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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lukegoffkat
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77 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
filled her legs with lead and her heart birds. How about, "filled her legs with lead and her heart, flitfull birds. or some other adjective?

After reading it in entirety, I felt the fear, the panic and the strength of the character. i am worried for the character, wondering when he will catch up to her and how her friends will be after she is at another location.

It's a great start to a book that I would love to read. '

I give no points to anyone because I don't think people should be rewarded other than to be acknowledged. I give you 4 stars for the beginning of what might be a great novel!

I love what you have written so far. I hope you keep writing this.
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Review of The Field  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (1.0)
I'm very sorry. It's not the worst poem I've read here, but it's very close. I don't want to crush anyone's dreams of being a poet. Read other poets here. You will find some amazing inspiration.
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Review of Discontent  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (2.0)
First off, I don't give points for reviews, I expect them. Second, what I review is honest, constructive and from the perspective of a professional writer.

I appreciate the length of the stanzas, difficult to do and stay with the theme.

You were doing so well in the first parts, but lost the poetic ideas so easily towards the end. It really was lost. You were off to a good start.

It's not a bad start, but poetry needs more emotion. Not just ideas and stanzas. You do have some promise...but it needs work.
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I find it wonderful that you responded to my concerns and situation. I love being here even though the site is impossibly difficult to understand and you did not address my concerns. It is, however, very comforting that you responded personally.

I didn't mean to suggest that I would go elsewhere, as there is no other site of this type to go to. Just that this site needs serious repair and functional redesign. It's almost impossible to find links to join contests, and many other things that should be obvious to any casual user. The site reminds me of stuff I tried to deal with in 1995.

I hope you don't take offense to that. No offense is intended, still, no one should have to look for links to things on the site.

Like for instance, A drop down list for current contests. And when there, an obvious link to enter that contest. WOW!

Basically, a windows based site.

How about not having to use Word? I can't afford MS stuff anymore. I use Open Office to write with, but you won't accept that as a post. I have to go through all kinds of different stuff just to post my creations here.

There are many reasons you might update this site. Mostly for our benefit. We love being here, but it's not really that friendly for us. The navigation is just a small issue compared to the rest.

As a professional journalist, writer, editor and researcher I implore you to update. We do love what you have here. But it's got to be made better.
5
5
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (4.0)
First off, at least you have a picture, regardless if it was stock or not, it at least shows you are trying to set a mood. I liked that.

I also liked that you had a few words that people had to look up to understand the definitions for without being pretentious. (Pretentious and undefinable doesn't make good poetry).

The last stanza is hard to feel. The rest is perfectly harmonized together. I could feel every wind and piece of magic it held. Four Stars. A very great piece of writing. Thank you for sharing it!

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Review of Overcoming  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (2.0)
I find this poem to be absolutely backwards.

It reminds me of the positive thinking ideas that make money only for the people promoting it.

Overcoming is something you do via willpower, something inside you that says, "I will not be defeated". Overcoming does not give you willpower.

The idea of positivity is one that will never get you are far as is advertised. I'ts only in the mind of the believer just like religion.

The path taken is not left or right, it's wrong or right. Sometimes it's sideways, but usually it's bad or good.

And yes, the end result speaks for itself.

I did like the first line about some things can be overcome and some not. But being positive in no way determines any outcome. Only your view on the outcome. The end result is what it is.
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Review of The Time Has Come  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (4.0)
I don't usually send feedback on poems...This one made me feel the ideas of the necessity of migration while being held back by an emotion. Like having to go to work while love makes you want to stay home, then realizing maybe she doesn't want you home, so you go where you have to feeling unloved and unsure.

A very good poem that could translate to every person's situation. A real hit I would say!

I don't post poems on my site, however, I do appreciate how well you write. All success to you my friend.
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't usually read poetry, and for good reason. However, I have to say that this particular poem is exceptional. I throughly enjoyed it and would love to hear more from you!
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"sci-fi installation wall of monitors" no one thinks of their situation as "Sci=fi". Just a thought....

Wow is all I can really say. The quiet inclusion of facts and silent ways of the telling is quite amazing. I have written some things in this genre but I love the way you put it together.

I didn't have to spend time with grammar or spelling, nor did I have an issue with the flow and readability.

