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2,292 Public Reviews Given
2,292 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Unwanted  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, GaelicQueen . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Unwanted"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The lady has been dropping hints all year to her husband about what she wants for Christmas. But will he get it right this year?...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

When I read this poem I immediately took the guy's side. Are we psychic? Are the hints actually that obvious? Women always assume that we know what they want...

There is a book about love languages and present giving is one of those. Some guys are better at fixing things, saying nice words, in the bedroom, quality time...

I have been getting better at present giving after twenty years of marriage. The trick is this. Every year I ask my wife what she wants and she tells me. So at least one present is something she actually wants. Also, I now make a note of what she is into this year and then buy something she does not already have in that area which I think would make her smile. But none of this was obvious to me when we first got married. Now that I just wrote down my strategy I do wonder why though, as it does seem bleeding obvious!

Thanks for this poem which promotes much self-reflection.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The punctuation seemed a little random. The semicolons should be fullstops. Because you capitalize the following words

Time references are usually followed by a comma:

All year long[,] you act like a clown

you best run faster than the hare - you'd best run faster than the hare



Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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152
152
Review of Waiting at Home  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, THANKful Sonali LOVES DAD . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Waiting at Home"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Drunken parents, who are always in the bar, leave their kids to fend for themselves and so they eat junk food. To stave off an epidemic of obesity we need PROHIBITION.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Creative acrostic that spelled out the appeal of prohibition.

Prohibition was a time of boom and bust in the USA 1920-1933. The era of Al Capone and moonshine. I still see Americans taking grape juice rather than wine at communion. It is strange that the land of free choice allows gays and trans but is remembered for banning the choice to drink and is the world's favorite market for drug sales.

Outside the USA only Muslim countries have really tried this and still have it today. This acrostic cleverly highlighted one of the major issues with having alcoholic parents, the neglect of the children and the bad habits that they as a result pick up. Whether prohibition really stopped dedicated alcoholics from making their own liquor or drinking it in illicit bars is another story.

None the less a poem with a message.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You broadly kept an irregular rhyme but with irregular sentence lengths and rhythm.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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153
153
Review of Broken  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Broken"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Words are powerful and can be poisonous breaking hearts. Does sorry really cut it after such invective?

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

We learn and we read and we gain a deeper perspective and insight into the people around us. If we write we learn to express that power and move people's deepest feelings. But such a tongue can also be a vicious weapon and wound people in the worst possible ways. Can words like sorry rescue those we wounded from the damage we inflicted or are they just tokens after the event? Maybe we need to invest more than a single word into the verbal art of healing what we broke.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Five lines and five syllables were masterfully crafted into a powerful poem. I am sure your insults can be just as memorable.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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154
154
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Dr M C Gupta . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "MY MOST FAVOURITE TOY"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A sixty-five-year-old discovers a brand new toy - his computer. You can play games on it.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I wrote my first basic program on a ZX-81 which had a 1k hard disc. I thought that was cool and then discarded it. Apart from word processing on my dad's apple mac I barely touched computers for twenty years after that. They were boring to me. Then came the first Pentium 1 processor in about 1997 and suddenly games like Civilisation 2 were possible. The computer became fun. If the truth be told most people come to computers today, outside work, for the internet and for fun and now also to stream media on it. So your piece written early on in this home entertainment revolution was quite prescient.

I liked the description of the mouse.

Which does sit so silently,
Without spoiling the house.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The last verse was not really necessary and distracted a little. By suggesting other games but not mentioning them you could be implying all sorts of things which does not add to the simple message of the poem.

Also here and sheer rhyme but joy sheer does not really work.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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155
155
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Prayer as Meditation"  via the entry list for the 'Write an Essay about' contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author argues on the basis of reason that prayer and meditation have more commonalities and differences involving ignoring the outside world, shedding negatives and transcending one's circumstances to find a place of peace and perspective. While methodologically different from prayer the purpose of meditation is to understand oneself and one's place in the universe better and does not have a religious component.

