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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ls144780
Review Requests: ON
131 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm honest but constructive. I'll explain why I give the number of stars I give and what you could do to improve that. I do fix grammar as well as look at style, emotional triggers, characters, and other things like that. I'll get back to you with a full review in a couple of days or so after the request, depending on the length of the item.
I'm good at...
I'll read almost anything. I look at everything I can in regards to your writing.
Favorite Genres
Fiction of any kind
Least Favorite Genres
fanfiction where I don't know the universe or subject matter, erotica, western.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, pretty much anything.
Least Favorite Item Types
Full-length books, although I will review them.
I will not review...
I will not review Erotica or Sexual things.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Toadette's Story  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I'm not into this sort of thing, so I'm simply looking at the technical aspects of your story. You do well with dialogue and description, and your characters are all unique and defined (Although this is fan fiction of sorts, so that's a slightly less complicated task. Either way, you write well.

Good job :)
2
2
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! I'm here to (finally) review!

This is a very interesting concept, with 3 important characters. First, we have Rangar Krekk, then Egor Bleek (his bounty), and an unnamed antagonist. Of the three, one is killed, and one is in mortal danger. You did something interesting in allowing the antagonist an early triumph of sorts. It makes the story more interesting.

I only saw a couple things I would change:

No hunt was easy anymore; not for a hunter of Krekk’s advanced age.

I would remove "advanced" because it's implied with the context.

With the anti-grav drive activated, Krekk lifted Eccestrion out of the clearing to treetop level and started off across the valley, taking satisfaction in passing by the still-smoldering ruins of the hovel that Bleek had taken sanctuary in over the past few weeks. The Icarian had turned the cabin into a small fortress, making it harder than expected for Krekk to smoke him out. Literally. Krekk smiled at the pun.

I like this paragraph but would consider adding some extra detail to really help the reader understand what went down at the cabin. It could add some additional action.

On a positive note,
In response, with what little strength he had left to him, Krekk raised his hand with a salute of his own; one that would make any Harkonian mother blush.
This made me giggle. Congrats :)

Really well done chapter, very nice job :)
3
3
Review of That Chair There  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm here for the review request!

I really, really like this. It gives me Dr. Seuss vibes with the rhyming.

I especially like this stanza:

"So we went to a store that they call Man Made Chairs,
They had big chairs and small chairs and chairs that have hairs
The biggest big place that I ever had seen.
Chairs in all colors: red, blue, white and green."


but I would suggest a hyphen in between "Man" and "Made" (Man-Made)

I don't see any grammatical errors or anything, so kudos there :)

Very, very good job here. You should be proud.

SIG
4
4
Review of Distracted World  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi! Welcome to WdC :) I'm LorenIsOneOfMyNames, here to review your piece.

Thoughts:
I really like this poem. I think it speaks to the 21st century perfectly. This is the digital age, and that may not be the best thing.

I especially love your first stanza:

Distracted world, wired and connected
Vampire fangs rip clean into our time.
Trite notifications on hand command
Attention, right now, undivided, please.


It provides a great hook that compelled me to keep reading :)

I have a contest coming up, if you'd be potentially interested in joining (no pressure of course) that I think you'd do well in.

Dystopian Scrawlings  [ASR]
A new contest over old ideas...and my first WdC Contest! Come enter for a chance to win!
by LorenIsOneOfMyNames


Great work!

SIG
LorenIsOneOfMyNames
5
5
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good job! :)
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6
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm nominating stolenthrones and (if possible Ash)
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7
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Go Braves!!!! :)

SIG
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8
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so cute :)
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Review of Accept  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think we accept a lot of things. Right now, I'm accepting that accepting is the only way forward. It's a bit melancholy, isn't it?

This is a good poem, I like the form you used.

That last line, though.

"Beaten, you dare not raise our eyes; or your voice.
You accept that you must accept."

