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Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Surprise  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Soxweaver -

*Vine2**Burstp* Celebrating the Letter S *Burstb**Vine1*
the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
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*Vine2**Burstp**Burstb**Vine1*


*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: An interesting plot and good use of the prompt.

Spelling/Grammar: I found a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:

1. In this section - handed her a small glistening handful - Handful of what?

2. In this section - It doesn't matter take the key - you may want to insert a comma after "matter".

Readability: The character names were impossible to pronounce making the read difficult.

Suggestions: I know everyone thinks they have to make up a name to make their characters sound different/exotic/strange/otherworldly but, when the name is unpronounceable, it makes the story hard to read. I would suggest keeping the names simple and save your reader the trouble. *BigSmile*

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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2
2
Review of Why no Wimple?  
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Beholden -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: Gross! Seriously, not a visual I needed in my head! *Rolling*

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and quick little read.

Suggestions: I have no suggestions on the writing, but, it would be interesting to see how you would explain how the chant and the demon were connected if you chose to expand this little tale.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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3
3
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Soxweaver!

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: It does not say anywhere if this is a work of fiction or a true story, I'm hoping for a true story because it makes it that much more entertaining.

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and entertaining read.

Suggestions: I have no suggestions for the writing but it would be great if you used your third genre choice and labeled this fiction or nonfiction.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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4
4
Review of Kalamity  
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi iKรฏyรฅยงama in Wonderland!

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge! - Closed; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Overall Impression: A wonderfully original plot!

Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:

1. In this section - maneuver the submarine until its diving area - INTO its diving area or until IT REACHED its diving area or ?

Readability: A fun and entertaining read, however I was left wondering about Edmund's fate!

Suggestions: Only one - You state that he can no longer see out of his right eye but you don't say why. If the eye itself was damaged he would still be able to open and close the lid. If he received a "black eye" and it was swollen shut then he wouldn't be able to open or close the lid (I imagine this is what happened because you only have him opening or closing one eye). Finding a way to say what the damage was would help a lot.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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5
5
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SisterCrow -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge! - Closed; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Overall Impression: An interesting plot and a great beginning.

Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for your consideration:

1. In this section - His Maker Professor Scoggins had - there should be a comma after "Maker" and again after "Scoggins".

Readability: Lack of proper comma placement throughout made reading difficult.

Suggestions: The only suggestion I have is working on the commas. It is hard to fully grasp a story when you have to constantly reread in order to figure out what the writer intended to say.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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6
6
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Yezall Strongheart -

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge! - Closed; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: A very interesting plot with great characters.

Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:

1. In this section - to make sure there only son - you may want to change "there" to "their".

2. In this section - give me you attention - you may want to change "you" to "your".

3. In this section - into my thoughts and looks out the windows - you may want to change "looks" to "looked".

4. In this section - and the existed the rooftop through a door - I think you wanted "they exited" instead of "the existed".

Readability: When Hiram is talking of a recent adventure the main character, Miram, states "This was always my favorite part". I think you meant talk of time jumps are always her favorite part, but it is not clear.

Suggestions: Adding commas in the correct places (especially the second half of the story) will make for an easier read and better understanding.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi L. Stephen O'Neill -

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge! - Closed; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

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*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: If only all our soldiers had such contraptions it could make war pointless.

Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:

1. In this section - When MacWoad turning back - you may want to change "turning" to "turned".

2. In this section - watching as the man wheel and rode off - you may want to change "wheel" to "wheeled".

3. In this section - Out out of the smoke walked - you may want to get rid off one of those "out"s.

Readability: The technical bits were not well drawn out, but it was still an interesting read.

Suggestions: A bit of work on the descriptions of the armor would be helpful.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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8
8
Review of Fixing a Block  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Chronojet -

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge! - Closed; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

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*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: What happened?! I was happily reading, waiting to find out what happens, and it's not finished! It just stops, without a conclusion.

Spelling/Grammar: I found a few spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:

1. In this section - On the other side of that large hand was a smaller gold arm holding a black wrench. - The arm is holding the wrench, not the hand?

