a very good touch. It is important that readers can sync with the character, story, plot or action. The "Dreamers Sanctuary" gives a tingly hint that this may all be a dream.

*Glasses* This story won an award. All of these things listed are lures for a voracious reader who has lots more to read.

*Rainbowl**Castle**Rainbowr* This is a story told that could be a dream, as well as a dream within a dream.

*Castle* The writing is easy to read, and written in chronological order. The spacing and line placement make the reading smooth.

*Castle* Although there is always an impending sense of the fantastic about to occur, each step and movement by the Journeyer is believable and is in the same dimension as the reader.

*Castle* The descriptions of the area, the stone archways, the cobbled streets, together make me cry, "beautiful." While there are only the pictures conjured by the writer which make it so.

*Castle* There are many gorgeous descriptions woven throughout "A Journey Home." One of my favorites is:

*Fire* "A small hearth burned cheerfully and piled alongside were what I thought might be bricks of peat. A window, curtained in pristine white curtains, looked out back to a vegetable garden." It paints a picture.

*Dragon* Overall:

*Penbl* There are many facets to this short story. I think her putting her great-grandmother's ashes "back home" is a touching finale. This work is well crafted writing.

Write on.


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Review of Death by Sight  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Blockv* *Orange* The Challenge *Orange* Mon. Feb. 16th and Tues. Feb. 17th 2015
This Review is a part of THE ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** for Fyn gifted by Andy~2021 has to be better . This review is to fulfill reviews from the WDC Power Shop Review Board.


*Pipe* *Magnify* "Death by Sight" by Fyn is described as a monologue. This was to earn A Legal Merit Badge.

*Magnify* At the very start of this work it is easy to imagine a strong voice behind the words I read. Mrs. Baker's defense attorney can be heard rallying behind her client, while throwing the Prosecutor a few bones.

*Dog2* "Fate has been conservative...Mrs. Baker at age 35 is not an attractive woman."

*Laugh* I imagine a bit of tongue in cheek as the defense rallies further; "She has...piano legs...Her hair is frizzy...already gray" this attorney shows how pitiful Mrs. Baker is until no one will look at her. Although this was a bit brutish, I could not stop laughter from bubbling up at the description of the homely but kind woman on trial for murder.

Descriptions: *Microscope*

*Woman* Mrs. Baker: As stated above, the author has head to toe descriptions as well as the personality profile down pat for sweet but ugly Mrs. B. She has come into my imagination as a three-dimensional character.

*Woman* Ms. VanStillica: It is entertaining to read as the Defense Attorney quickly smashes the character of the gorgeous and privileged murder victim, Ms. VanStillica. I would mention more here, but I detest spoilers in a review, and will not ruin the climax of the story by discussing the crafty twist at the end.

*Questionbl* The Defense: I want to say she, and it is possible I missed clues or possible description of the orator of this entertaining monologue. I would have enjoyed knowing just a bit about this speaker, but it really is not necessary to be a successful work.

*Thumbsupl* Overall:

*Reading* I enjoyed reading "Death by Sight" It is a bit humorous that when I read through the first time, when I got to the end, I was so blown away by the ending that I was a bit stunned. I then had to go back and re-read several times. This is not difficult to read, but it is filled with description, clues and legal showman/woman-ship. There were a couple of small technical errors that the author would find on a re-write. Death by Sight is a smart read.

Write on.





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Review of A Rare Find  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Cross2* It did not take long for me to find this gem of a parable to read.

 A Rare Find  (E)
A farmer digging post holes makes a rare find.
#1396276 by Bill Thomas
Is a good analogy of finding value is something that can be easily dis-guarded, or over looked.

*Shovel* I would have liked to see the story of the farmer finding this large nugget expanded. It is obvious that you love the gospel stories. A good story teller paints a picture with words which you have done.

*Shovel* Having heard a similar story in the past, I found the twist to be a good surprise. Instead of the Gold Nugget being an individual or lost person, it was God. Wowl.

*Rainbowl**Rainbowr* The zeal and love for Jesus Christ is wonderful. This is the way you express what is the most important to you; what you live. That is awesome for you. Thank you for inviting me to come and review an item in your portfolio. I love to read of the faith of others. Thank you for sharing this testimony.

