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I found this under read a newbie, hope you're settling in well to the community!
I really enjoyed reading this poem, it is such a beautiful tribute to your nan. It was your description 'A poem dedicated to my nan who was my ray of sunshine that fade far to soon.' that made this a must read for me!
My nana died when I was quiet young so in many ways I can relate to this!
I noticed one or two little typos...
but because your always in our hearts - should be you're as in you are
And i'll always love you Grace. - should be a capital I
Thank you for sharing such a meaningful poem with everyone. I felt so sad reading it, I know you've said it's fictional but it's the reality for so many people. While some of us are stressing over shopping etc... there are others with serious worries, and for them, I'm sure, Christmas just makes it harder and adds more pressure!
It was very effective to write it through the eyes of a child. The fact that the child is concerned about people with less than them, despite having so little, just adds to the emotion.
The title is perfect, money definitely isn't everything, and the smile and hug from their mother before bed I'm sure is worth more than material things!
The child's sadness can be felt, but a beautiful personality shines through from the fact that he/she cares so much about others!
I'm glad I read this, especially at a time of year when it's important not to forget those who are suffering!
It managed to catch my attention straight away, and never lost it throughout!
I really felt for the character in the story, your descriptions and the style you've written in made her depression obvious. Her lack of interest in everything and her inability to make the changes she so desperately needs to made my heart go out to her! To me she was real and making your characters come alive takes talent, well done!
I did notice one or two things you might consider when editing!
I used wait eagerly - should be used to
Also you should think about taking full advantage of all the genre options you can!
But that has to be THE cruelest cure for hiccups that I've ever heard of!!
I have to say, when I saw this story and read the description that is not what I expected, lol. Hiccups are so annoying, and a lot of people would be willing to try almost anything to cure them...but a snake
ok so snakes terrify me and luckily I havent seen many except for some grass snakes when I was in America. to me though, there's no such thing as a SMALL snake I'm proabably cured for life from hiccups just from this story, lol
As usual this is very well written, can't see anything that would need changing or editing!
Thanks for the laugh I'm so enjoying the variety of pieces in your port!
This is a truly wonderful story. You've kept it real, not everything has a happy ending, unfortunately. Although despite the fact that the man didnt survive for the new year, the character in your story made a difference in his life, adding something special to the time he had left!
At this time of the year it's so important not to forget about those less fortunate and I think anyone who reads this will be reminded of that!
I found this under 'Read a Newbie', hope you're settling in well here!
As I read this I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, That was such a sweet thought and kind thing for you to do, most people wouldn't even care enough to give money, let alone go the lengths you did to help! however it is unfortunate the way it turned out, lol.
I can understand the embarrasment, but at least your heart was in the right place and I hope it doesn't stop you from helping others in need!
I found this under 'read a newbie' I hope you're settling in well to writing.com!
You're daughter sounds beautiful, the ending of this. hearing she's smiling was precious! When I started reading it your description had me tired just reading, lol. Having three little children so close in age can't be easy, but sounds like you're loving every minute of it!
Thank you so much for sharing your inspirational story!
This is such a beautiful story, and a truly lovely thing for you to do for that family. I'm sure they did appreciate it and I'm sure it is something they'll never forget, same way you haven't!
I picked up on one little error in the third last paragraph opened the special boxe - you've just missed the 's'.
Thank you so much for sharing this story, I've enjoyed reading it!
I really enjoyed reading this piece, it's nice that you met your friend again after so long, it must be fun catching up and talking about all those memories!
Just a few things you might want to think about
In a couple of places you haven't capitalized your I, or the start of a new sentence.
handful of Pennys - pennies
Something to watch out for is your spacing, you haven't left any between sentences in some places.
You should consider adding more genre's to this. also seprating the title from the bulk of the writing would add to the appearance.
Aww bless, this story is just so beautiful and sad! My heart was breaking for that little girl as I read. The whole story, to me anyway, was perfect! The ending, what she asked for and when she smiled, is so precious!
The beginning reminded me of when my little brother came to live with us, he's been in foster care with us for almost 11 years now. He arrived, like Amy, with the just the clothes he was wearing and a soft toy.
Thank You so much for sharing such a heartwarming story!
Thank You for sharing this story, sounds like it's from personal experience, I know how much strength it takes to write something like this, so I admire you for it.
This piece made me cry so much but also offered hope, there's so much here that I can relate to and I hope I can get to the point you're at now eventually.
There are a few minor mistakes throughout, but nothing a quick edit won't catch. Also you should consider listing this under more genres, inspirational and experience are two that you could consider.
