LouLearning's (loulearning) Reviews

26

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4663925

Review of The envious little lamb

Review by LouLearning

Rated: E | (3.0)

A fine fairy tale. Mostly, well-written.

I would pay more attention to the mechanics of writing: title should be capitalized, take more care with your punctuation, use quotation marks for dialogue, and use more white space by leaving a space after each paragraph.

The ending is ambiguous. Did the lamb learn his lesson or not?

27

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4663858

Review of Out of Time

Review by LouLearning

Rated: ASR | (3.0)

Strong opening with a good hook. Well written, with good pacing.

But this is more of a situation than a story. Make it more personal with a main character arc. Let us get to know the character.

Every story needs conflict and resolution. And often the resolution shows how the main character changed.

Keep writing! You are good with words.

28

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4663855

Review of No Kidding

Review by LouLearning

Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Interesting concept, well-executed. There is a rhythm and pace to your writing that makes it easy to read.

I'm the type of reader who likes a happy ending. Having him realize in the end that he loves his life as it is would have been a better resolution to the story for me. But that's just me.

A note about em-dashes. They are used without spaces.

I'll—James!

Let me ask you—who'd....

How to insert em dashes:

https://zapier.com/blog/em-dash-on-keyboard/