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Hi Angus and congratulations on your promotion to moderator! I thought I would stop by your port and send you a little review. You gave me great advice when I first enter the "Daily Flash Fiction" contest and I am sure that your words of wisdom helped me win.
This great little story got me in the end, and I should have really seen it coming since I used to cook for a living! I loved it and the twist was great.
I would offer helpful suggestions, but I'm afraid there are none to make. Thank you for sharing this great little story with the community!
Hi! This poem is very deep to have been written by an 11-year old. You have every right to be one proud mama! I have no criticism, I think it is well done and intelligent. Keep encouraging him, as he shows a big spark of talent!
Hi, 🌕 HuntersMoon I came across your poem in the Read and Review section.
This poem is beautiful. You have truly captured the serenity of gazing at a star filled sky. The flow just seems to float, the title suits the piece perfectly and the imagery is fantastic.
There is nothing that detracts from this lovely poem. I am so glad that i chose to read this! Thank you so much for sharing it.
This poem is short and to the point. The rhyme is good except for the ending as doom and soon don't really rhyme, but it doesn't take way from the impact of the ending. The imagery in this piece is good and its flow holds the reader's attention.
I'm glad I chose to read this poem this morning as it made me chuckle at the end. Thanks for sharing.
Hi, Espero and Happy New Year! This is a Rising Stars Member to Member Review!
I really like the theme of your song. Christmas can be a difficult time for someone who has lost a loved one. I know this all too well. When everyone around is gathered together with the special people in their life and your most special people are gone, it can be very sad and lonely.
Your lyrics are inspirational and give us something to look forward to in the hereafter. The flow is good and I saw no obvious errors. Thank you for sharing this! Best of luck in the contest!
Hi, Rhychus
I just read your poem and it brought a tear to my eye. I loved it, and the last stanza was amazing. Reading this gave me chills. I haven't got much Christmas spirit this year, but this really touched me. Thank you for sharing this, it put a smile on my face and made me smile.
I have no criticism, I think it is great just the way it is.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a fantastic New Year!
Hi, and welcome to Writing.com! I just came across your poem in the Read and Review section and wanted to share my thoughts.
This beautifully written poem is very sentimental and sad. I know it was a long time ago, but I am sorry for your loss. My children lost their father when they were young, I know it is not and easy thing.
The rhyme you used is consistent and doesn't feel forced. It flows fairly well, but the syllable counts are a bit inconsistent.
My favorite line: That smell of tobacco, a hint of old spice, it made me think of my own father.
I glad I took the time to read this poem, it really is quite lovely. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Hi, Espero I am here with a Rising Stars M2m Review. I just read "Future, Past, Present" and thought I would share my thoughts.
I love the sentiment of this poem, I share your opinion of how our country is changing, and not for the better.
Your poem comprised of rhyming couplets had great rhyme and read very smoothly. I did notice some inconsistency in the syllable counts of the lines, but it still flowed very well.
I enjoyed reading your poem this morning and wish you luck in the "Invalid Item" I hope to read more of your work as we journey toward the stars.
Hi Angel I'm here with a Rising Stars Member to Member review.
The title of the poem intrigued me, so I decided to give it a read.
This sad poem rhymed well with the abcb rhyme scheme. The imagery is good, I can picture the photo in my mind. You used the required words well, the fit effortlessly into the piece.
The flow of this piece is a bit off, as the syllable counts of the lines vary from line to line and stanza to stanza. The first two stanzas have a longer count, then in the third, the count is cut almost in half, which throws off the rhythm. I do this too when I am writing non-structured rhyming verse, and have found it useful to use a syllable counter, it really helps.
I liked you note explaining the "Book of the Dead" I have seen an album like this. I worked for an antique auction and we received a consignment of things from England. As I was sorting through the boxes, I found a beautiful Victorian photo album, it was in exceptional condition but the photos in it were all of the dead. It sent shivers up my spine, and those images haunted me for days.
Overall I really enjoyed your poem, I am glad I chose to read it. Thank you for sharing it with the community. I look forward to reading more of your work in the coming months as we journey to the stars.
I found your poem in the "Read a Newbie" section and decided to give a read. I am glad that I did.
The imagery in this piece is very good as is the tormented emotion conveyed in it. As someone who also struggles with severe self-doubt, I could really relate to this piece.
Your rhyme scheme was fairly consistent and the punctuation was also used consistently. The flow was just a little off in spots but it didn't detract from the poem. I particularly liked the last line, it ended the poem with a great impact that really made the piece for me.
