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I just read "Beneath the Evening Lamplight" which I found while looking through your portfolio.
I really enjoyed this poem, the rhyme was good and the flow was nice. The rhythm was just ever so slightly off in a few lines, but the content made up for it.
You used punctuation consistently and I saw no typos. I want to share a link http://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry_resources/syllabl...
It is for a syllable counter, as a poet myself, I use it often, the website also is a great resource for poetry forms.
I really enjoyed reading this, I thought it was really good. Thank you for sharing your work with the community. I hope you continue to Write On!
Welcome to Writing.com. I just read your piece "The Place of In-Between" which I found in the Read a Newbie Section.
The title and description lead me to read this piece. I thought it was very well thought out and well written. I could relate to it completely. When people ask me how I am these days the best I can say is I'm alive, or I'm here. I too have come to a place where I want to feel more than "Neither nor Well" but seem to be lost in a world of in-betweens.
I saw no obvious errors and I have no suggestions for improvement.
Thank you for sharing this with the community. I am so glad I took the time to read it. Again, welcome to Writing.com and I hope to read more of your work in the future.
HI, I just read "Gun in the Crib" which if found while looking the "Writer's Cramp" entries.
The title really drew my interest, so I had to read on.
This short story was a fun read, I really enjoyed it. Eve's rambling is great and the ending is priceless. The story moves at a great pace and it just works really well.
I did notice one typo: Seems that fruit opened {color:r}out eyes, all right! Thanks serpent! I know that you meant our.
Thanks for sharing this, I had a good chuckle when I read this first thing this morning. Good luck with the contest. If I were the judge you would have my vote!
This review is part of your shower from "Invalid Item" !
The title drew me to read this story, because I love dragon stories, and this one did not disappoint!
This short story was very well written, the characters well rounded, the plot moved forward at a steady pace and the dialog seemed natural and contributed the character development. It is an interesting concept, and you left me wanting more. Contemporary/Urban Fantasy is a popular genre that keeps growing and this story is a great start to a possible novel. If you ever write more, I would love to read it!
I found no obvious errors, and I wouldn't change a thing.
I really enjoyed reading your story, thank you for sharing it with the community. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
This review is part of your shower from "Invalid Item" !
I read your poem, because of the title and short description. I couldn't resist a Humpty-Dumpty poem.
This poem was funny. I could picture hardboiled Humpty. This piece was witty and creative and I really enjoyed reading it. However, I did find the third line in the first stanza to be just a tad bit awkward. Though I have to admit, I have so suggestions on how to change it.
Thank you for sharing this with the community. I wish you success in your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I just read your poem "Song for Cory" which I found in the Read and Review section.
I liked the flow of this poem and the imagery of a lonely cowboy out on the range, sleeping under the stars. You did a great job of making me feel like I was there.
I didn't see anything about this that I would change, I think it fine just the way it is.
Thank you for sharing this, I am glad that I took the time to read it. I hope to read more of your work in the future.
The title and cover drew me to read this piece. I am glad I took the time to do so.
This is a very well written memoir type piece. I liked that even though the things fell apart and didn't work out the way you'd hoped you still savor the memory of this day of celebration. It takes a lot not to be bitter and that you can look back and say you wouldn't have missed it for all the money in the world. is fantastic.
I found no errors in this piece and I have no suggestions for improvement.
Thank you for sharing this, I thought it was very good. I hope to read more of your work in the future.
This review is part of your shower from "Invalid Item" !
I chose to read this because of the title. I can see why it has won so many awards.
What a powerful story. It was so well written and heart-touching, yet came across like a real person speaking, the sprinkled humor and honest reflection of a mother who loves her son dearly, but admits he is trying at times. The dialog was natural, and flowed like real conversation.
For me, the phone call from the other side is even believable. I have had an experience like that myself. For me it was a voicemail, about an hour after my husband's funeral. The message alert went off, I dialed the voicemail number thinking it would be my sister-in-law letting me know when she was taking me to the airport the next day. Instead, it was my husband, "I just wanted to tell you how much I love you" he said. "I'll see you later" I'm not crazy, unless my children are all crazy too, we all heard it, none of us could possibly explain it, but it was beautiful. I listened to that message many times as I worked through my grief.