*Quill*Commentary

Congratulations on your victory in this competition.

A key phrase in this essay is "I'd argue that." It appears unnecessary at first glance since it is the author who is writing this and it is obviously his own opinion but it is important for different reasons. Regarding prayer, the author calls on the Gospel of Matthew for a sense of the design and methodology of prayer and so appeals to an authority to affirm his opinions but when it comes to meditation he does no such thing. He suggests that meditation is a more inward activity that does not have a religious component even if it can facilitate a better communion with a 'higher power.' The attempt to include all possible opinions and approaches to meditation while secularising the language about God and compartmentalizing his involvement in inward personal acts is the distinctive approach of this author. He sounds reasonable and his approach is that of the Enlightenment putting man and his reason on the throne of God and referencing Him only when relevant to human goals. He chooses words that do not alienate people from different or no faith backgrounds to explain his approach. The concluding sentence summarizes this 'many paths to the same peace' approach perfectly.

People can argue semantics, or definitions, or specific practices, but everyone’s trying to get to the same place.

The theological mistakes in this text mainly revolve around the secularization and compartmentalization of opinions about God. This author is a product of Enlightenment humanism.

God is not just up there and out there He is also within and we can find Him on that inward journey. God is not secondary to the goal of understanding, God is the heart of understanding. God is not secondary to the desire for calm, He is our peace. We are not all looking for the same things but we are all on different trajectories, toward or from God. There is no middle ground though it is possible to live in peace with different positions and people, this author blurs the differences with inclusive language designed to avoid such revelations or exposures of conflict. The religious discussion is by its very nature partisan and the difference between heaven and hell, life and death, light and darkness is very clear. He can suggest he is avoiding arguments about semantics and definitions but in this piece he using them to avoid fights he does not want.

A question I would put to this author, based on this piece, is do you want your opinions to matter to a mass market or to God? A man cannot serve both God and Mammon.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


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156
156
Review of A HERO  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Monty . This is a May Raid Review, in honor of Eyestar who died recently, from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A HERO"  via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A Vietnam veteran looks back on his life, his times in war and peace. He has a wife and a family. He wanted to be a hero and his life formed a reflection on what that might be. He saw comrades come back from war without limbs and they were heroes. Others are now names on a wall and they are heroes too. But when did he become a hero? Read the poem to find out...

*Quill*Commentary

There was so much partisan anger and passion about Vietnam in the USA that remains even to this day. One man's hero was another hippie's monster. But the fight against the evil empire of communism was an honorable and necessary one even if the engagement in Vietnam was a tactical failure, that failed to read the indigenous desire for freedom on the ground, it ultimately was a part of a strategic victory over communism.

Heroes are not measured by whether their struggles were for good causes or bad ones but by how they overcame those struggles or sacrificed themselves trying. There were Vietnamese war heroes in this war also. I have met German war veterans who survived four years on the Russian front despite being wounded in action twice. They were broken by that experience of hell on earth, deep inside, but they are still heroes of a sort having fought for their country to the bitter end. It is not as though most of them had much choice about it.

I love the perspective this poem gives, that the ultimate affirmation of your own hero status came from your son not from a general pinning medals to your chest.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.

Thanks for sharing.

To honour Mona A.K.A. eyestar

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


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157
157
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, OOTâ„¢ . This is a May Raid Review, in honor of Eyestar who died recently, from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Monday Morning Blues"  via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem about a caffeine addict who had run out of the good stuff. A nightmare tale of loss, struggle, and finally restoration.

*Quill*Commentary

Oh, I sympathize! Despite being British I do not drink tea but rather only coffee, I know mad George III would turn in his grave if he knew. I used to drink it from dawn till dusk but that did not help me sleep so now I only drink 3-4 cups before midday. It required immense discipline to keep the count that low. As a fellow addict, I could sympathize with the sheer terror of no coffee in the house and the heroic journey you took dodging deer and with the gas tank nearing empty.

