Another creepy one - I don't want to know what's beyond the shadows! The rhyme scheme and meter were absolutely perfect, and as always, I love your images. You have so many good ones.
Great job with imagery and describing the effect of these shadows, which could be, of course, a great number of things and probably differ per person. A nice take on the skeletons everyone has sitting in their closets.
Suggestions for Improvement:
None to be found. Nice job!
Final Notes:
Keep up the wonderful writing. This poem surely deserves both the ribbon and the publication.
This is the only piece in this particular folder I haven't reviewed - so I thought I might as well take a peek.
As always, you have some wonderful images preceding and complementing the words.
Nice use of the acrostic poem while still maintaining poetic flow. I see often that acrostic poems seem a bit forced - I didn't feel any of that with this particular poem. Nice job!
Suggestions for Improvement:
Only one nitpicking for you:
Everyone truly devoted is? forgiven of sin
Not sure if you intended for there to be an "is" there or not.
This is a wonderful collection of C-notes that is reasonably priced and credited to the talented SonnetWolf. I've bookmarked this shop for future reference - I'll probably be back some day.
Your piece has been nominated to be included in our Trophy Case. Here is your complementary review! Check out "Invalid Item" to see your item and the other awarded pieces.
What I Liked:
A very poetic and creative "random nothing"! I enjoyed your poem and the truthfulness that rang in every word.
Suggestions for Improvement:
I felt commas were a bit overused in this poem.
will fall[,]
into the abyss[,]
of my subconscious.
I would use commas as they fall naturally in prose. These commas, then, are unnecessary and merely add an unnatural rhythm to your poem.
Maybe, somdaysomeday,
A mispelling. "somday" should be someday.
Final Notes:
Nice work! Continue to write. I look forward to reading more of your writing, and to seeing you around the site.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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What I Liked:
Jack is a character that many young people can easily relate to. Nice job painting the picture of a young man who is troubled and doesn't know his place in the world. I look forward to seeing how this story will develop as a "coming-of-age" story.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Which was maybe why he blurted, “Mom, I'm fifteen. Maybe I could learn how to swim.”
Missing a comma here.
His mother didn't have to tell him to go to his room; or . he just went straight upstairs with his head hung.
You have a run-on sentence; you need either a period or a semicolon here.
“You make any friends today, Jack?” his father blurted out.
“Um, Mymy name is Jack Hurt. This man saved me out of the pond.”
Shouldn't capitalize the "my.
Careful.
Final Notes:
Hope this helps! Keep up the great work.
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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Before I start my review, I would like to apologize for how long this review took. Real life has not been kind to me lately and I've been having difficulties keeping up with WDC responsibilities. I hope you can forgive me for the late review and that I will see you again in the forum despite it.
What I Liked:
A lovely story that is sure to capture the attention and the imagination of children. You've created a beautiful land and a heroine that your audience can surely relate with.
However, this story isn't just a cutesy affair - there is a real message to be learned and and Haleigh must make some choices that are poignant yet simple enough so that children can understand them.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Your grammar is basically flawless, so I will get very nitpicky with you. I noticed that you used a lot of passive verbs, especially in your descriptive introduction, that weren't necessary.
For example:
She was a beautiful girl, admired by all her subjects. Her golden hair and blue eyes were famed throughout the land, so much so that people came from every corner of the kingdom to look upon her face.
could be...
All the subjects in the land admired her, and whispers about her golden hair and blue eyes flourished in every corner of the land, so much so that people came from all over the kingdom to look upon her face.
I'm sure you could come up with a better version that avoids passive verbs. Just remember that passive verbs slow down the pace of the story and in general sound wordy.
Another example:
Its flowers, mainly violets and roses, were in bloom for most of the yearbloomed year around.
Again, another example of wordy writing that could be more concise.
“We belong to all.” The gold lion spoke in a low, growling voice.
New sentence - you want to capitalize "the".
It took her time to get there,By the time she arrived, rain had soaked into the ground and the fields between the castle and the tower were knee deep in water.
That first clause doesn't make much logical sense.
“What is happening?” she repeated.
"she" should not be capitalized.
“The world has given up,[.]” the silver lion answered.
Comma, not period.
Final Notes:
I hope my comments were helpful. You have a great start here. Keep up the wonderful work.