*Gold* Write on.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Butt Kap  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Magnify* *Reading* Raiding & Laughing All The Way Review *Pencil* *Magnify*


*Laugh* What prompted me to read "The Butt Kap

*Blowfish* A team member of WDC Power Reviewers, we are raiding funny stuff. By chance I stumbled upon this comedy written by another one of my favorite authors. This is written by billwilcox

*Thinker* As a reader it is difficult to maintain my traditional style of review when reading well written comedy. I am more likely to react as a reader who has been entertained.

Descriptions:

*Blowfish* I enjoyed this item because it is a mini-screen play, in satire of those late night info-mercials that promise the moon, and add incentives for getting there.

*Bug* Farts are funny. The idea of using an invention to remove humans from their faulty farting is very funny.

*Laugh* Allowing the reader the fun of imagining this miracle Butt Kap is part of the fun. I am trying to imagine this cap, fitting every asshole...hee hee hee, having smell release perfume, and sound abating sensors is too FUNNY! *Laugh*

*Blowfish* The Butt Kap is small, it is affordable, and if you want to really become an ultra human, who no longer smells like the rest, Butt Kap is the device of the hour.

*Laugh* I am having a difficult time doing this review, because of; "...what about those bothersome noises...(The beautiful chime of a cell phone is heard.)..." Can you imagine the havoc of a room full of Butt Kappers? "Ring, ring, Rollin' Rollin', Hey B**** Pick Up The Phone." Ringtones. I am in tears here.

*Laugh* Most women are trained for fart-deniability from birth through finishing school. You would make a million off of customers like Lisa, "...and the Butt Kap saved my job...I was able to sit right there with a smile on my face and crap all over myself..."

Formatting:

*Blowfish* Again, kudos for the "screen-play" type formatting, because it adds to the humor. "Hold Butt Kap to lips and blow..." If Jimmy Kimmel were trying to play this, it would never be done.

*Bug* FUNNY!

*Rainbowl* Overall *Rainbowr*
*Laugh* *Laugh* *Laugh*

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Review of What I Did  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Magnify* *Reading* Raiding & Laughing All The Way Review *Pencil* *Magnify*


*Laugh* What prompted me to read
 What I Did  (E)
Sometimes, you make a mistake, in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
#1729069 by Same Ol' Sum1
?

*Blowfish* Our team, The WDC Power Reviewers, are Raiding & Reviewing funny stuff. A friend suggested this as a hilarious item to review for the Raid. This poem, written by Same Ol' Sum1 , is chock full of humor. How could I resist?

*Bug* Poetry and comedy are an excellent captioning of "What I Did."

Descriptions:

*Blowfish* Farts are funny if not problematic occurrences of homo sapiens. The author uses correct diction, rhyme and meter. He gives a well stacked poem. The subject being the worst that can happen when a human is in such a compromising position.

*Bug* "You know it wasn't quiet or dry, It smelt so bad I wanted to cry..." Understanding the poor poet's plight, a Southern term comes to mind; "It smells like something crawled up into your ass and died." In the poets misery it seems as if it hurt like someone had given up more than the ghost in the antagonist's gut.

*Laugh* What makes people laugh at this misery? I don't know, but "...this one burned, My eyes were watering, my stomach churned..." is causing a little anxiety, because my imagination is ahead of the poet.

Characters:

*Man* My conclusion is this "manager" was really a secret weapon in training, and only hope that the weapons developed in his intestines are not as toxic when finally disposed of.

*Dog2* I know a little about canines and their reactions to farts. In accidental experiments, I have found that a dog smelling a terrible fart will not howl. A pooch will catch a whiff, give the stink-eye (original use of the word [sic]), and leave the room.

*Dog1* She may add to the cacophony knowing for once she will not get busted and yelled at, rushed from the room.

Formatting:

*Laugh* This is funky and funny. The format is professionally done, and easy to read.

*Monkey* All joking aside, "What I Did is a well written piece.



*Rainbowl* Overall *Rainbowr*
*Laugh* *Laugh* *Laugh*

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18
Review of The Turtle  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*



*Reading* What compelled me to read
 The Turtle  (E)
A retelling of a story my grandmother used to recite to us
#1717785 by Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h


*Earth* The first reason is that today is Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h Anniversary. Another reason for this review is I am in a Power Raid DARE to review a Yellow Case (5). Happy Anniversary Turtle!

*Earth* I have always felt a kinship to the traditional Native ways, and I think that the oral tradition of storytelling is the most important and reliable history that we have.

*Earth* Over the years, there have been many slightly different renditions of the story of Turtle Island and First Woman, but amazingly the stories are very similar across the plains, oceans and skies.

