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276 Public Reviews Given
280 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Take it all  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello,

Yes this does look like the beginning of a good story! I think you need to do some work on it though, why I will explain later. I think that you have a good story line, and with a strong main character, should come across absolutely fine. Be careful though because there might already be quite a few stories with this particular plot, and that faces the same problems, so be careful to make your story unique and stand out against all those others. I know you can do it! You have wonderful potential as a future writer *Smile* .

Here are some problems I think you should work on to make your start of your book a lot better:

*Right, you need to remember to capitalize your letters at the start of a sentence or when someone new starts speaking, or if you are starting a thought. I have noticed you don't do this in quite a few places. I'm going to show you one, and then I would like you to go ahead and fix the others, okay?
Example of where you make this mistake: "you don't think I've had a hard day?" she hissed, "ya know what Zoey, just go. Go to your room, I don't want to see you anymore." Okay. You need to use a capital on the " y " at the start of your speech. It is a question, thus requires a capital letter! It should look like this "You". Also when the Mum carries on speaking you also need to use a capital letter on the " ya " making it look like this "Ya". Though Lillie you really shouldn't be saying " ya " you should be saying "you" to make it grammatically correct.

*Bad grammar. You have a lot of bad grammar in here! Bad grammar doesn't look good to a reader at all, it is okay at times, but you are using it way to much. Look out for words like "ya" and substitute them with words like "you". Another example "talkin", it just looks stupid and lazy if you don't put a " y " on the end. I don't know if this was poor grammar or a spelling mistake, which you need to fix.

*Punctuation. I also think you need to work a little on punctuation. Most of your commas are fine, but you have missed some in certain places. I have noticed that you don't use apostrophes ( ' ). These need to be used when your using words like "isn't" which you spelt without the apostrophe by the way, you need to change that.

Other than this and a needed read through to fix some typos. I think that this is a good story with a lot of potential to make a great book. My advice is to keep working on it, don't worry about the mistakes I've mentioned because everyone makes them, including me. Just remember to proof read a lot and make your work the best it can be, because if you do, you can be an amazing writer!

If you ever need any advice, don't be afraid to email me, Lillie. I want to see you grow as a writer just like I did. I get the feeling that your young when I read your writing, I am too. It doesn't matter how old you are, talent doesn't have a set age.

Great job,

Keep on writing, I'd love to read more!

Lilly *TulipP*

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52
52
Review of Sudden Departure  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

I liked this, very descriptive. I can see the main person's thoughts very clearly, and some of the things she has been through maybe. Is this about you? If it is then I want to tell you that it will all get better someday and to keep fighting until then *Smile* .
I liked how you described the atmosphere and how you compared it to how she/you felt and how it was affecting you also. This piece is also written really well. You make good use of punctuation and grammar, etc. I think that it is easy to understand and isn't boring. It seems realistic and quite relatable to some others.

Good job,

Write on!

Lilly *TulipR*

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53
53
Review of Say  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello,

Another great poem from you, and romantic too! I'd just like to say that you have a real talent for poetry, and I love your poems. Do you ever write stories? I think you would have a good talent for that too *Wink* . I like the romance in this, and the message too. I like the words you chose and how the poem is set out. Love it! *Heart*

I don't know if you wanted a rating because it says to not give one, but I'm sure you'd be happy to know I'd have given you a 5!

Well done,

Write on!

Lilly *ThumbsUp*

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54
54
Review of Found Mr.Right  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

CONGRATULATIONS on getting it published!!! Well done! *StarStruck*

I can see why this poem was published because it is amazing! I really loved it, it was so sweet and romantic. I love your descriptions, example of one I loved, "When he looks into my eyes, how I love his baby blue eyes." I loved that, and it really made me picture this cute guy with a pretty girlfriend.
I also like how you said she used to feel, and then said how she feels about him now. I like the caring edge your poem has too!
The only thing I'd say to improve is to capitalize your letter ' i ' when it is on its own.
Other than that, great job! Love the rhyme at the end, too!

Great job,

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyV*

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55
55
Review of Love and Hate  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I really like your poem. I think it has a lot of feeling and shows a really good description on why the girl/boy in this poem is so upset and what has happened. I liked the red font too, but remember that some readers may be sensitive to the colours on the screen! I like the overall effect of your poem, from your choice of words, to your wonderful set out. I almost feel like I'm right there with the person in the poem, and that I can feel everything that she is feeling. The poem is also a really great length, and flows really easily. I loved it!

Great job,

Write on!

Lilly *PoseyP*

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56
56
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hello,

Great poem! I absouelty loved reading it, honestly!

i love how clear you made it, with the romance and the feelings of not wanting to lose. Your point came across loud and clear, written in a really beautiful way too. I like your use of rhyming throughout the poem too. It made it more fun to read, and also added to the great effect of it.

Amazing job,

Write on!

Lilly

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57
57
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)

Hello,

Is this a poem?