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
Wow! This is an absolutely fantastic idea. I dropped off a *few* nominations.
I have a question for you, though, about the novel/novella - do they have to be completed and up on the web? And I know many people have wonderful novels under passkeys or other access restrictions. Would those pieces be ineligible?
Also, I was wondering if there was any way you could denote the categories for which you weren't accepting nominations because the nominees for those categories would be coming from other categories. That might clear things up for some people.
Other than that, I have no other nitpickings. Keep up the great work!
You were anonymously nominated to receive an awardicon from "Invalid Item" . Congratulations!
What I Liked:
A lovely piece with so much emotion. The rhyme scheme and rhythm works flawlessly and you've expressed heartbreak without being too cliche.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Just a minor one for you - consider not arbitrarily capitalizing the first letter of each line and instead capitalizing as one might naturally in prose. That might give you poem a more natural feel since your diction is so informal.
Final Notes:
I enjoyed your poem. Keep up the great work and never stop writing!
I know that you nominated someone else for a ribbon; however, this piece was so well done it captured my heart.
What I Liked:
Wow. Masterfully done. So nice, Tim, what a touching story that kept me reading the entire way through. I love the way the story comes full-circle in the end with the "quiet moment of meditation". You pull on the widow's emotions so well, and make us really feel for her.
Suggestions for Improvement:
A few sentences I felt were run-ons:
My lawyer seemed to be working hard on my case.[,] I'd met with him a few different times, but I was seeing no genuinely positive results.
You need a period here.
I thought,[;] I probably really can survive the six months in prison they're offering and probation couldn't be all that bad.
You need the comma here.
I awoke with a start.[,] I was shaken to my very soul.
Another run-on - a period is appropriate here.
Final Notes:
I only had a few minor nitpickings for you - a lovely piece, really, that I enjoyed reading. Keep up the wonderful work.
What a touching poem. I loved the rhyme scheme and I thought it worked well with this piece! I liked the emotion behind the words and I thought you did a good job conveying your opinion through a poem, which isn't always the easiest thing to do!
Suggestions for Improvement:
A couple spelling/grammatical nitpickings:
that our honorable fallen so gratelygreatly deserve? Watch spelling.
During a time of no food...of beleifsbeliefs so crude, Be careful.
Our enemies' victory and slendorslander? Again, just be careful and proofread over your pieces.
Final Notes:
With a little fixing up, this piece will be fantastic! I really enjoyed what you've got here.
If you ever need any help with anything, just let me know.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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I am so sorry this review took so long. I was out of town for much of the holiday season and am still catching up on reviews. Thank you for your patience.
What I Liked:
What a humorous and entertaining piece! I really enjoyed your story and thought that you did a good job addressing the prompt. Nice characterization of a figure that we all have our own stereotypes of.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Just a few notes:
Everything belonged in its place, but that place was apparently not stationerystationary.
"Stationery" refers to pretty paper you write letters on. You want "stationary".
Gathering his wits, the man of steel calmly turned the bulb into its home and flicked the switch. Missing a comma here.
Final Notes:
I had to love the little asterisk note. Very clever!
Keep up the great work!
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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I am so sorry it took so long for me to get to your review. I was gone for much of the holiday season and I am just starting to catch up. Thank you so much for your patience.
What I Liked:
What an interesting story! I was hooked the entire way through. Starting off with a mysterious quote gives this first chapter a "classic" feel, as does the also mysterious setting of the bar (also a commonplace scene in fantasy). Just be careful not to stray too close to the cliches later on in the novel.
Suggestions for Improvement:
But if you did have a little extra credit to throw away, Trick iswas one of the very few who still have the real deal.
I would stick to past tense here to make your tenses all match.
They acted like they'rewere high rollers, but appearances arewere deceiving.
Again, same note. It's a bit jolting if you suddenly add in commentary in first person. There are a few other instances where you switch back and forth between past and present. Just remember, even for commentary on things that are still true in the present (such as appearance) you still want to stick to past tense for continuity.
. . . he lookslooked like a rat. . .
A couple things here - tense, and I think you're missing an "a".
“Hey barkeep,” Hehe yelled.
No need to capitalize that "h".
Final Notes:
Some grammatical boo-boos scattered throughout this piece. I would go back and do another run-through to catch all of them. You have a good sci-fi/fantasy start here!
