*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lillyrose94/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
276 Public Reviews Given
280 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 ... Next
26
26
Review of Falling For You  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

I loved this poem! I feel like I can relate to it in so many ways. The colour of your text fits well with what the poem's about, with the pink relating to love. I like how you set your poem out and your word choice was great. Great descriptions and great poem, really!

Write on!

Lilly.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
27
27
Review of Thoughts  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

Nice poem. It flowed really easily and well. And I loved your use of colour. I think the title fit well with the content and your descriptions of your thoughts are really clear and well written. I'm not a huge fan of poetry, but I liked this piece.

Write on!

Lilly.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
28
28
Review of I am me  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, *Smile*

This is a nice start, and it has a lot of raw and real feelings in it. And I think it's great that you've put your feelings up on here and described them in a good way, that gets your point across. You are good at writing, but you seem to lack structure a bit at times, but that's not anything too serious. Also at times some parts you've put together don't make much sense, which you will need to work on yourself because I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say at those points. Everything else it fine. I'm going to put a little rewrite with a bit more structure underneath. This is just my idea/suggestion though, and I am in no way the perfect writer who knows everything. It's your choice to use what you like this example:

Out on your own, is this really what what you want? Heart beats fast, sweats slowly. Where is the pain? Change me, lock me, own me. I'll just become what you want me to be. I'll sin all of your promises. Angels will fall away to bring the light here. The cracks that belong here, this is who I really am. The trainer to your destiny. The lonely child who sleeps at night is who I am. Free me, please. I don't belong, even though you have everything I need. There is nothing that can hold you back now. I know I'm worth more than a million words. I do belong to the world! Set me free please, just set me free... I know God see's who I have become. I'm not who my mother made me to be, I am only only her daughter.

Hello, is anyone out there? No... It became what I never thought it would. But who are you? Is this just a dream? Pain and agony, what now? But again and again it started. Stop, stop, no more train tracks try to stop me. I run free, finally. Is this final? No, it's just the beginning. Tears, heartache. You and me, you and me. That is who I am; you and me, we are we. We are one united. We are the blood that brought us. We are the flower that smells like beautiful butterflies, but tastes like blood. We. But then there is no We because We is me!

Good job! Write on! *BigSmile*
29
29
Review of New Girl  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello *Smile*,

Title - Good, fits well.

Character/s - Haven't really got much on them, except them seem okay.

Plot - I can't really see the plot yet. Will you be writing more?

What I liked: *CheckV*

I liked your use of punctuation. It was used in all the right places correctly, and made the story more easier to read. I like what I've seen so far, but to be honest I don't see where the story is going yet. I do like your characters too, they seem okay and interesting, especially the new girl.

Errors/suggestions: *XV*

*I think it would be better and more effective if you put your characters questions in italics.

*Make it longer, I think it was too brief.

If you're writing more, feel free to let me know because I wouldn't mind reviewing again and seeing where this story is headed.

Write on! *BigSmile*

Lilly *PoseyV*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
30
30
Review of She Is  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello *Smile*,

Title - Great! It fits really well with the whole content of the piece.

Character/s - Good perspective.

Plot - Shows a good point.

What I liked (or more like LOVED!): *Heart*

This piece is amazing! I loved it, and it might even be one of the best pieces I have ever read on here, and one of my favourite too. I like how you started every line with "She is" I thought it was very effective. I also really loved the last line where you used the ellipsis, I think it tied up the piece really well.

Errors/suggestions: *XR*

I didn't find any mistakes and I can't suggest anything to make this piece more awesome. So a very big WELL DONE!

Write on! *BigSmile*

Lilly *PoseyR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
31
31
Review of When I Found This  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello *Smile*,

Title - Good, fits well with the poem.

Character/s - Clear feelings of character/you.

Plot - Shows a poem-like story of a persons/your feelings of finding something.

What I liked: *CheckV*.

Real and pure. Seems to show you personally and your feelings towards your finding. Good word choice throughout the poem, effective!

Errors and suggestions: *XV*.

*Try adding punctuation like commas for a better flow in your poem.

Overall an enjoyable poem! *BigSmile*.

Write on!

Lilly.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
32
32
Review of Love Hurts  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello *Smile*,

Title - Good title, fits well with the content of the poem.

Character/s - Seems like a character who's in love with someone so much they can't take it.

Plot - Good and clear.

What I liked: *CheckV*.