*Earth* I like Children's, Mythology and Folklore for genres.

*Earth* I searched around your profile for other things, but this good story will not let me go.

*Bookopen* What kept my interest?

*Earth* The Turtle, The Story and the History of Creation that makes so much sense.

*Earth* Nothing could stop me from reading this several times over.

*People* Character:

*Woman* There are other characters who are important to this creation story, but First Woman is central. There is so much symbolism at work within this telling, while remaining simple enough that a child would be able to "get it."

*Magnify* Description:

*Wave1* "...her hands still closed tight around the roots of the great tree."

*Bird* "...they decided to call her First Woman, for she was the first human they had ever seen."

*Frog* "If we bring this dirt to the top of turtle's shell, than then First Woman will be able to make Turtle's shell more comfortable..."

*Grass* "...she threw up her hands in joy. The seeds and roots that had been in her hands from the hole went flying through the air...new trees and plants, grew in their place."

All of this is filled with imagery. As I have read the words of your grandmother, I remember the stories, the artwork, the rugs, potter and paintings. Creation, simple and feminine.

*Rainbowl* *Books6* *Rainbowr* Overall:

*Treefall3* *Trees* *Treecypress* *Treefall3* This story has brought me a lot of joy today. I am remembering many stories that are important for us to understand what it means to be a real human being.

*Leaf2r**Leaf2o* It has been a long time since you have visited this story, and it would thrill me if you did come back and used video technology to tell this story orally on WDC. Several of the authors are doing different things, and I ask that you consider this idea.

*Leaf2**Leaf4* The order of the story is done well, and another suggestion I have is to get rid of some of that extra white space, and weave the words just a little closer. If you do convert this to an oral story, please contact me. I will be one of your biggest fans. I would like for my grown children, grands, and great-grandchildren to hear this from a true storyteller.

*Mountains* Whatever stage we are in this continuing Creation Story, I think it is important to carry on your Grand Mother's tradition as you have been writing, and please carry on the oral tradition as well.

Thank you, and Happy Anniversary

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Review of Whispering Walls  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*



*Reading* What compelled me to read "Whispering Walls by Nixie ?

*Vinyly* It is her Anniversary, and as a team member of WDC Power Reviewers I took the DARE to read some Blue Cases.

*Vinyly* It is Halloween month, and an important time of year. We are busy at the library concocting a Haunted House, and this story is creepy enough to give me the "scary fix" *Ghost* I crave.

*Vinyly* I like the way Nixie organizes her items. I tried to find something that didn't have very many ratings. I went into her "Invalid Item folder, where I then located "Whispering Walls.

*Vinyly* Something that stood out to me is that I remember these "13" Prompts from last year. Then we were celebrating Writing Dot Com's Thirteenth Anniversary. This item was created September 2013, but was modified this October 2014.

*Vinyly* After a contest entry is ended, the story may be shelved, or brought back to life; Nixie has chosen an eerie resurrection that works very well.

*Bookopen* What kept my interest?

*Vinyly* "Thirteen"

*Vinyly* "...where a house erected by Gustov Matheson in the 1800's stood. A museum of sorts..."

*Vinyly* "Every room, a recreation of horrific disasters..."

*People* Character:

*Man* Flint Trent: The main protagonist appears at first to be a man on a mission. To all appearances he finds superstition and the idea of haunting to be almost vulgar. "Never did believe that balderdash. I'm proving my friends wrong."

*Woman* Kathleen: Flint Trent's great-granddaughter. "Now, his great-grand daughter ran the sideshow..."

*Ghost* There are haunting images of walls and *Wind*

*Ghost* Smoky smells from an ancient *Fire*

*Magnify* Description:

*Vinyly* I think that it shows excellent literary skill in the way the author shows Flint at first, as a man, leaving his home to go take care of something that is 'haunting him', because he is compelled to perform this annual pilgrimage. "...hopped on subway thirteen, sat in row thirteen..."

*Vinyly* He goes through a plethora of changes physically, mentally and emotionally, and Nixie plays well with words in pulling this off; "...shivered, hot, and then cold." "...didn't want to give her the names, but as the words slipped from his tongue...", and "...he was standing in front of the 'missing' door. A fine sheen of perspiration covered his body, but his arms and legs were cold..."

*Vinyly* As a reader, I feel as if I have taken that journey with Mr. Trent, and although he is not companionable, his continued wandering keeps my interest.