I saw no errors and I have no suggestions for improvement. I think this story is perfect.
I appreciate your note at the bottom, letting the reader know that the story was inspired by your son, but he's grown up and still with you.
I enjoyed your story very much and I am glad I took the time to read it. Thank you for sharing this with the community.
–Karen
It is harder review something written to be deliberately bad than I thought it would be, but I have to say, you did bad, well.
I chose to read this one, because of the Twilight connection. I think Twilight was written for zombies, so it is a good fit, and I could picture the zombies feasting on all of the enthralled teenagers at the movie theater. This poem cracked me up!
I have no suggestions for improvement, it is bad just the way it is!
Thanks for sharing, and giving me a laugh and reminding me that sometimes it is good to be bad!
I enjoyed your flash fiction story about getting a trick instead of a treat. I liked the response of the children when he spoke to them, so realistic. Rarely do the trick or treaters say "trick or treat" and almost never do they say "thank you" anymore. Last year, I had one who said "that's it?" I just wanted to stick my hand in his candy bag and take it back!
Poor Fritz though was he Halloween dinner or the newest vampire on the block?
I saw no misspelled words or errors, and I have no suggestions.
Thank you for sharing your work with the community! I wish you the best with your future writing endeavors.
I enjoyed your Halloween-themed flash fiction. The witch and her cat with an attitude. Why is it most of us imagine if a cat could talk, they would have a sarcastic attitude? I think of my dog saying goofy happy things, but my cat is always "catty"
This piece was well written and I loved the ending. I could just picture a witch flying through the air on her broom dialing a cell phone with one hand. It made me chuckle.
I didn't see any errors in the story and I have no suggestions for improvement.
Thank you for sharing this and I wish you the best with your future writing endeavors.
This is a sweet poem about my favorite time of year. The changing of the leaves, cooler nights, pumpkins and of course Halloween.
Your imagery is very nice, and the flow of the piece was smooth. Your rhyme was also done nicely.
I was wondering is this a particular form of poem, with the repeated second line in each stanza? It is similar in form to the Pantoum, but the fourth lines do not repeat. If it is a special form it would be nice to have an author's note, telling the reader what the form, is and what the rules are.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your poem; I am glad I chose to read it. Thank you for sharing your work with the community. Good luck with your future writing endeavors
I just read your poem "Chronic" which I found in the Read a Newbie Section.
The title and description drew me to read this, as I too suffer from chronic pain and have written poems about it.
The rhyme is done very well, it flows fairly smoothly and gets your message across.
I particularly liked the lines about people who don't have it, don't know and don't care. Some readers might think this is a harsh attitude, but having been in chronic pain, that is invisible to others since childhood, I can relate to what you are saying. I can't remember life without pain, but for someone who has never experienced it, they just do not understand. So, for the most part, I suffer in silence.
I do have a suggestion for you, your syllable counts are a bit off, and I read in your bio that you are new to writing and want to learn, you should check out this website:
It is a syllable counter and there is a lot of great information and descriptions of the different forms of poetry. I use it myself, and I think it is helpful.
Overall I really enjoyed your poem and I am glad that I chose to read it. Thank you for sharing your work with the community. I hope to read more of your work in the future.
Hi, I don't know why you had to delete, but you can delete the whole item to free up room in your portfolio. Just go to this item in your portfolio there is a little cog type symbol it looks kind of like this click on it and there is a menu from which you can delete the item.
I found your piece "I see you" in the Read a Newbie section.
As this is your first attempt at a poem, I will only give my impressions on how this piece made me feel.
Your poem - it is a poem- is filled with the longing of unrequited love. It is funny how we can torture ourselves, by loving someone who doesn't know it.
It is free verse and shows a great deal of emotion.
The first few lines grabbed my attention and let me share the angst of the speaker. I felt the desperation of her situation.
For a first attempt, I think you did very well. I am glad that I chose to read this.
Thank you for sharing this with the community and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item" to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!
I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item" to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!