I think you have a problem with how you've set it out, its doesn't look like a poem at all. Do you know how to properly set out a poem in lines and with punctuation? I'll give you a helping hand if you can't, just ask.

I can see your message behind this poem, but most of the time I found myself too distracted by the numerous mistakes in this poem. I think if you could learn how to set it out better and maybe work on your wording it would be a lovely poem to read.

The mistakes in this poem you should look out for are:

*The set out is all wrong for poetry. Look up how poems are set out, or ask me or someone else.

*There are a lot of spelling errors in this poem. They are everywhere, on pretty much every line, I'm sorry to say. Look up words in a dictionary or do spell check before posting, or maybe even get someone to proof read for you.

*Bad grammar and punctuation. Don't use words like "cause" its wrong and is bad grammar, use "because" the words have different meanings and where you've used "cause" its not right. Lot of places where there should be commas, you need to look up where to place them really. You don't use apostraphys ( ' ). When you say this "dont" you need to put an apostraphy inbetween the n and t making it look like this "don't".

Look out for these things in your poem, and it will make it so much better. I know this review might seem negative, but know that you can always improve, and this is the first step.

Good effort,

Write on!

Lilly

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58
58
Review of Untitled  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello,

Good job! I like this poem because its very descriptive and shows what it is that your trying to say well. It shows a romance gone wrong, and the feelings and memorys left behind, which you did a really great job of portraying.

There are however some mistakes you should fix:

*On the first line you have forgot to put a space after the comma.

*When you have an " i " by itself you need to put a capital letter so its " I ". I've noticed you don't capitalize them when you really should.

Other than this it was a really nice piece to read.

Well done,

Write on!

Lilly

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59
59
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello,

Right, this is a nice poem, with a good idea subject of writing one. Even though its been done a thousand times it never gets old. I like how you've wrote it and worded it in some parts of the poetry.
Unfourtunetly however, it does have a few mistakes I must show you:

* "when I have yet to meet you" Okay why is this "i" not a capital letter? You've surely got to know you always put a capital letter on an I when it's by itself. It should look like this: "when I have yet to meet you". I've noticed you do it other places throughout the poem too, you need to fix it, because it will be a big turn off for quite a lot of readers, if you don't.

*Where are your commas? You are missing quite a lot of commas (,) where you should be placing them throughout your poem, I think I've only counted one in there. You should have a comma at the end of every line, really, to keep the flow of your poem. And I have to say your poem does lack quite a lot of flow.

*Where are your question marks?!

You need to work a lot on your poem and your writing skills. Maybe check out where to put capital letters and commas online, wouldn't go a miss.

Your poem should really look like this (punctuation wise) you'll need to fix the flow:

How is my life complete with you?
When I have yet to meet you.
We see each other all the time,
and I always lose my mind.
I say to myself always,
how can I miss you, if you won't go away?
I see you standing there smiling at me,
but you have yet to meet me.

Whether you take my advice or not is entirely your choice.

Good effort, keep trying and improve to your best.

Write on!

Lilly

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60
60
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

Good start to a story, except my only problem is its very short to say its supposed to be a chapter. You did a good job with the speech in your story and your writing is really good. I liked your character, the girl, she seems strong and woud be a very good main character base for the story. I like how you made him keep saying "babe", which I thought was quite funny.
There were however mistakes in this short piece:

* "My friendsm, Natalie and Mindy, stayed outside, awkwardly shifting their weights from one foot to the other." I think you have a typo here "friendsm" its spelt "friends". I think you should fix that, because typos won't look good to other readers and typos make it less fun to read, really.

*" with Darren, but they I'd have a good enough reason." This doesn't really make much sense. I think you've missed out a word in this sentence, that word being "knew". I think your sentence would make more sense if you said "with Darren, but they knew I'd have a good enough reason".

Overall great job,

Write on!

Lilly

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61
61
Review of Long #imagine  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Heya,

Really like this piece, and I love the names of your characters, and I love One Directions song 'What makes you beautiful'!
I really loved your piece, and I think it was really good. Short and sweet!

Well done,

Lilly.
62
62
Review of I love You  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

Good job! I really liked your poem, it's really sweet and really sweet too. I liked how you described the love well and waht it was like, and how much love their still is there too. I just loved it!

Well done,

Write on!

Lilly.
63
63
Review of That One Night  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello,

I'm just going to start by saying "WOW" This was honestly the best piece of writing I have ever read on here. I thought your poetry was good, even great, but this is absolutely amazing! If your not published one day, then there really is something wrong. I swear I'm being totally honest here. I loved everything about this from your description to your amazingly good use of punctuation and a writing style I really loved. Your writing style makes it really easy to read, and makes you feel like your in the story and really understand the characters feelings, and everything that's going on.
Keep on writing because you really are amazing at it!

Well done,

Lilly.
64
64
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

Great Job!!!