*Vinyly* The dialog and consistent wrangling with Kathleen, the thoughts of his old friends and even his family keep me on high alert, because it is not obvious where this is going. I like that.

*Rainbowl* *Books6* *Rainbowr* Overall:

*Vinyly* The haunting of the haunted is a unique story line. In typical scary stories, it is the ghosts who seem to inhabit spaces where the living are, in this case, ghosts haunt other spirits.

*Vinyly* Now that he is home...will this occur again? I think in this type of story, the author has done well to leave us hanging.

*Questionbl* The one thing I cannot work out, and perhaps it is meant that way; Is Kathleen, Flint's great granddaughter? Is she on this plane, or is she a haint, [Southern colloquialism of ghost] as well? If that question is not meant to be answered for sure, it works well. Even as a nosy reader, it is not necessary to know all of the answers.

*Cheshire* I am glad to write and review beside Nixie , she has helped me to become involved and learn on Writing Dot Com. She has encouraged me when I thought my world was crashing. She has restored me when I wanted to give up. Happiest Anniversary Nixie

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Review of Bob and Kat  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Type* Power Shop Review from the Board *Reading* for Rhyssa to fulfill one review for the Hydro Package Package given by Lina Black-So Far Behind!!! *Writing*

*Notepad* What hooked me into reading "Bob and Kat ?

*Vignette6* Several things about "Bob and Kat," helped to lure me into this story. The rating is 13+ and I enjoy what is classified as Juvenile Literature. The genres of fantasy and children s.

*Vignette6* I wondered if Bob and Kat were a play on words. Bobcat? I was prepared for almost anything as I began to read.

*Notepad* Description:

*Vignette6* There are many good descriptions given in this story that 'show, not tell' the reader about the characters and their surroundings.

*Glassesy* "...whistling sound...it was as if a very large bug had darted past her head...a green shape dart down the street..."

*Glassesy* "He glanced at Reia as if she were a problem all of a sudden..." As a reader, I love that description. How many times with loved ones or friends does this happen, and it may cause us untold pain or confusion if we take it personally. That phrase is priceless.

*Glassesy* "Reia had just started high school...Two years separated them, but at times, she felt decades older than him, rather than fourteen to his sixteen." Once more this reader is awestruck with the way the author gives the social and age dynamics of our two main protagonists.

*Glassesy* A description of Kat that really stands out, and creaks open the door of oddity; "...big green eyes that looked slightly odd. Reia could not quite see why. Maybe it was the pupils..."

There is no shortage of good description, but this reader despises spoilers, and so I will leave it to the next reader to find the unique and somewhat telling descriptions peppered throughout the entire story of "Bob and Kat."

*Notepad* Characters:

*Vignette6**Woman* Reia

*Vignette6**Man* Chin

*Vignette6**Bird* Bob

*Vignette6**Cat* Kat

*Notepad* Overall:

*Vignette6* Fun, fun, fun. With all understanding, this is a short story. It is easy to imagine this a full length book that young readers would demand.

*Vignette6* With the revival, and growing interest in the Graphic Novel form, I actually had panels of dialog and drawings/illustrations which tell this engaging story in that form. If you have not already come up with a full length version of Bob & Kat, and/or have never considered the Graphic Novel form, I suggest the author consider these things.

*Dialog* Disclaimer: I work in our local library, in the Young Adult genre area. Not all people are aware of what a graphic novel is; after sending reluctant readers to that section of Y/A, I often hear the gasp of an adult patron. Graphic can mean many things to different people. The graphic novels to which I refer, are a comic book form of literature. They were very popular from the 1940's through the 1970's, and sadly fell out of use. They are back, and this opens up multiple platforms for children, teen and adult genre writers.

*Type* Write on, and prosper. Thank you for the enjoyment of this story.

*Check1* The 4.5 rating is nearly perfect. It is not meant to take away from showing the high quality of this story.

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21
Review of Life  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*



*Reading* What compelled me to read "Life ?

*Vinyly* It is Cassie409's one year anniversary, and I looked through your folder to find an item to review. The title of "Life," with the genre and type being "emotional," it made me curious to read.

*Vinyly* I do like the prose format of "Life."

*Bookopen* What kept my interest?

*Vinyly* The description indicates thoughts which flow as you work. I did not expect such deep and powerful thoughts. The strength of certain phrases stirs my curiosity; "...It’s hard to do that when a person is dying inside..."