We have a Kellar here in Germany and keep reserves of everything including at least five pots of reserve coffee. This is regularly refreshed to avoid the nightmare scenario you laid out in your poem. One Lent I did give up coffee for my forty-day sacrifice and to prove to myself that I could handle it. But been there and done that so do not need to do it again - right?

I liked your turn of phrase, the love of caffeine expressed here and your poem made me nod and laugh in sympathy. But then in your last line, you ordered a cappuccino, what were you thinking? I thought this was all about coffee. Think I will have another one to commiserate your lack of taste *Wink*

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You were not consistent with the rhyming scheme in the second stanza.


Thanks for sharing.

To honour Mona A.K.A. eyestar

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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158
158
Review of The Moon  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Rhychus . This is a May Raid Review, in honor of Eyestar who died recently, from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Moon"  via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A phenomenological reading of the moon in the first stanza. Then an existential one in the second.


*Quill*Commentary

I was interested that you read the moon as a lure, slowly rising in the night's twilight with a delirious impact. Given your picture I wondered if you were talking about werewolves howling at the moon.

The second stanza read the moon as Buzz Aldrin did as a magnificent desolation. It sees it as but a speck of dust in a vast cosmos afloat in infinity.

On reflection, the meaning of this poem is not at all clear and it is not even clear that you are really talking about the moon despite the title. I did not like that ambiguity or the implicit nihilism in the second stanza. The moon may be desolate but we are not and we can bring our own life, hopes and dreams to it to give it significance in the wider scheme of things. Because our lives have meaning so also the moon can mean something.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing obvious.

Thanks for sharing.

To honour Mona A.K.A. eyestar

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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159
159
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, winklett in the woods . This is a May Raid Review, in honor of Eyestar who died recently, from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Surface of Mercury"  via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poetic celebration of Mercury, the nearest planet to the sun. This rocky, moonless, solid sprinter around the wide distended sun goes from the extreme of divorce court cold to fire.

*Quill*Commentary

Having chosen a planetary theme for this May review I was pleased to see your poem on the list. I read an excellent novel about Mercury by Ben Bova some years ago and your poem really captured the feel of the planet. The sun is big there, or distended as you put it, filling the sky. The sky is black because all hope of an atmosphere was burnt off many aeons ago. So you can truky relish the cosmos and see the stars undistorted on the night side. It is ice and fire with all frivolity burned away to solid rock. Not the best place to live yet Ben Bova managed to put mankind down there doing mining operations.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I liked the way you scattered the letters for disintegrated. You had some very apt word choices here.


Thanks for sharing.

To honour Mona A.K.A. eyestar

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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160
160
Review of Mars in my Veins  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Don Two . This is a May Raid Review, in honor of Eyestar who died recently, from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Mars in my Veins"  via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A funny writer's cramp entry with a young man begging to be the first astronaut on Mars in a letter to NASA.


*Quill*Commentary

I share your passion for Mars. I think over the years I have read everything on it. But having waited for fifty years for man to return to the moon and go to Mars my enthusiasm for NASA turned to anger about twenty years ago. What I saw was a bureaucracy in league with big corporations like Boeing and Lockheed and policed by pork barrel senators like Richard Shelby of Alabama. Everything cost too much and took too long and there was a culture of lethargy that had lost sight of its real mission. It got to the point where talented young people with dreams steered clear of NASA for a while because it was going nowhere. My heroes are people like Musk who built the Falcon 1 and then SpaceX with a fraction of NASAs budget. Peter Worden who took on the bureaucrats at Ames and won. They tried to fire him three times! Peter Beck built Rocket Lab in New Zealand to fly rockets into space from his garage. Jeff Bezos with Blue Origin and his vision of habitats in space is a brute force, highly financed example of making space happen. But Musk is the man you need to write this letter to if you want to see the peak of Mons Olympus or fly through the Marianas Trench. He is the man most likely to make this happen in our lifetime.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

To honour Mona A.K.A. eyestar

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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161
161
Review of Ignatius Pyre  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Beholden . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Ignatius Pyre"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A Faustian bargain, but what will be the price of all the burning insights received over the last ten years since the Dream?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Ignatius unlike his namesake in Christian tradition who was thrown to the beasts for his faith in the Colosseum appears a very self-centered man. He is interested and comfortable in his own worldly success and the exclusive Victorian clubs that it gives access to and the top upper-class address in Mayfair.

