Overall Impression: A wonderful little bit of horror!
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
I do, however, have a question: The first time the detectives came to call they were all talking on the porch, then, suddenly, it's dinner time and there is no one there except the family - what happened?
Readability: A well-written and sad and horrifying tale! I like it when they get what's coming to them!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In these sections - Rhonda said, “I found out where R.L Knight, Ltd., is, he's in an old folk's home. I went over to see him and showed him the picture. He remembers those three children, because they sat so still for the photo. and I remember it to be a sunny day... we were playing in the garden and getting along so well that Mum decided to take our picture. - So, who actually took the picture?
2. In this section - Jacqueline go up with Rhonda - you may want to change "go" to "got".
Readability: A lovely read with just the right amount of sap!
Overall Impression: Sarah seems to be having a very bad day!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section - towards the tress, too petrified - you may want to change "tress" to "trees".
2. In this section - weaved in and out of all the tress - you may want to change "tress" to "trees".
3. In this section - She knew the mistake could cost her her life - if she knew it was a mistake why did she do it? You may want to add an "if" in there somewhere.
4. In this section - falling to the floor - I think you meant "ground" instead of "floor".
Readability: An interesting plot, but the story needs a bit of filling out to eliminate all the unanswered questions, like: Why is there the assumption that the electric line had been cut? Have they been burglarized so often that it is usually foul play when the electric goes out? Shouldn't Sarah's first instinct be to run to her mother's aid? Or does she care that little for her mother? Why run under the bridge instead of over it? If you have a boogeyman chasing you and you see another boogeyman, is it really your first thought to run towards more trouble instead of wanting to try to avoid it?
Good luck on the rewrite! If you want me to review the reworked edition just send me the link.
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling/grammar errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! Awesome!
Readability: A well-written and entertaining read! Married or gay, always one or the other (not counting the ones that are single for a very good reason)!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only one spelling/grammar error for you to consider:
1. In this section - elderly ladies pillion - the definition for "pillion" is "a motorcycle seat" so your sentence translates to "elderly ladies a motorcycle seat". You may want to add "on" somewhere in there or revise.
Overall Impression: A wonderfully intriguing tale!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section - fraternal adption and the danger - you may want to fix the spelling of "adoption".
2. In this section - and a hearthy pat on the back - you may want to fix the spelling of "hearty".
3. In this section - the boy suddenly changed in a beautiful girl - you may want to change "in" to "into".
4. In this section - I heard and I left a deep breath - you may want to change "left" to "let out".
5. In this section - at Stan as he was seeing her for - you may want to insert "if" after "as".
6. In this section - couldn't avoid to hear - you may want to change "avoid to" to "help but".
7. In this section - Your mother choose right - you may want to change "choose" to "chose".
8. In this section - when she bursted into the stables - you may want to change "bursted" to "burst".
Readability: A well-thought out and entertaining read! A novel idea, telling the tale from the saddle's perspective!
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