*Vinyly* Now, as a reader, I am hooked into the emotion of the author. Swept up, this reader feels as if she must listen; hear; and sympathize. I must learn more.

*People* Character:

*Woman* (It is only assumption that the writer/author/protagonist is a woman - these strong emotions and feelings could be experienced by any gender.) This caregiver, this angel with skin on is over-burdened. She is there for every persons need, but her own.

Wanting to do only good, and change the world - others take advantage, are inconsiderate, heaping more cares, more responsibility and too much expectation that she will indeed save them, without them having to lift a care toward the giver.

Has she lost family members and friends to disaster? I feel rudely curious as a reader.

*Ghost**Man**Man**Ghost* There are secondary characters missed by the poet; "...Dad, Grandpa, Uncle, and Professor/Officer that meant the world to me..." Would the help?, Are these missed ones still able to come and lift some of her burden?


*Magnify* Description:

*Vinyly* I like the imagery that this line invokes: "People come into our lives and leave footprints that cannot be erased with time." Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but it seems not the ones from being walked on.

*Vinyly* Another descriptive phrase that hits home is; "even with a happy attitude it seems that the candle is gone before it has even been lit." What has transpired to cause so much pain?

*Rainbowl* *Books6* *Rainbowr* Overall:

*Vinyly* Although this is described as "...a few thoughts...while working." The author is able to pull from deep within, and pour very strong emotion into this work. I would love to see longer and more in-depth writing from Cassie409 .

*Vinyly* I cannot help but being struck by thoughts of how heavy depression is. No one wants to feel so over-burdened, and be the care giver for so many others, while receiving little in return.

*Vinyly* It is my fervent hope that this one year anniversary finds you well. You have a way of putting thoughts and emotions down, that draws a reader in. Perhaps you can find a group, contest or forum on Writing.Com to stretch your natural talent.

Write on! *Penbl*

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22
22
Review of I Write  
for entry "Why So Many Fish?
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Type* Review to Fulfill the Nuclear Package Gifted by PatrickB *Bookstack* 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙 *Reading* *Quill*


*Blockv* What was the *Hook* that made me read this item?

While searching for items to fulfill your Nuclear Package, I was drawn to your "I Write" collection. The title "Why So Many Fish? caught my curiosity.

*Blockv* Descriptions: Your writing is clear and concise. The beginning reels the reader in, and begs her to observe a private, but profound interview between mother and son.

We come into the conversation, after it has already been in progress.

This has me cheering for mom right away, "I asked in a voice so calm I could see him fold..." She knows her son very well, "...his feet shuffled giving himself away..." and "I could see the burn ride up from his shoulders." She watches for cues from her son to determine his truthfulness.

Every phrase adds to the descriptions which forms an almost holographic image of the scene, for the reader.

*Blockv* Characters:

*Woman* Mom is a powerhouse of wisdom, and expert at interview and interrogation. Her calm in the face of hearing, "...Harvey...dynamite." is something approaching sainthood.

*Man* David comes through as an adventurous and respectful young man. As with most children, it is a wonder they make it to majority. A typical boy, he is fearless, and did not see that the handling of dynamite may be a terrible idea. He does the right thing, by bringing in the loads of fish.


*Blockv* Dialog:

*Gift5* You do dialog very well. The conversation stands on it's own, although we didn't hear the whole story, it doesn't matter; the rest of the story can be easily imagined.


*Blockv* Overall:

*Heart* Simple and short, this story leaves nothing behind. The writing allows room for the reader's imagination. It is unnecessary to describe wardrobe, hair colors, smells, and dirt, because any person who has been in the presence of a rambunctious kid who has returned from fishing with his buddies, can imagine the rest.

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23
23
Review of Where I Belong  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Magnify* *Reading* Requested Review *Pencil* *Magnify*


Hooks:

*Hook* The title "Where I Belong, is a good hook for an emotional poem.

*Hockey* Headings are a good way, to grab a reader's attention. With a genre of Emotional only, I am not so inspired to go ahead and read.

*Hockey* Readers are what writers need. Convince a reader to read your work. Do not apologize for what you have written. If you are going to publish it, be proud. Just stating that this was written as an assignment for school, and needs a peer review, is a straight forward request for what you need to accomplish.

Descriptions:

*Boxcheck* I like the way you use words, to describe time and motion: "Sometimes I say I belong in many places
Sometimes I am not sure where I belong
The answers are always changing
They never stay the same..."