I liked the whole poem. You have a really good point here and it's very relatible. I liked how you described the feelings and gave the reader a good picture. Overall a good poem!

Errors and suggestions: *XV*.

*please! - Please!

*my - My.

*All these feeling! - All this feeling! Is that what you mean?

*so - So.

*Try and add more punctuation like commas so that your poem flows better.

Great job!

Write on! *BigSmile*

Lilly *PoseyV*.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
33
33
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello *Smile*,

Title - Great title. Fits very well with the entire content of the poem.

Character/s - Shows the feelings of the person and their opinions well.

Plot - Shows a good description of what it's like now, and how things change.

What I liked:

I really enjoyed reading this piece, and I felt that it was also so relatible to me and I'm sure it must be to many others too. I'm a teen and it's weird how fast things have changed honestly. So I really can relate to this piece. I also like how you compared the things to what they used to be like, it really gives the reader a good image and understanding. The layout is great, as is the whole poem!

Errors and suggestions:

*There really aren't any, except this minor typo I spotted in the 11th line of the poem. It's that you put "th" then an "e" by itself, and I'm positive this is meant to say "the". So I'd change that to make the poem look better, then I'd say it's pretty much perfect.

Amazing job!

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyP*.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
34
34
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello *Smile*,

Title - Good first impression and it fits well with the content of the story.

Characters - Nice characters and personalities.

Plot - Good plot which made a pretty good story.

What I liked: *CheckV*.

The show of emotions and the relationships he has with the people around him throughout the story.

Errors and suggestions: *XV*.

*I don't know if you know how to set your work out properly on the Writing system yet, but it's a bit too spaced out and sometimes was a bit off putting and may be to other readers too. I'd try and change this.

*Could have been longer. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wanted to read more and find out what happened. A short story is a short story so you could have carried it on and made it even better.

*Think about how to add punctuation in your speech. I'll show you an example - ""I know his heart," I said. "She's showing me."" Think more about it at the end and where to use it. Like this one I replaced the full stop (.) you originally used at the end of the first speech with a comma (,). Look out for other times you do it.

A good read! I hope I've helped you in some way and that this is what you wanted within a review.

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyR*.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

35
35
Review of My Grandma  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello *Smile*,

Title: Fits the content well.

Characters: Your own/families feelings. Very strong and clear voice.

Plot: Great, clear and meaningful.

What I liked: *CheckV*.

This poem is so sweet and I can tell it came straight from the heart. I'm really sorry for your loss, keep on writing!

Errors and suggestions: *XV*.

*The only mistake I noticed was that you forgot to capitalize the 'a' in "at" on the second stanza. Or maybe you meant to put a comma instead of a full stop on the line before?

Overall great job, I loved reading it!

Lilly *PoseyV*.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
36
36
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello *Smile*,

Title: Good title, fits the content well.

Characters: Good characters and personalities.

Plot: Nice plot. Clear and sweet.

What I liked: *CheckV*.

I really liked the whole idea of this story, it was so cute and sweet! And I also liked how at times it was quite funny too. The story felt realistic and full of love. You did a great job!

Errors and suggestions: *XV*.

*You shouldn't write numbers like this "16" in stories, it's better and correct wrote in proper English. You should write them as, in this case 'sixteen'.

*""Fine, fine," Rich seemed in a hurry." Should be a full stop instead of a comma at the end of the speech.

*""my treat." Should be capitalized on the 'm' - "My treat."

*You missed a question mark at the end of here "Was that a pick up I saw," she asked. When you change it to a question mark to show she has asked a question the 's' in 'she' should also be capitalized. - "Was that a pick up I saw?" She asked."

*No need for the comma after this speech, "Having sex?," I don't think you meant to put that there.

*Also I noticed it was a little choppy when you were changing from past to present tense. Maybe consider putting all the flash back in italics or when you're returning to the present tense separate it with a new paragraph.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this piece and I hope you continue to write great stories!

I hope I helped you in some way and that this was what you wanted within a review.

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyV*.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

37
37
Review of The Sunglasses  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello *Smile*,

Title: Great, fits well with the content.

Characters: Cute and relatible.

Plot: Don't know if there really was one, but how the small piece was told was great!

What I liked:

Short and very sweet. I especially liked the ending "And the world lights up even brighter." Beautiful sentence and a great young portray of love between them. I also really like the contrast of the dimness and the brightness, very effective. Good descriptions of the little dance between them and the setting around them.

