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A very interesting plot with great characters.
I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section - to make sure there only son
- you may want to change "there" to "their".
2. In this section - give me you attention
- you may want to change "you" to "your".
3. In this section - into my thoughts and looks out the windows
- you may want to change "looks" to "looked".
4. In this section - and the existed the rooftop through a door
- I think you wanted "they exited" instead of "the existed".
When Hiram is talking of a recent adventure the main character, Miram, states "This was always my favorite part". I think you meant talk of time jumps are always her favorite part, but it is not clear.
Adding commas in the correct places (especially the second half of the story) will make for an easier read and better understanding.
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