2. In this section - it looks like a wrench, but it was actually a smaller hand, screwing into the boiler - he is screwing his hand into the boiler?

3. In this section - Gox's anger seemed out of his pipes with a hiss - I think you meant "leaked" instead of "seemed".

4. In this section - Junky suddenly burst into the boiler room - I think you meant "Jinky" instead of "Junky".

5. In this section - Gox could not belive what he was hearing - You may want to change "belive" to "believe".

6. In this section - And while your at it - you may want to change "your" to "you're".

7. In this section - As they were supping their drinks - you may want to change "supping" to "sipping".

8. In this section - Blocked so what his mechanic was doing - you may want to change "so" to "saw".

9. In this section - Blocked and Gix were both vibrating - I think you meant "Gox" instead of "Gix"

Readability: An interesting writing style.

Suggestions: When writing a story numbers should always be written out (one instead of 1) and money amounts should always be preceded by a symbol (such as $ for U.S. dollars) and include a comma before each third number starting from the right (1,000,000).

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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9
9
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Alextrax52 -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: A very interesting and unique plot.

Spelling/Grammar: I found a few spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:

1. In this section - she looked up and see what appeared to be - you may want to change "and" to "to".

2. In this section - it ran amok and cause havoc in one - you may want to add a "d" on "cause".

3. In this section - ticket to fatness was sat right in front of her - you may want to eliminate "was".

4. In this section - her proportions were always limited to - you may want to change "proportions" to "portions".

Readability: Because of the lack of commas in many places I had difficulty reading and understanding the story.

Suggestions: You may want to expand on Carole's character traits a little more, such as - What is her favorite food to eat? Has she always been a size four and wished to be a size sixteen? Why does she so despise being thin? What does her boyfriend/girlfriend think of this compulsion? Does she have any friends? Are her friends fatties? Are her friends for or against her wishing to be an eating machine? Answers to these questions can be sprinkled throughout the story to give Carole more depth and make her seem more real.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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10
10
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Chris Breva aka Marvin Schrebe -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: Reminds me of Jules Verne (a man way ahead of his time) and Star Trek (a TV show way ahead of its time)!

Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:

1. In this section - man flying like birds - should it be "men"?

Readability: A well thought out little read.

Suggestions: I really have no suggestions but it might be interesting to note correlations between dreamed up devices and their real counterparts - like Star Trek communicators and cell phones.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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11
11
Review of Stir Crazy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Let's have a sox to sox talk -

This is a review for part 3 of
FORUM
The Lodestar Contest  (13+)
Looking for a guiding light. 2022 round closed. Join us in 2023!
#2130938 by Satuawany


*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: A great use of the prompt! Poor John, that's a long time to be alone!

Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:

1. In this section - the cultures they base had in stock - you may want to change "they" to "the".

Readability: A great first draft, an easy and enjoyable read.

Suggestions: My only suggestion would be to find one or two synonyms for "hallucination" so that "hallucination" isn't so repetitive throughout the story.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Angel -

This is a review for the
FORUM
The Lodestar Contest  (13+)
Looking for a guiding light. 2022 round closed. Join us in 2023!
#2130938 by Satuawany
Part 3.


*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: A great first draft and excellent use of the prompt! With a only a little flushing out it will be a wonderful short story.

Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:

1. In this section - Eileen realised was standing by - you may want to insert "she" before "was".

2. In this section - โ€˜I phoning you about - you may want to change "I" to "I'm".

Readability: I love that you gave both women's perspective it gave the story more depth. For me it would make it a lot easier to differentiate between the two women if you used a different line break instead of just a space, like a dotted or solid line.

Suggestions: In this section - preventing it from being expelled across the counter - it sounds like the cup wants to vomit that coffee *Rolling*, you may want to use "spilled" instead.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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13
13
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Miranda Foix -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: I do love satires and this is no exception!

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and entertaining dialogue.

Suggestions: No suggestions, but, has the Storymaster seen it?

