|Hello Indelibleink! I found your story in the Twisted Tale Contest entries. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Well written with many dialogues that make the story line vivid and professional.
A small town in Pennsylvania. A family mother with an incurable kidney disease is waiting for a donor to save her life.
Style and Voice:
The style modern and rather fast, catching hold of the readers attention and never letting it again.
We get to know the family, Peter and Janie and their neighbors and friends Ryan and Lydia as they are leaving after a nice evening with their friends. We also learn that Janie is waiting for a kidney donor and she is losing hope with each day.
The story is built on one person, Peter, and he is the only one with an elaborated character. He loves his wife and we get to know quite early that he is eager to do anything to save her life.
Lots of enjoyable and realistic dialogues that help a lot to make it a really good read.
Grammar and Mechanics:
Good grammar, one might be error spotted but cannot find anymore.
You have a very good narrating style, keep on writing! I purposely did not want to reveal much details of the story so that it'll be exciting enough for other readers as well.
Thank you for sharing your story.