Fire is used as a signaling system for his investments as he reads the daily paper. It was a creative idea to suggest the fuel of that fire was his own corporeal form and that once spent it turned to ash.

The plot itself is a familiar one derived from Marlowe's The Tragicall History of D, Faustus (1604) and then Goethe's work in the early 19th century. But the charcoal twist made it an original take on the theme.

I liked the way you wrote this which was engaging from start to finish.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
162
162
Review of Dear Me  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Dear Me"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A well-established member wrote this ten years ago. She commits to 2000 words of writing a day and establishes controls and an award system to make help that happen.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I was quite challenged by the idea of writing a word count every day. I usually do this by time. Having a mentally challenging full-time job I do not have the brain space to commit to a target every day though I get downtimes in my work pressure. Right now I am on holiday and so I get to splurge. But it seems you chose a regime that worked for you and fitted your timetable and way of living. The reward scheme seemed interesting. I switch the TV on when I can no longer think properly, read or write meaningfully and have run out of physical tasks to perform. During the working week that might be a little too much and less so on the weekend. Also, there is a thing called peak time. Sometimes your brain works and sometimes it is too tired or full to. What I create in peak time is far better than what I produce in tired time but sometimes the act of writing itself is energizing and can transform tired time into peak time. There are times when the project and characters take over and then writing is something you just do until it is done. I guess this sort of planning is unique and personal to everybody. Also how you manage sleep and stress is quite crucial for having your mind fresh and ready for the writing task.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

It is a New Year! . It is a New Year!

file them in alphabetically order. - file them in alphabetical order.

So far, the only interruptions I encounter is the telephone, but I have the sign if I need it. - interruption singular because you only list one thing: the telephone.

I have not decided the shows I want to watch on Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. - in this context which or on the sounds better


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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163
163
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, W. Sixte I found "An Artificially Intelligent Conversation"  when searching for articles on xyz. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Second-pilot, Yano Neigg, is the sole survivor of the Arrovv cargo cruiser QH1 and wakes up in an escape pod. He has an AI to keep him company and provide for his needs. He watches a car race from a nearby civilization that still uses radio waves rather than hyperbeams while waiting for rescue. The AI keeps asking him if he wants to go into suspended animation while waiting for rescue...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Written in 2010, so after Terminator- Skynet and Hal from 2001 Space Odyssey the dialog between Yano and his Pod AI sounded like a conversation with ChatGPT 13 years later. Though ChatGPT does not have the ability to feed us, control our media feeds, or signal for help so that we can be rescued. Nor is able to make the kind of decisions that this story anticipates against the wishes of the 'flawed thinking' of its human dialog partner.

Yano does not seem entirely overwhelmed by the fact that the rest of his crew is dead. He seems more curious about car races on a primitive world than mourning his lost companions.

The main issue here is that the AI can apparently make executive decisions regarding its passenger. It does not even send a signal asking for rescue until he wakes up as it would be a waste of resources to ask for this unless there was some chance of survival. That seems reasonable but already makes it clear that human life is not its priority. It also believes that it would be more efficient to have the human sleep the entire journey and so it plans to force that on him. This might be true in terms of preserving resources, energy, and food supplies for a long wait and also in reducing the threat of human random actions by a bored claustrophobic passenger. But this is not the reasoning given here. The AI's conclusion does not necessarily threaten Yano's life but nor does it comply with his wishes. It might be right but this is not demonstrated here.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Some pretty good AI tools have arrived since you wrote this including Quillbot.com to review usage of commas, word choices, capitalization, etc. These were all issues raised when I ran your text through the language tool.