Your piece is so relatible! I feel the way you have described sometimes, but not quite to the extremes as wanting to drown, etc. But I get what your trying to say here. I really loved this poem, and you really do have a talent for this! You write so well. I really did enjoy it. I see your bio says your in a creative writing class, well I thought I'd say you definitely deserve to be. Just the kind of poems I like, great with a bit of rhyme in some parts (which was also another good job!).

Excellent Job,

Write on and don't ever stop!!!

Lilly.
65
65
Review of Rainy Day  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello,

I think that it's beautiful you wrote this for your friend, and the poem is also beautiful. It's really great, and I think you wrote it so well. I liked pretty much everything about it. I think you could put more rhymes in or something, at times their were some rhymes. I don't know if this was meant to be free verse or not?
Anyway such a great job!

Write on!

Lilly.
66
66
Review of The Boy  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

Really good job with this! I really liked reading this, and I think it is an amazing poem. I liked how you set it out and also the bits of rhymes you got throughout most of the poem. Excellent job!

Write on!

Lilly.
67
67
Review of Riley  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey,

This is a lovely, sad and beautiful story. I loved the relationship between your two main characters Riley and Jess from the moment they first met. You did an amazing job of showing how much they cared about each other. You really showed what best friends really are. I loved this!

I think you need to read it through for mistakes, such as spelling and typos.

I did notice a mistake, that I'll show you:

* "Then she ran of to find her mother" Mistakes like these, you need to look out for, it should be "off" instead of "of". It should look like this: "Then she ran off to find her mother."

Great job!

Lilly


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68
68
Review of Reading The Paper  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I think this piece is really good. You wrote it really well and I think you made it really effective. It's very true and real and you described some very good points, which really makes the reader think. Great job!

I think though, that I noticed a mistake you made here:

* "they stop by store," I think you meant "they stop by the store" because if you don't put the "the" in, it doesn't really make sense.

Besides that, well done!

Lilly *Smile*


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69
69
Review of Webs  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I really liked your piece and I think you did an excellent job of writing it. I liked how you portrayed your main character and I liked how she wanted to save people, despite her earlier description. I admit I was shocked about who it was that caused this, but I did kind of expect it in a way. If that makes sense? Anyway really great job, mistake wise, read it through, look out for some typos and maybe take away some of the commas, because you use them A LOT. Other than that, really well done!

Write on!

Lilly *Smile*


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70
70
Review of Someday  
Review by Lillyrose
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good job! I really liked this *Smile*
71
71
Review of Two Sides  
Review by Lillyrose
Rated: E | (5.0)
I LOVE THIS!

Great job!

Lilly *Smile*
72
72
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
for entry "CHAPTER TWO: CASSIE" 
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello,

Again great chapter. Your characters are so interesting, especially your main one. I like how he has all these feelings hidden inside, and I think you did a great job of showing that. Cassie seems - interesting too and the french dude seems cool *Pthb*

I only found one mistake:

*"She barely catches it but it slips and shatters all over Mr. Boy toy’s bare feet." There should be a comma (,) after the BUT.

Other than that great job again!

Write on!

Lilly

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73
73
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey, here is my review as you requested,

Wow. What a great start to a story! I really enjoyed reading this and I thought it was very funny. You really made me smile, I like your characters, I like how you set them out and gave just enough information in this chapter. A lot of people always give too much at the start of there stories, but you didn't, so well done!

I did notice however a few small errors, here is what I've noticed:

* “They say you're not really nice, only to get the money, like an evil snake. They said you are an snake, Charlie. Are you a evil snake, Charlie?: Here there is only a tiny mistake and it's that you forgot your quotation mark at the end, it should look like this: “They say you're not really nice, only to get the money, like an evil snake. They said you are an snake, Charlie. Are you a evil snake, Charlie?"

*I did notice there were a few spelling mistakes and typos in your piece that I suggest you give a read through and fix.

There is something I really liked about your work, you have excellent use of commas. I don't think I've ever seen any work on here where there's been no comma mistakes. So for that great job!

I really enjoyed reading this, I'll take a lot at some more!

Write on!

Lilly

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74
74
Review of Surprise Party  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hey,

This is a nice, sweet and an amusing story, but I'm sorry to say that it is filled with mistakes.
This story would be a really funny and enjoyable one to read if it didn't have so many mistakes. Good punctuation, spelling and the sentences actually making sense is key to a good story and a lot of yours lacked this, so much it was taking the reader out of the story. You used commas a lot, which is great, but you use them way too much and mostly in the wrong places. There are quite a few spelling mistakes and sometimes I felt that you were losing the story and that you were starting to tell different ones all at once, that it became so confusing.
I think you need to work on how your using punctuation, maybe buy a book on it or look up on the places where you MUST use them and work on breaking up your sentences, instead of just using commas all the time.
Your story does need a lot of work and if I were you I'd start by looking for the mistakes I've pointed out.

I hope I've been helpful to you. Good luck,

Write on!

Lilly

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75
75
Review of Natural beauty  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey,

I liked this piece and thought it was very beautiful. I like that you see yourself this way, no matter what others say *Smile*

Lilly

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