Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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Cute poem and definitely appropriate for children. I enjoyed the animal characters and the conflict that many kids can relate to. The moral at the end was good, too.
A couple notes for improvement:
First off, this isn't a sonnet. A traditional sonnet has 14 lines of four quatrains + a couplet, all written in iambic pentameter. This poem is good as a poem, but as a sonnet it's lacking in many ways. So I would stop categorizing it as such.
A couple notes regarding dialogue punctuation:
"Come play!"[,] cried the robin as she flapped her wings
Only one punctuation mark is required. That comma is inappropriate.
And Wilbert said, "By the way, What's you're name?"
The seagull said, "Howdy, my name is Guide."
Then Wilbert said, "Let's go, I'm ready to ride!"
"See you later," they said as they sailed away.
Missing a bunch of commas here.
And his sister came out and laughingly said,
"No,spacenot like that! Draw it this way instead."
A few typos.
I hope this helps!
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
A very sad poem, and definitely one that you told well. Great word choice and nice use of the flow of poetry to evoke emotion.
A couple suggestions -
Because the lines are so short and choppy in this piece, I don't know if any punctuation or capitalization is necessary at all. I think having none would look quite nice and complement the piece well.
Another poem - much more serious than the children's pieces I just read.
I thought you pulled off the serious tone quite well while still within the confines of a rhyme scheme.
Of course, I do, however, have a few suggestions for improvement.
Not really sure what the mace meant in the first stanza - it didn't really make sense and to me felt like it was stuck in there for rhyming purposes. I think something with a 'disgrace' rhyme might fit a little bit better in the context...
Third stanza - the last line is the only one to not end in punctuation out of all the other -ace rhyming lines. I would put a period there for continuity.
Another cute poem. I liked this one, too - good use of the rhyme scheme to complement the piece.
Of course, I have suggestions for improvement...
She said, "Are! theyThey aren't and never will be,"
Careful with the dialogue mechanics.
That'sWhere these cute, furry,and of course squishy, round creatures dwell.
Another really long line - consider cutting it down a little! All the adjectival modifiers aren't really necessary - you have four, and i think you really only need about two.
Very nice narrative poem! You're telling a story within this piece, something that's pretty difficult to do within a set rhyme scheme. You did a good job with it.
Only one suggestion for you:
And the mouse always remembers (when lying in some hay), to close the door.
That line is really, really long! It hinders the piece, in my opinion. I might take out that line in parentheses even if it is cute, just because it looks a bit silly.
A cute poem with a little more substance to it than your other pieces - there's a moral involved and definitely a message to be told. I love the way you tell it within the characters of the story, and your own personal voice shines through this piece. Good job!
Of course, I do have some suggestions for improvement.
AAs beautiful as can be
Think you're missing a letter here...
'Hights' should be heights.
It means, "Slow down you."[.]
Punctuation always goes inside the quotation marks.
Oooh...a bit creepy! You tell this story well, and as usual your narrative voice is strong and keeps the plot going. My only suggestions for improvement are grammatical or mechanics-related.
'Sams house' should be Sam's house.
"Wow! He's hot!"[.]
That period is unnecessary.
Scottland is actually spelled Scotland.
She intoducedintroduced herself, "I'm Amanda."
Spelling error and missing a period here.
"About 10ten miles back,[.]" she said, wondering at this line of questioning.
Comma necessary, and spell out numbers less than twenty!
A lovely poem with great emotion. The approximate end rhyme works throughout the piece and I think you did a wonderful job with the word choice.
I do, however, have a few suggestions for improvement.
I felt a comma would be appropriate after 'screams'.
You have good approximate end rhyme, but flag//end didn't work for me there...I sort of wanted that long a sound repetition again. Just something to consider.
Here's your first review from the Author's Support Group...
Lovely, lovely piece. Very sad and just jam-packed with emotion. I can tell that you're writing with something you're passionate about, and that feeling really comes alive within your words.
I do, however, have a few suggestions for improvement regarding dialogue punctuation.
"I don't know, she won't tell me,[.]" he replied.
A comma there is necessary because 'he replied' is not it's own separate action.
"He was killed by a roadside bomb,[.]" she explained.
Same deal.
"go ahead and cry! You have every right!"[,] but I stayed silent.
That comma is unnecessary. Only one punctuation mark is appropriate.{/b]
"Thank You!"[.]
Same deal.
"I want my Dad! I want my Dad![,,,]"
Same deal.
Great story with a few grammatical errors. Very heartbreaking...
Here's your review as a Noteworthy Author, sponsored by "Invalid Item" !
This is definitely my favorite item in your portfolio. Beautiful haunting language, lovely characterization. Just a wonderful piece, and one that I immensely enjoyed.
I love the way you build this story up with descriptions that bring the story to life. You have real talent here!
My only suggestions for improvement are to look over this once more - you're missing a couple line breaks in a few places.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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Wow! What a beautiful piece. You've done a great job with this, and I definitely enjoyed reading it.
Good job bringing the story to life. You have a great personal voice, and you've done a good job with the characters, too. The story didn't jar at all for me.
The only suggestion for improvement I have is to line break between the paragraphs. It really will make this piece easier to read.
Sorry I don't have more to nitpick on! Hope this helps!
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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An interesting poem! There's a melancholy feel to this that's interesting and I like the vernacular language you use.
I do, however, have a few suggestions for improvement.
