|I do honest and thoughtful reviews. I do try and be respectful as well. I hope you take all my review as such. Its a long story, so it will be a lengthy review.
My first thought in the first two chapters, was that I didn't understand some of the ideas. Let me post: Boot on boot contact rouses the young man awake. I get the idea, but it sounds almost like you might have meant sex. I might have said,: the sound of him kicking the other guys boot roused the young man from his slumber. I know, a very minor point and maybe not worth mentioning. (sry, I do this for a living.)
I think the reason I'm having trouble with the flow of this is that you just start jumbling all the names in right away. Sometimes I'm not even sure if you're using names. Maybe more, :Brightness says,- or something to that effect. But more to character information for sure! I want to know who brightness is. I want to know all the characters, but I can't follow it because there is no getting to know them at all.
I hope that makes sense. I thought right away that brightness was the dawn. and the guy kicking him's name didn't seem to make sense. Sort of after saying he was growling.
May I give you an example of how I might word it? Its the only one I will give, then I will wait for your response. If you want me to continue later, let me know and I would be happy to help.
Here's the way I might have started the book:
"Up Brightness, wash your face and make ready." Said the guy they called Growler, noticeably deep voice giving him away. Brightness, still a young man and sleepy, gave no complaint as he stretch's his limbs in the bleak morning sun, a yawn coming from his toes to be freed into the wild-erupts forth into the new day.
"See, you did need sleep." Said Shambler, crawling out from under the opposite caravan. Her normally well kept red hair a right mess of knots.
"And you need a good comb!" Shambler promptly fires a middle finger at the young man. He snorts.
That's my initial review and I can tell you are from a different country than I, (at least I hope so) and I realize there are cultural differences and they shouldn't be messed with. If my initial review is helpful, shoot me an email back. If not, I'm sorry to bother you. I don't usually review anything I don't think is worth the time spent.