Overall I really enjoyed this piece. Great job! *BigSmile*.

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyP*.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
38
38
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello *Smile*

Good job! *ThumbsUp*

Short and meaningful. I liked the message behind this, it was very sweet, and very relatible to me and probably to a lot of other girls too. It has a very good flow and is very nice and easy to read. Overall really liked it, great job!

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyP*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
39
39
Review of My Angel  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello *Smile*

Great job! *ThumbsUp*

Wonderful rhyming, I loved it, I can never write rhyming poetry myself, but I really love reading it on here. This was a great one! I thought the rhyming made the poem more effective as well. I think your descriptions were good of the persons feelings towards this other person, and how they were high up in the sky. Title fit really great too.

Errors and suggestions: *XV*

*Add commas to the end to add a better flow.

*Were - was.

*Remember to capitalize 'I'.

Accept for these things, really good job!

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyP*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
40
40
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello *Smile*

Great job! *ThumbsUp*

I loved it! I thought this was really great, and most definitely a good read! I liked the descriptions, which were very clear and easy to picture. I think that this piece could be relatible to a lot of people, and I think many would enjoy reading it. I certainly did. I'm a big fan of this particular part: "That makes you lovable, adorable, unforgettable, and unregrettable." I think this was really effective and very empathized too! I liked how you chose the words all to end in 'able'. Good job!

Errors and suggestions: *XV*

*I'd try putting more commas at the end to at a better flow, because sometimes I thought how you broke it up was a little choppy. But...oh wait, I forgot, this is prose, not poetry. Don't listen to me, haha *Pthb*

Well done,

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyP*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
41
41
Review of Talentless  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello *Smile*.

Good job! Very worth reading, I liked it *ThumbsUp*.

I like your descriptions on the people and what their characters are like and the situations and her past she is in, and where about she lives. Great punctuation, correct and used properly, really helped the flow of the story too. Overall a good piece!

Errors and suggestions: *XV*

* "Athera tells me-" Should be, "Athera told me-". Be careful what tense you are using here.

* What's a Memma? Do you mean Mamma? Like Mum? I would change this if I were you, but it's your choice.

*If I were you I'd avoid using brackets, they sometimes upset the flow of a story and make it look less attractive, and also sometimes, you don't even need them. They can be just as easily separated with a comma, example: "She has told me this story, and others about him many times-".

*Tan - should be - tanned.

*You don't need to capitalize "talents".

Other than these things, good job!

Keep on writing!

Lilly *PoseyP*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
42
42
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello *Smile*.

Nice short story! A good read *ThumbsUp*.

Beautiful story, I really liked it. You used good punctuation that was placed correctly throughout the story. Well written. I liked your portrayal of the emotions of your main character, they were really strong and relatible to. I also really liked how you said things turned out and how they found other members of there family, and also how you made it sound inspirational by saying your character is stronger now and is okay with everything and even happier.

Errors and suggestions: *XV*

*Me-my.

*A usual - as usual.

*Don't need 'and' here: "Once I asked her about it and she said she was fine-". With the rest of the sentence the 'and' doesn't fit and starts to sound a little repetitive.

*Replace full stop with comma: "Another day of school completed. Another day I've grown." - "Another day of school completed, another day I've grown."

Other than these things, fantastic job!

Write on!

Lilly *TulipV*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
43
43
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello *Smile*

Nice poem! Definitely a good read *ThumbsUp*.

I liked the layout and meaning of this poem a lot, I think it was lovely, and you did a great way of getting the point across. I think it fits the genres and title really well with the content. It has a really great flow, that is good for the reader and makes the poem so much better. I liked how you started the sentence in the poem with "A place" three times, I think that was really great and effective, and fit well where you placed it. Nice contrast.

Errors and suggestions: *XV*

*Missed capital: About three-quarter of way through the poem - you put "are hidden-" should be "Are hidden-".

*Typo: questions - question.

Other than those minor things, fantastic job! *Delight*

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
44
44
Review of Paranoid  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello *Smile*

Nice poem! I really liked reading it, definitely a good read *ThumbsUp*.