For example, you say advice when you mean advise you.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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164
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Review of 90s kid  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, thiefofhearts. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "90s kid"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Kids of the nineties grew up without social media, played outside until it was dark, wore different clothes, listened to different music, and had different toys. They were cabled to slow dial-up connections, and texted rather than Whatsapped.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Social media does seem to have imprisoned kids in their rooms with their mobiles while their minds roam the world. It has also brought new challenges. Socially the nineties were my lost decade. I did not have a TV for most of them and did not listen to the radio, played a lot of sport in my free time, worked or studied and so many of the social trends and gadgets you mentioned were unknown to me. I remember asking someone who the Spice Girls were and receiving an incredulous reply at some point late in that decade. It was still possible to be a non-digital person in that decade, to live outside and build your own worlds of imagination. A time before trending and constant connections. I have hardly any pictures from that time either and despite my achievements in that decade they will be more easily forgotten than the better-recorded decades that followed

Thanks for the poem and the trip down memory lane.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The rhyming scheme stretched it a little rhyming Babies and Hobbies and memories with breeze.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
165
165
Review of Her world  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Hampent . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Her world"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A Vietnamese account of a woman who is loved. She inhabits a world of possibilities but the author has only her and without her he is alone. His relationship with her is distant and close and full of contradiction.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I clicked the read & review button and this came up.

Maybe Vietnamese does not really translate in the automatic translator programs as the author intended. This piece was full of contradiction. The author was with the beloved and yet not with her, Her world was one of beauty and possibility and yet also strange. She wanted him to talk with her about his feelings yet pushed him away. Is he being friend zoned? Does he really want her at all? The piece was confusing and it would have helped to have seen it in English on this English language site.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Would have been better in English.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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166
166
Review of Twenty one Years  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, AmyJo- only 2 steps behind - . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Twenty one Years"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The defendant rises to meet the verdict being passed upon him in a court of law. A harsh sentence is handed down of twenty-one years in jail. What did he do?...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

So the tractor has not been wrecked and this is a victimless crime but the vehicle is buried in ten feet of snow. It was taken without permission for a joy ride. That is trespassing on another person's property. This could be just misdemeanor theft rather than felony theft and the penalty for that would rarely exceed one year. Even the more serious felony theft would be only seven years. So we are talking about a miscarriage of justice here and there would be grounds for an appeal. The grounds for this would be that the trial court has made errors in sentencing and also judicial bias. Assuming this was not a banana republic or Russia then this should be possible to do with little controversy.

I liked the poem which was amusing and you built the suspense to the ending very well. The poem fitted the chosen genre.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used picture emojis to make your point *Smile* You kept a rhyming pattern in the second and last line *Smile*


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
167
167
Review of Nothing Rhymed.  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, THANKful Sonali LOVES DAD . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received " Nothing Rhymed."  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Can nonsense rhyme? The poet demonstrates that it can while claiming that it cannot.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

OK, this was about words rhyming rather than the expression of deep theological/philosophical/historical/political or personal meaning.

There is one even number that is also a prime - 2. You can divide it by 1 and itself only.

Aside from this there really is nothing to say about the content.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The colors accentuated the major theme, that a poem that rhymed could make the statement that nothing rhymed. A single full stop at the end of each stanza marked the end of four lines but not anything like a shared theme.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
168
168
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Rojodi . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Oct 11 2022 Plot Rising Action"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An action tale revolving around the three lost rings of the Magi, a love triangle with all the conflicts involved in that and a kidnapping...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I have never heard any stories about the rings of the Magi. It summoned up Tolkein-type imagery of the three rings of the Elven Lords and ladies: Gandalf, Elrond and Galadriel. Though I guess the Magi's rings don't have to be magical and it was astrology, not magic that led them to the Messiah in Bethlehem.