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
Another darker poem, as the title would suggest. Again, nice use of writing mL to complement the words. The rhyme scheme was right on, and I like the way this poem wraps up. Nice job!
Suggestions for Improvement:
A few things:
I despise the way you seem to be
thinking of yourself so much.
I felt that this was a little wordy. This'll help even out the syllable count.
I think the word "you" was overused a bit in this poem. Woah! Thirteen "you" based words in this piece. If there's any way to go back and take some of them out, that would be great. For example:
the love once felt for you has died.
That could just be taken out.
Final Notes:
Your poetry is always good! With a little tweaking, though, this can be even better.
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season! Write on!
Wow. Definitely deep poem. You've done a great job playing up that anger inside, and I think that this is a theme many of us can relate to. It's funny how those we think that we know the best can also seem the furthest from us...
Nice job with rhyme scheme and with grammar and spelling, as always. This is another fantastic poem.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Just one for you -
Forgiven - a word I wish came easily,
I think if there was a dash here, it might flow better.
Final Notes:
Sherri, the language! But I think it was totally appropriate. Great job, and write on!
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season! Write on!
Wow! Fantastic poem. I can definitely see why this got a ribbon. Nice job giving this a good sense of flow even without rhyme! I like the use of writing mL in this piece - it complements the words without overdoing it. The sigs are nice, too.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Just one for you - I felt that the last stanza was a bit choppy because every single line ended in a period. Is there any way that one of those periods could be taken out so that there's a better flow?
Final Notes:
Great poem! I enjoyed reading this.
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season! Write on!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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What I Liked:
This is an interesting poem that questions the meaning of existence. Nice job with language and painting a picture! The extended image of Romeo and Juliet is particularly effective, in my opinion.
Suggestions for Improvement:
My main suggestion with this piece is that is sounds extremely prose-like. It took me about halfway down the first stanza to realize that you meant this piece to be poetry. In complete honesty, this piece reads a bit like chopped up prose, not like an actual poem, especially in that first stanza.
A little bit of prose-ishness in poetry is okay. But please consider cutting up some of those longer lines into shorter ones, and experiment with shorter lines.
I felt that "......." was just a bit too many dots for an ellipse. I would stick to the standard three or just not use any punctuation there at all.
And about the punctuation: I would definitely encourage you to use a lot less. Having periods at the end of every single line is repetitious and makes this poem hard to read. There isn't that sense of flow that you almost sort of need in poetry. Periods are dead-end stoppers to line flow. Consider not punctuating so much and letting the natural rhythm of your words lead to caesuras.
Final Notes:
With a little tweaking, I think this poem could really shine! Keep working on it! If you would like me to reread and rerate, just let me know.
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
Wow! This is just so kind and sweet that I wish someone would write a poem about me! What touching and lovely words you have here. Nice job using rhyme scheme and rhythm, too!
Suggestions for Improvement:
Only got one for you - in your item description, I believe 'siter' should be sister.
Final Notes:
Another fantastic poem, Sherri! Keep up the great work and the tributes that I am sure have brightened up so many people's days.
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season! Write on!
Here's another touching tribute to an important figure in all our lives - Mothers. You've touched on some of the universal bonds we share with our mothers while still making this poem yours. Nice job!
Suggestions for Improvement:
A couple punctuation notes:
Third stanza, first line - I felt the semicolon there was inappropriate. I would use a comma.
“Hold me closely forever,”[,] I plead with my mother,
Comma should go on the inside.
Final Notes:
Lovely poem! The content is fantastic, and I enjoyed this poem, too!
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season! Write on!
Lovely poem! I like the use of repetition in this poem; I think it provides a steady backdrop and rhythm for the rest of the words. The rhyme scheme was flawlessly done! Nice job!
Suggestions for Improvement:
This is sort of a personal preference, but when "father" refers to God, I like to see the F capitalized.
Thank you God[,] - sure, life has its tolls
I would punctuate this line as shown.
Final Notes:
A lovely poem and a wonderful tribute I really enjoyed reading! Keep up the great work!
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season! Write on!
Great use of rhythm and language! This explains the Christmas story in a simple but touching way that is perfect for children (and us older folks!) The writing mL wasn't overdone but instead enhanced the piece.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Only got one for you - I'm not quite sure if "precious//Christmas" rhyme really works. But my rhyming dictionary says only the word "isthmus" rhymes with "Christmas", so I'm sure if there's much you can do with it, either!