I have to be honest, and I have never said this before; it truly has the makings of a great book and more important, a great movie. (Depending on financial importance)

It's the first report I've done on something I thought was truly great.

Even as a synopsis it works. I wish I could write as well as you do. I have accreditation as a journalist and as a writer myself.

Please let me know if you do anything else with this or write new material.
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Review of The right choice.  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
First typo: "his strength started to vain" I'll let you guess which word is spelled incorrectly.

Not sure what this sentence even means: "Until finally, he dropped one to many of the precious sword-fish" One of his arms??

"The Beggars’ Guild wouldn't have let him there anyway." "in" is the missing word there.

"even if they didn’t know, that was what He offered them. I think you mean, "She".

That said, it is a beautiful piece. Full of poetry and symbolism. Maybe it could read a bit better, but all in all, it's a great work.
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Review of Our Love  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (3.0)
I loved the poem! The poem was beautiful, invoked every feeling of love that comes with being enamored with someone. It would have been "uneventful" and kind of normal if not for the last line. "Destiny's path awaits". That line stretches the normal to infinity. Takes love from together, to looking forward. I loved the idea!
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Review of I am a Runner  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (1.0)
Second sentence has a spelling error. Difficult to see this coming in well in a state competition unless this is the draft. Also looking up your title, it doesn't show on any competition at all. Maybe show some proof of that would be good.

"I thank this to my father" is horrible sentence structure and not the way people talk at all.

At this point, I quit reading. No writing competition would ever accept this as a first place winner.
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Review of Morning  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (4.0)
First off, your preamble was poetry. A little too self effacing, but humble and honest. That was a good post in itself.

"only setting my journey back only a few minutes." a redundant word...
"but a philosophy follow more intently is" did you mean followed?

It was easy to read, well written and thoughtful. I loved it.

Even as a proof reader and a writer myself, I have to say this was excellent work. I felt every word you wrote. I also felt the "have to do it myself" when you could have used a phone. Great Job!
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (3.0)
Its a great mermaid story. its very kind and obvious. But something the movie studio would appreciate. maybe add something to it. Like who is she? you tell it just from his perspective. Does she feel the same way? what is her issues? you have a great story there.
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (2.0)
I already have an issue in the first paragraph. You might not want to go with talking about Apple and other brands. You'll lose half your audience. Apple is known for employing Chinese workers, kids and for dollar amounts you and I would find appalling. Try to stick with not talking about brands. Otherwise you run the risk of people giving you a bad reputation instead of talking about your writing abilities. Just a thought.
Past that, I tried reading as far as I could, good writing style. But I never could figure out what kind of novel it would be. Just life? or did you want to write a romance?

Good writing style, no content. No passion, no story. All that said, I await your next one, because I know you have something in it that screams to me. This one was about a daily walk down normal street. I can feel your passion trying to get out, I hope you let it loose.
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Minor punctuation to deal with. I kind of wanted to hear Donald Flogen's speach to the class!!


While I could see some of your influences, you story was amazingly unique and captivating!

I definitely want to hear more if this!
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I was hoping for something I could spend 250 chars on, but shit you scared the pants off me. Every word was artistry. I hope to read your trilogy and eventually the whole series on whatever you decide to do in the future. Better by far than my favorite authors. I tend more towards Sci-fi, however, you have a real talent. I fully intend to look more into your profile and read more. I only have one other writer here I appreciate the same way, he's a poet. (I hate poetry usually). Amazing! 5 stars to you and a hefty amount of gift points too. I was trying to save them up, but youre the reason we do this.
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (3.0)
With such a short poem and so well written, I'll never make the 250 chars for the points of reviewing this. LOL

I loved it. Seemed to me as though the person was already old, maybe this person died and he was looking back at what he wanted to say. Its a great poem.
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Review of When Mama Wrote  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (2.0)
I review everything that comes across my "desk". I do take it seriously most of the time. I also try to be respectful as well. Some things just don't seem to fall into any category or feeling. while I'm sure you had something in mind when you wrote this, the words just didn't strike me as anything at all. Nothing grabbed me emotionally, the words didn't make any kind of sense, or at least not enough to put me in mind of any emotion i've ever had.