Very, very well written.
10
10
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I did actually sing this, and it sounds astoundingly close to the original in both measure and cadence, so kudos on that. Although it appears I was (7) Bothering my sister when I sang "don't pick your nose" all nice and drawn out like "fiiiive Golden rinnngs!"

Thank you for a great parody and a laugh!

LorenIsOneOfMyNames
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11
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow...this is such a good poem. It's approaching Christmas this year, so I thought I'd come to review some holiday works (I wonder if they get reviewed any other time of year?) And came across this one. I'm blown away. This serves as a great reminder to all that money isn't everything, and that there are people less fortunate than you that deserve to be blessed, both by God and the community around them.

Merry Christmas, friend.

LorenIsOneOfMyNames
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Review of Traces  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think this is lovely, in its own way. Maybe not lovely in a traditional sense, but in a different sense. It reminds me of getting lost in a corn maze.

Amazing job!

:)
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Review of ARE YOU A TEEN?  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
As a teen, this poem is perfect, Lurie! It characterizes the things we get asked and have assumed about us every day. I like the rhyming pattern and the language used throughout.


Great job! :)
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Review of Walls Could Talk  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good job! I really like the figurative language used throughout and the use of emotions.
15
15
for entry "Invalid Entry
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dark and deeply mysterious...I like it. My interpretation of it is this:

The first 2 lines represent the logical reaction to a nightmare, and the last lines represent the irrational fear of the unknown. I could be wrong, but that's my take on it.

Either way, great, great job!
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16
Review of Cush-Hero  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! I'm here to review :)

Up front: I'm no professional. Any opinions are mine and mine alone, and as such may be disregarded as necessary for you to grow. Take all opinions as you will.

Ok, I actually really like this piece. It's funny, creative, and shows a ton of outside-the-box thinking. Great job with the plot and characters.

There are some errors that I see, but overall, not bad. I've definitely seen worse. I always say the good part of errors is they're easily fixed :)

Here's what I see (my additions/subtractions/comments are in red):

I KNOW YOU WANT TO HELP CHANGE LIVES. INSIDE ARE THREE VERY MAGICAL SEAT CUSHONS CUSHIONS THAT ONLY WANT TO BE USEFUL. (I would add a paragraph break and a hyphen here)

-CUSH-HERO.

_______________________________________________

A red one ., wWhich looks enthusiastic and fearless.

And the most stuffed cushion out of the group,which looks shy,and loving, and a tad naïve.

_______________________________________________


Being a detective isn't always as exciting as it seems." she mentions. I would change this to a different word...maybe admits?

_______________________________________________

My purpose is to protect you from those grotesque creatures., Kknown as Pains.

_______________________________________________

If I fail., Wwhich is possible if we speak in terms of chances and predictability and... I degreasedigress.

_______________________________________________

It might not be the most glamour'sglamorous task to have

_______________________________________________

Doesn't she see I have my hands full already with non-magic criminals.?"

_______________________________________________

That's all the spelling/errors I saw. On to the characters...

I love them. They each have distinct voices, personalities, and cool roles. Good job.

Overall, I really like this piece, and I hope to see more :)
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very interesting concept! I look forward to seeing where you go with this, and I would love to read more in the future. I don't see any errors, so good job! :)
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18
Review of Shade  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great job! I really like this, and I think you should expand it! :)

I' don't see any errors (grammar wise), so good job there :)

Keep writing!
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Review of Not Yet  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a very, very good piece of flash fiction. Kudos on the great description and good job overall.

Keep writing!
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Review of Peace  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm always down for Peacee! (lol) Great poem and good rhyme scheme! Keep doing what you're doing!
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Review of WINTER REST  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this poem..it makes me remember things from my earlier childhood. :) Good job!
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22
Rated: E | (5.0)
True nuff...:)
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Review of Deep Sea Diving  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great job. I like the description and the word choice. :)
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Review of Ritual of Life  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good poem! I like the use of figurative language. :)
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Review of Ink and Graphite  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful writing, beautiful language and overall, beautiful imagination. Great job!
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