Final Notes:
I just had to choose this poem as the first one to read since it Christmas is coming! What a wonderful poem to celebrate the season!
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season! Write on!
You talk about your credentials as a reviewer and your own personal view on reviewing without getting boring. Nice job keeping the reader's interest.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Most of my suggestions are grammatical. Because this IS a piece about reviewing, I suggest fixing the punctuation and grammatical mistakes you have below. It'll give your piece more credibility.
I thought I needed a place to excuse myself[;] so you better understand my ratings and reviews.
That semicolon is inappropriate. Semicolons are used to connect two independent clauses. In regular English, this basically means to connect two sentences that can stand on their own. The latter half of that sentence is not a complete sentence by itself; therefore, you cannot use the semicolon.
Anyway, I gave up poetry relatively early[;] after figuring I wrote only for competitions.
Same comment about the semicolon.
I preferred journalism.[;] I worked at the local newspaper when I was 16-17[;] and lost the job because of the intrigue, of which I was a victim.
Semicolons are tricky little things. Here, all three of them are actually inappropriate. I added in a 'of' because you need that word to make grammatical sense.
You can imagine how I felt,[;] left out with the deadline passing in twenty minutes, in the unknown city, in hostile environment, and with a co-worker who had hated me from the first gaze so much, that she didn't even say "hi" to me.
Run-on sentence. That initial semicolon is inappropriate, and this list itself is fragmented and needs to be broken up into at least two sentences. I didn't break it up for you this time because I think you probably get the trend by now.
After it had been published, my friends kept calling me with praises, telling me that it had been my best writing in long months.
Another fragmented sentence. You need something like "telling me that" to keep this as one sentence. Another option would be to make this sentence into two, putting the period after "praises".
There are some evergreen lines for every comic to be used in the cramp times, and[;] with high probability people will buy them.
Careful with those semicolons.
I'm not quite sure if the second to last paragraph (about your high school journalism class) is really necessary to bring your point home about your credentials. I feel that you've touched upon them enough previously, and stressing that high school journalism class again feels a bit repetitive.
Final Notes:
You've got a good start here. With a little tweaking, I think that this piece can really shine!
Because I am also not a native speaker of English, I understand how difficult it can be to get the nitty-gritty mechanics of punctuation down. Fixing your semicolon errors will improve the quality of this piece greatly.
If you would like me to reread and rerate this piece, just let me know. I would be more than happy to.
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season! Write on!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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What I Liked:
I like the way that this piece comes full-circle, and you've done a great job painting a picture of the school, the teacher, and the whole incident.
You've used a lot of fragments, but I didn't feel that they detracted from the quality of this piece and still found it easy to read. Nice job!
Suggestions for Improvement:
There weren't any grammatical or mechanical problems; your grammar is generally flawless.
There was only one fragment that I felt was a little confusing:
We laid our small pioneer inside[,] and glued [it] the coffin shut.
I think that this will make more sense.
At least in the beginning of this piece, I assumed that the 'hero' would be the teacher. Then we find out the hero is, in fact, the hamster. I like the entire idea of that, but I felt that why the class admires the hamster could be better elaborated. She carried the 'longings on her little shoulders', but I think in this case, it isn't enough. Perhaps you can have the teacher make the connection and say that the hamster is a hero because of her sacrifice, or something along the lines like that.
Final Notes:
You've got a great start here. A little more tightening up will improve this piece.
Keep on writing!
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
--Emerin
Don't forget to check out "The Kindness Tree" . Nominate someone today and earn your ticket to raffle where everyone wins a prize. Celebrate the Holidays with ASG!
Again, I love what you've done with bringing in the character and making her a vital person the reader can sympathize with.
Suggestions for Improvement:
I see that you have a problem finishing your pieces. I hope that you find the motivation to finish this one, too. I think you have a great start and some great opportunity for suspense.
Final Notes:
Write on!
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season! Write on!
Hugs,
Emerin
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The rhyme scheme and meter were absolutely perfect, and as always, I love your images. You have so many good ones. 
I was out of town for much of the holiday season and am still catching up on reviews. Thank you for your patience.
I hope that you find the motivation to finish this one, too. I think you have a great start and some great opportunity for suspense.