My vaguest thought might be of a person holding mother's will in their hands, but past that I can't seem to feel anything at all.

I'm no expert, so please don't take this wrong, but you might need to concentrate on something with more of your heart! Whatever you were feeling when you wrote this just doesn't come out for me. I'm sry.
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Review of Nine Lives  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Overall, I loved this story. I spend a lot of my time editing stories. I seldom find a short story such as this that gets my imagination so valiantly. I did have trouble with the dreaded pyramid being so close to his home, but its neither here nor there.
I have to wonder about his ideals. Being of such a low cast, I can see the greed, but still think he might have overcome that in the end, biasing a completely different ending.
I did like that you wen't with the former, to base emotion. Who could do any different in that situation?

it also reminds me of the old folk tale of the guy hunting Raccoons. You find a hollow log with a small knothole and put food inside. The raccoon, upon finding the food, will never let go even though its the food inside his fist that prevents him from taking his hand out.

Great story!
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Review of HUMANITY  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (1.0)
Well, have fun reading alone. Glad you found the thesaurus. I know, I am supposed to be respectful. I will try. It seems you just looked up words that rhymed and threw them together. Respectfully, I think you can do much better.
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Review of In Deep  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (2.0)
Guess they didn't give you much room for word count for this contest. lol and please seek help for your addiction! it was fun.
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Review of Five Elements  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (3.0)
Though your writing was good, The ideas well made, I didn't get inspired. The only reason I say this to you is that I think you weren't either, not really.

Good poet. You need a muse! something that really fires your heart. its altogether true as well that what inspires you doesn't inspire me. Its your job to make me feel what you feel though, not the other way around.
I have a strong feeling you can do just that if you set your mind to it.
Don't bother with just stringing words together, or even and idea. Tell me what drives your heart. Open your heart and spatter it all over the paper, so to speak.

I give you three stars for the effort, I know you can do so much better though. I look forward to your next poem!!
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Review by lukegoff
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I do honest and thoughtful reviews. I do try and be respectful as well. I hope you take all my review as such. Its a long story, so it will be a lengthy review.

My first thought in the first two chapters, was that I didn't understand some of the ideas. Let me post: Boot on boot contact rouses the young man awake. I get the idea, but it sounds almost like you might have meant sex. I might have said,: the sound of him kicking the other guys boot roused the young man from his slumber. I know, a very minor point and maybe not worth mentioning. (sry, I do this for a living.)

I think the reason I'm having trouble with the flow of this is that you just start jumbling all the names in right away. Sometimes I'm not even sure if you're using names. Maybe more, :Brightness says,- or something to that effect. But more to character information for sure! I want to know who brightness is. I want to know all the characters, but I can't follow it because there is no getting to know them at all.

I hope that makes sense. I thought right away that brightness was the dawn. and the guy kicking him's name didn't seem to make sense. Sort of after saying he was growling.

May I give you an example of how I might word it? Its the only one I will give, then I will wait for your response. If you want me to continue later, let me know and I would be happy to help.

Here's the way I might have started the book:

"Up Brightness, wash your face and make ready." Said the guy they called Growler, noticeably deep voice giving him away. Brightness, still a young man and sleepy, gave no complaint as he stretch's his limbs in the bleak morning sun, a yawn coming from his toes to be freed into the wild-erupts forth into the new day.

"See, you did need sleep." Said Shambler, crawling out from under the opposite caravan. Her normally well kept red hair a right mess of knots.

"And you need a good comb!" Shambler promptly fires a middle finger at the young man. He snorts.

That's my initial review and I can tell you are from a different country than I, (at least I hope so) and I realize there are cultural differences and they shouldn't be messed with. If my initial review is helpful, shoot me an email back. If not, I'm sorry to bother you. I don't usually review anything I don't think is worth the time spent.
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Review of Circles  
Review by lukegoff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Not a bad idea for a poem. Had some trouble with the wording, some had wrong words, though I did figure out what you were trying to say.

And the premise is true. People just follow along with what they are taught to think, as sheep follow the master.

Not that everything is wrong, after all, a millennia of people teach each other what they have learned. Most information being true and exact, but having to be part of the perfect society and never bowing to our own machinations is a horrible prospect and should be challenged.

I guess the crux of what you're saying is to be true to yourself.
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