Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lmiller7569/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
Jennifer Rowlins said her membership expired while she was out of town. I can't find her on the list and would like to pay for her membership. How do I go about this with er not being on the list?
Love your story, especially the twist! You do have a lot of errors in this story and you need to clean it up. The errors are, misused grammar, run on sentences, etc. You are a very talented story teller and you need to figure out how to write a solid story. Keep on writing as you can become very, very good.
Also,let me welcome you to WDC! What an exciting time for you to be dropping in and wanting to be part of us. WDC is a wonderful place to be and you will find many avenues you can go down to find your on genre. We love having you and look for ward to seeing you grow with us.
Well, I liked your story. Yes there are a lot of misspellings and grammar issues, but I read between the lines and what I saw was a budding author who wanted to learn how to write, how to clean up his speech/writing. WDC has many classes on-line and you should look for them. I could sit here and go step by step, but I think you need to learn on your on. This is what I had to do and it made a big difference. I will continue to look for you and read your stories. Just keep writing and read, read, read. You will see how to put sentence structure together and you will see your misspellings. My motto is never give up.
So, let me say, Welcome to WDC! You will find many new avenues to go down. Try them. Enter their contest. A lot of them give reviews on your work.
Come on in Newbie, you will do just fine. Watch the stars come up. Go guy!
Absolutely wonderful. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem with us. From beginning to end it flowed beautifully. You are quite a writer. Keep it up!
I also want to say hello and welcome to the WDC website. It is a wonderful place to be with many various avenues to walk down to find your own true place. With the Birthday bash going on, now is the time to really get to know this web-site. Join in the fun, do some contest and let loose, we don't bite. Welcome
really, really really a cute story. a comment here: It is important you double space your writing so the reader has an easier time reading it.
Definitely some grammar errors. Just clean it up, double space and wow! what a story you have. I would like to read it after you tweak it a bit.
I'm laughing about the animal knocking you over, as that happen to as friend of mine.
On another note, you have a very good story here. Some comments: take or leave them - Always double space your writing. It helps the reader to better read what you have written. There are definitely some missed commas and grammar errors you need to correct. Once you do this, your story will shine Keep on writing!
Way to cute story! I was thinking of my husband when you talked about sliding down the car and cutting your fingers. He did the same only it was a rusted old truck and He has a scar on his leg that is 4 or 5 inches long.
Just a few suggestions. You can accept them or forget them.
You really need to separate each line. Double space your story and check your spellings and grammar.
You do have some errors that need attention.
I really liked your story. You let me feel like a 5 year old and up. What a great feeling. I understood you not saying anything when the horse kicked you in the head (but, thank God you were OK). I was bucked off of a horse when I was 14 years old. Landed upside down a tree. Passed out and came too, determined to get back on that horse. My friend rounded him up, but I kept passing out, finally was able to stay awake long enough to get back on the horse and let him go to the barn. I would not and didn't actually tell my mom, but when my legs back and neck turned black she wanted to know what happen. I had a horrible concussion, which landed me in bed for 3 or 4 days.
Okay, I am going to try and give you some pointers. You can take them or leave them , it is up to you.
First off, this is a very good story that needs a bit of tweaking. So tweak we will. LOL! Izzy I am only trying to show you.
First sentence: I woke up to the sound of my foster mom's harsh voice.
"Get up brat, I' taking you to your hockey lesson."
I got up, dressed and grabbed my bag, as I came out of my room. She drove me there and grabbed my arm before I could get out of the car.
"I won't be picking you up after your lesson. You'll have to walk home, you little brat, do you hear me?" She hissed, practically in my face.
"Yes mother," I said. She released me and I got out and walked inside the building.
DO YOU SEE HOW I HAVE SEPARATED EACH SENTENCE WHEN THEY WERE TALKING? Every time someone talks go down a line. Keep
them separate. You need to keep your writing in a double space. It is difficult to read what you have single space.
2nd paragraph - 4th line - you have a repeat of did you , Drop one of them.
Keep your period or quote marks within the line. As in - "There's a first time for everything," I replied.
When you have the person talking to themselves, put it in italics.
Go throu8gh and get rid of as many that ,just, and as. They are useless words. I know we have to use them but there are times we really don't and it is a habit.
You seem to use a lot of dashes. I would stop that. Put a period or a comma where it is needed. There are some "the's" you need to get rid of. The word just is another one to get rid of. Look again and check your commas. you may need them or you may need to get rid of them.
7th paragraph you left out laughing. I burst out --- as
some places use said instead of he replied or told me.
Re read everything out loud. You will catch many of the errors.
Izzy, always use the capital i when writing.
I could go forward and rewrite for you, but you have a great story here and i think you will do well with it. Let me know when you revise it as I would like to reread it. Go Izzy!
And that means ````` I am so sleepy today - they are putting in a new air conditioner and it is so hot in here. I am trying so hard to keep up with everybody but think I am confusing myself more than helping. Sorry
I have read this poem several times and every time it makes me stop and look for silver. I look for it everywhere. This is such a beautiful poem and it does make one stop to look and find that silver lining. I can find no errors or anything I would change.
I like the way you have written this very short story. I would like for you to go back and take out as many that and just - as you can. these are empty words. Example"
he was on the phone crying and pleading just to attend. To : he was on the phone crying and pleading to attend. Better. I dropped the just. Try it.
What a magical, beautiful story you have written. I looked for anything I could give a comment on, but alas, I could not find one. You have a beautiful imagination using writing. I would love to read more. Keep it up. Beautiful, Write on!!
What a cute story! I want to know who, what and when . The person who made her scream. What is he/she and when did they happen to appear in her life. I hope there is more to your little story because I want to know more..... Well written and left us with a hanging, what is going to happen next????
This is beautiful and I hope you have given this to her. Children are our life line, our continuation and our love and gratification. they are everything to us.
I love this little story of yours! Again, did this happen to you?
Only a few comments. With any comment I make, it is up to you to use them or not.
To many little words like as, then, the, etc. Even if you have to rewrite a sentence, it tightens up your story. I hope you are able to read Linda George's article about these words. I do this all the time. Now I go back and look for them and what I can get rid of. We all do it. great story with lots of visuals. I felt the snow pelting down on you. it almost made my arms sting.
Keep on writing! I see you have many awards and I can see why.
Lynda with a Y
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lmiller7569/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 7:09pm on Apr 19, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