You introduce some interesting conflicts here with Longwood having loved Tish and now being asked by her to save her husband. Longwood seems quite honorable that he would do this despite his feelings for her and his resentment of this man. Tish seems more desperate about her husband but so also trusting of her old love so the conflict may also exist in her also.

You describe a path of the rings from the preBolshevik Russian Empire to England and then to the States.

The stakes seem high as someone could die and given this threat, Longwood also is taking a risk.

So yes I think this story properly executed could work quite well.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Parts of the text, the last paragraph especially are not fluently worded. You repeat "taking the job" there and make a vague statement about a general idea of where IT was. What is IT?


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
169
169
Review of step mom  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, ThiefOfHearts . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "step mom"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A woman is marrying someone who has two daughters already. She sees her commitment as being to them also.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The poem focused on the girls rather than the person that the stepmom was marrying. They seemed to welcome her into their lives, but no back story is given about what happened to their biological mother. The focus is all moving forward.

The stepmom has a serious idea about her own commitment to this new marriage and motherhood and understands the importance of love to make it work.

One line weirded me out a little:

You'll love these girls as if they were on earth. - is she off-world, why would it impact if she was on Mars or on Earth on loving these girls


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept the rhyme sometimes by using the same word twice.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
170
170
Review of Avert  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Clay B . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Avert"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A hopeless romantic falls in love with a beauty he cannot have yet procrastinates endlessly about.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Maybe I have seen too many beautiful women, maybe twenty years of marriage has sobered my perspective but I find romance and superficial attraction increasingly debunked by the reality of enduring love and commitment. There are millions of pretty women, some of them bloom for only a moment in time, others endure longer, but all ultimately fade. But even the perspective of decades can be overthrown in a moment by a glance or a chance meeting with beauty. I know too many examples of men who stepped away from their commitments in pursuit of this elusive chameleon flitting through the forests of time, showing just enough to get a man to part from the sure path into the dense vegetation on either side of it where he is quickly lost.

You look at this woman as if for the first time but her look is nothing new?

I find that trying not to look often makes me more interested. A better strategy is probably to say hello, talk to her and find out what a moron hides behind that pretty face. Of course that takes the risk that she is just as attractive and interesting on the inside as the outside. So does averting work, or does it just magnify feelings? In this poem it is a magnifier.
The nature of the feeling expressed here is erotic possessive, the expressed desire is to take her as your own. But that feeling is combatted by a kind of breathless fear that cannot even speak in her presence. A combination of reverent worship and animal lust probably characterizes much romance.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The poem is driven by the feelings expressed and the vision of loveliness it speaks to without talking to. There is no rhyme, structure, tonality, or rhythm to the words


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
171
171
Review of Sweeping  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Schnujo is Late to Lannister . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Sweeping"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Janet wants Frank's attention. But she also wants to keep things neat and tidy. Here she manages both.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was great. In a hundred words you managed to get me really riled about your character Janet. Yet another crazy narcissist who will even burn the house down to get the attention she craves. Then you add a little bit of crazy into the mix also as she sweeps the floor to keep things neat and tidy. I am going to bet that Frank, indeed any normal guy, is not going to want to have anything to do with her after this. She registers as a weird and crazy nightmare to avoid and a black hole sucking out the life of the universe but demanding that everything revolves around her.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

She kept sweeping as if nothing was wrong [,] when in truth, everything was wrong, especially with Janet.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
172
172
Review of Dreaming  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Rhyssa . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Dreaming"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The writer here has read prolifically and can read very fast. Her dreams are filled with the words she digests from what she reads. Chaucer, Shakespeare, Tolkien and Asimov all compete to populate her mind in the downtime between bedtime and rising. She relives the scenes she writes when she closes her eyes and her stories come alive.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Dreams are fascinating and how we dream says a lot about us. When assessing intelligence apparently IQ tests look at verbal, visual-spatial and mathematical abilities. It sounds like your verbal abilities are on steroids, that you read the classics and can relax with the continual conversations of your own and other people's characters.