Last thing, I'm not sure if E is the right rating for this, I think maybe it should have a higher one.
Welcome to Writing.com, I hope you'll love it here as much as I do
The title of this poem just drew me to it, I'm glad I found this!
I don't know if this is based on experience, but the emotions felt very real, the fourth stanza was especially moving, it described the pain so vividly.
God should always have a capital G
Another thing I noticed is that you've used punctuation in the fourth stanza but not in any of the others.
I enjoyed this story, it brought me back to when I was a kid. growing up is no fun, lol, I hated when I couldn't go swimming!
just a few things for you to consider
the girls are shooting water guns, nearly missing you. - did you mean to say barely missing you, or something to that effect? nearly would suggest they did hit her!
You run around the pull laughing - pool
Don’ worry - don't
You should consider adding more genre's for this, it'll help generate some exposure!
Welcome to Writing.Com, I'm sure you'll love it here as much as I do
I found this poem very powerful, I've never heard Love and betrayal described this way before. The images you've created are original, I found this bit particularly effective "and pierced my heart with a burning blade."
Just a few things you might want to think about
'I' should always be a capital letter, throughout your poem this is missing.
Adding punctuation to this will help the flow!
Other little things like using writingML tags can add to a piece, you can find writingML help under author tools, and if you need any help with anything just drop me a line. There's a lot to take in on this site but once you find your way around you'll love it (I hope)
You've the makings of a great poem, I for one found it very effective, especially the end!
This was a very sweet little poem, I've enjoyed taking the time to read it!
Just some suggestions for you to think about
adding punctuation to this might help it flow a little better!
You should think about using writingML, simple things like centering and bolding the title improve the presentation and make it more appealing. If you're not sure how to do this click on ML help under author tools, it's explained clearly there!
On the last line I think you meant to say they not the
I saw this on the plug page and as soon as I saw Irish in the description I had to read
I've really enjoyed taking the time to read this story! The main character was believable, the descriptions brilliant!
Just some suggestions for you to consider
The first thing I noticed was that this had a more scottish than Irish feel to it. lol, not a huge deal, but being Irish I just had to point it out . Things like, kilts, highlands, clan, bagpipes...all scottish!
In the first few lines of the second paragraph I think you've overused the word taffy, I don't really know what taffy is other than your description so can't think of any alternatives, though if you can find any I think it would improve this piece!
I'm not sure what accent you were going for for the uncle, but considering the seemingly close relationship between Hayley and her Uncle's family, I find it difficult to believe they would have such different accents, just my opinion.
There are a few spelling mistakes, but nothing an edit won't pick up on!
In some places I was nearly crying. The magic of christmas is something I don't really feel anymore, so I can relate to the way Hayley was feeling! You leave the reader wondering why nothing meant anything to her anymore?
Welcome to Writing.com, I'm sure you'll love it here
I found this on the 'Read a Newbie' page.
The description made this appealing to me, as I'm sure it will for many others, it's never easy losing someone we love and anything that helps with the healing is a plus in my book!
The poem itself is beautiful, it's a great tribute to what must have been a wonderful father!
I liked this poem. It comes across as you defending your reputation, I think as much to yourself as to the other person involved. Other people's words can be so damaging!
You speak
of me
as one
that you
must fear--
and so you must,
for so a friend
will fear the loss
of one who dares,
despite the weight of earth,
to cherish and to love.
This stanza was my favourite, I love the description in the last few lines of it, it's very powerful!
I really liked this poem, you've shown that teenage pregnancy is not the end of the world!
There are a few things I've noticed that need a bit of work
In the title, 'figureing' should be Figuring
Line two, 'Pregnat' should be pregnant
'all there life' In this context There should be spelt their
most lucky It would sound better to say luckiest
Also watch out for simple things like capital letters at the beginning of sentences.
I do think this has good potential, it would give hope to teenagers in a similar situation.
Thanks for sharing,
Lou
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I noticed one or two little typos...
but because your always in our hearts - should be you're as in you are
Lou
Also you should think about taking full advantage of all the genre options you can!
that has to be THE cruelest cure for hiccups that I've ever heard of!!
I'm proabably cured for life from hiccups just from this story, lol
Aww bless, this story is just so beautiful and sad! My heart was breaking for that little girl as I read. The whole story, to me anyway, was perfect! The ending, what she asked for and when she smiled, is so precious! 
Welcome to Writing.com, I hope you'll love it here as much as I do 
Welcome to Writing.com 