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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lordmep
Review Requests: ON
25 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by The Grand One
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
In the last fiew reviews I've given, I have more or less explained how it is necessary for stories like these to find a crucial balance between control and freedom. It seems you need no such instruction on that. This world is nicely established and the stories thus far do a good job of setting up how the otherworldly power can be used.
I look forward to seeing how this story will evolve.
2
2
Review by The Grand One
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I wouldn't mind a review, but I'd also like some help. For some reason my new story won't show up on the main page. I know there's a trick, but its been so long that I've forgotten it. Could somebody help?
3
3
Review of untold life  
Review by The Grand One
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well this is something else. I suppose I have to give you credit for the story's raw bluntness. "You are the last." However, this is a very limiting aspect. I find that when I read, I often skim through action bits until I reach some sweet and juicy dialogue. People in general like stories with a lot of character interaction. I have my own story and started the first thread with a plot similar to yours with one lone person wandering around a seemingly deserted world. I reconfigured it for the second thread to include character interaction because the first was just so boring. I ask you to go read my story Residents, read through the first two options and tell me which one you found less difficult to follow.
4
4
Review by The Grand One
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Good job with this one. I've just finished what you have so far and I must admit to liking what I have seen. Your grammer is excelent, especially when compared to what I usually see. This world and these characters seem very well thought out. I especially like the length and detail of your first Chapter 2s. It shows that this idea has been swimming around your head enough to build on some decent development.
However, I feel I must question the implication of clothing. By your own definition, mothers cannot digest their children because enzymes recognise their skin. Shouldn't this imply that everything else is digested, even clothing? Most same size vore stories have the prey undress before being consumed for practical reasons. I would suggest that you edit to include a kind of super fabric, or the removal of clothing before hand.
Further, and this is less important than the previous one, I would suggest that you adjust the first page to allow the inclusion of family scenarios created by other writers.
This is a pretty good premise and I look forward to seeing where you go with it. I especially look forward to when my creative streak returns and I am able to add myself.
5
5
Review by The Grand One
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Freaking wow. I read your post on the forum and then I read this. All I can say about Christain is that I both believed and liked him. This is how a god of time would act. And that section of hindsight and foresight was the hook for me.
I equate the character of Christain to David Xanatos from Gargoyles in that even when he appears to have lost, it's really all gone exactly as he had planned. That is usually my favorite character because they're in the kind of position that I wish I could be in.
The story has trace elements of Justice League Crisis on Two Earths (where he describes the infinate possibilities and how all but one is eleminated) and Fable 2 (the destruction of the old world for the sake of a new one).
From what I can tell, the story is being told by Christain but the book thief is the actual protagonist. I see a lot of potential in the reader bouncing between the two with the theif going on some desperate mission to save/destroy the world and Christian going "all according to plan."

Also, you said the tower's "inhabitants." Does the god of time have a companion or maybe a pet?

In reading your story, as I often do with everything I read, I imagine throwing in some of my own characters to see what might happen. The short answer in this case is that Christian would endure the mother of all migranes.
In other words: Providing an antagonist that would be a threat to the god of time might be something worth considering.
6
6
Review of The Prisoner  
Review by The Grand One
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Definately a top rate interactive. I have only read a fraction of what has been written by you and your fans, but what I have read, I really liked. Felix and the various Prisoners have all been compelling and rather sympathetic characters. I only wish that my story had your levle of depth.
7
7
Review by The Grand One
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A most promising base for a story. I would love to contribute but I tend to get a little excentric for this genre. However I do look forward to coming back in a month and reading through at least 2 dozen chapters.
If i might make a suggestion, give the Overlord a lover eventually.
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