Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: Reminds me of Jules Verne (a man way ahead of his time) and Star Trek (a TV show way ahead of its time)!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:
1. In this section - man flying like birds - should it be "men"?
Readability: A well thought out little read.
Suggestions: I really have no suggestions but it might be interesting to note correlations between dreamed up devices and their real counterparts - like Star Trek communicators and cell phones.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: A great use of the prompt! Poor John, that's a long time to be alone!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:
1. In this section - the cultures they base had in stock - you may want to change "they" to "the".
Readability: A great first draft, an easy and enjoyable read.
Suggestions: My only suggestion would be to find one or two synonyms for "hallucination" so that "hallucination" isn't so repetitive throughout the story.
Write on!
Thanks much, Lovina
Your work was rated using the guidelines from: "Comment-In-A-Box"
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: A great first draft and excellent use of the prompt! With a only a little flushing out it will be a wonderful short story.
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section - Eileen realised was standing by - you may want to insert "she" before "was".
2. In this section - ‘I phoning you about - you may want to change "I" to "I'm".
Readability: I love that you gave both women's perspective it gave the story more depth. For me it would make it a lot easier to differentiate between the two women if you used a different line break instead of just a space, like a dotted or solid line.
Suggestions: In this section - preventing it from being expelled across the counter - it sounds like the cup wants to vomit that coffee , you may want to use "spilled" instead.
Write on!
Thanks much, Lovina
Your work was rated using the guidelines from: "Comment-In-A-Box"
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: I was shocked to find someone who will admit to liking Rush! He makes sense, has a good moral compass, and his viewpoints are spot on, but I have difficulty with his delivery.
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
Readability: A well written and informative read.
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to consider, though I am sad you got rid of your bumper sticker.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: A very uplifting view of a new dawn!
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
Readability: A well written and compelling read.
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to consider and I enjoyed your view of the coming day, and, even though I tend to be more science oriented, I agree with your feeling of awe.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: A very interesting poetic style! It conveyed the Mother's thoughts quite well.
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
Readability: A well written and informative read.
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to consider, however, I really appreciated that you explained the term "aththa" - that is one I have not heard before.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: Too bad we don't get to hear the music!
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
Readability: A well written and heart warming read!
Suggestions: I have no suggestions regarding this story, but maybe you want to fill out your bio a little bit. It is obvious English is not your first language, I am curious what is.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: A bad guy with morals! Love it!
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
Readability: A well written and entertaining little read.
Suggestions: You had asked about the use of "extrinsic" and I feel you are right about it sounding a bit clunky. For some reason I think it should have an "-ly" added to the end, but, I am not the grammar police and that might not be correct grammatically. Hopefully someone else gave you a better suggestion.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: So, so true! We live in a world of Drama Queens!
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
Readability: A well written and sad little read.
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to consider regarding your writing, however, I know I am only one of many that feel it is not quite your time yet! I turned off my TV a couple of years ago and I now limit my exposure to the "news", it is quite liberating, you may want to give it a try. (I searched out the most reliable news sources I could find & those are the only ones I look at, and not very often.)
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: Love it! Of course mythical creatures exist!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:
1. In this section - Evan and I were running at the time - and in this section - By the time we 3 had returned - I am thinking only 2 returned or did I miss something?
Readability: A well written and entertaining read!
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to ponder.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: I did not see that coming! Interesting plot!
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
Readability: A well-written and creepy read.
Suggestions: I am wondering how we know the reflection of Kathi is exactly 108 years old, was that the prompt? Because anything over 100 would be pretty frightening. Just curious.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: A creepy little tale!
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
Readability: A well written and entertaining read.
Suggestions: I know you probably had a word count limit when this was written, but I think it would greatly enhance the story to have a small description as to where the skull was found - an Indian burial ground or some other type of burial ground.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: Now that's my kind of thief!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section - catching his breath, “Can I like to ask you a question.” - should it be "Can I ask you a question?" or "I would like to ask you a question."
2. In this section - wasn’t there before. “What in name of the name of heaven - you may want to eliminate one of those "name of"s.
3. In this section - envelope reveled a round trip airfare - you may want to change "reveled" to "revealed".
4. In this section - Use to the money to buy her pretty things - you may want to eliminate the first "to".
Readability: A well written and entertaining read.
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to ponder.
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: Not what I was expecting!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section - out the front window, after hearing all the ruckus - you may want to eliminate the comma.
2. In this section - bold print on the sides, hood and swinging back doors - you may want to add a comma after "hood" since hood is a separate item from the swinging back doors.
Readability: A well written and entertaining read.
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for you to ponder.
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