Such a poignant and beautiful poem. For me, I could almost see a person standing in front of a mirror telling themselves that before facing a difficult decision or test of nature of some kind. That's just me, I suppose.
There is imagery in here, though not overly flowery which serves the poem well in this case. Not every poem needs to have outlandish word choices or descriptions to catch attention. Here you do it with intent.
I enjoyed reading this one. It's definitely a poem I'll come back to more than once.
A good flash fiction that small children can enjoy. Simple motivations, simple word choices, even simple scene descriptions to give you a vision of the action without over complicating things.
Given that it's also a flash fiction, simple scene descriptions work best, too. It does work as a small joke especially the "you're both plumb foolish" at the end. I struggle to see if anymore could have been done with this. I really enjoyed this story.
It has a musical quality to it that I most enjoy. I can almost hear the guitar in the background of this one. It's simple, and in this format quite effective. If you do record this one day, I hope you'll link it here so we can hear it.
A bit of a slice of life here. I know some would knock it for not having a real conflict or a tough dramatic change, but not all stories require that, especially if they can bring a smile to your face.
It's a good short bit over all. Though a stronger conflict and twist would make it more engaging, it makes me wonder if it would make it better or not?
I quite enjoyed this one. Hope you won the contest this was for.
I like this one. It's a thinker. A mental chewer. Something for your mind to ponder over a bit after it's gone. A poem like this leaves a bit of an impact, and I like that it does. I especially like the line "makes a mind foolish and deaf". It certainly does, doesn't it? To the best of us if we're not careful.
There's a couple of grammatical things that pick at me a bit, like "all flesh go" instead of "all flesh goes". That's my mind wanting to associate "goes" with "all". They're not great enough though to pull me out of this one.
Some good imagery in this one. I do feel that you are trying here to be fair to both sides of this argument. Of course, I could be wrong, and admit I might be, but that's the impression I get with this. Alas, I am not reviewing your point of view, merely the poetry you used to convey it so that's as much as I will say on that matter.
This is a good example of how you can use everyday words and paint stunning images with them. Not many words chosen are derived from images themselves, yet they do point a vivid picture: ruffled and riled, gallant, dissolution, tattered children. All of these and more are used to make a powerful picture.
There isn't much that I can comment here for improvement, and honestly think any advice I give would be to the detriment of this work. Good job on this one.
I love stories about brave animals saving people, so this one definitely hit a sweet spot for me. You had good action and a good resolution, however formatting could use a touch up.
Your story was broken into two large paragraphs. Problem was there was several paragraphs of information in each one. This made it a bit tough to get through. Our eyes naturally like white space balanced through out writing. It helps them rest a bit from one body of text to the next. It also helps prevent confusion for the reader, cause it groups the main ideas of paragraphs up with sentences to support it, rather than having several ideas shoved into one paragraph. Break up your two paragraphs into more, and this story will be easier for others to read.
You have the beginnings of a good story here. I hope you don't give up on it.
I love the imagery in this, it reminds me of my own childhood with fall and has transported me back to that place. This one seems to be more about the rhythm, than the actual rhyming schemes, casually discarding the rules a bit much like a child jumping into a leaf pile.
If I could give any sort of criticism, its that some of the imagery used is a bit well known at times. It's always nice to be surprised in a poem with a new and unique phrase or picture.
If it hadn't been marked "general fiction" I would have thought it was a real first hand account. The back and forth described in the match did have me on the proverbial edge of my seat. I'd have liked a bit more of a descriptive adjective here and there, particularly in the slower parts, personally. To me, that would help paint a more vivid picture. In the faster parts of course, I would have done as you did to maintain the sense of motion and speed.
But that's just me nitpicking. Very entertaining, and over all a good read, especially for sports fans.
An exciting and stunning story, with classic horror elements. Those classic horror elements are in fact my favorite part of it. As I read through this, I couldn't help but see similarities in the style to Bram Stokers Dracula or Mary Shelly's Franksenstein in their design.
The only part that I really can complain about is the ending, with the guy going to America. It's the first time that America is really mentioned, and kind of caught me off guard. Perhaps, if it was mentioned what university he had come from to do his thesis on it wouldn't have caught me so off guard.
A great story with an exciting end. Great writing.
This was a very good story. The only real complaint I have here is that there's no description of the house or the neighborhood. I know there's a deck cause you mentioned he put the dog on it. But other than that, I really have no clue what everything looks like.
Other than that, everything was great. The descriptions of the events had me groaning and laughing out loud, I think a couple times I shouted "oh no!" when hearing how the Roomba was smearing sick across the house or how the dryer caught on fire.
You have wonderful imagery here, and the way you place the stanza's and lines, although was a bit confusing at first, quickly grew on me. I try to leave a bit of advice with each critique, though there really isn't anything I can give you on this. Umm....look both ways before crossing a street? (j/k)
In all seriousness, I couldn't possibly give you much advice here other than keep it up. This was enjoyable, and like every good poem should, left me a little emotionally different than when it found me.