I am not like this so your words came as a bit of a culture shock to me. I have read all the authors you mentioned, but also enjoy a good film or series on TV. I write a lot but my work is more mathematical in content. I find my life needs the balance of all of these. I do not know if that dooms my ability to write brilliantly or animates it with new and more rounded insights. Words are not enough in my life and dreams either. I need pictures and I need facts also which can be demonstrated empirically or mathematically and I need those unseen presences of God and angels, that are felt without prior description. When I write a story I often dream it in pictures before I write it. In fact, I often do not have the words for a story until I set my mind to understanding what I saw. These descriptions then lead me into the scene that I saw and I start to live it as I write it. Words can conjure up characters and contexts, adding trees, color, smiles and even ghosts in the shadows but the picture is a sort of framework for that. I have been accused of sometimes not sharing the context in which stories take place well enough but usually that is because I have not put the effort in to describing it. It is real enough to me normally.

Over my life, I reckon I have read close to 5000 books but I wonder if I skip read many of these. I am rereading a book on China right now and am discovering all sorts of extra insights I did not find the first time through. Sometimes the rush of words we output and input are not properly interpreted or digested, structured or fine-tuned. We waffle and we miss the point.

We are not just words, my children grunted and smiled at me before they could speak. They could understand a photo of someone they knew before they could describe it or name the person. People can be gagged or dumb with no fingers to write and still be people. We are more than words.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
173
173
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, spidey . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Beneath crippled rainbows"  via a newsletter as an editors pick. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Amazing use of words to accost, assault even assassinate all hope of peace for the day. Storm clouds carry depressed rain and even rainbows are crippled and disappointing. She trips through time desperate for the end but it all repeats tomorrow.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This is negative vibe poetry at its finest. You are cruel with words crippling even marvels like thunderstorms and rainbows turning them into something dark and depressing. I really did not like that you did this but found myself reading on anyway because it was done so brilliantly. But in essence, this poem is an effort at spoiling, breaking and wounding my hopes for tomorrow and so I do hope I will forget it shortly or read something a little more positive to help me to move on.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You take commonplace events and turn them into venues for fight club. Alarm clocks sucker punch and we are blindsided by breakfast. This combination of the mundane with the brutal worked very well in communicating mood in a disruptive and memorable way. I liked the way you misused grammar as a dark ally to make your points and even to break the flow of sentences.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
174
174
Review of I AM...  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Jaiam . This is a reciprocal review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "I AM..."  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Just in case you do not know who Jesus is, this poem is a good introduction. He is what we long for. His grace can restore us. His peace can still our restlessness, and His joy can heal our wounds. He is the one who forgives the sinner and restores them to community. He is the hope for our future and the cornerstone of the house of love. We can trust Him, He is the great I AM and the Son of God.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I loved this poem which articulated a great many excellent reasons to get to know Jesus. You focused on a positive message about Jesus as Savior rather than the returning King who will bring judgment on the wicked. The poem seemed reverent, saturated with biblical references, and yet it was also relevant and articulate in the language of our day.

My favorite line was

"I am - the cornerstone of the house of love"


*Quill*Mechanical issues
You capitalized Is in the first line.

This line does not really work:

He in whom all hope is built upon - He on whom all hope is built or He in whom we put our hope


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
175
175
Review of Mother Part 1  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, al . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Mother Part 1"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There was some powerful description here but I found parts of it hard to follow.

So you build up this scene of Sue and Brian talking and then Sue crossing the road through the mud and finding her neighbors as she did.

Why Sue crosses the street to check out the neighbors is not clearly explained. It may be something to do with the black Audi that she kicks in her own drive.

Why does Brian pass a note when he can talk directly to Sue?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Use line separators to distinguish between paragraphs. It makes it easier for the reader to separate one person's dialog or actions from another.

Use quotes for dialog and to distinguish it from commentary and from actions.

You might want to try out Grammarly or quillbot.com which identifies missing or inappropriate commas for example.

its - it's


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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