I felt that the dash was a bit overused in this piece. Don't be afraid to vary punctuation, and in poetry, to not use punctuation at all! The dash usually means for more emphasis - an exaggerated pause, perhaps - and overusing it cheapens the effect for when you REALLY want that pause to count.
I wouldn't use the double question mark or the ?! in this piece. It looks cheap and a little childish.
The rhyme scheme was there, but vaguely. I see a lot of approximate rhymes that might have worked if the rhythm was more precise, but in this piece it is not, which isn't a bad thing. But it leaves the rhyme out. Laugh//mad, that//heart, love//that long//home don't really work.
I hope this helps! Nice start here.
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
Great narrative voice although only dialogue is used. It's difficult to pack all this in 500 words, but you've done a good job! The emotion is very real and vividly done.
This is a lovely poem with nice descriptive phrases. I couldn't spot any typos and the presentation was nice and neat. The writing mL was used nicely but not overdone. The images are a nice touch, too.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Second stanza, third line - I didn't feel the semicolon at the end of the line was appropriate because in prose semicolons are put in place of periods, usually, and since that semicolon wouldn't be there in prose, I don't think it should be used in poetry, either.
Oh, what a sad and touching piece! I'm so glad to hear the lesson that you've taken out from this experience, and this is just more heart-wrenching because you indicate that this is indeed a real-life experience.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Only got one for ya - I think three question marks is a little over the top. In my personal opinion, I would stick to just one. The other two question marks aren't really doing much for the story.
Final Notes:
A lovely story and definitely one of the better one's I've encountered on this site. Thank you for a wonderful read.
This is a fantastic place to meet and greet! The layout is simple and inviting and there's also a plethora of pieces to read if you're looking for something to review...
Suggestions for Improvement:
Nary one!
Final Notes:
A wonderful guestbook of sorts but does much more. Great work, Princess Megan!
The tension in this piece is painfully obvious and you build it up well. Great use of dialogue and of character development to further this piece.
Even in something as tragic and suspenseful as this you manage to intersperse a little bit of humor - a doctor like a linebacker, and A in prolonging agony - all these little descriptions made me smile.
Suggestions for Improvement:
I wanted just a little more description of the office. I know that that's not the central part of your piece, but it felt a bit too sparse for me.
HAHAHA! Oh, how hilarious and what a delightful piece. I sincerely enjoyed reading this. Not a word was out of place. The rhyme and rhythm is impeccable and contributes to the light-hearted mood of the poem.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Can't seem to find any....
Final Notes:
Lovely poem, Meg! What a rare treat to find such a gem.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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A lovely poem and quite fitting for the Halloween season!
The rhyme scheme was cute and complemented the piece, and I couldn't find any errors in rhyme - very good!
I do, however, have a few suggestions for improvement.
I wouldn't use semicolons unless they would be appropriate in prose; they seem a bit unnatural. For instance, third line of the first stanza I think the the semicolon isn't used correctly. Remember, semicolons connect two independent clauses, which is pretty much the same thing as saying two shorter sentences. Semicolons go in place of PERIODS, not commas.
Third stanza, third line, should be God's.
Fifth stanza, first line, witches should be witch's since it is possessive.
Wondering why 'godly' is capitalized in the last stanza - it's a descriptor and shouldn't be.
'halloween' should be Halloween - don't forget to capitalize the H.
Wondering why there isn't a period at the end of this poem. I thought it would be fitting.
You have a good start here. With a little work this should be even better! Hope my review helps..
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1307093 by Not Available.
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Interesting theories... I learned some facts about the origination and the connotations of 'bad words' that I hadn't known previously.
I do, however, have a few suggestions for improvement.
Watch your tense shift. Consider the following sentences:
This is why “___” was considered bad; was considered bad? It's not considered bad anymore?its out-of-context meaning was donkey again, the context still is 'donkey' and it is used to mean butt. Okay, do you see how many times you switch from is to was in this one sentence? You need to choose just one and stick with it. It is becoming more accepted because its new definition is slowly becoming more accepted, which results in the word no longer being used in a bad way. don't use the same word twice in the same sentence.
I felt that the word 'bad' was used a bit too much in this piece. Can we substitute in synonyms? e.g. curse words, foul language, etc.
The piece felt a little unfinished in the end. There's no real conclusion, and the reader doesn't know exactly which theory you're trying to advocate.
This piece has potential! With a little work I think it could be much better.
Thank you for your consideration, and please stop by our forum again!
Lovely piece, very reflective and quaint almost in language. I enjoyed reading this and can definitely reflect and relate to it; I think many people, writers especially, can say that they have a 'special' place like the one you describe.
I do, however, have a few suggestions.
My first one is to line break. This piece is a bit difficult to read because there aren't breaks between the paragraphs. That'll probably encourage more people to read this piece.
One of the times wherewhen you’re sitting staring at a computer screen or with your nose in a book, and it’s three thirty in the morning and you need to get out.
Should be 'when', not 'where', because you're referring to a time, not a place.
Second to last paragraph, I felt that you contradicted yourself a little bit. You start with 'I don’t quite know why' but then continue to state perfectly clear reasons. I can get the effect you're going for but I think that that entire paragraph would be clearer if you started that statement with a phrase like 'which is ironic because...' and then go into the list. But again, that's just a personal preference.
Overall, this is a strong piece. I enjoyed reading it.
All the best with your writing. If you have any questions about this review, don't hesitate to ask! And always remember that you are the god of the piece; take my suggestions or disregard it - it's your choice.
Best wishes,
Emerin
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Suggestions for Improvement: 
Final Notes:
