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51 Public Reviews Given
94 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Fairy Tale  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You aren't playing fair with this one!

Ho boy, that hurts the second time around. A very good story and a good ending for a little girl.
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Review of The note  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lol, now I have a sudden urge to visit my mother!

A good story. Like the letter nature, the emotional impact. You begin to question whether its a son or daughter. Whether this person was their spouse or parent.

That's a sign of a well written story. When we come away intrigued, desiring more. To spend more time with these characters.
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Review of Beacon  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Very good!

Your style is much improved in this. You build tension with creature in your words. I enjoyed this story a lot.
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Review of War of the donkey  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Some powerful imagery. A good use of the setting, but you didn't overload it with description. Good flash fiction.
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Review of A quiet evening  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Great pacing. Action ramped up here like watching a good horror movie. I got the impression that this is a dinner they've sat through countless times before.

Not a great fan of ambiguous endings but you make it work here.

The language in the beginning of some of the descriptions are slightly clunky at times but it still works. That's the only real advice I can give you here with this one.

Good job. This is a good story.
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Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is some great fun. And just what it's like to own a dog.

It feels both as if it's based in real life and written in such a manner that anyone with a dog can relate.

Very good work.
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Review of Stranger  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting start here. Have good scene descriptions and the villain is unique. Can't wait to see what happens next, you have me intrigued.

Be careful on some scene descriptions they are venturing a little close to 1st Person.

All in all a good start! Can't wait to see what's gonna happen next.
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Review of The Devil is You  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Some good advice here. The old adage of "Inside you is two wolves".

It's hard to develop good habits to replace the bad ones, to develop good things to break the bad, but worth it in the end.

Trouble is, most of the time people rarely acknowledge how difficult changing and breaking habits can be. It all seems easy for most self help things to say.

You do acknowledge a bit of this here. Which I like. We are who we choose to be, after all.
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Review of Clair De Lune  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very beautiful and poignant slice of life piece about loss. Normally, I'd take a minute here to offer some advice in how to improve. However, any real advice I can give would simply be nitpicking.

The home was described well, leaving the atmosphere feel empty, as if it was missing something. The characters felt real, not like characters in a tale. This is done with idiosyncrasies and habits that reveal their nature, but also adds to the melancholy of the piece.

It's a very good story, one I rather enjoyed.
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Review of A Distant Cafe  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (5.0)
When work reaches a certain age I try not to review things, but I couldn't help myself here.

Within this poem is a full day of fun and enjoyment. Not only can I see you and Emily there, I can feel myself along with you, almost feel the heat upon me, taste the cold root beer. Quite an accomplishment, especially for such a short poem. Great work!
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Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a good poem.

You pulled at the emotions that we all feel - those post holiday blues.

I like the rhyme and rhythm used in the poem as well.

Great job with this poem.
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Review of Lucky?  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a nice short. A clear story, had some suspense and a small twist at the end that we honestly kind of saw coming.

I enjoyed this, though would have liked a bit more character description for the boys.

It felt like a typical suburban area in the story, which is what I hope you were going for.

Good job with this.
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Review of E- letter  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.0)
This has some good pacing. Some odd changes in rhythm here and there, which I like. It forces you to pay attention rather than getting lulled into a comfort that would let the poem fall into background noise.

The only nitpick I have is a repeated word. Granted, it is a nitpick, which is why I held it to last.

Great poem. Great poignant point.
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Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting piece. Makes me think of memories and of course scrapbooking.

You stuck with a simple rhyme scheme that worked well here. Good job with this one. I enjoyed it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Plums  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (5.0)
A good flash fiction that small children can enjoy. Simple motivations, simple word choices, even simple scene descriptions to give you a vision of the action without over complicating things.

Given that it's also a flash fiction, simple scene descriptions work best, too. It does work as a small joke especially the "you're both plumb foolish" at the end. I struggle to see if anymore could have been done with this. I really enjoyed this story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Honey Bee  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like this poem.

It has a musical quality to it that I most enjoy. I can almost hear the guitar in the background of this one. It's simple, and in this format quite effective. If you do record this one day, I hope you'll link it here so we can hear it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Rememberance  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.0)
A touching and beautiful tribute for memorial day.

It doesn't break any new ground, but I don't think that's what you were going for.

It makes you pause and reflect, and that's this poems greatest strength. Very good work!
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Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the unique words chosen here. They paint a picture of a grand, yet strange design.

It leaves a person feeling uncomfortable, as if beauty has been kiltered, cracked.

The only criticism I can offer is this: I can tell you wrote this in Microsoft Word. Every letter that starts a new line is capitalized, whether it begins a new sentence or idea or not.

It's a great poem and makes one think - as all great poetry should.
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Review of Bird Plant  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (3.0)
A bit of a slice of life here. I know some would knock it for not having a real conflict or a tough dramatic change, but not all stories require that, especially if they can bring a smile to your face.

It's a good short bit over all. Though a stronger conflict and twist would make it more engaging, it makes me wonder if it would make it better or not?

I quite enjoyed this one. Hope you won the contest this was for.
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Review of Waiting for me  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.0)
A bit of darkness in this one. I did enjoy it, and though I hope this was an exercise and not a real event!

If this wasn't a real event, then that is a very good mark for you, written in a style and manner to make one think that you're speaking from the heart.

I'm not a huge fan of the last line, it makes me think that there is more to the poem that's left unsaid.

Good job over all, I like this one.
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Review by Louis Williams
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I like this one. It's a thinker. A mental chewer. Something for your mind to ponder over a bit after it's gone. A poem like this leaves a bit of an impact, and I like that it does. I especially like the line "makes a mind foolish and deaf". It certainly does, doesn't it? To the best of us if we're not careful.

There's a couple of grammatical things that pick at me a bit, like "all flesh go" instead of "all flesh goes". That's my mind wanting to associate "goes" with "all". They're not great enough though to pull me out of this one.

Very good job! Very good poem.
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Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (4.0)
Some good imagery in this one. I do feel that you are trying here to be fair to both sides of this argument. Of course, I could be wrong, and admit I might be, but that's the impression I get with this. Alas, I am not reviewing your point of view, merely the poetry you used to convey it so that's as much as I will say on that matter.

This is a good example of how you can use everyday words and paint stunning images with them. Not many words chosen are derived from images themselves, yet they do point a vivid picture: ruffled and riled, gallant, dissolution, tattered children. All of these and more are used to make a powerful picture.

There isn't much that I can comment here for improvement, and honestly think any advice I give would be to the detriment of this work. Good job on this one.
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Review of TOM CAT  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: E | (3.5)
There is a good story in here. A very good one.

I love stories about brave animals saving people, so this one definitely hit a sweet spot for me. You had good action and a good resolution, however formatting could use a touch up.

Your story was broken into two large paragraphs. Problem was there was several paragraphs of information in each one. This made it a bit tough to get through. Our eyes naturally like white space balanced through out writing. It helps them rest a bit from one body of text to the next. It also helps prevent confusion for the reader, cause it groups the main ideas of paragraphs up with sentences to support it, rather than having several ideas shoved into one paragraph. Break up your two paragraphs into more, and this story will be easier for others to read.

You have the beginnings of a good story here. I hope you don't give up on it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Game Set Match  
Review by Louis Williams
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Well written.

If it hadn't been marked "general fiction" I would have thought it was a real first hand account. The back and forth described in the match did have me on the proverbial edge of my seat. I'd have liked a bit more of a descriptive adjective here and there, particularly in the slower parts, personally. To me, that would help paint a more vivid picture. In the faster parts of course, I would have done as you did to maintain the sense of motion and speed.

But that's just me nitpicking. Very entertaining, and over all a good read, especially for sports fans.
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Review by Louis Williams
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
An exciting and stunning story, with classic horror elements. Those classic horror elements are in fact my favorite part of it. As I read through this, I couldn't help but see similarities in the style to Bram Stokers Dracula or Mary Shelly's Franksenstein in their design.

The only part that I really can complain about is the ending, with the guy going to America. It's the first time that America is really mentioned, and kind of caught me off guard. Perhaps, if it was mentioned what university he had come from to do his thesis on it wouldn't have caught me so off guard.

A great story with an exciting end. Great writing.
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