I just read your poem "Giving Up" Which I found in the Read a Newbie Section.
This is a powerful statement and I am very glad I chose to read it.
This free form poem makes a strong impact on the reader. I like your poke at finding self-acceptance through social media. it doesn't work, never will.
This has the potential to be a really great piece.
Favorite Part:
and the endless feed of one hundred forty
character summations of your character
was never enough to satisfy the salacious craving
for acceptance of the person in the mirror.
This was great, I loved it, the flow was good and it really struck a chord with me.
Suggestions:
In your first stanza you wrote:
The moment you became your not-self happened
over the span of a multitude of breaths, each one shallower
than the last.
This seems a bit run together. I think you need a comma after became in the first line, and I think if you broke the line after the word breaths, and left each one shallower as a line by itself it would make a bigger impact.
Overall, I really liked your poem, and I love the message. Thank you for sharing your work with the community. I hope to read more of your work in the future and I wish you well with your future writing endeavors.
I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item" to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!
I came across your piece "Always here" while I was looking through the Read a Newbie Section. I am so glad I chose to read it.
This poem has a beautiful sentiment that very much shows a father's love for his children.
The flow and rhythm of this poem is very good, as is the rhyme scheme.
I cannot pick just a favorite line or two I liked the poem as a whole.
I only noticed one thing to suggest changing in this lovely piece and that was
To see my 2 boys,
you should consider replacing the numeral 2 with the word two. It would give it a more polished look.
Thank you for sharing your work with the community. I know from experience that it's not easy. I hope to read more of your work in the future. I wish you well with your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I just read your Poem "Dark Side" which I found in the Read a Newbie section.
I like the subject, I think that everyone has a dark side, even if they do not admit it. I try to give mine some time out in the open every now and then. I think it keeps me balanced.
This was a well-written piece that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. The title was good,
you used imagery well and the poem had a nice flow to it.
I really liked the ending, it was great.
I saw nothing in this that I would change or I think needs improvement.
Thank you for sharing this, I am so glad that I took the time to read it. I wish you the best in your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I just read "Demented" which I found in the Please Review section.
This poem is a very blunt statement of the vicious cycle of domestic violence. It is a tragedy that is played out over and over again across the globe every day.
The message is a good one, but the delivery, to be honest, could use a little work. Your syllable counts are all over the place and it makes the flow very discordant. This link is for a syllable counter :http://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry_resources/syllable_counter.aspx it is a great help when writing poetry.
For example your first stanza:
Stan works the factory all day,
for his wife and his kid and so little pay,
he hates what he does,
so when he gets home he gets more than a little buzzed.
Stan works in the factory all day - 8
for his wife, his kid, and small pay -8
frustrated, he hates what he does -8
so at home he gets more than buzzed -8
It doesn't change the meaning, just smooths it out a bit.
This is just a suggestion, meant to be helpful.
I like your poem and its very powerful message. I think it has great potential with a bit of editing. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best of luck with your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I just read your poem "Penitence" which I found in the "Read a Newbie" section.
It was a somber and sad poem, with a good flow and a nice rhyme scheme. The subject is very dark, and that is fine, I like dark.
I only saw one thing that for me threw off the pace, these two lines:
She was born an actor
The audience her factor
They ae much shorter than the other lines, and just don't seem to fit. Maybe something along the lines of:
Born to life upon the stage
a songbird in a gilded cage
These are merely suggestions, take them as you will.
Overall I enjoyed your poem. Thank you for sharing it. I hope to read more of your work in the future. I wish you luck with your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I just Read "I Love to Sit and Cry" which I found in the Read and Review section.
I love the sentiment of this poem. I like that you can admit that you cry, it makes you more of a man. Tears are a valid human emotion, so well done you!
The rhyme and form of this poem are perfect. The flow is fantastic and it doesn't skip a beat.
I have no one bit that I would say was my favorite part, as I liked the poem as a whole. There is nothing in it that I would change.
Thank you for sharing this, and good luck to you with your future writing endeavors.
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was he Halloween dinner or the newest vampire on the block?
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click on it and there is a menu from which you can delete the item.