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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14
14
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Kotaro -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: This could be a wonderful chapter in a fantastical story!

Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:

1. In this section - He knelled and bowed to the seated wizard - you may want to change "knelled" to "knelt".

Readability: A well written and entertaining read.

Suggestions: You may want to add slightly more clarification to the ending.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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15
15
Review of The Valkyrie War  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Dragonbane -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: Good visuals, good plot, but poor punctuation - making it difficult to read.

Spelling/Grammar: I found only a few spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:

1. In this section - behind a low wall the whine of a - you may want to insert "as" after "wall".

2. In this section - the third planet were the cultists had risen - you may want to change "were" to "where".

3. In this section - Jane fitted right in - you may want to change "fitted" to "fit".

4. In this section - while there all goggling - you may want to change "there" to "they're".

5. In this section - There was a couple of sticky combat situations - you may want to change "was" to "were".

6. In this section - Hey were is Jane - you may want to change "were" to "where".

Readability: An entertaining read with an interesting plot.

Suggestions: You may want to take care of all those missing commas.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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16
16
Review of Bride's Choice  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jaya -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: Wonderful, it reads like an old folk tale!

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and entertaining read.

Suggestions: No suggestions, however, I was very happy to see the definitions of the foreign / obscure words, it added credibility to the story.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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17
17
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenOwl -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: I was shocked to find someone who will admit to liking Rush! He makes sense, has a good moral compass, and his viewpoints are spot on, but I have difficulty with his delivery.

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and informative read.

Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to consider, though I am sad you got rid of your bumper sticker.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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18
18
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi G. Michael VanTassle -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: Wow, I've heard some horror stories about migraines, but not one that lasts so long!

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and interesting read.

Suggestions: My only suggestion would be to start the day with the video, it seems to create good vibes!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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19
19
Review of Morning Miracle  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi G.B. Williams -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: A very uplifting view of a new dawn!

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and compelling read.

Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to consider and I enjoyed your view of the coming day, and, even though I tend to be more science oriented, I agree with your feeling of awe.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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20
20
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Creek!

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: A very interesting poetic style! It conveyed the Mother's thoughts quite well.

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and informative read.

Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to consider, however, I really appreciated that you explained the term "aththa" - that is one I have not heard before.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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21
21
Review of A Dark Art  
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Elle -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: Your dark side is really creepy!

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and entertainingly dark read.

Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to consider.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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22
22
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Angirika -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: Too bad we don't get to hear the music!

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and heart warming read!

Suggestions: I have no suggestions regarding this story, but maybe you want to fill out your bio a little bit. It is obvious English is not your first language, I am curious what is.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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23
23
Review of Alien Sofa  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ari Lox -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: Love that you used the movie 'My Favorite Martian'!

Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:

1. In this section - discussion group would have comfortable seat - you may want to place "a" after "have".

Readability: A well written and entertaining little read.

Suggestions: You have several sentences in the first few paragraphs that start with "He", you may want to change it up a bit.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

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#544247 by The StoryMistress


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24
24
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Beholden -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: Grog sounds like my kind of dog, er, pirate!

Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:

1. In this section - only to founder in some tropical storm - you may want to change "founder" to "flounder".

Readability: A well written and entertaining read!

Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to ponder.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

Sig made by Lornda

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Your work was rated using the guidelines from:
 Comment-In-A-Box  (E)
My view on and methods of rating items on Writing.Com.
#544247 by The StoryMistress


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Max Griffin -

*Starw* Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! *StarW*

Overall Impression: A bad guy with morals! Love it!

Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome! *Cool*

Readability: A well written and entertaining little read.

Suggestions: You had asked about the use of "extrinsic" and I feel you are right about it sounding a bit clunky. For some reason I think it should have an "-ly" added to the end, but, I am not the grammar police and that might not be correct grammatically. Hopefully someone else gave you a better suggestion.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina *Paw*

Sig made by Lornda

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Your work was rated using the guidelines from:
 Comment-In-A-Box  (E)
My view on and methods of rating items on Writing.Com.
#544247 by The StoryMistress


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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