Thank you for sharing this with the WDC community, I know that putting your work out there for public display is not an easy thing to do. I hope to read more of your work in the future! Well done and keep writing!
Hi, this is another review as part of your "Lucky Bag".
This made me laugh. I too know the nightmares of menopause, it has just begun for me and knowing it could go on for ten years or more makes it even scarier. I could totally relate to the character sitting there soaked with sweat, no antiperspirant in the world can help when that happens.
Overall, cute story with a surprise happy ending. I saw no errors and have no suggestions. Thank you for sharing!
Hi, I am reviewing this as part of your "Lucky Bag"
I like to read flash fiction, and I am glad I chose to read this one! This was a great little story. I think it was written very well.
The suspense of the two boys staring at the books, Sam's sense of adventure at thinking a book would take him somewhere he'd never been before. The descriptions were great, I felt as though I were with the boys, and the book they chose was perfect! It made me smile, I am a big Dr. Suess fan, and the ending was perfect.
I saw no errors and I have no suggestions, GREAT STORY!
The title fit the story well and the short description was just enough to entice me to want to read on and find out what the early, unexpected present was.
The opening scene in the car was cute, it reminded me of when my daughter was in kindergarten and they had an overzealous teacher talk to them about drugs. She came home and told my neighbors I was a drug addict. The teacher told them that anyone who drank an adult beverage or smoked a cigarette was a drug user. I was not amused.
The premise of the story was endearing and the plot progressed at a good pace. I found the dialog to sound natural and it helped form a better relationship with the characters. Overall I enjoyed reading it.
I did notice one small typo in the seventh paragraph, . “Those are trash can. You can throw it in there.” You forgot the 's' in cans.
That is the only error I noticed.
Thank you for sharing your work with the community, I hope to read more of your work in the future.
Hi, with this review I send my sincerest apologies. You entered the Newbies are the Judge contest months ago, and because there were no other entries I just forgot about it. I am truly sorry.
This poem was well written in the Villanelle form. I like the way you brought the meaning of a storm at different stages of life, the refrain tied them together nicely.
I saw no errors in this piece and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing it and entering it into the contest.
Hi, I am reviewing your story today as part of the "Invalid Entry"
This was a compelling piece of flash fiction. I found the descriptiveness of this piece to be very well done. You packed a lot of drama in 300 words! The ending was good.
I did notice one small typo,
Stillness fals I know you meant 'falls', but I wanted to let you know.
I am glad I took the time to read this, thank you for sharing it!
What a beautiful poem and tribute to your mother. I am sorry for your loss, I lost my mother long ago, so I understand your pain.
The flow of this poem is good, and it holds the readers attention all the way to the end.
Just one thing that I noticed I wanted to tell you about, In your title - worthy, is missing the "r". I only mention this because I would sure want someone to let me know if it were my poem!
Thank you for sharing this lovely personal piece with the community. I hope to read more of your work in the future.
This story had me in tears. It was beautiful, this really isn't a cop out review, or just fluff. I think this was extremely well written, one of the best things I have read on WDC. Thank you so much for sharing this.
This is another review as part of your prize package.
The title of this story intrigued me, as it gave no hint as to what the story was about, nor did the brief description. I am glad I chose to read it.
Annabelle was a strong, female character in the old-fashioned romance genre way. The story was well written, the setting was well-defined and the dialogue added to the development of the characters. Although the nature of the story (romance) made it somewhat predictable it was a fun read and well done.
Hi, fyn I am sending this review as part of the prize you won in the "Believe It Can Happen" fundraiser.
I chose this poem because I remember the prompt from the construct cup. I like the title and the feeling of this piece. Sentimental about love lost, but not regretful, I like that. I think this piece is excellent. The imagery is fantastic and paints vivid pictures in the mind of the reader.
I found nothing in this piece I would suggest that needs improvement. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, heartbreak and all.
This is a beautiful poem. The free verse poem told the story of a loving father playing the piano for his little girl. It reminded me of my dad playing the banjo for me when I was a little girl. I loved to hear him making music. The imagery is good, and the piece has a warmth and charm about it that made it a pleasure to read.
I noticed no errors and punctuation was done consistently throughout the piece. I have only one suggestion and that would be to maybe rethink the title, which seems a bit off to me and doesn't do this lovely piece justice.
Thank you for sharing this with the community.
Karen
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