*Boxcheck* Another description I like is, "...I always belong in this sprawling web,
Where it is always easy to find someone who shares my ideas
Always easy to learn, and to meet new people..." That is a feeling that many people share, in my opinion, and you put it very eloquently.


Character: Self
*Person* This is a poem of emotions.

Formatting:

*Documentbl*: The layout is good. It is obvious that there is a start, middle and end.

*Document*: The writer's emotions show up, and there is a sadness present. The writer describes his / her feeling of isolation, even when in a crowd. There were changes in tense, and number that is easy to have happen, when writing from the heart. "...I was brought up by my family = Past.
They raised me as I grew = Past
We always fight about anything = Present
It can go on for days = Present / Future
Still, we manage to get on well = Present
They make me feel like
I belong..." = Present

Again, this is so easy to do when writing from deep emotion.


*Rainbowl* Overall: *Rainbowr*
: The three point rating is not a negative. "Where I Belong," is an expressive poem, or work of prose that does an excellent job at explaining the angst of living someone else's dream or reality.

Re-write, and read aloud to yourself, and be proud of your work. You are a writer, your muse and you produced it; be proud.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Magnify* *Reading* Third and Final Review from Lightening Package Auction *Pencil* *Magnify*


Hooks:

*Bookstack* You requested that I review this folder for your package. I have read both pieces.

*Hook* "In My Mother's Memory" is a good title, and specific to your own life and memories.

*Puzzle2* The genre is listed at "other," and understanding that this is emotionally a hot spot, it may be difficult to decide, but as time goes on, and you decide the direction for your biography, putting a more specific "type" may help as far a searches go.

Descriptions:

*Boxcheck* "Invalid Item, is a well written memoir, of a personal tragedy. I like the way you introduced your early geographical movements, including a bit about the States you were in.

*Boxcheck* A good description of your Mom's personality was given in a way that "shows" in a picture, an important bit about her; "...she lacked...the maturity to be the full-time mother that her boys needed..."

*Boxcheck* Your characterization of your brothers was well done, and even your own analysis of your personality, weaknesses and strengths are well done. You have packed good descriptions, laying visual markers along the way.

Characters:

*Woman* In "Invalid Item you show a mirroring of compassion from two strong female characters; 1. "Mrs. Leary was the fifth grade teacher at our Elementary School..., and “The class misses you and they are wishing you a fast recovery. They made you some cards,” she said as she picked them out of her purse."

*Woman* 2. Ms. Gena; the housekeeping person who woke you with her singing. "...She looks like Sleeping Beauty except with red hair. You know, God has mighty plans for you two. Yes, he sure does. The Devil tried to get you guys down, but our good Lord saved you both...”

*Babygirl* You were just eleven years old, but show a lot of insight for that age.

Formatting:

*Documentbl* You are talented at making your format easy to read and follow. Considering what a personal tragedy that you have shared, along with obvious recovery, you were able to keep this in chronological order.

*Rainbowl* Overall
*Rainbowr*
I have read and enjoyed several of your other works, and have been impressed with your "fiction." They have been good quality. In "Invalid Item and "Invalid Item, writing your own experiences, and with people you know, you have captured the descriptions and character traits exceptionally well. I may not know exactly what your Mom and brothers look like, but I am sure they all are red-headed, and your poor brothers come to mind, as rough and tumble characters, who desperately needed a good father's hand; instead your Mother had to try to do it all.

I am touched by these stories. Excellent work.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of OId in the cold  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is in fulfillment of ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** gifted by A.E. Wilcox

*Bookopen* The reason I chose
OId in the cold  (E)
My first piece and a winner. A heavily compressed version of a story I wrote in college.
#1962877 by iamthenez
is because it had not been reviewed for this package.

*Star* The description was helpful. "A heavily compressed story..." Under 100 words.

*Star* Short shorts are an excellent workout for a writer, and when that author can churn a complete story out in under a hundred words, they are doing some fancy word work.

*Star* iamthenez has done a remarkable job with "OId in the cold.
by taking an older story of indeterminate length and created a photograph of words.

*Star* In the beginning iamthenez uses word and imagery to frame the life of this woman. Frail, greying, disappearing from the land she has always tended. "...a vast park, her own huge garden with weeds to pull, litter to shift..."

*Star* The ending is succinctly wrapped in funeral words. A woman's entire life shown through a keyhole of time.

*Star* This is well written, almost prose it is so artistically done.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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