I think the poem's content fits very well with the title 'Paranoid' and the genres. I really like that it's free-verse, I love free-verse poems, and I think this was a great one. Good descriptions, very vivid at times, but that just made it easier for the reader and the poems meaning so much better. I liked the layout, though I do think it affected the flow a little at times. Maybe consider adding more commas to the ends? I really liked the last line, and also the whole mystery of what's in the box. You left me wondering and wanting more, great job! *Delight*

Errors and suggestions: *XV*

*I think on the first line that the semi-colon (;) should be replaced with a comma. I think it looks a little bit different and affects the flow a little for the rest of the poem.

*I think it might be a little too long, maybe consider trying to shorten it down a little.

*Add more commas at the end for flow.

Other than those minor things, a fantastic job! *BigSmile*

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyV*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
45
45
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I like this poem, it's very detailed on the emotions, and gets through to the reader really well. I like your choice of words, and your well written sentences.
Maybe you should consider laying it out more like a poem? I think it might look a little better if you did that.

Great job,

Write on!

Lilly.
46
46
Review of Beautiful  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello *Smile*

I really liked this piece of poetry. I don't know why this is only rated a 4* because it deserves to be so much more! I really liked how you've set it out, I've never seen that setting before, but I really like it, and I think it really showed the comparison more, and made it loads more effective too. This poem is really descriptive, it really gives you a clear vision of who you are describing. Another thing that adds to your description and your comparison is the word choice. It's fantastic,and has a really good range.

Didn't find any mistakes, beautifully written!

Keep on writing!

Lilly *TulipB*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
47
47
Review of Conner's Story  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello *Smile*

This short story is really descriptive, and a really good read. It fitted the genres you chose well. I really enjoyed reading it and the story really kept me reading. It was so interesting. I liked how you made it so easy to get to know the main character, I thought it was easy to tell what kind of guy he was and maybe relate to. I liked how you made use of humour. I thought at times this story was quite funny, and made some remarks that made me smile. I also liked the rhetorical questions you used, it really showed how the character was thinking, and made it even better to read. I also really liked the suspense and tension you put into the story, and it was really easy to tell how the main character was feeling too. I like the kind of half cliffhanger at the end too. A really great job with this story, I think there are a lot of things I liked about it *Pthb*.

Some mistakes I found:

*There were some small typos in this piece, which I'm sure you could easy fix with a read through.
*Missing commas in parts of some of the speech and story.
*Misplaced commas in some parts.

Some suggestions: You don't have to use these, it's completely your choice.

*I think you could have put a little more detail on Alice's part. Especially when she was turning into a zombie. I thought it was a little too short, and the only part of your story that wasn't very descriptive.

*When your doing the name of a movie, example The Living Dead, or whatever it was. Try using these ' ' so that it doesn't blend into the text so much.

Sorry if I rambled on a bit too much in this review, but I hope I've helped.

Great job,

Write on!

Lilly *TulipP*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

48
48
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello *Smile*

I really like this essay, it has really good points and evidence, and a pretty good explanation too. Did you use PEE? There always on about this at school. I also like how at the end you used your own personal opinion too, as well as the ones quoted by other people. I think this essay is really good, but, could it be a little longer maybe? It's quite short, and I'm not sure how much you wanted to write, but I feel that you could expand it and make it a whole lot better. It's your choice.

Great job, no mistakes found *ThumbsUp*

Keep on writing!

Lilly *TulipR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
49
49
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello *SnowMan*

Good job. This poem is really well written, and this message it holds is also very clear. I like how you've set it out, and your world choice is wide and interesting. I think you've done a really great job of description of feelings and set out.

Well done,

Keep on writing!

Lilly *XMasTree*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
50
50
Review of Story of Scott  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello *SnowMan*

This is a really sad and emotional story. I can see that from the writing, and of course the description. You tell the life of this boy Scott, very well, though it could have been more descriptive and longer. I did like the aim of your story, and I feel it tackles and tries to tell such an unfortunately common issue. I liked how you've tried to portray it, you can see by the sadness I felt reading it you did a good job.

I think you need to work on your structure. It's all squished together, and your transitions between scenes are un-clear, un-flowing, and confusing. You need to use paragraphs and work more on where you change scenes to make it flow more, so the reader isn't so confused and it's easier to comprehend. Also, I think you should be using a new line for when a person is speaking, this is also confusing and unclear at times, and will just make it clearer and more enjoyable for your readers if you fix this.

Overall a good story, which with some work could be a great emotional/tragic piece.

Well done,

Keep on writing!

*XMasTree* Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you and your family *XMasTree*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
114 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 5 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lillyrose94/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2